"I'm always here for you, Billie. I mean that." Brian hesitated before he spoke up again. "Can... can I touch your stomach?"
Billie looked at him surprised, not having expected such a question. "Uhm... o-okay. But... it's nothing special... just me getting fat."
Brian smiled and kissed her cheek. "You're not getting fat, Billie. And even if that should happen, I will always think you're beautiful. The most beautiful woman ever. You're doing such an incredible thing, there's no way I'd ever hold something like that against you. I love you."
"I love you too," she mumbled. "Thank you, Bri."
"Of course," he said and carefully moved his hand up under her shirt, placing his hand on her stomach. "It doesn't feel very different yet.."
"I told you, it's nothing special," Billie said, a little embarrassed when Brian pulled her shirt up to look at her stomach closely.
"Can you feel anything yet?" He asked curiously, resting his ear on Billie's stomach. It was making her a little uneasy, but she knew she had to allow him that.
"No... just feeling a little sick here and there and my breasts hurt..."
"I'm sorry," Brian said, looking at her again. "Let me know if there's anything I can do for you."
"I will... I promise. Really, this time. I'm sorry how all of this went, Brian..."
"It's okay," he assured her. "I know this isn't easy for you. All that matters is that you tell me those things in the future. I have a right to know... don't you think?"
"I do. Of course you do." He was right, and she knew that. And she knew she was lucky he was reacting relatively relaxed. She was lucky to have him. "I love you so much, I hope you know that."
"I do. I love you too, Billie. But I also know what you're like when you're stuck in that place. It happened before that your brain convinced you that something is a lot worse than it actually is. We'll work it out though."
"I know," she agreed. "Thank you. I'm so grateful that you're so wonderful. It's ... it's already a bit less scary," she admitted.
"That's good. I'm glad to hear that," he said with a smile and kissed her cheek. "You know, I know that wasn't the plan, but how about you come to Liverpool with us too? That way you wouldn't have to be alone.."
Billie thought about his suggestion before she nodded. "I think that would be good.."
"Mhm, I think so too.. I'd prefer having you there with me where I can help you and know you're okay," Brian said, placing his hand on her stomach again, not saying anything for a moment. "Are you sure you're feeling better?"
"Yeah," Billie said, wrapping her arms around him. "I am, I promise. You always help... I know that, I don't know why I didn't immediately come to you. I know I should but..."
"You don't have to explain yourself, Billie, I promise. We're okay, as long as you handle things differently from now on," he told her quietly, holding her close.
Billie nodded a little. "I will. Thank you for being such a wonderful husband, I really appreciate that you're so patient and understanding."
"I love you, Billie, you're my wife. I'm always here to support you," he told her and kissed her cheek.
Billie took a deep breath and smiled. "I love you too, Bri... so much." They were both quiet for a moment before Billie spoke up again. "I know you probably have a lot more questions... you can ask, I won't get upset. Or at least I'll try my best not to, I promise."
"Are you sure? I don't want to overwhelm you," he said quietly before he hesitantly added, "I can wait.."
Billie smiled, gently rubbing his back. "Can you really?" He was just continuing to prove how absolutely wonderful he was and husband and as person in general.
Brian shrugged, humming a little. "If talking about it makes you freak out again then yes, I can. I'll do my best at least."
"You're absolutely wonderful, Bri," Billie said, closing her eyes and snuggling closer to him. It never failed to amaze her how easy it was for her to be relaxed around him no matter what the circumstances were. "But I think I'll be fine. You can ask, you've been patient enough already.."
Brian lifted his head a little. "You sure?"
It was hard to miss the hopeful expression on his face, and somehow that helped Billie even more to say what she said. "I'm sure. You can ask all your questions, you deserve that. And seeing you excited is cute, and... if I'm honest, it helps me."
Brian smiled widely at her. "Really? Okay, that's good. Until you're ready to be excited I have enough excitement for both of us, don't worry."
"That's good. That sounds like a good deal to me," Billie agreed and kissed his cheek.
"So... for how long have you known?"
Billie took a deep breath, still having to remind herself to stay calm when she thought back to the doctor's appointment. "Uhm... I-I had a check up at the gynaecologist on the 9th and... because my period was late he wanted to do a routine check and... well... we both know how that turned out..."
"What did you do when he told you?" Brian asked, keeping his eyes on her, worried if she could really handle this already.
"Well I got a letter because there was a bit of a wait so... I... I read the letter and then called them because I was sure they had made a mistake, I mean, we were always careful and so... in my mind there had to have been a mistake. But... they told me there wasn't and... I don't really know... I didn't do much else that day except freak out," Billie admitted, swallowing heavily.
Brian wrapped his arms around her a little tighter, hoping to help her stay calm. "Did you tell anyone?"
Billie shook her head. "No... you... you were still the first to find out - somehow, I guess.."
"So... you've just been going through life not telling anyone for weeks?" He asked surprised.
"Yeah," Billie mumbled. "Who was I going to tell? I knew you should be the first one but I wasn't ready to tell you so..."
"Well no wonder you were all freaked out," Brian said quietly and kissed her forehead. "With anyone else that would be stressful, but those things really get to you."
"Mhm," Billie just hummed, closing her eyes again. "They do. I just wanted to do the right thing, you know? I didn't want to sit there sad about being pregnant while you're excited because I knew you would be excited."
"You were sad about being pregnant?"
Billie shrugged. "Sad... freaked out... take your pick. I mean, this basically means my life is over. I'm going to be sitting at home alone for the next 18 years. Do you know how long that is?"
"What makes you think you're going to be alone?" Brian asked, on the line between being surprised and offended.
"Oh come on, you have your job to do. I know you say you'll try to help as much as possible but you're still gone for more than half the year so... that leaves me with ... with the baby." She shrugged. "I'm not going to have a life anymore while you're out on the road having fun. What's there to be excited about?"
Brian was quiet for a moment. "Well... there's a lot to be excited about, but I do see your point. We'll work something out, okay? We'll come up with a way for you to be happy too, and to not feel alone. We've got plenty of people who can babysit, and... once the baby is old enough you two can just come on tour with me like we've done in the past. Your life isn't over, I promise. And I'll help you see that too, okay?"
"Okay," Bille sighed. "I don't have a choice anyway," she mumbled, shrugging.
"No, not really... but... you know, this isn't just your child, Billie. It's as much my child, and I'm there to help you. I'm not going to be one of the fathers who don't care about their children. I care, and I care a lot, okay? One of my goals in life was always to be a good father, and it still is, and it starts by making pregnancy bearable for my amazing wife because that's also a part of being a father. I know you feel alone right now, but you're not. I promise. And I'm here to tell you that until you see it too," Brian told her, holding her close. "Whenever you need something, just tell me, no matter what it is. I'm here, and I'm ready to be your servant for the next nine months," he told her.
Despite her mood, Billie had to smile a little. "That... that actually does help. Thanks..."
"I want you to be happy, Billie. I want you to be happy and I want our baby to be happy too," he said and kissed her cheek.
It was meant to calm Billie down but somehow it didn't really. "That... that is actually something else I'm worried about.."
Brian furrowed his eyebrows and looked at her confused. "You're worried about me wanting you two to be happy?"
"No," Billie mumbled and shook her head. "I... okay don't get upset, please.. But... I guess part of me is worried that you might stop caring about me once the baby gets here," she said, her voice getting quieter with every word.
Brian looked at her with growing surprise. "You think I'll stop caring about you after the baby is born?"
Billie just shrugged slowly, keeping her eyes on his chest. She knew that wasn't exactly reasonable but she also wasn't known for being the most reasonable person and she hoped Brian could at least somewhat understand her because usually he was pretty good at that.