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"And that's how you really know you love somebody, you forgive."
I would be lying if I said I wasn't nervous. In fact, I was completely anxiety-ridden, with my heart beating vigorously like a herd of zoo animals that had been let out of their cages and a sickening feeling in the pit of my stomach.
It was only a couple of hours after my mother and I had come back after a very eventful run that I had received a message from Fletcher.
"I'm in. 7 pm sound good?" My brain wanted to yell at why he would agree to this but my fingers completely ignored all the signals as they typed a simple, 'see you tomorrow," with a small smiley face followed right by although my expression differed greatly.
My mother was excited... more than excited actually, ecstatic. From the way the corners of her full rosy lips twisted upward to the wild look in her eyes I hadn't seen in a long while it was evident that my mother was more than pleased at the new guest along with the chance to let out her great hosting skills which she hadn't shown off in so long.
Still, I couldn't place a finger on why my mother was so keen to invite Fletcher in the first place but I decided that I should be happy at least one of my parents is starting to warm up to the friendship I had tried so hard to keep strong and close to heart. Perhaps it was one of her many ideas on how to earn my respect and trust back or maybe she had taken the class in being a kind and empathetic human (a decent citizen in society). I'm not complaining, for months I had wished for this kind of understanding and finally, I had been listened to.
For hours I had laid flat on my bed convincing myself that there was no reason to be feeling so anxious and that it was simply ridiculous to be feeling this way after finally learning to begin to control this panic that rises inside of me. Hours of inner pep-talk don't seem to help, I noticed as the clock struck midnight and I had still no plans of falling asleep.
With several tosses and turns as the hours swiftly went by I had finally seemed to doze off into a deep sleep. It was only when my alarm had struck me awake that I was back to feeling the panic and anxiety I had fallen asleep with. To be perfectly honest, I couldn't even figure out what part of this made me so anxious, my mum didn't seem hostile (after all, if she wanted to be bold and say anything awful to Fletcher she would have let it out yesterday. My mother was the type of person who didn't have a filter of any sort.) and Fletcher was only a friend so I can't grasp why my mind was losing control.
What was there really to be panicking about? Nothing, I hoped.
The morning began as usual, from the roosters waking me up bright and early and the beautiful sunrise beaming through the blinds in my window to the quiet noise of my dad locking the door as he left for work. I laid in bed, wide awake, listening to the noises outside as I waited to completely wake up rather than being in the zombie state I had a tendency to wake up with every morning.
Continuing on with my day deemed to be a struggle from eating my typical breakfast which was simply just a bowl of cereal to nervously dressing, unable to deal with buttons so I just decided to stick with zips for the day.
I had never been one to particularly get myself down over the way I looked or even tried to look attractive. I mean, it's not like I ever left the house much and at school, no boys were ever interested in me. I never felt like I had to dress to impress but for some reason lately, I had been feeling this strong urge to try with my appearance. I straightened my hair in the morning rather than just throwing it up in a ponytail, wore flattering clothes instead of baggy sweaters and cardigans and even on a rare occasion took out my makeup bag and experimented with that.
It was odd to suddenly be feeling this want to impress when for years I had not been fussed, not one bit. I didn't want to care, really, it wasn't as if I was obsessed with my appearance. No, I wasn't. But the feeling of wanting to impress was much stronger, it seemed like I wanted to impress everyone around me suddenly.
My mother, who was suddenly gaining interest in spending time with me after years of misunderstanding everything I stood for and believed, every thought and emotion I felt.
Fletcher, the first boy who has stuck around. An attractive and funny boy who was honestly and truly interested in getting to know me, and not my parents' money.
Ren, my first ever real friend. Not only was she beautiful eternally but her appearance was just blindingly stunning from the beautifully straight whites you could prominently see as she gracefully smiled to her sleek jet black whips that fell gracefully down her shoulders. It wasn't healthy to feel this way, falling back to old insecure habits but at each swipe with the mascara wand, I felt like I could genuinely say I have never truly felt more confident and beautiful in my own skin.
I was starting to realise that the feeling was something I was loving much more than I had ever realised.
"Hey, we're still up for tonight, right?" I had texted hours earlier yet no reply was still to be in sight. It was way past the hour we had agreed to meet yet there was not even a sign of Fletcher reading the text. Panic bubbled inside of me as I paced down the hallway texting Ren about Fletcher completely standing me up and leaving me completely alone with my own thoughts.
"No reply, no sign of activity, no nothing," I muttered to my mother, annoyance laced in my voice but true disappointment hidden beneath the frown that masked the remaining emotions. After the fifth text in a row, I had decided to give up, I realised that if he wanted to answer he would have by now.
My mum threw her slender arm around my shoulders as we sat close to each other and she smiled at me as I threw her a sad look when my eyes moved down to the dirty apron she still had on.
"I'm really sorry tonight didn't happen, Mum. I could really tell you wanted to make things right," I said as I gently lowered my head onto her shoulder.
She comfortingly rubbed my back and for once I was feeling as if everything wasn't screwing up all at once, "My darling, you have nothing to apologise for. It's only a dinner, we can always reschedule," she reassures.
"I only did this for you. I knew how much it meant to you for dad and I to accept your friends and especially how much it meant for you for us to give Fletcher a chance."
I don't look up, but instead, allow her to continue.
"I could tell over the months that something changed in your life. You became giddy and actually excited to leave the house in the mornings to try new things. You were like a completely new person, constantly putting yourself up to new challenges which also included beginning to give me a chance to make things right."
My arms wrapped tighter around my mother as she snaked her hands in my hair and gently brushed the locks out of my face, "I really screwed up before, Addie. I know I did. But you don't understand how thankful I am that you're giving me this chance to make up for all these years I had lost with being close to you. This was all I wanted from this dinner, to make you happy."
"Thank you for trying, mum," I whisper as my phone pings with a text, I almost race to the kitchen table when I hear the phone although I wish I didn't careless and jet continued to sit calmly in the room with my mum.
When I reach for my phone and my eyes glide over the screen I feel helpless.
"What is it?" My mother asks, her voice full of concern as she probably notices the panic in my eyes as I look up.
"Fletcher is in the hospital," I whisper as I flash the screen with the message sent from Ren seconds ago.
"On my way," I quickly text back as my mum is already grabbing her car keys from the kitchen side and we are both slip swiftly out of the front door.
Can I just say how shocked I am with how much support you have all been giving this past week! Thank you so much! Just a quick shoutout to chelseaisawesome and honeybunsreading thank you for all the votes! :)
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QOTD: What's your favourite reality TV show?
AOTD: The Kardashians (I honestly don't even know what has happened to me. If you asked months ago I would have said something completely different but I've actually grow to really love watching them)