I didn't say a word to him for most of the drive back to the compound. Usually, I'm not quick to anger–-or likely to hold a grudge–-but in this case, I was furious.
At first I didn't understand exactly why, but as I drove I kept getting angrier and angrier, and finally, I had to admit it to myself.
I liked Loki. I mean, really liked him. I'd sublimated it because of work, and the fact that he was an actual extraterrestrial, and a God , and because he was blatant about his disdain for human beings and...half a dozen other perfectly valid things, but... shit. I really liked him. And the way he'd treated me fucking hurt –-because I understood now, it had been a game to him. A game and nothing more. He had no respect for me because I was human.
He'd taken advantage of me at the very first goddamned opportunity, because he'd been cooped up at the Avengers compound for months on end, and I was an easy target–-his only available target–-and I had let him take advantage, proving myself the idiot, inferior human plaything he so clearly believed I was.
Had I secretly wanted him to–-even naively believed he could -–see me as different from the rest of humanity? Yes. Dammit, yes. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I had thought we were friends.
Fucking idiot me.
And I'd let him kiss me. Let myself believe for just a moment that he might have actual feelings for me. That I was special to him, at least in some small way.
Dumb, dumb, dumb!
Truth was, I was more mad at myself than I was at Loki. I'd made a complete fool of myself.
I was definitely still mad at him, though.
"You are disturbingly quiet," he said, after about ten minutes of icy silence in the car.
I couldn't conjure a response that wasn't petty or otherwise inflammatory, so I said nothing.
"Is this the proverbial silent treatment?" he added a moment later, voice dripping amusement.
"I know you don't actually think this is funny," I replied bluntly. "You just alienated your one real ally on this stupid, inferior planet, and you're smart enough to regret it."
He chuckled. "You may want to consider the possibility that you're overreacting to a simple episode of playful dalliance."
My temper flared dangerously and I literally bit my tongue to stop myself from tearing into him.
My silence seemed to cause him some discomfort, which I shamelessly relished.
"I intended no insult," he said finally, but he said it as though my having taken insult was both idiotic and boring to him.
"Well insult me you did," I snapped. "Along with the rest of my race. But don't worry about it, because you won't get another opportunity like that."
Silence. And then, as we pulled onto the road that led to the back entrance of Stark Tower, he said, "You mean the kissing."
"You're damned right I mean the kissing. I may be human, Loki, but I'm not an idiot." We pulled up to the gate and I flashed my badge at the guard, who nodded us through as the gate rolled open. "Or maybe I am."
"Can you clarify that statement?" he asked, with obvious irritation.
I drove the car into the employee parking lot, pulled into my space, threw the car into park and twisted in my seat to give the God of Mischief my full attention.
The words came spilling out like a barrage.
"You want clarification? Fine. I'm pissed because you sexually manipulated me for your own entertainment. Where I come from, that's considered really fucked up. But more than that, I'm pissed that I fell for it because I'm smarter than that. But unfortunately, I also honestly fucking like you, and I stupidly allowed that to cloud my judgement, and now here we are, and it isn't fun anymore because I feel totally fucking stupid and humiliated, and I can't trust you, which I knew from the start anyway, so why did I even give you a chance? And why am I even telling you this, because you don't give a shit about me, I'm just a lowly fucking human, who–-I might remind you–-is in direct control of your future on this pathetic little planet, and I might be a good liar but I'm an honest person who suffers from an excess of human compassion, so as much as I want you to be happy, if you ever fuck with me like that again I will throw you under the bus so fast you won't even know what hit you."
The look on his face was equal parts shock and consternation. His mouth opened, closed again, brow furrowing.
"Just get out of the car and go inside," I snapped, turning back around in my seat. I made eye contact with the guards posted just outside the rear entrance and signaled them over. "Your escort is on its way."
"Listen, I think there may have been some sort of misunderstanding-–" Loki began.
"Don't," I held up a hand. "Don't patronize me anymore today. I'm at my limit."
"Bella, it wasn't my intention to-–"
I gave him a look that made his teeth click together. I cannot tell you how satisfying that was.
On the other hand, now that I'd vented my spleen, the anger was dissolving into plain old hurt, and I was pretty sure he'd seen it on my face and that was what had silenced him, which... wasn't a terribly satisfying thought at all.
The guards were almost at the car.
"You're not reading my mind," Loki said unexpectedly.
"No, I am not. I've had enough of you for one day." Shit. I was close to tears all of a sudden.
"You should," he insisted angrily.
One of the guards tapped on Loki's window. Loki waved him off with perfect aristocratic authority.
"Read my mind," he demanded.
I hit the unlock button and the guard pulled Loki's door open. "Out of the car, sir."
Loki ignored him. "Bella."
"Get out, Loki," I grated.
His face went hard, green eyes glittering with disdain. Finally, he turned and went, baring his teeth at the guards as he passed. One of them turned to follow him and the first leaned down into the open door.
"Is everything alright, Miss Bella? Shall I call Mr. Stark?"
"No, it's alright. I'll call him myself," I lied.
He nodded and straightened, shutting the door and jogging to catch up with the other two.
I sat in the car until the three of them had disappeared inside, Loki's long, angry strides forcing the guards to scurry comically just to keep up with him.
Then I sat in the car a while longer and cried.
...........................
As soon as I came in the next morning, I got called into the boss' office.
I'd taken the rest of the day off after returning Loki to the compound, but the guard-–despite what I'd said–-had called Mr. Stark.
"So he didn't try to hurt you or anything?"
"No, Mr. Stark."
"It's Tony, sweetheart. Or Iron Man, if you prefer." He flashed a grin, flirtatious as always.
I smiled, though I didn't feel much like doing so. "I'll stick with Tony."
"So what did he do? Bayley said you looked pretty upset."
Bayley was the guard. Damn him. I'd really hoped to avoid this conversation.
"I can see you don't want to tell me, but I don't think I need to remind you that it's your job to do so. If he's a danger to-–"
"He's not a danger," I said quickly. "He just pissed me off."
Tony frowned. "Bayley said you were crying in your car."
Fucking Bayley. Fucking me .
I considered lying, but I really did hate doing it, and I liked Tony a lot. He was a good boss, and this was the best job I'd ever had. The first place I'd ever worked where I didn't feel like a freak. Where I felt like I was doing something meaningful. I really didn't want to lose it.
"Come on, Bella," Tony said softly. "What happened?"
"I love this job, Mr–-Tony. I really do."
"Okay..." he said slowly, and I didn't need to read his mind to know that he perceived the guilt behind the words. "Well, you're an invaluable asset to the team, Bella. You're the best telepath we interviewed out of nearly a hundred. Head and shoulders above the rest, in fact. You'd have to do something pretty damned despicable to get the boot, here, sweetheart, so just tell me what happened. We'll work it out."
"He kissed me," I blurted.
Tony's eyes widened. "I'm-–I'm sorry, what? Are we talking about the same guy?"
I nodded.
"Thor's brother. Rock of Ages? He kissed you?"
Again, I nodded.
He looked at me like I'd said the guy sprouted wings and flew away.
Actually, that would have been more believable.
"Okay," he said like he was trying to get ahold of himself. "Okay. So, Rock of Ages kissed you. That means we–-we treat this as sexual harassment."
"I let him," I blurted, face burning.
His lips parted, face blank with shock. "You let him."
"Yeah," I breathed, choked by sheer humiliation. "I'm sorry."
"Why would you-–no, okay, that's none of my business." He held up a hand as though in apology. "So you have a thing for the God of Mischief. Who am I to judge? What's really important here is..." his expression twisted with confusion and discomfort. "What is important here?"
I gave him a helpless look.
"Why were you crying?"
I swallowed hard. "Because I felt stupid."
"Is that all?"
"No. I mean, sort of. He was just messing with me and I fell for it. I felt..." totally humiliated "...really stupid."
Tony nodded slowly, brow furrowed. He was having trouble processing the implications of what I'd said. He might have been a billionaire genius, but he was still a man. A woman would have understood immediately that I had real feelings for the God of Mischief–-hence the tears. I prayed like crazy that Tony wouldn't ask Romanoff, or Ms. Potts, or any other woman to interpret this incident for him.
"Okay," he said finally. "Thank you for your honesty, Bella." He sat back in his chair. "I'm not sure where we go from here. This is–-a somewhat unprecedented situation."
"I understand, sir."
He smiled a little. "You're not fired, sweetheart."
I am not too proud to say that I literally sagged with relief.
Tony's smile widened. "I'm glad you like it here. We like having you."
"Thank you, sir."
"Tony."
"Tony," I repeated dutifully.
"But maybe it's best we take you off Loki detail. What do you think?"
"I–-" I hesitated. Part of me was relieved at the thought of not having to see Loki again. The rest of me was deeply, shamefully dismayed. "Will Loki go to prison?"
"For kissing you?" He laughed. "No, sweetheart. We'll find him another babysitter. Although..." he shot me a look like he'd caught himself before saying something inappropriate. "Nevermind that. We could use you in PR, surveillance, investigation, internal affairs-–"
"I do some of that stuff already."
"I know, but-–"
"I can still do Loki detail, if that's where you need me," I said, "I've learned my lesson."
His lips compressed. "You sure interrupt a lot."
Flushing, I muttered, "I'm sorry."
He wasn't angry though. "They tell me it's a telepath thing. You already know what I'm going to say, right?" One of his brows arched.
"I don't do it on purpose," I mumbled.
"So how did Reindeer Games manage to get the best of you, hm?"
Dammit. "He can shield his thoughts. I put it in his three-month review."
He nodded graciously. "You also put that you can tell when he's doing it and that he can't hide his emotions, am I correct?"
Warily, I nodded.
"So, was he shielding his thoughts when he...made his move?"
"I..." Dammit, dammit, dammit! "I mean, he was right before. But not...during."
"So it was during the...er...incident that you realized he was manipulating you."
"Ah...no. After." What was he getting at? I tried to read him and got nothing but mathematical chatter. Seemed Loki wasn't the only one who could shield his thoughts.
His eyes narrowed thoughtfully. "Hm."
"Is that significant?"
"I don't know. I was just thinking..." he looked at me hard for a second, "You really want to keep the babysitting position?"
I swallowed. "I'm okay with it if you are."
"Because if he's as trustworthy as Thor says he is, he could be really useful to us."
"I know."
"And you might be the only person who can actually confirm his viability as a member of the team."
"I know."
He smiled. "That's why you want to keep going. You're a good kid, Bella."
"Thanks."
"You also care about Loki."
That took me by surprise.
His smile turned into a grin. "You don't always know what I'm going to say, huh?"
"You're projecting equations at me," I pointed out politely.
"I am. Thank you for confirming that it works. You believe we can trust Loki, don't you?"
Boy, he was really keeping me on my toes. "I...yeah, I do."
"Can you tell me honestly that your opinion of him isn't biased due to your...attraction?"
I thought about it. "No, I can't."
My honesty seemed to impress him. "Are you going to let him kiss you again?"
"No."
"That sounded very decisive."
"I have a healthy level of self-respect."
"Glad to hear it. You're still on Loki duty, but I'm going to send you some backup so you don't have to be alone with him. One or two of the guards should do it. You good with that?"
I nodded, relieved. I really didn't like the idea of being alone with Loki again. Although, if I was being honest, my heart did flutter with anticipation at the same time. I was stupidly happy that I would still get to be with him every day.
I wondered if Loki would feel as good about it as I did.