Being blind didn't make me an outcast. My personality didn't make me an outcast. My height didn't make me an outcast. It was everything combined that made me the lonely boy I am today. There were plenty of mindless jerks that seemed to make it high on the hierarchy of this school.
But it was people like Amanda Pullman and Todd Ranger that made sure everyone steered clear from me. They had received popularity however they could, and most of the time it would be at my dispense. I wasn't so much the laughing stock of the school, as I was the school outcast. A shadow wondering around the halls, always following behind the group, never a part of it.
"Amanda noticed something weird in the hallway. Are you finally making a friend Finny?" Todd mocks, knocking me out of my thoughts.
He sadly sits next to me in chemistry. Although his personality leaves much to be desired, his IQ is undeniably one of the highest in the school. And me alone with dangerous chemicals wasn't going to happen. As much as it pains me to have him as a partner, I'm glad I can get a good grade because of him.
"My name is Finnly." I whisper back, annoyed that Amanda practically stalks me.
He chuckles and nudges my hand, making me spill the beaker I held with chloride. Of course it spills on me. I can feel the liquid soak through the fabric of my jeans and a acidic smell clogues my nostrils.
"Mr. Huert that is the twelfth time this semester you drop something. If you are not fit for my class I will take it up with the counselor!" Ms. Kingston yells, although she has already done so. Each of the twelve times I've "accidently" dropped something.
Ms. Kingston, like many other teachers doesn't really like me. Most teachers think that I should be placed in the special education program -away from their sight- but my mother fought against it. My mom is a deep believer that I should still be treated like everyone else. The school board felt inclined to side with my mother after the heart-tugging story of my father. So imagine their surprise when I did turn out to be their problem. I don't blame the teachers. By all standards I probably should be getting help, yet the thought of being further isolated from the rest of my peers seem devastating than I'd like to admit.
"Did you get so excited about Lucas you couldn't help, but get wet?" Todd snickers, proud of his childish joke. His voice pausing to stop himself from laughing full out.
An aggravated sigh leaves my mouth. "His name is Luca. I thought you were smarter than that Todd, but I guess you're not really good with names." I reply.
"I am smart. If you had any brain cells then you would know that you and Luca don't stand a chance of being friends. I know you can't see him so you can't see the fact that he doesn't fit with you. He's tall and athletic while you're short and full of disappointments. Give the poor kid a chance at Wilson before he starts getting picked on for being seen with you. He doesn't need a friend like you." He sneers in my face, not afraid of speaking loudly for everyone to hear. It's not like anyone would say anything. He's fucking Todd Ranger.
The blood rushing to my head creates a deafening, pounding sound. "You say you're so smart, yet you say things like that. Even with a high IQ you can't get it through your skull that I don't want anything to do with Luca." I respond much more quieter than him.
And of course I can't see the fist that meets my cheek bone.
Soaked jeans and a bruised face. It wasn't an average day for me, but it wasn't so unusual. I'm a quiet kid, I keep to myself. Todd just always brings out the worst in me. Maybe it's because I used to call him a friend. Maybe because he violated my trust and abandoned me at my weakest. My mom told me that I don't need friends like that. Then it progressed to, I don't need friends at all. And I believe her. I've made it this far without them.
Todd gets off with a warning for disrupting the class since Ms. Kingston didn't see anything. I wasn't going to tell her what happened and nobody else spoke up about it. The class just suddenly erupted in chatter as far as she's concerned. It doesn't surprise me that she would take Todds word for truth. Every teacher knows that he's dating Amanda and every teacher knows that you don't mess with the principal's' daughter. So I let this go. I have to let go of everything that the power couple does to me.
My feet steadily made their way to AP Studies. I can feel the different textures on the walls. From the stubbly drywall to the canvas bulletin boards that I doubt anyone pays attention to. They serve as great indicators for me to get from one class to the next.
I take my usual seat, right in the front. I sit in the front in most of my classes so the teachers can pay close attention to me. I know they don't, I could be popping pills and only yell at me for distracting the others. I don't sit in the front row in chemistry. God forbid Todd actually being caught in the middle of one of his "distracting moments".
"Alright class settle down. That means to stop talking." The teacher spoke as soon as the bell rang. "Some of you have probably already seen him around. This is Luca Weller and he will be joining us for the semester." Mr. Henry wearily speaks, already done with his day. "Feel free to sit wherever you like, there are no assigned seats."
There are plenty of seats available, I know this for fact. When the class gets too loud Mr. Henry moves the chatterboxes from their seats and spreads them across the room. So I don't understand why the chair next to mine is being pulled out. The metal scraping filling my mind with rage.
"Hi Finnly." Luca vocalizes so casually, not seeing anything wrong with this situation.
Out of all the empty seats was mine really the best choice? Does he not understand it? Being my friend is damning himself. Even just sitting next to me is enough to be bullied for. He's been at this school for a whole day, he should know by now the gist of how this school operates. Although the more I think about it, this school operates in his favor and he probably doesn't see anything wrong with it. Because apparently he's tall and athletic and exactly the kind of student the school puts on a pedestal. I rolls my eyes at the thought of Todd's voice in my head.
I open my Braille textbook for this class and try to follow along with the teachers pace of reading. The revolutionary war is somewhere in the list of the most boring things I have to learn about in school, but the list is rather long and the numbering gets mixed up the more days I come here.
"What are you doing?" I whisper once we go into our fifteen minute break, wondering why he sat next to me.
"I'm sitting." He replies in a cheerful voice, his breath hitting the side of my face. He's an absolute idiot. I'm blind, not brainless.
"Can you stop-"
"Stop sitting? Sure I can stand." He cuts me off.
My hand instantly reaches out to him to make sure he isn't actually standing. He isn't. The fabric from what I assume is a sweater is softs, probably worth more than my whole outfit.
"Stop this. I don't know what you're trying to do or what you're trying to prove. You said it yourself, so what if I'm blind? You don't have to be the good guy and befriend the kid in need." I reply, more upset than I thought I was.
"What kid in need? It's my first day here and you're the only one I know in class. Why are you making such a big deal?" He asks,the curiosity in his voice masking his hint of frustration.
My fingers stroke the fabric again, the softness feeling comforting. Until I realize that I'm still holding onto his clothes. My hand automatically drops. Luca is right yet again. He is sitting next to the only kid he knows, once again treating me like a normal human being. I let Todd's words affect me too much.
"I'm sorry." I quickly apologize, turning in his direction to show sincerity and then focusing my attention back to the raised dots.
"No it's fine, don't be-wait what happened to your face?" His voice rising as he notices my bruised cheek.
A hand slips up to my face and gently caresses my cheek. The unexpected touch makes my body tense. "That's a nasty bruise, who did that?" He questions with a slightly demanding tone.
I slap his hand away immediately, "It's nothing. There is no kid in need."
I tune out anything else he says. He just touched my face in front of the whole class. More importantly he just touched my face in front of Amanda Pullman. I sigh and hope she didn't see it. I know she would just use it as ammo. I continue reading, but I'm messing up letters and words now. My face seems to tingle where his hand was placed. I ignore the loud beating of my heart. Luca is definitely causing me problems.
I lied through my teeth when I told Todd that I didn't want anything to do with Luca. He's an anomaly in this school of pricks. He's been nothing but kind to me and he's shown me a new side to classmates. If I were any other student, I would be jumping for joy at the prospect of gaining a new friend. But I'm me, the bullied blind kid. Amanda and Todd would rip me apart if I got close to him. They want to keep me isolated, lonely, and living in fear of them. Just like they have been all these years.
"Oka,y that is all for today, pack up your things the bell will ring soon." Mr. Henry says, sending the class into chaos trying to organize their things. The amount of noise causes a small headache and makes me furrow my brows.
"Hey, do you know how to get to bus 87?" Luca's booming voice asks. I'm about to make a snarky remark, but another voice chimes in.
"I've never rode the bus to school, sorry bro" he respond and Luca thanks him anyway.
I almost groan at the coincidence it is of having the same bus number. I haven't rode the bus since the beginning of the school year when I realized Todd rode the same bus. He made me miss my stop and I had to call my mom to find me. It was a long three hours for both her and me. My mom then promised to always pick me up, she made sure to secure her lunch break at the time I got out. Of course I couldn't tell her no, I'm still terrified to this day of riding the bus and having Todd do some other prank.
"I can take you." I utter loudly for Luca to hear from wherever he is. He's shown me more kindness than anyone before, this is the least I can do for him.
"I'm right here, Finnly." He whispers, extremely close to my ear. "And thanks. I didn't think you rode the bus."
I nod my head slowly. Why doesn't he think I ride the bus? Does it mess with his schema of a blind guy? I choose not to think about as I pack up.
As we walk out of the class, my hand instinctively grips his. I have to make sure he doesn't get lost in the crowd of tired teenagers heading for the exits. Or at least I justify my actions this way. My fingers scan the walls for the reminders of how to get to the backdoors, where the buses pull up. It's been a long time since I've come this way and I find myself having to focus immensely.
"Do you really take the bus?" Luca ponders as we wait just outside the doors.
"I used to." I reply honestly, figuring that if I give him enough answers he'll eventually shut up and leave me alone.
"What happened?" He questions, his voice dripping in concern. I can't tell if it's sincere or not.
"A kid did a stupid prank and my mom never wanted me to ride the bus alone again." I said, hoping to satisfy whatever curiosity he had of me.
"Oh, well that sucks." He replies. "Cause I'm going to be riding the bus every day and I could use some company." His voice sounding goofy, like he's telling a joke.
For a moment I find myself wanting to smile. "Just tell me when the third bus gets here. That's the bus we'll get on." Then I remember that this moment will pass and tomorrow nothing will be the same. He'll make other friends and leave me behind.
"Wait, do we ride the same bus?" He questions, as if finally getting why I showed him to the bus.
This one sentence, for some reason, is what peaks my curiosity about him. I begin to wonder what Luca really really looks like. Todd said he was tall and athletic, which probably means he has a shit ton of muscles and has to be good looking. My mind drifts to what color hair he has and what hue his eyes are. I picture some famous football star from my childhood, the type of person Todd and I wanted to be. Only, Todd actually got there and I, I got trapped in my pubescent body.
"Hey, the third bus got here. Let's go," Luca speaks quietly, in the softest voice I have heard him speak in.
His hand suddenly grabs mine and breaks my chain of thoughts. The palm of his hand is soft and smooth, not something I'd expect from an athlete. My chest builds up with an emotion I can't explain. It feels different being guided than being the guide.
"Hey can you tell the bus driver I'm here and ask him to call out my stop?" I ask Luca once he guides me to an empty seat.
"Yeah of course." He quickly responds. For some reason, it doesn't feel like a hassle for him, like he really doesn't mind.
He returns after a short moment, his presence feeling a little unsettling. In fact, if I were to describe Luca, it would probably be unsettling because so far everything about him is.