After my mini battle with the two muggers (mainly the big one, and also the old lady's cane, if you want to count that), I was hungrier than ever! So after walking down the street for a bit longer, I finally found myself in front of the Mexican restaurant. I took my first step towards the door when suddenly my phone started ringing. "Ugggh, what now?" I moaned.
I grabbed my phone and answered the call "You got the 'Pool!" A man was on the other end of the line.
"Yes, is this Deadpool the mercenary?" "No, it's his Aunt Sally, would you like to leave a message?" The man on the other end sighed, and replied "Yes, it must be you. I was warned about your "behavioral tendencies". Anyway, I have a job of the utmost importance that needs to be done, and I've heard you're one of the best."
I didn't really have any intentions of taking any jobs today (I wanted the day to be all about me and Bea). But who am I to turn down money? Wait a minute. Did he say ONE of the best? I'm fixing to straighten him out.
"Sir, I'll have you know that I'm not ONE of the best, I'm THE best! And if you have a job needed to be done by the best, then look no further!" There was a few seconds of silence until the man replied "Excellent! Now listen carefully to my instructions..."
Chinatown
One Hour Later
Alright readers, I decided to spare you a bunch of boring dialogue and just give you the skinny, so here it is. The guy on the phone works for a big crime boss (wouldn't say who) and he was tasked with hiring me on his boss' behalf. Long story short, they want me to take out a lower level boss named Mr. Chung, whose base of operations is located here in Chinatown.
Apparently he did something to offend the big boss, so he wants to teach him a lesson (and probably set an example for the other lower level bosses in the city) by unaliving him. The best part is, they are going to pay me $500,000 for the job! They already wired me half, and I will get the other half when the job is done (I have to prove it by taking a picture of the body and sending it to them).
Sounds gruesome, but hey, I'll be half a million dollars richer (yay me!). So right now I am on the roof of a building, across from my target's base, waiting until he's completely alone. The reason for this is the guy on the phone told me that the lower boss has bodyguards with "special skills" that rarely leave his general area. And he advised me that I should wait until one of the few times during the day that he's alone to make my move, otherwise things could get "complicated".
So I waited for what seemed like forever (though in reality it was probably only thirty minutes), getting hungrier by the minute. And I was thinking to myself "Damn it, this bozo needs to hurry up and come out so I can kill him, get my money, and go use the money to put myself in a food coma".
Suddenly, I saw the door to the base building open, and out came my target, with what appeared to be six other men in suits following right behind him. The six men stood there in front of the building, while the boss got in his black car.
"Showtime." I mumbled as I got ready to move.
The target started his car, and began to drive away. And as he was turning the corner, I used my grappling gun to hook myself to the car (just like Batman). Too bad I'm not as graceful as Batman, because as soon as I was hooked to the car, I was pulled off of the building I was on and it started dragging me along the street, face down, gun still in hand. I didn't fully think this plan through. And as I was being dragged, I said in a muffled voice "This would've worked better with some skis."
Eventually the grappling gun pulled me to the car (the grapple was attached to the roof of the car) once it stopped at a red light. I climbed on top of the car, took one of my katanas, and cut a square shape (I have some pretty sturdy weaponry). I then peeled the roof off like a sardine can, and jumped into the passenger seat of the car. My target was looking at me wide eyed and pale, like he'd seen a ghost.
I grabbed my handgun from my side holster, pointed it at my target, and said "You're about to be kung powed, chicken."
Author: OMG, that was terrible. Talk about cringe inducing.
Hey, you try coming up with something better, author lady! "Confucius say today's a good day to die."
Damn it, I should've used that line! Anyway, back to my story.
So after I dropped that (in retrospect, lame) line, My target suddenly hit the gas and drove as fast as he could, eventually swerving and turning down a busy street. I got banged around like a crash test dummy in the process. So here we were, going down a busy street at about 100 mph, people jumping out of the way and screaming in terror as we sped by, and I was trying to shoot the Vin Diesel wannabe while we sped and swerved.
And with each gunshot, he swerved even harder, causing me either to hit the door or to hit my head on what was left of the roof. Honestly, it's a miracle that I hadn't flown out of the open roof of the car at this point.
Then, after hard swerve number 5 or 6, he pulled out his phone, hit a button, and proceeded to say something in Mandarin (am I the only one that thinks of those little oranges when I hear Mandarin?).
Anyway, I shakily reloaded my gun, and proceeded to fire another shot. And of course, he swerved again. This went on a couple more times until finally he crashed into a streetlight in front of a building and jumped out as fast as he could (I think that was his attempt at parking).
I fired a couple more shots at him as he ran towards the building, shouting "Hey, where are you going? I just want to give you a big lead filled kiss with my gun!"
Of course, he didn't answer, nor did he come back out. So I got out of his car and walked towards the door, getting ready to potentially chase this guy through the building.
When suddenly another black car pulled up behind me. And out came the six men that had accompanied my target earlier. Only instead of wearing suits, they were now dressed as ninjas.
I stood there as they encircled me, ready to defend their boss at any cost. I tried to come up with a smartass comment, but all I could say was "Uh, hi." Immediately the ninja in front of me threw the first punch, connecting with my face. Then the other ninjas started punching me.
They would stop when I fell to the ground, but as soon as I got back up, they delivered another flurry of punches. I felt like one of those inflatable punching bags filled with sand that pops back up after getting punched. I knew I had to come up with something quick to get these ninjas off of me.
After I got knocked back down to the ground (for the umpteenth time) I decided to play dead. If they thought I was dead, maybe they would disperse and let their guard down. So I laid completely motionless for a few minutes, waiting for them to leave. Eventually they took the bait and started to walk off.
However, as soon as I got up, and their backs were to me, a low but loud sound rumbled from the depths of my stomach. The ninjas turned around and saw me trying to sneak away. In anger and frustration, I yelled out "Goddamn stomach!" One of the ninjas said something to the other ninjas in Mandarin (stop making me think of food, it's making things worse!), and they all pulled out a handful of throwing stars (or Shurikens, for you ninjas out there).
I made a run for it, and the ninjas quickly followed, proceeding to throw the stars in their hands. Still angry and frustrated, I yelled out while running "Who the fuck hires ninjas as bodyguards?!? Where do you even FIND them, a special ninja school?!?" "Ninjas don't even make sense in this particular situation, since they originate from Japan, not China." "Really?!?" "THAT'S what you're worried about?!?" I yelled at the author, whose priorities are clearly fucked up.
Hey!
Anyway, I was running around the block, trying to outrun the ninjas and formulate a plan to complete my contract. Because as far as I knew, my target was still cowering in the building he ran to like a chicken. Don't you mean like a Kung Pow Chicken?
Shut up!
So as I was saying before I was SO rudely interrupted, I was trying to come up with something. After running around the block a few times, I still had nothing (except a few ninja stars in my back).
"Damn it, these guys are still on my tail. How am I supposed to shake them?"
"Um, Wade, don't you have a grenade in one of your pouches?" I slapped my forehead in disbelief at the sudden realization.
"Holy shit! Why didn't I think of that before? I guess you're not a total pain in the ass after all, author lady." "Thanks, I guess."
I reached into one of my many pouches and pulled out a shiny green grenade. Now I just needed to figure out where to place it.
"Lightbulb!"
I took the pin out of the grenade and dropped it right in front of me. "Hopefully my timing is right. Fingers crossed." I said to myself as a ran past the grenade. Lucky for me, just as the group of ninjas got to where the grenade was, there was a loud BOOM!!!, and the hail of throwing stars finally stopped.
I turned around to look at the carnage. Ninja body parts were scattered everywhere. It would probably take days to clean up the ninja stir fry that was now all over the street. Then I happened to look in the distance and saw that one ninja had survived. He must have been in the back of the group, far enough away to avoid being blow to bits. Unfortunately for him, though, it wasn't far enough away to avoid getting blown up completely.
Upon closer inspection, I discovered that his left leg and right arm had been blown off. And he was using his in tact left hand to call someone on his phone (probably his boss to warn him). I walked up to him, gun in hand, and blew his brains out all over the pavement before he could even finish his sentence to the person on the other end of the line. Hey, he was bleeding out profusely from his limb stubs anyway. So if anything, I did him a favor. Now that the ninja patrol was taken care of, I had a contract to complete.
So I ran back to the other side to the block, back to the building my target ran in to. His car was still there, so there was a good chance he was still here. I went inside, shouting "Oh Mr. Chung, it's your friendly neighborhood 'Pool boy! I have something for you! Come out come out, wherever you are!" No answer.
Suddenly I heard something metal fall over (like a bucket) coming from under the stairs. I walked closer to the stairs and found a closet door. I thought to myself "It can't be that easy."
I opened the door and sure enough, there was my target, cowering in the corner of the closet. I looked him dead in the eye, and said "Mr. Chung, I think you need to do your wife and/or girlfriend a favor and just come out of the closet." In a panic, he pushed me to the ground and ran towards the stairs.
I got up and shouted after him "Hey, it's not that big a deal! Coming out is an accepted, respectable thing nowadays!"
"Shit." I mumbled under my breath as I began my pursuit.
I chased my target up several flights of stairs, gun in hand. I started to catch up to him (being more physically fit than he is), but he was still able to stay ahead of me. What can I say, fear and adrenaline does that to people.
Eventually we ended up on the roof of the building, with me cornering him on a ledge. I pointed my gun at him and said "I guess you never learned one of the most important rules of scary movies. When being chased by a killer, don't run upstairs."
He looked at me with wide eyes, and begged "Please don't kill me, I'll give you anything you want! I'll pay you double what you're being paid now!" The prospect of getting of a full million instead of half a million was tempting, but I have a business policy. I don't turn on the person who hires me unless circumstances warrant it.
And unfortunately for Mr. Chung, this is not one of those times. I took a step towards my target and told him "No dice, say sayonara." I know that's Japanese, but after the fiasco with the ninjas, I think it works. Mr. Chung took a step back, obviously forgetting that we were on a roof. He lost his balance on the ledge, and fell backwards, screaming as he fell. A few moments later I heard an all too familiar "Splat!" sound, along with an eerie silence.
I walked over to the ledge and looked down to find Mr. Chung splattered all over the sidewalk down below. It was a messy sight. Some of his blood even got on his car, located a few feet away from his body. I grimaced, remarking at the sight "I don't think there's any healing from that." I pulled out my phone, zoomed in, and took a picture to send to my employer.
A few minutes later, I got an email showing that the remaining money I was owed was wired to me. And with that, the job was done. I grapple hooked my way back down to the ground, not wanting to take the stairs again. At least this time I landed more gracefully.
I started walking away from the building with a smile on my face, saying to myself "Finally! I'm famished. Now I can finally go binge on tacos and watch my favorite ladies in action!" Sadly though, my happiness and excitement was to be short lived, for there was another situation waiting for me just around the corner......
Whew! Longer chapter I know, but hopefully you all thought it was a good one. Don't forget to comment and vote. Stay tuned for Part 4!