"Now it's clear just like the sky in summer time
This moment in our lives when everything is right
They may try to stop us, they may not understand
We rule our own land, this world is in our hands
Promise that you'll run away with me
Choose an island from the open sea
We'll be running wild and free
The sand and the waves and you and me
We'll be running wild and..."
(Free - Kidwolf feat B.V.)
(Flashback)
"I don't think I've ever laughed this hard," Alison managed to say the words while containing her laughter.
It was after dinner when Emily and Alison decided to go out for a walk. They already passed by their school when Ali grabbed Emily's hand and paced back to school.
Confused, "Ali? Where are we going?"
"Just don't let go of my hand okay? We're going back to school."
"But it's almost ten already. It's closed. We might get caught. My mom's going to freak out if we get in trouble."
Alison halted, catching her breath, "I told Mrs. F I'll take care of you remember? This going to school still means I am taking care of you. Relax, Em. You've got to break some rules sometimes," Alison said with a playful wink and her famous grin.
Emily shot her a hesitant look, Alison did not miss it and opted to leave a hasty kiss on Emily's lips, leaving the girl even more confused. But Emily knows Alison well. She knows she'll go through great lengths for her. She believed it when Alison said she will take care of her.
"Okay, Ali. But what's so special here in school?"
"You," Alison said abruptly.
"We're here!"
"Where's here? Swimming pool?"
"Yeah!" Alison responded with a sheepish smile.
The smell of chlorine and eerie silence wrapped the two girls. Alison propped herself to sit and submerge her legs onto the water. Emily did the same shortly after.
Emily caught Alison's reflection in the water... She looked pensive.
"I like swimming pools. I like how sometimes its cold, sometimes its warm. But still, it's just water."
Emily was a little surprised hearing it from Ali who liked spending more time outside the pool flaunting her body and checking out boys than be actually in the pool.
"I didn't know that," Emily said, not entirely sure how to react to what Ali just said.
"Sometimes I feel like I'm drowning," Alison paused. "I'm tired of running, Em. You've no idea. I'm in constant fear. Always. I don't understand how for some reason I survive, I aways do. I get back up. I don't know how I do it anymore."
"Ali..."
"Pools remind me so much of you. I'd imagine you saving me, Em. From drowning. From so many things. I would never admit to the girls that all I wanted was to be saved after years of running away and hiding. To live a normal life again. We were doing okay before A. Now that part of my life feels like a distant memory. Sometimes I'd think maybe I just made that up."
"I don't know what to say. I'm... sorry."
"No, Em. Don't be. I should be the one sorry. I know what it's like to be running away from something or someone you don't even know of. I know what it's like to be haunted by A. You guys shouldn't have experienced that too. If I didn't run away, if I decided to face whoever that bitch or bastard was, I'm pretty sure you guys wouldn't leave my side. I should have been stronger."
"You're right, we won't. I... Won't leave you. But you're wrong, Ali. You are strong."
"You've saved my life in so many ways. You've no idea. I... Thought of you, Em. You kept me going when I was on the run. I had my doubts that the girls would welcome me back. I wasn't exactly the best version of myself to them. But with you... I know I was a bitch to your feelings before. I guess I was being cocky? But I was so confident about you. I never doubted you. I always believed that if ever I come back to Rosewood, you would welcome me back into your life. And you did... Maybe that's what kept me going. I realised that now. You... In my life. You've always been big on happy endings, Em. I had always hoped I can be in one of those happy endings that you hope for."
"I..."
Alison cut her off, words spilling into her mouth, words she'd contained for so long, "I missed you the most, Em. I miss you so much, it hurts. I'm sorry for hurting you. I'm sorry for making you cry. I'm sorry for everything. If I hadn't left, you wouldn't have fallen for pigskin. I should have been your happy ending. It should've been me kissing you. It should've been me you'd first think of and not pigskin. It should've been me protecting you from A not that pigskin Paige. I regret leaving. You deserve to know you were the hardest to leave behind, Em."
Alison tried her best to hold back her tears. She's strong, she know it in herself. She held her head down, her heart filled with regrets. It felt like she missed out on a lot of things. She felt disappointed on how her life turned out to be. She reminisced on the days where they were all carefree. Had she not left, maybe things would've been different. Yes, things would've been certainly different especially between her and Em.
If there's anything constant about Alison, or at least that's what Emily believes, is that Alison had always been honest to her. But the kind of honesty and vulnerability that just transpired was something she did not expect.
She had always perceived that Ali is less guarded and more of her kind self when it's just the two of them. She had always hoped that other people even the girls would see this side of her, but for now she's content that it's only her whom Ali trusts enough to be her self.
"I want to be part of your life, Em."
"You already are..."
"No, I want to mean more to you."
"I'm not sure I follow," Emily asked quizzically.
"Emily Fields, my killer, my sweet Ems, my saving grace, the one and only person I care for the most..."
Emily's heart was thumping so fast as Ali went through her words, so hard she swore Alison might have heard it.
"Will you be my girlfriend?"
"Ali..."
Every ounce of confidence Ali had right that moment she asked felt like an avalanche falling into pieces. Emily remained silent, motionless. Ali tried to find some sort of distraction, but she couldn't find any. There were just the two of them at the pool area. No sounds could be heard except their heavy breathing and ripples of water.
"Please say yes?" Alison asked earnestly, her voice broken into pieces, nervous of Emily's possible rejection.
Alison knew what being a girlfriend to Emily means. It means that she has to be "out". It would also mean they would both be scrutinized in school. It means they will both have to face being judged in school. People will talk. She would be labeled. People might make fun of her. Emily might earn her enemies. "A" might focus more on Em once he/she finds out how deeply in love she has always been with Em. Em is her weakness, her very own Achilles heel; and people might take advantage of that fact.
Emily was one of the school's biggest sweethearts, no one would believe Alison has the best intentions for her. Even Spencer, Aria and Hanna might not believe her. They might side with Emily. They might discourage Em in seeing Alison. Alison can imagine it already, "Queen B, risen from the dead, fallen for the hot, sweet chick."
She and Emily may have had their moments, may have kissed each other several times in the past, but these were not guarantee that Emily would say yes to her.
Before Alison ran away, she was certain Emily had feelings for her. But seeing Emily obviously in shock reminded Alison how even Emily's feelings can change. Who was Alison kidding when she set her bar of confidence so high she was so sure Emily would say "yes". Note to self, humility shouldn't be too hard when it comes to Emily.
So, yes, Alison's aware she's asking Emily for too much. But she's got to try. She can't let pigskin crawl back into Emily's life again. She's back in Rosewood for good. No more running. And she should have been serious and pursued Em way back when she was sure that Emily still had feelings for her.
Maybe Emily has no feelings for her anymore? Maybe she just pity her now? But what about their kisses before? Maybe they didn't mean anything to her? But they did to Ali. They meant a lot counting from the first kiss they shared at the library. What if Em's still in love with pigskin? Oh god. Alison was panicking yet she tried her best to remain composed.
Emily played Alison's question in her head a dozen times, she knows it's taking her forever to answer. This is actually happening, right? Right. She did ask me to be her girlfriend, right? Right. I love her, right? Yes, a million right on that one.
"Yes, Ali, of course, yes," now Emily can't contain herself, breaking into tears, overwhelmed by what just happened.
Alison enfolded Emily in a warm embrace--it radiated of security, of trust, of commitment, of love. Emily cupped Alison's face, rested her forehead against Alison's. Emily started kissing Ali on the tip of her nose, on her cheek, on her eyes. Alison in return left a peck on Emily's full lips, and consequently kissed Emily's cheek, Ali could almost taste Emily's tears.
Emily's lips were slightly parted, catching her breath, processing what just happened. Alison gave in, settling for a kiss with Emily. Emily returned the kiss with passion. Both their lips were longing, re-assuring. Alison was un-ashamed to return the same favor--kissing Emily even harder. Emily hopes Alison could feel in her kiss how much she also missed her. How much she also wanted this to happen. Them. Together.
They shared a kiss that finally meant certainty, love and honesty. No inhibitions. No doubts. A kiss that finally can mean they trust each other, that they have each other, that they are for each other.
By the end of the kiss, both girls were breathless, taking in the bliss they are both feeling. They were... Lost. In the moment.
"I love you," both girls said in unison.
And when their eyes met, Alison felt that flutter in her stomach, that feeling of warmth radiating from within. Alison knew right that moment, seeing her reflection in Emily's eyes... She's home.