I was drunk.
Or at least on my way there. Thankfully, I wasn't the only one. Once Nick, Harry and I got back to my flat and I started cooking Nick insisted that we break out the alcohol. So now we were all sat at the table, near tears from Nick's latest story, and I found myself feeling uncharacteristically sappy about the boys sitting by me. Not that I found my life empty before them or anything, but they definitely brought a light to it that I hadn't realized I needed.
Nick stood up suddenly, knocking the table and almost spilling a bottle. "Oh my god!"
"What is it this time, mate?" Harry asked, only seeming mildly concerned.
"I just remembered I have a movie at home I have to watch! It's only just come out in theaters, but someone gave me a DVD copy the other day." He boasted.
"What? How on earth did you manage that?" I asked.
He got a sly smile and sent me a wink, causing me to shudder. "Never mind, I'd rather not know."
Harry laughed. "Why have you suddenly decided you have to watch it right this second?"
"Why the hell not?!" He sang. "No time like the present." I was beginning to think Nick may have had more than his fair share of drinks tonight.
He rushed over to the couch and started to put his jacket on.
"Woah, woah. How do you plan on getting back to yours? You're sure as hell not taking my car and I'm not driving." Harry said from the table, his speech even slower from the alcohol.
"Um excuse me, mister popstar, there's such thing as a taxi! It may be beneath your social class, but not mine!" He all but yelled, throwing his arms around wildly.
"Alright there, pal."
"Are you sure, Nick? I'm sure I've got a movie here we can watch..."
He was already shaking his head before I could even finish. "No! I want to watch this one! Don't worry Mum and Dad, I'll be back in a mo." And with that, he flew out the door.
"Jesus," I whispered to myself.
"That's drunk Nicholas for you." Harry rolled his eyes lovingly. "This is about gone, want to finish it off with me?" He asked as he held up the bottle of tequila Nick had insisted we took out. His exact words were, "We're having Mexican, you twats! That means, by law, we need tequila too!" I was pretty sure he made that law up.
I grimaced at the bottle, not overly fond of the bitter liquor.
"Come on, we can't let Nick have anymore." He reasoned as he poured out two shots for us both.
"For Nick?" I asked, laughing.
"For Nick!" He cheered as we took the shots.
I shook my head the second it made its way down my throat. "Bloody hell, that's awful."
"Phew," he let out a big breath. "Wanna finish that Grey's episode from the other day while we wait for Nick?"
"Yes!" I responded more enthusiastically than I meant to. I giggled at myself and Harry smiled at me.
"I have to admit, drunk Savannah is quite the sight."
"What's that supposed to mean?!" I asked, not knowing if I should be offended or not.
"Don't worry, you're incredibly endearing when under the influence." His eyes were glassy as he looked at me and his mouth was turned up in a goofy grin.
"I suppose that's a good answer." I hummed, satisfied.
Harry plopped down on the couch and I sat to join him, grabbing the remote. We sat in drunken silence for the beginning of the show and I reached up to scratch my head and realized that I still had my baseball cap on.
For God knows what reason, this seemed to strike me as hilarious and I burst into laughter causing Harry to look at me, stunned. He paused the tv and turned to me, waiting for me to explain.
"I've still got my hat on," I explained to him.
He looked at me like he had absolutely no idea why this was causing me to laugh so much and I couldn't blame him. I hadn't a clue why it had given me so much enjoyment.
"Maybe that last shot wasn't the best idea..." He started laughing loudly, the alcohol obviously having an effect on him as well.
"Oh hush, you. I'm fine." I pulled my hat off and shook my hair out from my ponytail. "Have I got ugly hat hair?"
He looked me over, taking a second to answer, which I took as a yes. So I began to put my hair up into a messy bun.
"No, no. Don't worry, you're beautiful." It was the way he said it that stopped my hands instantly. All drunken giggles were gone from his voice, it sounded slightly hoarse, but honest. Strikingly so, actually.
I finished tying my hair up and spoke, "You're too good to me, Styles."
"Completely untrue." He answered immediately.
"No, really. You are," I told him, suddenly wanting him to know how much I appreciated him. "You bring me take away all the time, you started this depressing show for me, you walk Giz with me. You ask fans to not post when you're with me and you try to protect me from paps now. You bloody researched anxiety online!"
"But-" I shook my head, cutting him off.
"I just want you to know I think you're really lovely, Harry." I looked into his eyes for a moment, wanting him to see how much I truly meant it before I leaned down and rested my head on his shoulder. Quietly, I grabbed the remote and hit play.
"You're amazing, Savannah Pond." Then I felt him press his lips against my temple softly, causing my heart to flutter in my chest. I didn't respond, we simply sat quietly and went back to watching our show.
Suddenly, something moving between me and Harry caught my eye. I watched as he slowly moved a shaky hand towards mine that was resting between us. My heart began to thunder in my chest. Sure we'd held hands earlier, but that was more Harry guiding me along. This was different, this was private. Just us.
I found it endearing, to use Harry's word from earlier, that his hand was shaking as he reached for mine and I found myself relatively prepared for what was about to happen. The thundering in my chest caused by excitement. Maybe it was the alcohol running through me, but when his hand finally landed in mine I didn't tense. Instead I simply thread my fingers through his as if I had been expecting the gesture all along. We sat together in a comfortable silence, watching telly until Nick was banging at the door.
I stood and made my way to the door to let him in and the second the door was even a crack open he came barreling in.
"No! No! No depressing telly, we're having fun tonight! We're fun!" He chanted. Apparently the car ride had done nothing in sobering him up.
"What about watching a movie, drunk, makes us fun?" Harry wondered out loud.
"Fine, that's not overly fun. But we're taking another round of shots before we start!" He yelled as he raced off to the kitchen.
Harry and I could only look at each other with wide eyes before Nick had already charged back into the room with a bottle of vodka and shot glasses.
"Alright, let's go then." Nick beamed at my attitude.
"That's the spirit Savvy!"
We threw the shots back and all winced in unison.
"Go on then, one more for luck, yeah?" Harry asked. I looked over at him, surprised, and saw that he was looking far more drunk than I recalled. But without any arguments we all did one more round.
"Okay, I am done." I announced, the words feeling heavy in my mouth.
Nick got up and put the movie in while Harry and I got situated on the couch. As he came to join us he insisted that I sit in the middle of them, which I happily agreed to.
We had only gotten about twenty five minutes into the movie when I started to feel Nick fidgeting. Five more minutes and he was huffing and puffing as he shifted around.
"Something wrong, Nick?" I whispered to him.
"Yes," he huffed. "I want a cuddle." He drunkenly told me.
I smiled and moved my legs out of the way so he could lay, "Come on then." He tossed the pillow behind him onto my lap and laid down right away, sighing contently as his head made contact.
Yet another five minutes later and I heard Harry start to whine. "No fair, I want to cuddle too." I looked over at him incredulously. Never had I met two boys that were such children when drunk.
"Scoot over then." He pushed himself up against the armrest on the couch and I shifted over so that his arm was behind my back and resting on my side. Nick moaned at the movement, but slid down the couch with me, so that his head was, again, resting in my lap. I leaned into Harry and they were both silent, finally.
I had wanted to see this movie when I first saw the previews for it and was thrilled I was getting to see it without paying anything. I sat quietly, enthralled in the movie, until Harry's hand shifted behind my back. I thought maybe his arm was uncomfortable being trapped, so I lifted my back so he could lift it up instead. He surprised me though by gripping my side and pulling me back down.
He wasn't done there though, I felt his fingers slide just a bit lower, to the hem of my vest top and he began to fiddle with it. I could feel his hands were just a little shaky again as they brushed my skin and then he placed his hand just under my shirt and rested it again my hip. He began to trace light circles against my skin there and I felt his hand slowly stop shaking and grow more confident in the gesture.
A shudder ran through me as he hit a particularly sensitive spot, causing him to halt his movements. I courageously looked up at him and found him looking down at me already. He looked adorably intoxicated with his glassy, hooded eyes. His eyebrows were furrowed together and I couldn't help the smile that spread across my lips as I gave him a slight nod to let him know he could continue. He hummed happily and carried on.
The movie was quite funny and Nick and Harry laughed loudly throughout. I, however, was barely able to fight off sleep as we sat comfortably. Once it was over Nick bounced off the couch already onto whatever activity he planned on doing next.
"Uh, count me out. I'm gonna go pass out in my bed. You guys fancy staying the night? I'm thinking neither of you can drive home."
"Ta, Sav! You're the best!"
"You don't mind?" Harry asked.
"Not at all. As long as you guys don't mind the couch."
"Nah, I can sleep anywhere." Nick explained.
"I'm off then. Three rules. Don't break anything, don't kill the dogs and puke goes in the toilet." I commanded.
"Night!" They both sang in unison.
I was drunk enough that once my bra was torn off from underneath my thin top and I made it to my bed, I was practically asleep before I hit the pillow.
---
I awoke in the middle of the night to a soft rapping at my door. I opened my eyes and saw Harry peeking in.
"I heard you and Nick taking more shots, if you're gonna be sick it's only fair he holds back your hair." I mumbled into my pillow.
"Not sick. Nick's snoring too loud, can't sleep. Could I...maybe, like, do you mind if I sleep in here?" He drunkenly babbled. He sounded absolutely smashed and looked dead on his feet as he stood there so I shifted over in bed and patted the other side.
He tripped, twice, on his way to my bed. "Jesus, how much more did you have to drink?"
"Lots," he moaned into the pillow.
"You alright? Do you need to be sick?" I asked him as I sat up, concerned.
"No, do you?" He asked, dragging out the "u" playfully and turning over to lay in my lap and look up at me. I snorted at him.
"I'm barely drunk anymore, you however..." He just continued to stare up at me before nodding.
"I'm pissed." He said, laying his head back down.
"Just let me know if you're gonna be sick, alright?" I began to scratch at his head for him, knowing it always helped me sleep when I wasn't feeling well.
"Savannah?" He spoke after a few minutes.
"Yes, Harry?"
"You haven't got a bra on."
My hand stopped dead in its track and I could feel the heat rush to my face. He giggled to himself like a thirteen year old as I attempted to stutter out a response. "Well no...I was-"
"Sorry." He told me as he continued on giggling. "I'm sorry."
"Go to sleep, Harry." I sighed, not even able to be offended since he was so adorable. Although I did make a mental note to put one back on when I woke up. My chest was just a bit larger than average and it did make me a tad self-conscious at times.
"Would you keep scratching my head? If you don't m-mind?" He asked, his voice heavy with sleep after a few minutes, during which I thought he had fallen asleep.
"Sure," I smiled and continued as I sunk a bit lower into my bed.
"Thanks, baby." He grumbled and my stomach flipped at the pet name that slipped from his lips.
---
I woke up in the morning feeling weirdly warm. I kept my window open at night and it usually got chilly in my room, so I was used to waking up cool. It was then that the night before came rushing back to me and I turned to see Harry laying beside me, an arm tossed over me.
I got a panicky feeling in my chest and decided to get out of bed right away. I slipped out slowly and looked around my floor for the bra I took off last night, also grabbing a sweatshirt. I paused before leaving the room and took in the sight of Harry laying on his stomach in my bed. I had to admit it was a nice one, but I had no idea what any of last night meant for us.
Backing out of my room, my back to the living room, I twisted the doorknob so it wouldn't make a noise as I closed it. I jumped a foot in the air when Nick yawned loudly on the couch.
"Jesus Nick!" I exclaimed.
"Please tell me you two at least snogged?" He asked, skipping the morning pleasantries.
"No! And shh, don't wake him!"
"Well why the bloody hell not?" He asked, sounding exasperated.
"Um because I was half asleep and he was trashed? Thanks for that, by the way."
"Aww, drunk snogging is the best though." He whined.
"Yeah well, we just went right to sleep." I lied, turning around to head to the kitchen in case my face gave me away.
"Are you lying to me, Sav? Because Harry will tell me the truth if you snogged, don't make me go wake him up."
"I swear! Leave him be."
"Fine." He replied haughtily. "So do you like him or what? Honestly?"
"I-" I sputtered for a response, "It's not that simple."
"Ugh the two of you! Of course it's that simple!" He sighed out, seeming like he'd already had a similar conversation with Harry.
"What's simple?" Harry asked as he dragged himself into the kitchen.
"Nothing. What do you guys want for breakfast?" I changed the subject quickly. "Although I've got work in less than two hours so it better be quick."
"Toast. Tea and toast is more than fine with me." Harry groaned out, obviously feeling the drinks from the night before.
We all ate quickly and quietly, hangovers weighing down on all of us. The boys stood and gathered their stuff together to leave and I silently thanked God. I was dying for a shower before work, but didn't want to kick them out.
I was in my room, down to my pajama shorts and was pulling my bra down my arms when all of a sudden my bedroom door flew open.
"Savannah, did I leave my-SHIT!" Harry shouted.
"Fuck!" I scrambled and wrapped my arms around my top half and turned so my back was towards him. I saw him do the same.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry! Jesus, shit, I'm so sorry." He repeated.
"It's alright. Um, one second, I'm just-fuck," I mumbled as I dropped the shirt in my hands. I finally got the shirt on and cleared my throat. "Uh, we're good." He turned slowly.
"I am so sorry, Savannah. I didn't mean to..." He shook his head quickly. "I wasn't like trying to see..."
I really wasn't sure what my face must have looked like in that moment, but it must have been contorted into some horrified expression.
"Not that I'm saying I wouldn't want to...I mean you're fi--not like that though! Jesus...say something, please."
"Um....don't worry about it?" It's not like I thought he did it on purpose, Harry wasn't one to try and sneak a cheeky peek like that. I just had absolutely no idea how to respond to what just happened.
"Okay, well, I'm going to, uh, go." He cleared his throat. "I'll text you later, yeah?"
"Sure, bye!" I responded, wanting him to just go on so I could finally get in the shower.
I grabbed my phone before I got into the shower and texted Grace, thinking I definitely needed a girl to talk to after these past two days.
---
Work was exhausting, but I couldn't be happier about meeting up with Grace. It had been a while since I had hung out with her and I was missing her desperately.
She led me into her flat and we sat down on the couch.
"Alright, spill." She said bluntly.
"The past few days have been...weird." I started, not knowing exactly how to throw it all out there.
"First, have you shagged yet? I'm gonna need to mentally prepare to hear about it if you have."
"No! No, there's been no shagging." Her shoulders fell. "Sorry to disappoint."
She shrugged it off, "Probably better for my health that way. Continue." She waved her hand in front of her.
"I don't really know how to explain it if I'm honest. Things with me and Harry have just been strange."
"Bad strange or like hot, sexual tension strange?"
"Oh my lord, neither really. But more the second one? I guess?" I told her hesitantly.
Grace exploded at that. "What?! I knew it! Ugh tell me everything that's happened! Is he a good kisser?"
"No, no. See...we haven't done anything at all. It's just like...the other day at the radio we held hands when we walked in, but he was just directing me so I didn't think anything of it."
"Or he was just using that as an excuse to hold your hand!" She offered.
I continued as if she hadn't spoke. "And then while we sat, listening, he like rubbed my knee."
"What does that mean? Like how? Show me!" She adjusted on the couch so I could demonstrate for her. I did it exactly as Harry had and she pursed her lips. "Hm, that's nice. Bit intimate."
"I wasn't sure though 'cause like, Harry just does stuff like that sometimes. I never know how to really take it." I confided my confusion in her.
"Hmm, I'll withhold my interpretation until I've heard everything. Continue again."
I blushed as I told her about the park and how he spoke to the girls and I kissed his cheek. She gave me a small cheer, proud of my bold move. Well, what we considered bold for me.
"Then last night was when it got like proper confusing. He and Nick were both over and Nick had gone to his to get something and while we waited we were watching telly and he like, called me beautiful," I cleared my throat and blushed again. "And I don't know, I was drunk and kind of word vomited a bit about how great he is to me." I covered my face with my hands.
"AW! That's so adorable, Sav! What'd he say?" She cooed.
"Well I kind of leaned on his shoulder and then he kissed my head and told me that, like, he thought I was amazing." I said, all from behind my hands.
"I am going to die. I wasn't prepared for this, you guys are SO sweet!" She flailed around on the couch. "Is there more? Please God tell me there's more!"
"There is." I mumbled as I leaned down and put my face in a pillow.
"Out with it then!" She tore the pillow from me.
"While we watched tv, he liked reached over and held my hand, but it was like different than the other times 'cause like it was just us, you know?"
"Yeah, like just between you guys."
I nodded and continued, telling her about the touching during the film and she fanned herself teasingly. Then I got to bed time and told her about him coming in and pointing out my bra-less state and she burst into laughter.
"What a cheeky bastard!" She laughed louder. "Wow, he's got some balls."
"You could say that. But then when we were falling asleep, he accidentally called me baby..." I could see her dying to comment on that, but I figured it was best to "rip off the bandaid" so to speak. "Then this morning he kind of walked in on me topless." I rushed out.
"WHAT?! Why didn't you lead with that one? Jesus. Well he called you baby because he obviously likes you and he was drunk and that's when the truth comes out! What'd he say when he came in?! God, I can't believe this." She babbled on.
"It was pretty awkward, like he rambled on about how he didn't do it on purpose, but not because he doesn't want to see me naked, but not like that and I think he started to call me fit. I don't know, he spoke very fast. Never heard him talk that fast actually." I thought back to this morning.
"God he likes you so much, it's so adorable. Has he told you yet?" She asked, hanging on my every word.
"Gosh, no. I don't know, Nick sort of told me though? But he said Harry was too scared to do anything." I was wary to confide this bit in her because I knew she'd want me to make a move. But I couldn't. I wasn't bold and outgoing like her, I was scared shitless of Harry.
"Well that's rubbish! Did he say why?" She asked with a scowl on her face.
"No, Harry came back over to us, so I couldn't really ask him much."
"Well you need to tell him that you fancy him then!" And there it was.
"Uh-uh, not yet. No, I can't." I shook my head quickly from side to side.
"Why not, Savannah?" She pouted. We always went through this routine. She was used to my shyness and understood my issues, but she could never understand how they reflected onto my relationships with boys.
"He's bloody Harry Styles, Grace! He could have anyone he wanted, this is probably just a phase. He'll move on from me, I'm sure." I explained, leaving out the real big issue for me.
"That's a load of bullshit! You have no way of knowing that, you're just scared!" She pointed a finger at me.
I swatted it away. "Of course I'm scared! He's scary!"
"Take a chance, Savvy." She suddenly became soft and gentle. She looked at me and I knew she only wanted the best for me.
"What if he gets sick of my anxiety? Like I know it's kind of annoying...what if he doesn't want to deal with it?" I whispered, voicing my biggest fear to her.
"Oh babe..." She said softly as she reached for my hand. "If you really think Harry's that type then I say he can fuck right off, but something tells me he's not the type, is he? That you don't really think he is?"
shrugged my shoulders. "I don't know, that's what scares me."
"Sounds to me like you've got a lot to talk about with a certain popstar then." She looked down and tapped my phone as it lit up with a text from Harry. He was apologizing for the incident from the morning.
"Sooner or later, I guess. But not yet. Last night could have been...a fluke, I don't want to scare him away coming at him with any type of ‘what are we' talk." I reasoned. I'd wait things out and see where they went before bringing up feelings.
"Okay, I guess that actually does make sense. Now when am I going to be invited to one of these lovely get togethers you're having? I'd like to meet the boy that's stolen my best friend's heart."
"Never if you talk like that in front of him!" I laughed.
She laughed along with me. "But really, I'd like to meet him, sus him out for you." She nudged me and winked.
I looked down briefly to when my phone started to vibrate and saw that Harry was calling. Grace gestured wildly for me to answer.
"Hello?"
"Hey Savannah." Harry greeted shortly.
"Hi, what's going on?" I questioned. I was hoping he didn't want to talk about this morning, I'd rather pretend it never happened.
"Nick wanted me to ask you if you wanted to come to dinner this Friday at his?" He asked, getting right to the point. He sounded strange though, Harry was usually one for chit-chat.
"Oh, um, sure."
"Ok," he responded, cutting me off from saying anything else.
"You alright, Harry?"
"Yeah, mhm. Think I'm just tired from last night still." He chuckled half-heartedly. "I'll see you Friday, yeah?"
"Yeah. See you..." He had already hung up. I looked at Grace immediately. "That was weird."
"He...didn't sound very pleasant." She grimaced.
"He's never like that...I wonder what got into him."
"At the risk of being obnoxiously pushy....what if I come to dinner on Friday?! I'd love to meet them both and then I really can try and sus Harry out for you!" She offered, getting more and more excited at the idea.
I nodded, agreeing right away. "I'll text Harry."
Don't worry about this morning. Is it alright if I bring a friend?x