Joshua woke with hair tickling his eyelids and a feeling of warmth he hadn't felt since the last time he slept in the same bed as Egypt. The only thing missing was the scent of Japanese cherry blossoms.
Joshua kept his eyes closed and drifted away back to sleep. Might as well enjoy the nice feelings he felt before he had to wake up and face reality-that he would never be able to hold Egypt in his arms again and besides, it was a Sunday.
"Oh my God did you guys fuck in my house!" Joshua's eyes popped open to find Mason staring back at him and he looked absolutely livid.
"What?" Joshua's voice cracked and his throat felt so parched he wouldn't be surprised if his tongue turned to dust.
"Joshua did you fuck Egypt in my house?" Mason asked again and Joshua was so confused until he felt the body under him shift.
"Mason?" Joshua heard Egypt squeak. Joshua flew up and scrambled off the bed as if he was lying with the devil.
"Egypt?" Joshua's throat burned and Mason shoved a glass of water at him while he gave Joshua's brief covered body a once over.
Joshua drank the water quickly and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and looked from Mason to a confused, sleepy faced Egypt.
"Um... what's going on?" Egypt asked rubbing the sleep from his eyes. God, adorable didn't begin to describe Egypt in Joshua's book.
"Did you and Joshua sleep together here?" Mason asked, hands on his hips and everything while Joshua winced at the loudness of Mason's voice and the harsh light streaming in from the now risen sun. Joshua crossed the room and placed the glass he finished on the bedside table.
"Yea..." Egypt trailed off and Mason lunged at Joshua just as he stepped back from the table. Joshua tried to avoid Mason's attack but it was futile with the way he felt.
"Mason!" Egypt yelled and tried to pry Mason off Joshua.
"You had to fuck him too huh? Breaking his heart wasn't enough Joshua?" Mason had Joshua in a head lock while Egypt yelled for him to stop and Joshua flailed around like a beached whale in Mason's hold.
"Mason we didn't have sex!" Egypt shouted and finally gained Mason's attention.
"What? I thought... you guys are practically naked!" Mason released Joshua who took a wary step away from his brother.
"Just... ugh." Mason huffed and gave Joshua the stink eye before he marched out the room.
Joshua knew better than looking forward to an apology from Mason. His brother would just tell him to take that as a lesson for later in life or some bullshit like that.
---
"Sorry. This won't happen again." Joshua mumbled and tried stepping past Egypt.
Egypt's hand snatched Joshua's wrist effectively stopping him.
"You don't remember anything from last night?" Egypt asked and Joshua shook his head no. In truth Joshua couldn't remember a thing except arriving at one of his favorite watering holes that didn't care if you died drinking at that bar.
"Joshua you..." Egypt stared at the man and Joshua stared right back basking in the little warmth Egypt's hand spread up his arm.
Joshua didn't know how long they stood like that before Egypt released Joshua's wrist and instead of letting Joshua leave he moved in front of Joshua and just wrapped his arms around Joshua's middle, his head rested against Joshua's chest. Joshua knew not what to do as his arms came up automatically to wrap around Egypt's smaller frame.
Egypt could still see the anguish in Joshua's eyes when he closed his own. He could remember the feel of Joshua's despair. Egypt's eyes filled with tears and he couldn't stop them from wetting Joshua's chest.
"What's wrong?" Joshua asked and held Egypt by his shoulders and tilted his chin when Egypt's chin almost rested on his own chest.
"Egypt..."
"What did you mean when you said you had hands of a murderer?" Egypt asked and let Joshua's fingers tilted his chin up to. Joshua's entire body jolted at Egypt's words and unbidden the events of what he said and did came crashing into him. Joshua released Egypt as if he was on fire.
"Egypt... forget last night please. I don't want to talk about it." Egypt glared past his tears.
"How can you ask that of me Joshua after all you've said to me last night?" Egypt asked astonished, his sadness momentarily forgotten.
"It was nothing Egypt. Just a drunk man's ramblings." Joshua said casually despite the storm raging inside him.
"Why are you doing this to us Joshua? Why are you pushing me away?" Egypt asked with his heart on his sleeve, in his eyes and in his voice filled with pain.
"Because I love you Egypt!" Joshua said with such fierceness Egypt gasped out loud and it was true. Every fiber of Joshua's being loved Egypt.
"You... bastard!" That was the last response Egypt expected and the last Joshua expected from Egypt's mouth.
"How dare you stand there and tell me you love me after treating me like you did, like you're doing right now?" Egypt wanted to smash Joshua's pretty face in at the moment.
"I love you Egypt." Joshua repeated and Egypt shook his head in denial. One simply does not love another yet break their heart. Even Egypt knew that even if he never knew much about love, gay love or straight love apart from what he hears in a song.
"You can't possibly love me Joshua." Egypt took a step closer to the man and wondered if he was still drunk.
"I know what I feel Egypt. I know what I feel for you. I love you." Joshua wanted to hug Egypt tightly. He could see the pain and disbelief in Egypt's eyes, the strain in his body.
"It's because I love you I want to keep you safe. I want to protect you from everything that could hurt you. Especially me." Joshua's words were rough when they came up his throat and past his lips.
Egypt could not believe the audacity Joshua had to stand there and say bullshit like that.
"No Joshua." Egypt shook his head and closed the distance between them. "If you love me like you say you do you would be with me. You would not take the coward's way out." Egypt placed both his hands against Joshua's cheeks and looked him directly into his eyes.
"If you loved me you would fight for me like I am fighting for you." Joshua's brows furrowed but he didn't pull away from Egypt's hold and he felt the pain his actions have been causing Egypt.
"If you loved me you would tell me why you think you're a murderer." Joshua's eyes darted away from Egypt's. He could never tell Egypt what happened that night.
"I'm not fighting you for you anymore Joshua because clearly you don't want me to. You don't want me." Joshua wanted to yell no but he gritted his teeth to keep his mouth closed.
"If you loved me you would go see a therapist to get the help you need to get past these obstacles that's clearly hindering you mentally." Egypt said but Joshua wanted to scoff. He didn't need to see a damned shrink.
"I fought Joshua. But now I think I need to be fought for. I'm starting college next month." Joshua's brows practically shot up to his hairline when Egypt released him.
"I'm leaving next week. If you really love me Joshua." Egypt looked him in the eyes, a strange kind of calm overtook Joshua when he registered the resolve on Egypt's face.
"Then you would do this for me. You would get the help you need and you would come and find me. I'm only going to wait for you for six months Joshua. Until then I think we should have no contact with each other." Egypt looked around the room and grabbed the jersey he discarded the night before.
Was Egypt serious? Six months? Joshua thought, he didn't need six months because he wasn't going after Egypt. He would stick to his decision and let Egypt become the great man Joshua knew he could be.
"That's what I want for you Egypt." Joshua rasped past his dry throat. "I want you to do something. Be someone and pretty soon you'll meet a great guy, an educated one that could have intelligent conversations with and you'll forget me. I won't be nothing but a mistake you almost made." with those words Joshua donned an outfit from Mason's guest room closet and went to his own apartment and drank some more. He didn't glance at Egypt, not once because he doubted he would have been able to leave if he did.
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A/N
Sorry for the late update. Had a hectic weekend. Grandma was discharged and she's okay for now. I got better, not 100% yet but I'm on my way there.
Thanks to everyone who reached out to me. I really appreciate it.