I decide to spend the night in the hut. I really don’t want Ronnie talking to me at all. Yeah she’s a great sister but she is a brat and thinks she’s the boss of me. I’m older, and smarter than she is. I just need some time alone. The only person I really want to talk to right now is Jason, but he’s studying for a big mid-term tomorrow.
He carries a 4.0 on his shoulders and has time to train and have a social life. I can barely multitask just a 3.0 and train and sort of have a social life. Jason is in much better shape than me in life. Blake, he carries a 3.75. He’s as smart as his brother, but lacks the homework part of school. Social life he has. I don’t know how he does it he can just walk up to somebody, say hi and start a random conversation. Why can’t it be that easy for me?
I pull out my laptop Logan got for me for my birthday and type in Outcast tribes in the search bar for google. Lists upon lists come up. I select one and find the location and look for the names I’ve been searching for ever since I could use a computer.
I click on the list of names for the Outcast tribe in Florida, but no, they’re not there. I click the back button and try the tribe in Colorado. No.
It takes me about an hour to scroll through all the tribes not even finding the names I am looking for. I sigh and lean my head back in frustration.
I remember seeing them on TV. The oldest was dirty and filthy. His tall, body structure made him look like a walking skeleton. His eyes were sunken in and they all looked starving. He had very light blue eyes and short brown hair. His name was Zack.
The second oldest didn’t look as dirty as the oldest boy but looked just as hungry. He was much shorter than Zack. His eyes are a bright blue color and stood out against his tanner skin and blonde, highlighted hair. His name was Cale.
The youngest was a girl. She was clutching her oldest brother as he was holding her. Her blonde hair turned to brown because of the mud and dirt. She looked dead in his arms. Her eyes were closed and she sucked on her thumb. Her name was Lizzy.
All three of them had probably walked for days, without any food or water. The news reporters said their parents left them in the forest alone. Zack told them his mother said we would be right back, then never came. They were in the forest for days. The news reporters said they were in an orphanage. But I knew Zack wouldn’t allow his brother and sister to suffer like that, and I was right. The next day the news reporters said the three children are gone. They haven’t been seen since. That’s why I search for them on line in the tribes. I just couldn’t shake the guilt of seeing them. I hardly recognized them when I saw them. My cousins, my other cousins.
I remember them, they used to visit us more often than Jason and them but the last time I saw them in person was the summer right before the murdering. Zack is one year older than me and Cale is the same age as Ronnie. Lizzy is three or four years younger than Cale. I search for them all the time, but I always have a gut feeling they are dead. I probably knew it all along, they are dead.
I feel hot tears start to runs down my face accepting the truth. I slap my computer shut and curl up on the couch with the blanket I brought up. I cry myself to sleep that night, thinking of my other cousins. I don’t want to believe it, but I know, I know well they’re dead.
A week goes by and my detention is a quarter of the way over. Drake has stopped talking to me after the day I hit him. Mostly the whole school doesn’t want to look at me or even talk to me for that matter. Great, everyone is scared of me. I hate my life. I close my locker and walk to my class, biology.
I walk through the halls and people seem to make pathways for me. Even Drake moves to one side as I walk pass him. I try to grin nicely and wave a little at some people, but they just turn their heads or walk away.
I take my seat in biology and lay my head down on my arms. God, if you ever have a favor for me, use it now and kill me. Put me out of my misery. I could just kill myself, I have a knife in my backpack. I understand now to keep my “special” belongings in there. Yep, I could take it to the bathroom, and just stab myself. Wouldn’t that be easier?
I grit my teeth and close my eyes. I scrunch my eyebrows and clutch my hands into fists. “No,” I say to myself, “Never, I could never do that.” Suicide, take my life? I will never be one of those people. I’m strong. I remember a saying Logan once told me. When you’re going through Hell . . . keep going. God gives his toughest battles to his strongest soldiers.
I hear someone sit next me and prop my head up from my desk. Drake. He doesn’t even turn his head. He sits straight looking at the board. Out of all the people in this classroom he had to be the one to sit next to me. I sigh not wanting to talk to him either. I pull out my book from my bag and open to the correct page.
“How’d you do it?” I stop flipping through the pages and turn my head. Drake is facing me and had a curious look on his face.
“What?” I whisper back at him, not wanting to talk.
“A person our age couldn’t take down two full officers. How’d you do it?” I shrug looking back at my book, also thinking of an answer to his question.
“I-I work out, y’know. Yeah, I leave from school and go work out at the gym.” Good enough lie to stump him. He nods once then turns back up to the front of the room. I realize the second I turn away from him that’s the first time we talked and didn’t make a smart compliment to each other. Weird.
At the end of the day I walk to the detention room, which today it’s in the library. Sadly for me, I had no homework so I had no excuses to not sit and do nothing. I grumble and slouch in my chair at one of the tables. Only three other people had detention besides me. I remember three days where it was just me. After I was done with my homework the person who was watching me told me I could leave early. I think her name was Mrs. Case. I could tell she didn’t want to be there as much I did.
Today Mr. Lew was watching us. He is much older than Mrs. Case. She is probably in her early or middle thirties while Mr. Lew was well into his sixties or seventies. I always wonder when I’m in his class, English, when he will retire. He’s not even married.
My eyes shift over to the clock above the doorway entrance to the library. 2:25. I moan, I’ve only been in this place for ten minutes and I’m already board. I turn my head back to Mr. Lew who is reading his book intensively. I grin and lie my head down on the desk. He won’t mind if I take a nap, right? As soon as I close my eyes and drift off into sleep a nightmare shortly follows.
I’m standing in a clearing. Its dark, only the full moon is in the sky, lighting up the snow on the ground. Everything seems so peaceful, so beautiful. That is until the Unions come out from the trees with guns, all pointing at me. They were in a circle creeping in closer and closer to me. I reach for a weapon of my own, but I have nothing. Suddenly I’m terrified. I want anyone, anything to help me fight back. But instead I put up my hands showing I surrender. They didn’t seem to care.
A soldier raises his outstretched hand for every soldier to see. Then closes it. Every soldier in the clearing shoots their guns. I can feel bullet after bullet puncture my body until my eyes go black.
The gun shots soon stop and I feel something sticky. My blood. There is so much of it coming out. I can smell it, the aroma is all around me. I stick my tongue out weakly and taste the salty texture of the sticky substance, then I feel my heart give out and my whole world goes blank.
I jerk awake gasping for air. I breathe frantically and put my hand up to my heart. It was beating, it was fast but at least it was beating. I put my right hand out in front of me open and closing it. I’m alive, I’m alive.
After I catch my breath I realize the other boys in detention were watching me, although Mr. Lew seems less interested. It looks like he’s more intrigued with his book. I blush as they boys look at me weirdly then turn back around at their own tables. I look up at the clock. It read 3:05. I sigh in relief, ten more minutes before Jason or Logan comes to pick me up. I really hope its Jason. I’m still at an edge with Logan for probably sending me off to who knows where and getting me into this hell hole.
I also told Jason about what Ronnie and I overheard on the roof last Thursday. He seemed shocked. He and I’ve been talking more after that. He usually picks me up from detention while Logan trains with Ronnie. Although, after what we heard, I don’t see the point in training her.
I lay my head down on the desk again watching the clock tick down the minutes. 7 . . . 6 . . . 5 . . . tick tock.
“Alright students.” I prop my head up from the desk and all eyes turn towards Mr. Lew. “Since there’s only six minutes left for detention and I’ve finished my book I will allow you to get out early. So you may leave. I hope all of you have learned your lessons.” I’ve learned my lesson about seven times over! And I’ll I have to do it another twenty-one!
I grab my backpack and am the first one out of the room. I walk down two hallways before I come to the main part of the school. I walk outside on the side walk and sit down on the curb. Snow was coming down and the news report said it will get even heavier by tonight. I pull out my phone and play my music.
“Hey,” I look up as a see a boy who was in detention with me sit down on the curb as well. He has dark brown hair with hazel green eyes. He is wearing a brown leather jacket with a black T-shirt on. He wears ripped blue jeans and Nike sneakers. “Never knew a freshman could get detention like that?”
“Like what?” I ask him taking my earphones out.
“You tackled Drake, and punched an officer, and brought a knife to school. Never thought a freshman could be that badass.”
I chuckle then look straight, “Well, then you haven’t met me.”
“No I haven’t, I’m Dylan. I’m a junior.” He holds a hand out for me to shake. I don’t like the offer, but I shake it anyway. “Kimberley.” I introduce myself. “Kimberley Carter.”
“So your cousins with Jason and Blake, right?” I nod. I don’t want to talk right now, but he keeps going. “So yeah, freshman. Do you like it?”
I turn my head in annoyance. “Its school, what is there to like about it?”
“Well, I know it’s where I can hook up and y’know, be away from my dumb parents. They’re always telling me what to do, they always think they know what’s best. They are always controlling my life. It feels like I have no freedom when I’m around them. They are constantly watching me.”
“I know how you feel.” I mumble.
“You have parents like that too?”
“Not quiet, but I have an annoying . . . sort of older brother who gets on my last nerves. He always says what’s best for me. He’s over protective.”
“I hate people who are like that.” I nod again wanting to stop this conversation. I don’t like talking bad about Logan but if that’s what ends this conversation, I keep talking.
“So, where do you live?” He asks scooting closer. I scoot the opposite way from him.
“Uh, why is that important?” I ask not wanting him to know.
“Just wanted to know, but if you don’t want to tell me it’s cool. I live straight of Grazeburg. Great neighborhood.”
“Nice,” I agree. Jason where are you? Like a cue his silver car pulls up in front of us and quickly stand up. “So, I’ll see you around Kimberley. Maybe we could hang out sometime?”
I stop right before I step inside the car. I turn my head and can’t help to grin. He may be creepy and weird, but he’s nice. But I’m not interested in having a boyfriend. “Yeah, maybe.” I step into the car and roll down the window and wave by to him. Then Jason drives away.
“Who’s that?” He asks.
“Um, Dylan. He’s a guy who served detention with me today.”
“And?” He says like there should be more to the story.
“We talked. Well, he mostly talked.” I say, “But about pretty much nothing.”
“Did you talk back?”
“Well no, but what was I going to say, our conversation wasn’t really a two person conversation. It was more like he asked questions and I agreed or said yes or no.”
Jason just laughs. “Man, you really need to get a social life.” I playfully punch him in the arm as if saying, shut up.
“Well, you do. I think he likes you.”
“What!? Did I mention he’s a junior?”
“Uh, no but that’s like what, only two years apart? It could work.”
“I’m not interested in him.” I confess.
“Why?”
“He seems to, um . . . he likes girls who are ‘bad’. I’m not the girl for him. He probably only likes me because I punched two officers in the guts and tackled Drake. If that never happened I would be invisible to him.”
“You don’t know that.”
“Actually I do. No juniors ever talk to freshman unless they do something bad. I did something bad, and he moved in. I know what boys in the eleventh grade think. They like dangerous, risky girls. That’s not me.”
“Sounds like you.”
“How so?” I ask turning my head back towards him.
“Well, first off you could rip apart any girl in that prissy school. So you’re dangerous.”
“What about risky?”
“Um,” he thinks for a moment but I know he has nothing. He’s right on the dangerous part, but I haven’t done anything risky. “Okay right now nothing comes to mind, but I know you’re risky.”
“How?”
“Because if you’re dangerous, you’re risky.”
I open my mouth to argue, but nothing comes out. He’s right. I don’t know about the beautiful part though. A lot of girls in my grade are pretty. The majority of them have beautiful, long blonde hair and are all skinny. Almost every single one has the body of a twig. And one thing I know in life is that all boys want girls to be twigs.
I feel my legs and know I’ll never be one of those girls. My legs are bigger than most. I was born with them. My stomach and waist are pretty flat and my arms are very muscular. I’m just bottom heavy. I have a weird body. I wasn’t blessed with a body like a super model or hair like golden hay. I was blessed with thick, brown hair. I pull down the mirror in Jason’s car and look at myself. I turn my head to one side then to the other. Behind the acne spots splattered on my face I see sort of a beauty in me, but not the kind of beauty boys find attractive in my school. Beauty, in my school, is girls with thin bodies and thin blonde hair.