Why don’t speak it out loud, instead of living in your head. - Heart Out.
William was right there.
The family was having dinner, and William was right there.
He was with his black jacket; made him look older. Older than Louis, more alive or everything that made gim different. Looked like the older brother.
And William was right there.
How much did he knew about Harry? About his family? How much he lied?
All this was there, around and inside Louis's head, and didn't stopped.
How well did he knew his brother?
"And then the monitor kept talking, talking and talking", William said. "I already knew everything they had there, and answered mentally all he was asking."
"And your granny? Do you think she had fun?"
"I think so", he said. "She said she hadn't been to London for a while."
"And you?", Mark asked. "Didn't liked London? And the Uni?"
William shrugged, tired. Louis could see that he was so done about this thing. Maybe he gave credit for their grandma, but he couldn't take anymore when their parents talked about this. Louis didn't cared.
"I don't want UOL", William said, defensive. "You know this."
Joahnnah shaked her head.
"Don't you think Harvard is too far? USA..."
Louis looked at his mother, and then William. The Harvard talk...
William looked back at Louis. They stared at each other.
"I'm not going to Harvard anymore", William said. " I wasn't accepted. Maybe I'll be going to Washington. Or Colorado."
The table was silent. William didn't seemed so shaken up talking that to their parents. Harvard was gone. And now... Puff. Maybe William wasn't so powerful. The perfect-decisions king.
"Oh", their dad said. "But you still want to go?"
"Yes."
"Even if it's not Harvard?"
Louis saw William's shoulders bend. Almost laughed.
"Harvard it's not the only good college in US", Louis intervened. Remembered the day he went home and saw William almost insane. He thought it was because Harry had told him everything. When he remembered that he still felt nervous, almost dizzy. "Washington have a great medicine program."
"Do you want to go too!?", Joahnnah asked, almkst desesperate. Jesus, it was that bad?
Louis shaked his head, no. "The registrations for that one already finished."
"Well", Mark said. "The children grow up one day."
They stayed silent. Louis thought that was ridiculous.
Joahnnah took the dishes off the table.
"Louis will wash the dishes tonight", Mark pointed at Louis, still sitting on the table. He put a hand on his forehead, playfully, and then said: "No fever, see?"
Louis laughed - more for politeness - and then stood up. William was watching their parents leave the kitchen.
"You're sick?"
Louis turned on the tap and poured soap into the dishes.
"Had a fever."
"You went to school?"
"No."
He started to scrub the plates.
"Hm", William said.
"Do you think you have much homework?"
"Dunno."
William was silent, and Louis kept washing the dishes. Finished fast, and his brother was still in the kitchen. He was in the same place Harry was just a few hours ago. How did things happen so fast?
"So you really don't want London?", Louis asked.
William shruggered.
"What I want is certain", he leaned against the counter, just like Harry. "And you?"
"I still have some time", Louis snorted.
"Missing classes like this?"
"I didn't missed so many", Louis stood between the counter and the sink. Was he going to run from William? "And now all that matters is enroll in colleges here. I don't really care if I'm going to London or anywhere else... Maybe I just want to get out of Doncaster for a while."
William stared at him, and then winced.
"Already heard that before."
"Yeah?"
"Yeah", William confirmed. "Harry said that."
--------------------
Strangely, Louis couldn't get what William said out of his mind.
Harry thought the same? That's nice. Very nice.
The next day, Louis and Liam were in the library. Louis hadn't seen Harry, and he hadn't even heard the sound of his car in the morning. When he realized it, William was gone.
How would Harry be? Had he gotten worse from the flu? What about his grandma?
Louis could not stop thinking about these things, not even Harry. He wondered when they would see each other again and in what circumstances. Every time it was Harry who decided, it was him who appeared from nowhere. What if Louis wanted to see him now? And if he wanted to kiss him when he saw him?
"Hey," he listened. "Hey."
Liam threw a copy of The Pickwick Papers at the round table, and Louis stared at him.
"What's this?"
"It's to read," Liam sat down in front of Louis, and opened the book on some page. "English essay. You do it or you don't graduate. Got it? No survivors."
Louis looked at the cover of the book and took a deep breath. He was a little bogged down to work and even though Harry had helped him in some English work, there were still other stories. And yet he had to pick up the letters to fill out the college forms. The subject of which course to do seemed stifling. And was.
"What's the final work?"
"Something about personality snapshots about Mr. Tupman, Mr. Snodgrass and a few more guys," Liam flipped through the book, then closed. "I have to start reading this soon... I'm not very good at reading."
Louis turned his eyes to the work of Math, but the numbers didn't make sense. Nothing made sense. Things were shuffling in his head.
"Hey," Liam said and pointed to Louis's backpack. "I think your phone is ringing."
The backpack was in the chair next to him. Louis pulled on his phone, and the word Unknown shined.
But it wasn't Harry - Louis remembered Harry's number (he recognized the sequence) (it wasn't weird). He frowned, but answered.
"Hi, Louis, it's Anne."
Louis looked ahead and Liam began his reading. She took a deep breath and remembered to respond.
"H-hi."
"Busy? I thought lunchtime would be the best time to call you."
Louis looked at the sides, but no one looked at him or seemed to listen, yet his heart was beating loudly.
"No, not really," Louis murmured. He stared at the notebook, just not to look at anything or anyone. He had no idea how his face was (sure red). "But... why... any problem with Harry? I didn't talked to him today... yet"
Louis lifted his head and Liam stared at him. He heard Harry's name.
"I thought he'd better stay home one more day," Anne said and hesitated. Liam kept staring at him from across the table. "I wanted to thank you for taking care of my son. I've done that, but I think I need to do it again," she hesitated again, and Louis was apprehensive. What did the woman want? "Well, now the whole family knows you. We never thought Harry had anyone... And now you're here."
Louis's eyes widened and Liam leaned forward. Anne said so much he couldn't speak. That was not true.
"What?" Liam whispered.
Louis lifted his hand to him.
"So," Anne continued, "Saturday is my husband's birthday, Harry's stepfather, and I'd love for you to come in. We all really want to meet you.
He stared at Liam and shook his head. Liam leaned in even more.
"Who is it?"
Louis wiggled his lips and said, "Wait," and turned his attention to his phone. This could not be happening. No no and no. Of course not.
"Um, well," Louis pressed a sheet of notebook paper, crumpling his calculations. "I'd like to, but I don't know if I can go... Maybe another day..."
"Of course," said Anne. "But if you can come, we'll be waiting, okay?"
"Yes. Thank you," Louis almost choked. "Bye, Anne."
He put the phone back in his pack.
"What happened?" Liam closed the book.
"Harry's mother," whispered Louis, barely spoke. "She thinks we're dating and now she invited me to meet the family."
"How so?"
"Like," Louis leaned forward as well, then looked around. "when Harry got sick I answered his phone, then his mother thinks I'm the boyfriend who was taking care of him, now she wants to meet me."
Liam was silent for a few seconds, then returned to the normal position. It was the first time Louis had told anyone what had happened, but if it hadn't been Liam, who would it be? The people at the lunch table? Of course not.
"And you'll meet her?"
"No," Louis said, as if it were obvious. "I can't."
Liam grimaced, and Louis still felt his fingers tense.
"Look," he went forward again, hands clasped on the table under the old book. He faced Louis, "Do you think William and Harry will have a long-lasting relationship like this? Harry's family didn't even know about William."
Louis was concerned when Liam had said the name of Harry and William in the library, but then he saw that no one cared. He thought about what he said.
Harry liked William so much that he hadn't even told his family about him? Over the weekend, William spent most of the time sulking, and certainly didn't even know where Harry was now. Were they that bad?
Louis looked at the notebook and shook his head.
"Even so, I'm not going anywhere."
-------------------
Louis and Liam were walking through the school parking lot. Liam's Jeep occupied almost two places, so it had almost a fixed place so it would not get in trouble. Louis still felt trapped about what happened in the library, especially from Liam's opinion that it was like "you have nothing to lose, man."
"I think everybody's reading this book already," Liam sniffed at the copy of The Pickwick Papers in Louis's hand. "I don't know what I'm going to do yet."
"I'll have to read this. I need the grade to pass."
"I'll pay someone else to do it," Liam laughed, and threw the car key up, then grabbed it. "I don't understand anything that is written."
Louis laughed, and would say something, but William came out of nowhere.
"Hi," Louis said.
"Hi," William repeated, then glanced at Liam. "Hi."
"Hey."
"So," William shifted his pack. "Can you give me a ride to the library?"
"Lambeth's?"
"Yep."
"Fine," Liam shrugged.
The twins and Liam got into the car. Louis didn't remember William and Liam talking, ever, because Liam didn't look to like William very much (Louis counted all the shit he held for Liam) and the brothers' friends were never the same. Always different.
William was in the backseat, where the windows were strange because of the car's arch.
"You got no ride today?" Louis asked.
"Oh, yes," William shrugged. "Harry missed class again and Adam had to leave early from school."
William spoke so casually that he didn't even seem to care. Liam continued driving, and soon they had left William in the library. Louis wondered what was so interesting inside, but then he remembered William's notes. Everyone who was popular had good grades. (Where was that common story of threatening nerds if they didn't do the hard work?)
"If I don't buy a car in college I will not go to classes," Louis grumbled.
"You can use the bus" Liam laughed. "Wherever you go."
Louis shifted uncomfortably.
"What if the city that I'll go the bus sucks? I don't want to leave one small town and go to another."
Liam tapped his fingers on the wheel, thinking.
"So do big bets. I don't know, try London... Liverpool? Beatles!"
"I have no idea."
------------------
Louis was sitting on his bed, staring at the copy of The Pickwick Papers. It was in a better copy than Liam's - without the smell of mold and the pages so yellow. He had read the first page but couldn't concentrate. The house was as empty as ever; From 3 to 5 or 6pm, Louis was always alone. The parents came hone at 7, and William didn't stay at home (he planned and planned ways to get out of town).
He looked at his cell phone. Harry hadn't called. And it was almost three-thirty in the afternoon.
Had William been able to talk to him today? How long had William not talked to Harry?
Louis picked up his cell phone and went on the incoming call list. He had Anne's number as unknown and Harry's as well (he still was not allowed to record any of them on the agenda).
He heard the first ring, then the second, and when he was almost in the third...
"Hi."
"Hun, hi."
Louis looked at the window, then at the closet door and the bathroom door. He turned his eyes to the book.
"Hi, Louis."
"Did you give my number to your mother?"
"Yes."
"Why?"
"Because she wanted it."
Harry's voice was almost normal. He wasn't crying or anything that seemed dramatic.
"Did she call you?" Harry spoke again.
"Called."
"And?"
"No."
"I'm going to your house."
"What?" Louis asked. "No."
"I'm going to park around the corner," he said quietly. "Five minutes."
Louis hung up the phone because he knew he would come. And contrary to anything, he was relieved.
Look, he was coming. It wasn't like he didn't wanted to see Louis that day. None of this. He did wanted to see Louis. Nice. And he still remembered to park on the corner. Sweet. Great.
He read another page of the book, but he was flooded with questions. He had them on the tip of his tongue as he opened the front door.
Harry was there, in boots, jeans and coat. Red nose. Way better than yesterday.
He stepped into the hall and hung his thick coat on the hook, and simply walked through the house.
"What are you doing?" Harry asked, all quiet. The voice was nasal and he sniffed. "You want me to help you..."
"Why did you gave my number to your mother?"
Harry kept walking, and Louis took his coat off the hook.
"I already told you," he was between the living room and the kitchen. "So?"
"What?" Louis stopped behind him.
"It's going to be pool party," Harry still had not turned around. He glanced once at the entrance of the room, then headed for the stairs. Louis continued to follow him. "My dad wants to make some burgers on the grill."
Louis was still following him down the stairs, his coat in his hand. He could not leave traces of him in the house.
"Your father?" He asked. Harry climbed the ladder slowly, step by step. "It wasn't your mother's..."
"I call my stepfather dad too," he put his hand on the railing, and climbed almost in a boring rhythm. "So... pool party, burgers..."
They reached the hallway and Harry walked at the same pace. Louis could only see his back and his hair beating on the back of his neck.
"No, thank you."
When he noticed, Harry opened the bedroom door. What a lack of education to get into the house of others like that.
"I had told my mother not to get into the pool party, but the predictions says it won't rain on Saturday," Harry shrugged and looked at the bed. "Are you reading Dickens?"
"Yes."
"Why?"
"Final essay of English."
"How much I've lost," Harry said and sniffed.
And they were there, again.
But now Harry was talking a lot, like a hurricane. Was he better after everything?
They were silent. The questions were on the tip of his tongue again.
"Can I ask you..."
"Yes."
Louis put his coat on the bed and Harry bent to take off his boots. He was doing it so naturally and calmly.
"Your family will throw party after your grandmother... Well..."
"Ah," he went over to the center of the bed. "My family from my father, my real father, is very small and distant, the only ones who suffered the most were ourselves... But my other father's family is bigger, and they adopted us. It's like my uncles really, you know? "
Louis stared at him as he spoke. He was there, in his bed, quiet and talking. Yesterday he was so different.
"I see, you look much better... I mean, your throat is..."
"Yeah," Harry put his feet on the bed and gathered them close to his body. "I went to the funeral yesterday... and I think I settled," he paused, and Louis waited for him to continue. "Didn't settle for it, but accept that everyone has their time, you know?"
Louis shook his head and swallowed.
"I know, I think I know, I've never lost anyone like that, just my grandfather, but I was too small to remember."
Harry looked at Louis and then smiled.
"Now take it," he called back to the book. "Let's read."
Harry came to the side, and hit the space by the bed.
Louis hesitated for a few seconds. He still wanted to know more, but for now, fine.
"I read a few pages, if you want to read from the beginning..."
"You can read where you left off," Harry said. "I've read this book already."
"Why? Nobody does that."
"I did."
Louis sat on the bed next to Harry. He could smell him, breathe. His shoulders were almost touching, brushing against the cloth of his T-shirts. He opened the book and propped it on his lap.
"Can you read it?"
"Read aloud."
Then he settled the book closer to his body and cleared his throat.
"It seems to me that it is best to wait," said Mr. Pickwick. "No one answered, and Mr. Pickwick sat down without waiting for an invitation, and began to listen to the tracheal of the clock and the whispered cavaqueira of the "It was a popping pagoda, don't you think?" said one of them in a brown coat and copper buttons as he finished the narrative of his nocturnal adventures of the day before." Louis felt Harry's shoulders touch his, and then the boy leaned his head there. "It was from a coffin to a grave," said Sedlitz's postman, "Tom Cummins is the one who presided," continued the one with the brown coat..."
Harry raised his face, ran his nose over Louis's shoulder until it reached the beginning of his neck.
"Do you want me to read?" Louis turned his face to Harry, feeling his hair touch his cheek.
"No."
He closed the book, and Harry kissed his neck lightly. Louis took a deep breath. His arms twitched. It was so hard to resist anything Harry did; since crying or kissing.
"Would you have come if I hadn't called you?" Louis asked and closed his eyes.
"Probably," he kissed his neck again, and his breath hit.
"Why?"
Harry's breath came out like a puff, hot.
"Because..."
"Why do we have a deal?"
"What deal?"
"You don't say anything to..."
Harry removed his face from Louis's neck.
"No," he said. "No, Louis."
"What's it?"
"Not now."
Louis stared at him. Not now what? Why Harry came? Why did he call for help when some tragedy happened? Why didn't tell the family you were dating?
"You can..." Harry took a deep breath, still very close, "ask me how many questions you want, but only at my father's party."
"What?"
"If you go to the party, you can ask any questions."
Harry's face was close. He could see the bright green, the lashes, the outline of the mouth. Beautiful.
"Is this another deal?"
"Do you want to know or not?"
Louis looked at the book in his lap. Meet Harry's family? Of course not. He couldn't. But why not?
They never heard of William anyway...
No. what? No, no and no.
"I'm not going anywhere."
Harry smiled, his mouth dangerously close to Louis.
"Alright then."
Louis opened the book, and cleared his throat once more.
"No way."
-----
uuuuh.
hi. a new chapter out of the oven just for you. i was fast this time right? im very nice.
so what do you think what harry have to tell louis guYs is louis going to this party hum hum HUM
what do you think about harry hes nice right? so nice :)))) the best :) love him.