Paul Blart: Homicide Detective

Banana farmer

We walked down the hall to where the witness was. Before we entered, Ice gave me the low down, "Steve buschemi, 384 years old, he was staying in the room next door to where the body was found." We walked into the room and I was greeted by a scrawny, pale, sad excuse for a man. He looked as if he had died long ago but through sheer will power, was still walking around. "Mr.Buschemi," I started, "Sorry about the wait, can you tell us what happened last night?" He looked nervous, and I had a feeling his hands would be disgustingly sweaty to the touch. "Well," he started. Even his voice was scrawny. "I was in New York to start an urban banana farm with my aunt carol, but when I got there I found out my aunt carol had been dead for forty years! I was in such a state of shock that the next thing I remember was sitting in a hotel room with 7 pizzas around me. Somehow I had checked myself into a hotel room and managed to order and pay for 7 entire pizzas while in this state of shock." I looked at Ice, was this guy serious? Only 7 pizzas? Weak. "Once I had finished my pizzas, I had started watching the local porn channels when all of a sudden I hear yelling. I listened for awhile thinking I might get some juicy gossip, but then I heard a scream and then silence. I got worried so I called the front desk to report the incident. Next thing I know, the police need me to come to the station." He finished and I could tell how tired he was. His eyelids drooped almost to his mouth. "Mr. Buschemi, did you know who your neighbors were? Did you see them? Interact with them at all?" I questioned. He thought for a moment. "Well now that you mention it, I did see a blonde boy dragging a body to his room." "WHAT?" I exclaimed, "What do you mean a body?" I couldn't believe this guy. "He was dragging another boy, I think it was David Beckham up to his room. I didn't mention it because I heard it was a girl who got killed." David Beckham? He must have meant liam Payne. And the blonde boy must have been Niall Horan. There had to be an explanation for all this. "Thank you for your time mr.Buschemi, you're free to go." I heard Ice say, then we walked out of the room. "Well, that was odd." I said. "Yeah that dude was a whole lotta looney," Ice replied. This whole case was so crazy and it had barely begun.