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Taehyung
20 March, Year 20
I slid down the corridor, a rhythmic sound on the floors. And then I stopped. I could see Namjoon standing in front of our classroom. Our classroom. Though nobody knew, I called that place our classroom. Me, and the others, the classroom for us seven. I approached silently. I was thinking of surprising him.
"Principal!" As I took my fifth footstep or so, through the slightly open classroom window, a hurried voice could be heard. It seemed like Seokjin.
Was it that Seokjin was speaking to the principal? In our classroom? Why?
Then I could hear Yoongi's and my name, and Namjoon sucking in a surprised breath. As if he could hear my noiseless footsteps, Seokjin threw open the door. I couldn't see Namjoon's expression. I hid and watched them. As Seokjin opened his mouth, as if to deny something, Namjoon held up his hand and spoke.
"It's okay." Seokjin made an expression as if confused.
"There must have been a reason for you to say." With those words, Namjoon swept past Seokjin.
I could not believe it. Seokjin told the principal about the things Yoongi and I had done in the past few days. He explained everything, that we had skipped class, jumped over the barrier, and had fought with some kids. But Namjoon had told us we would be okay.
"What are you doing here?" Turning around in surprise, I realized it was Hoseok and Jimin. Hoseok pretended to be even more surprised as he hung his arm around my shoulder. Suddenly, he dragged me into the classroom. Namjoon and Seokjin were speaking to each other before looking back to see us. Seokjin awkwardly stood up before saying he had to take care of something, then left. I studied Namjoon's expression. He watched Seokjin's back as he left, and then looked at us with a smile as if nothing had happened. At that moment, I realized something. There must be a reason why he is acting like that. He knows more than me, is smarter than me and is way more of an adult than me. And this is our classroom. I posted a square smile on my face, the one everyone laughed at me for saying I looked like an idiot and walked into the classroom.
I decided not to tell anyone that I had heard that conversation.
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Namjoon
15 May, Year 20
I went to the warehouse classroom that we claimed as our secret base. We always went there. I picked up a few chairs and I made my way in. I set the toppled-over table upright and patted off the dust on top of it with my palm. To humans, separation is always sentimental. Today was the last day of school and also two weeks until we'd move away. I didn't know if I would ever come back here or whether I would be able to see my friends again. I folded the paper in half and placed it on the table. Although I held a pen in my hand, I didn't know what to write. Time passed by. After writing some meaningless words, the pencil lead broke with a sound.
"You must survive".
I unconsciously doodled those words onto the paper. Among all dark lead powder and doodling, I was suddenly reminded of poverty, parents, friends, moving, and other messy things.
I folded the paper into a ball, put it into my pocket and got up from my seat. Dust was everywhere again when I put the table back. As I got ready to leave I fogged up the window with my breath, and wrote 4 words. It was not enough at the moment, but it could be conveyed to everyone even if unsaid.
"We will meet again."
I hoped that this could be a promise between us.
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Taehyung
7 June, Year 20
"You stupid mutt. You couldn't wait for a moment, like a fool." I ran around the neighborhood, but I couldn't find Dubu. I checked the time, and 20 minutes had passed. How far can a puppy that's barely two months old go in 20 minutes? I sweated in the hot sun of the early summer. My throat was about to burst from calling out to Dubu, stifled on the inside. I had let go of the leash when briefly checking my cell phone. And when I looked around, Dubu had disappeared. I started to run again.
I checked alley after alley, and I looked into open gates. I shouted "Dubu" loudly. Only people passing by looked back at me.
As I ran, I rebuked Dubu for being a dumb puppy. I got mad and said he was like that because he's a mutt. But, even in that moment, I knew that it wasn't the dog's fault. It was my mistake. I took my eyes off of him. I wasn't watching him and. Let go of the leash. I had an insignificant conversation and snickered, not knowing where Dubu had disappeared to. Did Dubu run away on purpose? As I reached that thought, I stopped without realizing it. It was because he didn't enjoy being together with me. Living together was only a good thing for me. Maybe to Dubu, it was a separation from his family, nothing more and nothing less. In the next moment, I heard him barking together with a tapping sound. At first I thought I was hearing things. But I saw Dubu, who wasn't a hallucination, turn the alley and come running. His barely two-month-old small body came jumping down the sloped road, his ears flying behind him and his mouth wide open.
"Dubu," I cried out loudly, and bent down on my knees, and Dubu jumped towards me. "Where did you go? How did you get here? Did you remember my scent?"
The moment the dog was barely in my arms and licked my cheek, I felt a surge of a strange emotion. I guess I'm the only family that Dubu can depend on. I guess I can also be a dependable person to someone. I guess I can be a place to come back to.
As if I were stifling, Dubu tried to get away, but I held on even tighter.
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Jungkook
25 June, Year 20
I gently touched the piano keys with my fingertip, leaving my finger smudged in the dust. As soft as I could I pressed my finger to the keys, the piano let out a sound different from the songs Yoongi would play. Yoongi has not been to school for ten days. Today I heard that he had been expelled. Namjoon and Hoseok didn't say anything, and I didn't say anything because I was too scared to hear the answer.
Two weeks ago, before the teacher had come to the secret location, there was only me and Yoongi here. There was an open inspection that day, and I didn't want to stay in class so I ran here. When I came in, he didn't even look back, just played the piano as I lay on the desks to take a nap. In theory, Yoongi and the piano exist as two separate things, but it was hard to see them apart. I don't know why, but hearing his playing made me want to cry. When it felt as if the tears would soon fall, I hastily turned onto my back. Just then, the door opened with an explosive bang. The piano music stopped. I was slapped so hard I fell to the ground. I huddled on the ground, listening to the barrage of angry words thrown at me, only for it to suddenly stop. I turned and saw that Yoongi had punched the teacher back, then sheltered me with his whole body. Past his shoulders, I could see the anger on that teacher's face.
I pressed the piano keys again, trying to play a tune Yoongi used to play. Had he really been expelled? Will I ever see him again? He has said before that getting a beating was routine for him. If it wasn't for me, he wouldn't have hit the teacher.
If it wasn't for me, Yoongi would still be here playing the piano.
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Yoongi
25 June, Year 20
I opened the door with a loud slam and took out the envelope from inside the last drawer of my desk. As I turned the envelope around a piano key fell to the floor with a sound. I threw the half-burned piano key in the trash can and laid down on my bed. The emotions that were brought up hadn't simmered down yet. My breathing was a mess. My fingers suddenly covered with singe.
After the funeral ended there was a time when I returned to that house of ash left behind from the fire. When I entered my mother's room, the piano that was burnt to the point of nonrecognition caught my eye. I sank to the floor. I sat there as the sunlight shone through the window. In the midst of the last glimmers of sunlight, a few keys rolled around. What kind of sound would I hear from the keys if I pressed on them? I thought about how many times my mother's fingers had touched them. From the pile of piano keys, I put one of them in my pocket and left the room.
It had been four years since then and the house was always quiet. The silence made people go crazy. After dad went to sleep at 10 p.m. everything became increasingly quieter. It became suffocating. This was how everything functioned. I was tired because I had to live in such silence. I was tired because I had to follow a predetermined time-table. It wasn't simple to follow such a form. But what was significantly harder was living in that house, taking pocket money from Dad, eating dinner with him, listening to his scoldings. Whenever I had an argument with him, I always considered abandoning him and running away from home to live by myself. I never had the courage to actually do so.
I got up from the bed and picked up the piano key from the dustbin under my study desk. I opened the window and the night breeze came in. The things that happened felt like a night breeze slapping me in the face. I used all of my strength to throw the piano key into the cold air. It had been 10 days since I last went to school. Even if I didn't want to, I assumed that I'd be kicked out. I didn't know if it was because of my deteriorated hearing, but I didn't hear the sound of the piano key dropping to the ground. No matter how hard I tried to imagine it, I didn't know what that piano key dropping to the ground sounded like. No matter how much time passed, that piano would not make a sound again.
I told myself I would never play the piano again.
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Seokjin
17 July, Year 20
As I stood at the entrance of the school, the sound of cicadas was stinging. The sports field was buzzing with children smiling, joking around, and running around competitively. The beginning of the summer holidays, everyone was terrifically buoyant. In the midst of them, I bowed my head and stepped past. I wanted to slink out of school quickly.
"Jin." Someone's shadow appeared. With a jump, I lifted my head. It was Hoseok and Jimin. Like always, shining their big and pure smiles and watching me with their mischievous, young eyes.
"It's holidays today, and you're just going to leave?" Hoseok spoke, dragging my arm. I agreed, saying a couple of meaningless phrases before turning my head back.
What had happened that day was definitely an accident. It had not been planned. I had not thought that at that time in the storage classroom, Jungkook and Yoongi would be there. The principal had a suspicion that I was defending my friends. He said that he could say that I wasn't a good student, I had let down my father. I had to say something. I spoke of that hideout because I thought it would be empty. But Yoongi had gotten expelled. Nobody knew that I was involved.
"Spend your holidays well, Jin! I'll call you." However he noticed my ignorance, Hoseok furtively lets go of my hand and said goodbye even more brightly. This time, too, I was not able to respond in any way. There was nothing I could say. As I came to the school gates, I remembered the first day at this school. We were late, and all were punished together. And so we were able to laugh.
I ruined those times.
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Hoseok
15 September, Year 20
Jimin's mother paced back and forth in the emergency room after checking that the name on the head of the bed and the IV drop were properly placed. She brushed a strand of grass from Jimin's shoulder with one finger. I approached hesitantly, feeling that I should tell her why Jimin was in the emergency room, about the seizure at the bus stop. Jimin's mother seemed to notice me only then, and she looked at me with a long evaluating case.
I didn't know what to do. So I stood still. Jimin's mother only said,
"Thank you."
and then turned back to him. The next time Jimin's mother looked at me, the Doctor and nurses had started to move the bed, and I moved to follow. Jimin's mother said thank you again and pushed at my shoulder. Rather than pushing, it was more like she touched me slightly and then pulled her hand away. But I suddenly felt an invisible line being drawn between Jimin's mother and myself. That line was sure and solid. It was cold and sturdy. It was a line that I could never surmount.
I had lived at the orphanage for 10 years. Something was off with my whole body, my sight, the air. In a moment of bewilderment, I took a step back and fell to the floor. Jimin's mother looked vacantly down at me. She was a small and beautiful person. But her shadow was large and cold. That shadow fell over me as I collapsed on the emergency room floor. When I lifted my head Jimin's bed had left the emergency room and could no longer be seen.
After that day Jimin didn't come back to school.
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Jimin
28 September, Year 20
I stopped counting a few days after I was hospitalized. Counting was something you'd do when you wanted to get out. Counting was something you'd do when you thought there was hope of getting out. The trees and leaves, far off outside of the window, still looked like a colorful painting. Due to this observation, I knew not that much time had passed. At most, a little more than a month could have passed. The medicine made everything boring and dull. Even so, today was a special day. The kind of day you'd have to write about in a diary. But I didn't have a diary. I didn't want to have any problems to write about anyway. Today I lied for the first time. I looked into the doctor's eyes and pretended to be gloomy.
"I don't remember a thing."
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Jungkook
30 September, Year 20
"Jeon Jungkook, you're not still going there are you?"
I did not respond in any way. I stood, looking at my shoes. I was hit over the head with the attendance sheet. But I still did not open my mouth. It was the last place I had been in together with my friends. From the day I discovered the classroom, there has not been a day that I have not entered it. Even the others didn't know this. There were times they didn't even come, saying they had some activity or were busy with part-time work. Yoongi and Jin would sometimes not show up for days on end.
But not me. I went to the classroom every day without fail. There were days in which not a single person came. But it was still fine. The fact that this place exists means that if not today, tomorrow; if not tomorrow, the day after; My friends would come – so it was okay.
"Because you hung out together, you only learned bad habits." I was hit once more. I raised my eyes and stared the teacher down. I was hit again. I remembered Yoongi getting hit. I grit my teeth and bore it. I did not want to lie and say I hadn't been to the classroom.
Now, I stand in front of it once again. I feel like if I open the door, my friends would be inside. That they'd be gathered playing a game, turn to look at me, and ask why I was so late. Seokjin and Namjoon would be reading, Taehyung would be playing games, Yoongi playing the piano and Hoseok and Jimin would be dancing. But as I open the door, all I see is Hoseok. He was packing away our remaining items in the classroom. I clutched the door handle, just standing there. He came over to me and wrapped his arm around my shoulder. And he took me outside.
"Let's go, now." Behind our backs, the classroom door shut. I realized it then.
Those days were gone, and they would not come again.
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