I was deep into reading when I heard Steven and Jess's voices, she was of course the loudest. "Shell, where you at?"
"In my room!" I shouted back.
Jess came in and flopped onto my bed, checking her phone.
Steven came in and gave me a peck on the cheek. "Hello sis, bye sis."
"Hey! Where are you off to in such a hurry?" I said before he could get to the door.
He turned around. "I'm hungry, going to have Rice Crispi's."
"Okay fine, just clean up after yourself."
He gave me a sarcastic look and walked out. "Okay mom!"
"Whatever!" I shouted back and turned my focus to Jess. "Hello to you too!"
She looked up from her phone, she looked happy. "Hello Shell, how are you on this fine Saturday afternoon?"
"Okay, what's with you? Don't tell me you and Miguel got back together last night?"
"No, that ship sunk straight to the bottom of the ocean!"
I rolled my eyes. "Well, what then?"
"You know Warner, who gave me a ride home last night?"
"Yes, Chase's friend from the illegal street racing." I was always fighting with Chase for hanging out with that guy, him and his group were trouble and not to even mention very dangerous. How he got involved with them I never knew, but I got the chills when I was in the same room as any of them.
"Yes him, well he insisted that we go for a drink at a bar where he hangs out a lot. We had a couple of drinks, danced and ended up having a super steamy make out session which turned into a lot of fun." She giggled.
"Jessica Boma! What were you thinking, he is not someone to get involved with! I can't believe you would put yourself in so much danger!"
She shook her head. "Steven was right calling you mom earlier! It was mostly just kissing and some foreplay Shelby, granted I was feeling the feels in all the right places if you know what I mean?" She wiggled her eyebrows.
I threw her with my pillow. "You are disgusting! I know I can't tell you what to do, but please just be careful Jess..."
"I promise. Now tell me, what happened last night?" she laughed and threw the pillow back, I caught it before it could reach my face.
"Okay so we started making out and then it happened."
She looked at me with a question mark on her face. "Yeah, but how did it happen?"
I threw her with the pillow again and told her exactly how it went down, I explained how it felt afterwards. "Yip, so that's how it happened and how it felt..."
"Aww Shell it will get better, the first time is generally not the way one pictures it." she gave me a small smile.
I returned her smile. "Yes, I guess so."
We continued talking about other things, like the fact that Jess was now a cheerleader and she got promoted to deciding what music they would dance to along with other things. A while later she went home and dad finally came home and asked if he could talk to me and Steven. He told us he met a lady friend and they were becoming very close, that he wanted us to meet her the next day. I thought about mom and how she would probably freak out, I knew she loved dad and some small part of her hoped he would stop drinking and they could be happy again. I just pray she would get through this and decide to move on.
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Dad's girlfriend Joan was a drinker just like him. She had a 9 year old daughter who lived with her father and would visit once a month for the weekend. I didn't like her and the way she and dad acted together; he was now rarely home. He mostly just came home to get clothes and make sure I had some money for essentials. Mom flipped when she heard about it, but she made it clear to my dad that she was finished. I was so proud of her, she started building herself up; ditched her friend and got an office job that paid well. She spent more time with me and Steven, we would go to her apartment more and have dinner together.
It had been nearly three weeks; Chase came by a lot and he even had dinner with us at my mom's a couple of times. Mom had a 'friend' Mike also who wasn't all that bad, she knew him from her younger years; he apparently asked her out a couple of times until she finely gave in and said yes. He invited her and us to his cabin by the lake for the weekend, I wasn't too keen on going so I made an excuse that I had to study. Mom said Mike understood and hoped I would go next time, Steven went with them he seemed to like Mike.
When Steven and mom was gone, me and Jess had plans to have a sleepover and watch horror movies. Chase left on a rugby trip; he would be back tomorrow. We watched movies, and got into Jess's dads booze cabinet, my uncle Ben who was dad's half-brother was a truck driver which meant he was rarely home and his wife would go with him on longer trips. We danced, talked and had pillow fights I had a blast for once. We made plans for us and the guys to have another horror movie fest the next night. I woke up with a headache, I helped Jess clean up and we went to the shop to get snacks for later. Then I went home, took a long deserving bath and a short nap. I was woken when someone kissed my forehead, I opened my eyes and saw Chase.
"Hey babe, how's the headache I told you to stay away from the hard stuff." He laughed.
"Yeah yeah whatever, what time is it?"
"It's past six in the afternoon, Jess sent me to come get you. She and Miguel went to the video store to get some movies."
I rolled my eyes and regretted it, my head hurt. "What? I didn't think Miguel would really come after what happened between them. And now you tell me him and Jess went to the video store... together?"
He laughed. "Yeah, me neither! But hey let's not jinx it!"
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We were all on Jess's queen-sized bed, watching Texas chainsaw massacre. Me in Chase's arms and Jess in Miguel's, I couldn't wrap my head around their love-hate relationship. Jess was a nightmare to watch horrors with she kept screaming and screeching whenever a scary scene would come on. It annoyed me mostly because I still had a headache and Chase could sense it, he whispered in my ear that we should leave and he would spend the night at my place.
We made our excuses and left. I was in my pj's and Chase had his boxers on we were cuddling in my bed and I could feel he was aroused. He asked if we could have sex again and I agreed, hoping it would get better like Jess said. But I was wrong, like the first time he never kissed me and it lasted like what seemed to be a few seconds. And again I felt terrible, like it was wrong in every way.
The next morning Chase woke me up with a cup of tea, "Morning babe, sleep well?"
"Morning, thank you I did." I took the tea from him. "Chase, I need to tell you something."
He stood by the door. "Sure babe, what's up?"
Before I spoke, I took a deep breath not sure why I was so nervous. Chase is my forever, he would understand. "Well, I've been feeling conflicted about our... lovemaking, I am just afraid I wasn't fully ready and..."
He cut me off. "What do you mean you feel conflicted, and you were not ready, you love me don't you?"
"I do yes, but Chase please listen to me..."
"Okay so then what is the problem? We followed all the right steps Shelby." He looked irritated.
"Chase I am sorry, please don't be like this. Please come sit down so that I can explain to you what I mean." I motioned for him to sit next to me.
He waved his hand in the air. "It's getting late, I promised my mother I would mow the lawn today. We will talk about this later." He patted me on my shoulder and left.
Tears filled my eyes, why didn't I just keep my mouth shut? But I didn't think it would pen out this way, I thought he of all people would understand and we would talk about it.
Standing in the bathroom sometime later after washing my face, I stared at myself in the mirror, thinking how ridiculous I was. Maybe Chase was right being mad, I wanted to have sex and now I go and tell him I don't anymore. He probably thought I was a pathetic little girl.
I sent him a goodnight text later that night and all I got was 'Sweet dreams' This was what I got for being so stupid, I kept thinking I should've never told him about how I felt. I fell asleep crying, feeling like a failure. Maybe he needed time to think things over.
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I haven't heard anything from Chase since Sunday, and it was Friday today. It made me feel even worse, I wanted to text him a few times but decided against it. I looked forward to our game against Delta high school today, those girls were good and beating them would mean we were one step closer to making it to finals and going head-to-head against Primrose High. They were the reigning champions in our Province, well not for long though!
We won with 3 points and on our way back all the girls on the bus were signing We are the champions. I got my phone out and texted Steven.
Me: Hey bud, is everything okay? What are you up to?
Steven: Hey sis. I'm at mom's, she ordered us pizza she said I could stay here until you get home.
Me: Tell her thanks, please bud. Did you do your homework?
Steven: Yes, mom made me do it!
Me: Awesome, I'll see you later bud. I love you xoxo
Steven: Love you 2
I thought screw it, Chase knew how important the game was and I decided to let him know how it went.
Me: Hey, so we won today! xo
I looked at my phone for what seemed like an eternity and nothing. Just when I was about to put my phone away, I heard the message tone. I was so excited when I saw his name on my screen, but that died down when I read the text.
Chase: Good for you. I am busy, talk soon.