PART NINETY SEVEN
*Jess’ POV*
Days at the estate were always relaxing, and this trip was no different. After spending the mornings riding horses, I would end up in the TV room with Aston and my father, playing random card games as the afternoons dwindled by.
We had big family meals for dinner, cooked up by Hilary who was a much better cook than any of the rest of us. And then after dinner the lot of us would sit around the huge wooden table in the kitchen and chat. It was crazy to see my family growing, from just the four of us when I was little, to six. And soon seven.
“I’m just going to say good night to my parents and get a glass of water,” I told Aston as he pulled the duvet back on the bed, our last night at the estate.
“Ok, want me to come?”
“Nah, I’ll be fine. I’ll bring you a drink too.”
“Ok,” Aston smiled, climbing into the bed with his phone.
I wandered down the hall and down the stairs to my parents room, saying a quick goodnight. They were leaving first thing in the morning and I doubted we’d be up to see them off.
Once done I went to the kitchen, pulling down two glasses and filling them up with water. Being out in the country we typically tried to drink water from bottles, and I scowled as I finished up a bottle and had to dig around for a new one to fill the second glass. Just as I was tossing the finished bottle into the recycling something caught my eye.
The pages from the notepad Freddy and Aston had been writing in.
I knew I shouldn’t have looked, but I couldn’t help but snatch the pages out and have a scan through to see what they’d been talking about. It was actually a thick stack, all sorts of topics catching my eyes. They’d chatted a bit about the baby first, as Aston had said. Freddy seemed to be a bit nervous about caring for the child with his impairment, something that would probably make things difficult but I’m sure he could manage.
I smiled at the scrawl of my two favorite boys in the world, covering page after page. It was surprising how easy it was to tell their writing apart. Freddy’s was dark and bold, his letters small but neat. Aston’s was loopier and it was clear that he was scribbling on the page much more quickly than Freddy. It fit their characters really.
There was the usual football banter, talk of the holidays, and then something that caught my eye…
Freddy: So when are you finally planning on proposing to my sister.
Aston: I don’t know.
F: Don’t you want to?
A: Course I do.
F: Then what’s stopping you?
A: Jess doesn’t want to get married. She told me.
F: Jess doesn’t know what the hell she wants.
A: Yeah, but at least she was being honest with me. She said the idea of commitment freaked her out.
F: She’s so afraid of change its ridiculous.
A: I know. I don’t get it sometimes.
F: Honestly I think it has to do with me.
A: What? You being sick and losing your hearing?
F: Probably. She seems to think that change is only ever going to be a bad thing. She’d much rather have things stay exactly as they are. It's safe.
A: Which is ridiculous because I don’t think there is anything bad about marriage.
F: No.
A: She was honest though, I have to respect that.
F: Honestly you should just ask her. Give her an ultimatum.
A: I can’t do that.
F: What? Why not?
A: What if she says no? Not only do I have to hear her turn me down, but I could also lose her forever. I can’t force her to marry me and have her regret it.
F: She wouldn’t say no. She loves you and she does want to be with you. She wouldn’t regret marrying you.
A: It’s hard to tell with her though.
I felt my heart pace flying as I read the words, the boys talking about all of my biggest fears and apprehensions. I wasn’t sure whether to be happy that Aston saw me that way or angry that he was speaking so candidly about me to my brother. I skipped a few lines, reading on at the beginning of the next page.
A: Sometimes I have this dream where she’s in her white dress. I think we’re here at the estate in the ballroom… I’d love for it to happen for real.
F: Tell her this!
A: I did ask her what she thought about marriage, in Costa Rica. She told me to give her a year, that she didn’t like the idea.
F: Sometimes I can’t believe how my sister operates.
A: I’m glad I asked though, I was going to propose that night.
F: REALLY?!
A: Yeah.
F: So you’ve got a ring and everything?
A: Course.
F: Aston you've just got to man up and ask her! What are you waiting for?!
A: I don’t want her to say no!!!
F: I promise she won’t.
A: Well I at least need to give her the year she asked for, it would be mean to jump on this too soon.
F: I guess. But I think that whenever this does come up with you and Jess you make your interests clear. She tends to steamroll things into what she wants, it’s the manager in her. Make sure she knows you want the white wedding and everything. She can't say no to that.
A: I will.
I stopped reading from there, my vision blurring as tears formed in my eyes. Was I such a horrible cow that I was making Aston do everything my way? Why did he put up with me?
Carefully I put the pages back together, slipping them in the recycling and then pushing it down a bit so no one would notice I’d seen them. Grabbing the two glasses I’d left on the counter I wandered up the stairs in a trance, my mind spinning as to what I should do.
Should I confront Aston about the conversation?
No, I thought, shaking my head. He’d be annoyed that I’d read through his private conversation with my brother. My eyes were never meant to see those pages.
I couldn’t say anything, not that I knew what to say. I was honestly freaked out about how serious he’d seemed. I still had no idea what I wanted, but I knew that I definitely wanted to be with Aston forever.
There was just something about marriage that had me uneasy. Why change what we had? Put more pressure on it?
Maybe Freddy had hit the nail on the head when he’d said I had an aversion to change. I just didn’t know what to expect and I hated that.
Arriving back at my room I pushed the door open, passing Aston a glass of water as I went to my side of the bed.
“Babe this glass is empty,” Aston said with a laugh.
I stared at it for a second, realizing I’d forgotten to finish filling them up.
“Sorry, wrong one!” I told him, passing him the mostly full one in my hands.
“Don’t you want a drink?” he questioned.
“I drank mine on the way up.”
“Okkk…” Aston said, his eyes narrowed as he studied my face. I tried my best to put on some sort of poker face, hoping he couldn’t read through me. “You ok tonight?”
“Fine,” I said, turning my back so I could flick out the light next to me. I burrowed into the covers after that, Aston joining me with his arms around my waist.
“You sure?” he whispered.
“Yup!”
“Ok,” he replied, “Please tell me if somethings wrong though.”
“Of course,” I said, twisting in his grip and pressing my lips against his, “Night babe.”
“Love you,” Aston smiled, kissing me again.
“Love you too,” I whispered, twisting back to my original position, Aston spooning me comfortably.
I laid awake most of the night, my mind spinning about what Aston had written as silent tears dripped down my face. He wanted to marry me. He was actually going to propose.
But I’d shut everything down.
Now it was just a matter of figuring out what I truly wanted and doing my best not to hurt the one person that mattered to me the most.
PART NINETY EIGHT
*Jess’ POV*
“How late are you at work tonight?” Aston asked me as I sat and drank a cup of coffee at the counter.
“Six maybe?” I shrugged, “Not totally sure.”
“Ok,” he replied, “Just want to make sure we’re good for that launch party tonight.”
“Yeah, I’ll be back with plenty of time. It’s not till nine,” I said.
It was Friday, a week after the New Year. Somehow I’d made it home from the estate without having a total mental breakdown and Aston and I had done our own little Christmas without me bursting into tears. My insides still felt queasy whenever I thought about the conversation I’d read over. I wasn’t totally sure what the emotion was. Fear, anger, embarrassment?
Yet I still didn’t say anything to him, mostly because I just didn’t know what to say.
“Love the necklace by the way,” Aston winked at me as I hopped up from my stool to wash my mug.
“Someone special gave it to me for Christmas,” I replied off-handedly, my fingers moving to the simple circular pendant around my neck. Of course Aston had given it to me, and for once I didn’t freak out at him for spending too much money, even though I was sure he had. It was just too beautiful.
“What are you up to today?” I asked him.
“Meetings,” he replied, “Sorting out that trip to America still.”
“Oh yeah,” I said quietly, “Have you got dates yet?”
“No,” Aston said, “I’m starting to get really frustrated because I think we’re meant to leave soon but I have no idea. I want to plan stuff for your birthday next week and that… Would be good to know what dates are good.”
“You don’t need to plan anything.”
“I want to though,” Aston replied with a cute grin and shrug, “Anyways, you should get to work.”
“I’m going, I’m going,” I giggled, running to grab my heels from the rack by the door, “See you tonight.”
“Bye love you,” Aston said, striding up and kissing me.
“Love you too.”
I took the bus to work as I normally did, wandering into my office and starting to sort through my emails. It was unusually quiet around the office. Both my father and Jeremy were holed up in their offices, giving me the unpleasant feeling that something was up.
After lunch I was called into the conference room for an impromptu meeting with my father. Jeremy was sat at the table as well, a nervous look on his face.
“What’s up?” I asked, pulling out a seat and sitting down.
“We need to talk to you.”
“Both of you? Why?” I asked, my heart rate starting to pick up. Had I done something wrong? Was I going to get in trouble, or worse, fired?
“It’s nothing about you,” my father clarified, clearly seeing the look of panic on my face, “But it’s going to massively affect you.”
“What is it?” I questioned, turning to Jeremy to see if he would spill.
“To put it simply, I’m going to retire,” my father said, his look serious as I stared at him.
“Retire?” I stuttered.
“I will be stepping down from my position in the House of Lords.”
“But… What about…” I said, my face falling as I realized my job was quite obviously going away once my father stopped working. I did run his office after all.
“We’ll close the office of course,” my father said, “And hopefully we can get everyone a position elsewhere. I’ll do my best to help everyone out.”
“Wow,” I said, looking over at Jeremy. He gave me a weak smile. “Did you know about this?”
“Yeah,” Jeremy said, “Only recently, don’t worry.”
“So when are you stepping down?” I asked my father, trying to piece this together calmly.
“Soon,” he replied, “I just want to see this last bit of legislation I’m working on go through.”
“But…”
“Jess I know this is overwhelming for you, but look of it as a chance to try something new.”
“I haven’t got anything to try.”
“Well…” Jeremy said slyly.
“What?” I asked, turning to him again, “What’s going on.”
“I’m going to run for a Commons spot.”
“No you aren’t!” I laughed. This was all pretty much ludicrous!
“I’ve been speaking to your Dad about it. There is a spot in my town that is up for grabs and no one is really going for it. I’m going to give it a go.”
“I guess that’s great,” I said awkwardly, “Good luck.”
“Jess I want you to come work with me.”
“Work for you, you mean?” I asked, emphasizing the for. I'd always been Jeremy's boss, how would it be to reverse roles?
“Well, yeah. I think we’ve been a pretty good team these last few years, and I know you can run a hell of a tight ship.”
I blushed at the comment, “I mean that’s fabulous,” I said, “But you’ve got to get elected first.”
“Exactly. And I want you to run my campaign.”
“You want me to what?” I repeated.
“Run my campaign.”
“I’ve never done that before,” I said.
“Jess,” my father piped in, “I can tell you're clearly overwhelmed, but Jeremy and I have been speaking at length about all of this. I’ll help you guys out as we work to get Jeremy the spot, elections are in May so we’ve got to start soon. And then when he gets elected, I'll help you guys get things started, eventually fading away.”
“So you’ll retire and jump on as like an adviser?” I questioned.
“Exactly.”
“Wow,” I said, not realizing until that moment that my hands were shaking. Overwhelmed was an understatement. I was panicking.
“You won’t have to worry about pay or anything like that,” Jeremy added, “Your father and I have talked through everything. We just need you to agree to join our little team. Your role in my office, if I do get elected, would be exactly the same.”
“I… I need to think about this,” I said.
“Course,” my father replied. “Why don’t you head home now to take it all in, and speak to Aston about things this weekend. We’re not telling anyone else though, but I think he can be in on it.”
“I will,” I said, pushing my way from the table and getting up, “Bye.”
I practically ran out of the office, not bothering to grab my work computer. Instead of taking the bus I waved down a cab, heading back home. It was only just 2pm, which meant I was much earlier than planned.
In the cab I started to have the mental breakdown that had building up inside of me for the past two weeks. Whatever Aston and Freddy had said about me hating change was clearly true. This whole change of events was seriously freaking me out.
Once home I pushed my way into the house, dropping my bag and shoes by the front door. Normally I would have taken care to put them on the rack, but I couldn’t be bothered.
“Babe, is that you?” Aston called.
“Yeah!”
I stood motionless by the front door waiting for him to appear. He came jogging down the stairs in low jeans and a beanie a moment later.
“What are you doing home?” he asked, a worried look on his face.
“My Dad sent me home early.”
“Why?”
“I need to lay down,” I muttered. “What are you doing here?”
“Packing,” Aston sighed.
“Oh.”
“Yeah,” he replied. He stared at me for a second, his brow furrowed as concern appeared in his eyes, “You feeling ok?”
I just shook my head as tears burned in my eyes, and then I darted straight up the stairs and collapsed on our bed, falling apart at the seams.