"It doesn't make sense." I sighed, rubbing at my temples with the palm of my hands. "I just... these can't be the only options!"
Chase leaned down and kissed me briefly. He joined me on the couch in the living room. "We're going out to get some stuff. You wanna come?"
"What kind of stuff?"
"I dunno, really. Daniel said Maya wanted something."
"I don't want to come." I shuffled the papers once again. For the past two hours, I had studied every loophole, every single rule and regulation of my stepfather's genius plan. And so far, a lightbulb hadn't burst its light yet.
"Okay." Chase grabbed his jacket.
"Wait, what happened to not leaving me alone?"
Chase pressed his lips together. "I realized I didn't want to force you. Besides," He came over to where I was sitting, and leaned down towards me. His lips pressed against my ear.
"There's a gun in the bottom drawer of our bedroom."
My eyes widened. "There's a what?!"
"You heard me, babe."
"Yeah, but you can't just say stuff like that and expect me not to be shocked." I looked up at him. He hadn't shaved for a few days, so his jaw was scratchy. His messy hair held back, but barely.
"Where did you get it from?"
"That's not important."
"It kind of is."
"Fine. That police officer dropped it by the last time he came over."
"A police officer handed you a gun? Does he know you have a criminal record?"
"I don't think so." He shrugged. "Anyways, we'll be back in a few hours."
I curled up on the sofa, crossing my legs. "Chase?"
"Yeah?"
I patted the seat besides me as a motion for him to come over. Once he was done tying his laces, he complied. "What's up?"
"Now tell me the real reason you're letting me stay alone."
Chase took a deep breath, and then he looked all the strewn papers across the coffee table. "You need some time to yourself. Just to think about everything."
"I'm not just thinking, I'm trying to solve."
"Yeah, but a lot of people have already tried coming up with a better solution. One that doesn't involve wrecking land or destroying jobs. And if there was another way... someone would have found it already."
"But I can't put my stepfather in danger like that." I sighed.
Chase stood up stiffer, then looked at all the papers on the coffee table before his eyes turned to the balcony.
Without a word, he bend down and gathered up all the papers, and then walked towards the balcony.
I followed him, and saw him place all of them on the table outside.
"What are you doing?"
"Just a minute."
He went to the kitchen, and grabbed the cup of coffee I had prepared just minutes earlier. He placed that on the table outside as well.
"Here. Fresh air. You'll think better."
I moved closer to him. There was a slight wind outside, but nothing more than that
I leaned into him and rested my head on his shoulder. "It's horrible, I know. That one of my priorities is protecting my stepfather. But I love him."
"That's what we do." Chase cupped my cheek gently before tucking a loose peice of strand of my hair behind my ear. "We protect the people we love."
I closed my eyes. There weren't a lot of people I cared about. Before this point, there were only four - my parents, Maya and my step-brother. But now...
I cared about Chase.
More that I would like to admit.
And yeah, he wasn't a good guy. I knew that. But as far as bad things went, he never did anything bad to me.
So I had no reason to think of him as anything but good. A liar, yes, a compulsive one. And I understood that now.
So when Chase made a move to let go and get up, I pulled on his hoodie so he could lean down again. And then I kissed him.
And it wasn't magical. There weren't butterflies or anything.
But there was peace. A lot of it.
And sometimes, peace was better than happiness.
Chase smiled against my lips. "Or I could just stay here." He whispered.
"No, go." I laughed.
A few seconds later, there was a knock on the front door. "You ready?!" Daniel yelled through it.
"Yeah, just a minute!" Chase yelled back. He turned to me and kissed me again. "You know, I really like you." He said.
"Ofcourse you do. I never gave you a reason not to."
Chase's eyebrows drew together. "You're right." He said softly.
And then he got up and left, shutting the front door behind him.
If I thought that was weird, I didn't ponder on it. Instead, I pulled all my hair back into a quick ponytail and turned to my papers.
Yeah, I really needed a change of space.
I got a pillow from the living room and set it on a dainty white chair in the balcony.
The view was of across the main street, the one that stood home to many small shops and a tram that rang along the back.
I smiled when I saw Chase, Maya and Daniel, heading just around the bend until the disappeared out of sight.
I sat down, and began studying the papers once again. Handwritten notes. Old news articles that the grocery man was nice enough to give me at a discount. Facts. Opinions. Articles.
Nothing.
In my head, I went over the scheme once again.
A recession was hitting our state - a recession which meant loss of economy and business. To validate those losses, my stepfather had come up with a project.
This project included a mining scheme, complete with railroads and factories. It would cost a lot to build, but would roll in more money.
But the land... the land officially belonged to the state. It housed thousands of people, and although some of them would get new jobs, a lot wouldn't.
Which means turning to crime. The crime rate in our city was already high, and depriving that many people of their homes wasn't a smart move.
And if things weren't bad enough, adding UFL to the picture just made it worse. They were radical. Extreme.
And my head hurt everytime I even thought about them.
So I tried to block out UFL, atleast for now. If it was political, I had to trust that the state would deal with them.
Just like they were dealing with that other mess.
After a while, I went back into the kitchen to make myself another cup of coffee. I brought it out the balcony, sipping at it and looking through the railings.
It was hard to believe everything that was going on back home when stuff here was so quiet. Everyone was nicer here, and so far I had yet to meet a guy with a pocketknife waiting for my wallet.
Yeah, there were plenty of those back home.
My eyes turned to the narrow street right down our building. It was almost one o'clock, which meant lunchtime, which meant most shops closing for the hour. I saw the old man who worked at the grocery, Mr. James, lock up with a newspaper tucked under his arm.
A guy in a familiar black shirt was making his way down the lane. I frowned. It was Daniel, and he looked nervous.
My eyes followed Daniel to the end of the lane, where there was an alley. It was hard to tell, but it looked like someone was waiting there for him.
Yeah. It was a guy, dressed in tattered jeans with his hair up in spikes.
Daniel shook his head. The guy looked angry. I couldn't make out their conversation, but then I saw the guy with the spikes push Daniel into the wall.
When Daniel shoved him back, a fight broke out.
Oh God. My heart thumped in my ears. As Daniel landed a good punch, the guy kicked him. Daniel lost his balance and fell on the floor. Hard.
With shaking legs, I ran out of the balcony. I knew I had to do something , I couldn't just stand there.
Then I remembered. The gun.
After a bit of fiddling, I found it exactly where Chase said it would be. The bottom drawer in the bedroom, of the only cabinet in the room.
There it was, under one of Chase's shirts. I wrapped my fingers around the cold, foreign metal.
Then I ran down, as fast as I could. By the time I got to the end of the lane, the guy was yelling profanities at Daniel.
"WHERE IS IT?!" He yelled. He pulled Daniel up by the collar of his shirt and took something out of the back of his jeans. A knife.
"Tell me where the fuck you left it, or your little--"
"Drop the knife."
My own voice sounded strange to my ears. I hoped it wasn't too shaky.
Unlike my hands, apparently, which had the gun aimed straight at the guy's forehead. And not that far away either.
The guy looked surprised as hell. With gritted teeth, he slowly backed away from Daniel.
"Drop the knife, or I swear to God, I will pull the trigger."
The man looked like he could butcher me alive at that point. Nevertheless, he let go. And knife dropped with a loud clank on the floor.
I didn't watch him run away. I should have - I should have memorized what he looked like, what he wore. But I had my attention on Daniel, who had a nasty cut on the side of his neck.
"Can you walk?" I kneeled besides him.
Slowly, he nodded. As he made an attempt to get up, I put one arm on his back and let him shift his entire weight on me.
Slowly, we managed to make it back to the building and up the lift.
Since I didn't have his keys - and he was in no state to answer me to as where they were - I took him back to my apartment.
He flopped down on the couch. There was an emergency first aid kit in the bathroom, which I was thankful for. I quickly cleaned the cut and covered it in cotton.
The bleeding hadn't stopped, but a few minutes later, it had slowed down.
"Kylie, he--"
"Shut up." I snapped. He had a large bruise forming on the side of his cheek, and his clothes were covered in dust.
I was still shaking, I realized, when I looked at my hands that were holding the cotton.
And God, was I angry.
Once the bleeding had stopped, I changed the cotton and wrapped it in gauze. Then I poured him a glass of water.
"I'm not--"
"Drink it." I snapped again. He glanced at me, and the look I gave up must have been enough, because he gulped it down.
We stayed like that for several minutes. Then I let out a deep breath and walked towards the door.
"Where are you going?"
"Anywhere but here." I said. I slammed the door behind me.
I didn't know where I would go. I didn't think about it either. My mind was still rushing with adrenaline, and there was no space for anything else.
My legs took me to the only place I knew. Past shops, past dainty little houses painted a perfect pastel.
The beach.
I clenched my fists and then unclenched them. The waves roared.
I took off my slippers and let the sand sink through my feet. I tried to get my heartbeat back to normal.
What the heck had just happened?
"Lovely day, isn't it?"
It took me a second to realize the person was talking to me.
On a lone fallen tree branch, there sat Mr. James, a half-eaten bag of chips in his hand. "Would you like some?"
"No." I replied.
"You look like you just saw a ghost." He chuckled.
He made place for me on the log. Quietly, I joined him.
"Something like that." I whispered.
He took off his fishing hat. "Bad day?"
"The worst." I sighed.
"You know, talking about it sometimes help."
I stared at the sand, trying to individualize every tiny grain. "I wouldn't know where to begin." I said. "One of my friends... he did something.. I mean, I really don't know."
"The brunette?" When I passed him a confused look to account for how he knew, he said, "I saw them at the beach yesterday."
"Not the brunette." I said. I remembered how Chase would hate it if anybody called him a brunette. "Anyways... I don't wanna see either of them right now."
"Did they really do something that horrible?"
"Yes."
"You don't sound sure."
"Because I'm not."
He offered me his bag of chips again. I took one. Overly salty, but good.
Daniel knew the guy. Obviously, because he was meeting up with him. And the guy knew Daniel. But what was the guy doing here? This place was supposed to be safe.
I heard pacing footsteps towards us. As Chase ran towards us, it took him a second to catch his breath. "Kylie, I don't know what--"
He looked up, and instantly stopped. He frowned.
Mr. James smiled. "Hello, I don't believe we've met."
"Oh, this is Chase." I told him.
Mr. James regarded him with a nod of his head. "I better be heading back to the shop, now. You can always come visit, you know."
"Thanks, Mr. James." I said.
"No problem."
When he had stood up and gone, only then did I turn to Chase with a frown of my own.
I stood up and turned around. Before I could walk away, Chase had grabbed my arm. "Kylie." He said. "I need you to listen."
"The only person you should talk to right now is Daniel."
"I've been to the apartment. I know he's banged up bad." Chase turned me around and placed both his hands on my shoulder. "What you did today, it was brave."
"I was scared out of my mind!" I nearly yelled. "I still am!"
"I know."
"What happened to this place being safe?"
Chase rubbed his hands down my back, trying to get me to calm down.
"Catch your breath, and I swear I'll tell you everything."
"Actually, I don't want to hear it." I crossed my arms.
Chase tilted his head. "Are you saying you think I'm gonna lie to you?"
"Does it matter?"
"It does."
"Fine, Chase. You've lied so many times before that I don't know whether I should believe you or not. And I want to, and I trust you, but not when it comes to this."
Chase took my cold hand into his warm one. His skin... it felt so much better than the cold exterior of a gun. I hadn't realized I was crying until I felt the warm tears slide across my face.
"Let me show you something." He said, using the back of his hand to wipe my face. I leaned into his chest.
"Show me what?" I asked. My words were muffled into his sweater.
It took me another minute to gain my exposure. In my hand, I had fisted up the material of his sweater, and he had both his arms around me.
I tried to slow down my breathing, the usual routine. It was scary to use the word usual now. Crying for me wasn't usual. Not before all this.
After a while, he cupped my face with both of his hands and rested his forehead against mine.
"It's hard, I know. But you're stronger."
I looked up into his eyes. "You think so?"
"I know so." He said, grabbing my hand. "Come on."
Chase led me towards the tracks of the tram besides the town, following them all the way to the station where he took a right. I followed him into a dirt road leading to the warehouses.
"Where are we going?"
"The abandoned harbour." He said.
"That's where you're planning to murder me?"
He stopped, and turned around to face me. He frowned.
"If I wanted to kill you, I've had better opportunities to do so."
"I was joking."
"I know. Not funny."
He continued walking until he came to an abandoned warehouse, where he took another left at a corner.
The sight infront of me almost took my breath away.
Beyond the rusty train tracks, and old rusty trains and abandoned ships themselves, a glittering sea stood proud in the fading sun, bathed in its orange light. As the sun was going down, the sea was calm.
It was like a scene from a haunting dream.
So tragically beautiful.
Chase led me to an old train, which had long lost its ability to function. On one of the carriages, he helped me up. We both sat with our legs dangling down, staring at the setting sun.
I looked at him. The words were aching to come out.
And I felt like I had done something terrible, turning the word like into love.
I rested my head on his shoulder. I was so tired. But so happy. It was so peaceful here.
Yet, the words were still dying to come out. They were right there- sitting on the tip of my tongue.
I was all anxious now, fidgeting with my hands.
He noticed, and brought his hand on top of mine.
When he touched me, I looked up into his eyes.
I was scared he wouldn't say it back.
I was scared he wouldn't feel the same way.
I was scared he would get mad.
But there was patience in his eyes. Like an armour made of glass. I could tell there were a million things running in his mind, full of chaos, but he was ready to be here with me.
I took a deep breath. I didnt need to say it. He knew.
He knew.
He had to.
And then we heard voices coming from far away, by a few of the old warehouses.
He grabbed my hand, his brows suddenly tugging together.
"Come on," he said. "We don't want to stay here when it gets dark."
I jumped off the carriage, onto the dirt.
I didn't want to believe he would bring me here if he knew there was trouble here in the first place.
He took me back to the town, following the same railroad.
Once we reached the main square, I tugged on his hand for him to stop walking.
"What's up?" He asked.
"Look." I said. I had never before realized that the pillars in the square were decorated with fairy lights, resembling the stars gleaming above them.
He smirked. "It's the little things with you, isn't it?"
I didn't know it then, but that would probably be the last time I smiled in a really, really long time.
I tilted my head towards him, and the corners of my mouth tilted upwards. It was only us, surrounded by age-old carved pillars under the dim-lit sky.
"Listen." I whispered.
"Okay."
I leaned forward, just until my mouth was barely touching his.
"I love you."
And then I kissed him.
.
.
.
Back home, Daniel was still sprawled in our apartment. Maya decided she didn't wanna spend the night alone, so she grabbed a pillow and slept on the carpet.
I was glad I wasn't here when she discovered what Daniel resembled after the fight.
Chase knelt down where Maya was, and placed his hand on her shoulder so she would waken.
"Take the bed with Kylie, Maya." He said. "I'll take your place."
Maya rubbed her sleepy eyes. "You sure?"
"Yeah."
Maya slowly got up and made her way into the bedroom. Chase sat on the carpet cross-legged while Daniel snored lightly next to him.
I knelt besides Chase. For a few minutes, neither of us said a word.
And then he briskly kissed my cheek. "I didn't mean to hurt you."
I frowned. I wasn't sure what he was talking about.
"Okay." I said. "Goodnight."
"Goodnight, darling."
I switched off the light and went to the bedroom, seeing no need to close the bedroom door.
Which is why I probably woke up in the middle of the night, hearing voices.
At first, I was annoyed. But then as I actually woke up to check where they were coming from, my mood shifted.
Daniel was awake, and he was talking to Chased in hushed tones.
"You're so stupid." Chase was telling Daniel.
Daniel coughed. "I would say the same for you, but you're actually not."
"Yeah?"
"Yeah. You knew what I was doing all this time. You knew I would go up to meet with Gregori's guy."
Chase tutted. "I didn't know. I had a hunch."
"No, you knew exactly when and where. But you couldn't do anything about it. Which is why you told Kylie about the gun."
My heart started beating faster after the mention of my name.
"But the gun wasn't enough." Daniel said. "The only place anyone could have seen me was from the balcony. And I wonder what Kylie was doing there at exactly the right time."
I think I was shaking. Or sweating. Or both. I clutched the blanket in both my fists. Maya was sleeping soundlessly next to me.
So Chase had wanted me in that balcony, seated at exactly the right position. A chill ran down my spine.
Chase sighed. "I just needed to know that you were safe. And I don't regret my decision one bit. She saved your fucking life."
"For that, I'll always be grateful." The sounds of Daniel hustling about reached my ears. "But what about Gregori?"
Chase cursed. "He'll always find us, even if we buried ourselves twenty feet fucking underground."
"They say you can never leave the UFL." Daniel sighed.
"He can't kill you." Chase said. "He needs you."
"It's not my life I'm worried about. It's yours. And the girls."
"I know how to protect myself. I always have."
"But Zev, it's--"
"No, Daniel. I'm not going through this again, especially not after---"
He never got to complete the sentence.
In the next few seconds, I heard three things -
One. The front door bursting wide open.
Two. The sounds of gunshots.
A little device that was shiny and black was thrown into my room with a little click. It gave off painstachingly awful gas.
Three. A scream erupting from my mouth.