An hour later I was still going crazy inside my head. I hadn't managed to ease the emotions Lacey's diagnosis had caused. My parents still weren't home from work and it would still be a couple of hours before my mom would arrive home first.
My phone pinged beside me and the sound startled me. It was a message from Aiden.
I'm on my way to see Lacey.
I'll call you when I'm done.
I was so thankful I hadn't called him. He was only now probably on his way to find out what I had already found out this morning. Being oblivious was something I couldn't go back to no matter how much I would have preferred it.
And soon he would discover how sick our friend was. I had never been close to Aiden at all but with our shared love for our friend I know it would bring us closer while we dealt with her illness.
It wasn't going to be easy. I hadn't even thought the whole thing through and it this how I was affected by it I didn't want to think about it was doing to Lacey or Adonis.
I sat up in my bed and held my phone in my hands waiting for Aiden to call me.
When it began to ring I nearly dropped it.
"Hi," I answered breathless because my heart was racing.
I would finally be able to share my worry with someone and I had been waiting for most of the the day to be able to that.
"Hi." It was in his voice. He knew.
There was a few moments of silence. I didn't want to say anything before he was ready to talk. I remember how I had dealt with the shock and trying to wrap my mind around something so monumental. The least I could do was give him time.
"You know." It was a statement not a question.
"Yeah," I breathed holding the closer, feeling like we were connecting in a way we never had before.
I heard him let out a heavy breath and I closed my eyes feeling the same heaviness in my chest. Letting him take all the time he needed I listened for him to say something.
"I can't quite believe it." His voice was shaky.
"I know...I always thought someone who was so sick would look sick...but she doesn't..." I trailed off unable to say anything else because of the tightness in my throat.
"Yeah, she doesn't look sick."
Although I couldn't stop myself from thinking back to how bad her migraines had been and I felt the creeping guilt return.
"I feel guilty," I admitted abruptly.
"Why?" he asked, sounding surprised.
I swallowed before I could answer him. "I feel like I should have known her migraines were something more. Like if I done something earlier it wouldn't be so bad now."
"Don't do it." His voice was warm and husky. "There's no way anyone of us could have known."
But I knew her better than anyone else. I was the person who she shared her secrets with.
"God," he breathed. "I didn't even know she suffered from migraines."
No matter what he had just said to me I could hear him wrestling with his own guilt. Maybe calling him and dumping my own stuff on him at such a difficult time had been a selfish move.
"I'm sorry," I felt compelled to say.
"Why are you sorry Reece?" he asked carefully.
"I should have given you some time to process all of this and all I'm doing is making it worse for you."
"No you're not." He let out any heavy sigh. "If this is how I'm feeling I can only imagine how difficult this must be for you."
His words reached the part of me deep down inside that was really scared this wasn't going to play out the way I was praying it would. I wiped the tears that caught my eyelashes when I took a shaky breath.
"Reece?" he asked softly.
I didn't want to feel so emotional but I couldn't stop the fear and sadness I had cooped up all day.
While I tried to gain some sort of composure Aiden waited patiently on the other side of the call.
"It's just..." I managed to say before it became too difficult to continue.
"I know."
Two words bound us together in our shared fear for our friends. The truth was no one would understand what I was feeling like he would. In the same we couldn't fathom what Adonis was going through.
The fear of losing her was so overwhelming I couldn't put it into words.
"I feel like I should have done something."
"No one could have known."
I lay on my bed and gazed up to the ceiling.
"How was she?" I asked. She had held it together pretty well when she had come by to tell me.
"She seems okay. I think she's handling it better than most."
That was good. It was pity I couldn't say the same for myself.
"I think she's still in shock," I murmured.
Realising for the first time since I had heard her news I didn't feel like my head was spinning out of control with emotions I couldn't handle.
"I think we all are."
It wasn't like we had a lot in common to talk about but even when our conversation lapsed into silence it didn't feel awkward or uncomfortable.
Thinking about what the news would be doing to her family brought another bout of emotion I had to breathe through.
"You okay?" he asked softly.
It took be a few more moments before I could whisper a yes.
"Hold on a sec," he said before I could hear him murmur a soft no.
"Are you sure?" I could hear what sounded like another woman whisper.
"Yeah I'll get something later."
Then there was a rustle. "Sorry that was my mom," he explained.
"If you're busy I can go," I said, feeling the need to give him an out.
I didn't want to put the phone down, I wasn't ready to be on my own with my thoughts. Even with Max and my parents they wouldn't understand like Aiden did.
"No not at all," he assured me. He paused for a moment. "Talking to you makes me feel better."
I swallowed. I felt exactly the same.
"Lacey came around this morning to break the news. I've been a mess ever since," I revealed. "I couldn't even go to college."
"You spent the whole day on your own?"
"Yeah," I breathed. "I went to park we used to play at. It brought back a lot of memories." Memories I had forgotten up to now.
I was feeling too emotional to expand on why I had needed to go to a place I shared some of my best childhood memories with Lacey.
"You guys have a lot of history."
It was more than that. She was the sister I didn't have the one I trusted more than anyone else in the world. We had lived in each other's pockets from the moment we had met. I couldn't imagine being without her and it was tearing me apart. The unknown. The fear was almost debilitating when I thought about it.
I sat up feeling the pressure weighing down on my chest.
The silence stretched on and I heard him sigh. "No matter how we are feeling we have to make sure we keep positive around her..."
I nodded as he trailed off. I would never allow her to see how much it was tearing me up inside. On the outside I would be the stable best friend that she could depend on for anything. I would ensure I kept myself together when I was with her.
"Yeah..." I managed to agree.
I wasn't ready to end the call even when I didn't have anything more to say and I couldn't figure out exactly why. Was it because when I spoke to him I didn't feel alone in my fear?
My phone buzzed in my ear signalling another call. It was Max.
"I got to go. Max is trying to call me," I told Aiden.
"Sure. Tell him I say hi." And he hung up.
There was only a moment of disappointment before I answered Max's call with a flutter of nervousness that I had never felt before. "Hi."
I sounded more emotional and breathless than I had wanted.
"Hey," he said. His usually chirpy voice only grated on my nerves. How could he be so happy when my world was slowly falling apart? It wasn't his fault and I knew I shouldn't feel resentful but I did.
And then I told him about Lacey.