Berlin, Germany
Spring 2016
"So you managed to make it out alright." Nadine glanced up at the sound of Sam's voice, sparing the former paratrooper a wry grin and a raised brow as she slid her rifle case into the trunk of the Beetle after the duffle holding her gear. He huffed out a laugh. "Obviously," he corrected almost immediately. Nadine couldn't help but snicker.
"Obviously," she repeated, no hiding the teasing in her own voice. Sam smiled. Only for his features to grow serious.
"You okay?" he asked softly.
Nadine blinked, a faint frown creasing her brow. "I'm fine, why?"
Sam shrugged, unconsciously nodding toward the Beetle next to them.
Where Barnes still sat.
"You know," he continued, "after what happened at the JCTC?" Realization dawned, and Nadine inhaled slowly. "I saw the aftermath, Ryker," Sam said, his expression grim as he fixed her with a blatantly assessing look, "and I saw you in the cafeteria and I heard what went down; you went through a window." Nadine met his eye, her lip quirking.
"I did. And?"
"Damn...and you're okay?"
"I'm here, aren't I?" she replied wryly, not that it wholly detracted from her sincerity as she reassured her friend. She was admittedly still rather sore from the whole episode, but that wasn't important. She wasn't interested in making any of them worry about her. "I'm fine. Thanks in part to Sharon, believe it or not."
With a small smile, Nadine turned, heading back for Sharon's car. Sam hesitated, vaguely startled, for a moment before falling into step beside her.
"Seriously? That's it?" Nadine was nearly tempted to roll her eyes in exasperation at his incredulity. She shrugged.
"I might have to kick Barnes' ass for throwing me through said window, but otherwise? I'm fine, Wilson."
Sam grinned, his serious expression easing with relief. Nadine shook her head fondly, looking away from the former paratrooper and back to the other car and the pair standing next to the open trunk.
She was only barely able to keep herself from faltering.
Nadine hadn't been able to keep herself from sagging with relief when she'd caught sight of Steve, Sam and Barnes within the vintage Beetle as it approached the rendezvous site. She'd thought she'd been prepared for a strong wave of relief at seeing them all, safe and whole. She hadn't. Not for how powerful it had been. Especially when Steve ducked out of the small car.
Steve.
Steve she had studiously avoided thinking about as much as possible during her introspection while waiting for Sharon. She had already spent more than enough time dwelling on their relationship and her problematic yet undeniably growing feelings for the man. There was nothing new, no new angles to consider. So there had been no point in torturing herself further. Reconciling what had happened in regard to Barnes—that she hadn't been able to stop his capture or her own despite being more than capable, how fighting him again had threatened a nearly deadly flashback at precisely the wrong time, and so on—had been the priority. Everything else had been compartmentalized away as her training and the situation had demanded. The way it should have been all along, really.
Not that she'd been entirely successful in burying away the fear that something had happened to the Captain; no matter what she did, no matter what mental tricks she'd employed, her sister's word from their run through the JCTC hadn't stopped echoing in her ears.
No one's seen Steve since he raced down to head off Barnes.
It had been almost as bad as her almost consuming fear for Nina and later Natasha when they had been taken hostage during the first the Strucker then the Ultron fiasco.
So the instant she'd seen him stepping out of the almost comically small car?
She hadn't been able to breathe, leaning heavily against the concrete column she'd been positioned behind to get the jump on any potential trap as she struggled to maintain her composure.
But she'd fought to shake off her lingering worry and her relief both.
Only for something else altogether to rise up to take its place.
The resurgence of the troublesome stab of jealousy when Sharon had leaned in to kiss Steve had most certainly not been welcome. Neither had the suddenly overwhelming urge to back the younger woman off...forcefully if necessary...or the small twist of betrayal that Sharon had done it at all after their heartfelt conversation barely an hour before.
And that wasn't even counting the ache in her gut as she'd tried to forcefully remind herself that she had no real claim on Steve...or that she shouldn't want one; unfortunately her feelings were no longer nearly so obliging.
Nor were her skills at reading people, apparently. Her chest tightened with uncertainty as she'd watched Steve and Sharon talk out of the corner of her eye during her own chat with Sam. She just couldn't figure out how he'd felt about that damned kiss with the JCTTF agent. Receptive? Uncomfortable? Embarrassed? There had been a slight tension across his shoulders that had eased as he continued to speak with Sharon only to resume as she said...something. Something that had him furtively sparing glances in her and Sam's direction. Something that left what she could decipher from his profile alone nearly unreadable.
And then there had been the way he'd looked at her when she'd spoken up to reveal her presence after that bloody kiss...another one of his looks that she couldn't quite read, but that left her heart pounding and her stomach fluttering distractingly.
A look that had left part of her certain that she was seeing a mirror to her own feelings of overwhelming worry and relief reflected back at her. One that had Sharon's certainty, her sister's conviction and her own traitorously hopeful suspicions that Steve returned her feelings nudging smugly in the back of her mind.
But as she and Sam reached the car, taking turns to step between Steve and Sharon to grab out more of the gear they'd stashed in the trunk, he couldn't meet her eye.
And all at once the hopeful knotting in her stomach turned uneasy.
Why did emotions have to be so damn complicated...
Frustrated with herself at the realization that she was letting her feelings threaten to derail her usually meticulous control yet again, she shoved them away.
Only for another almost as distracting train of thought to rise up in its place as Sam once more fell into step beside her.
The image of Sam helping a shaky looking Nat up from a table back at the JCTC just as Nadine herself had been regaining consciousness.
"Natasha's okay?" she asked softly as they approached the Beetle again. She saw Sam spare her a glance out of the corner of her eye.
"Yeah," he said sedately after a moment, eyes almost unseeing as he waited for her to tuck Barnes' bag into the Beetle's trunk. "She's good. A bit shaken, I think, but she was alright when I left her." A small, relieved sigh escaped past Nadine's lips, her shoulders slumping with it.
"Good," she breathed, only to frown as another recollection suddenly struck her. A detail that she'd nearly forgotten about. Someone else had been there, someone she hadn't recognized...but wondered if she should've.
"There was a girl, there." Sam faltered next to her, pausing in his move to deposit his wings in the trunk to look up at her, "with you and Nat." Nadine levelled him with an unreadable look as she recognized his hesitation. And tilted her head in consideration as his unconscious glance back to the Beetle's remaining passenger sparked a suspicion in the back of her thoughts.
"The girl from DC?" she questioned softly, unable to entirely keep her surprise from her voice. Sam started, his dark eyes going wide.
"Yeah," he confirmed, "Iris. She, uh...she panicked a bit, I guess, when I didn't get back to her after Bucharest. She saw on the news that Barnes was being transported to Berlin and...well..." He didn't have to continue. Nadine nodded, understanding.
It was a reckless thing for the young DC landlady to do...but on some level, Nadine could understand the impulse.
After all, hadn't her decision to follow Steve to Bucharest been somewhat of a reckless impulse itself? To meet up with him again when she probably should be disappearing...she mentally shook her head, silently chiding herself as she did.
"Where is she now?" she asked, pointedly trying to move her thoughts from the trajectory they had once more been trying to go down. "Safe, I hope?" Sam's lip quirked.
"Safe," he confirmed, a knowing glint in his eye as he glanced once more to where they both knew Barnes still sat in the car, "much to his relief. I got her set up in a hotel just outside of Berlin." And Nadine let out a soft exhale. This was good. If Barnes did truly care for this woman the way Sam obviously seemed to think?
It was a much needed bit of good news, that was for sure. Especially for Barnes; she could easily imagine good news wasn't something he got very often.
With a small nod and a gesture for Sam to get back in the Beetle, she turned back to Steve, his body language and Sharon's indicating they were wrapping up with their own conversation. Sure enough, as Nadine approached Sharon's car to see about collecting the rest of the gear—only Steve's was left, really—Steve was grabbing up his shield and his bundled uniform.
And nearly turned right into Nadine.
Her breath caught before she could stop it as he finally met her eye. Especially at the small, tentative smile that bloomed across his handsome features. One that she couldn't help but return even as he stepped around her, intent on depositing his gear in the Beetle. It was only at the soft sound of Sharon's voice that tore her attention away from the retreating supersoldier.
"Natasha was right," Sharon murmured appreciatively. Once more mentally shaking herself back to the present, Nadine was immediately levelling the younger woman with a questioning glance. Sharon's lip quirked. "He's not a bad kisser. Could use a little practice, but not bad."
Nadine pointedly ignored the way her cheeks suddenly felt warm—and the way she was suddenly and sincerely tempted to toss the other woman into her own trunk—instead ensuring that her features remained impassive, her only response a noncommittal hum as she turned to follow Steve back to the Beetle.
Only to blink in indignation as Sharon stifled a soft snicker.
"You know you want a turn," Sharon quipped under her breath, causing Nadine's step to falter. Nadine's stomach fluttered, and she was only barely able to limit her reaction to an indifferently raised brow as she looked back to Sharon.
"You really think daring me is a good idea?" she asked blandly, ignoring the way her heart quickened at the prospect. Sharon shrugged, smiling mildly back at Nadine.
"Maybe, maybe not," Sharon said, voice still carefully low, keeping the exchange between the two of them. "Not when I know you're not going to do it." Nadine's eyes narrowed at the dismissal, her arms crossing loosely over her chest.
"Now that sounds very much like a dare. You really think such a novice bit of reverse psychology would work on me?" Sharon just smiled sweetly at Nadine's dry objection.
"No. Just making an observation," she said. "You already made it perfectly clear that you weren't going to pursue him. That there was too much baggage." Nadine didn't respond, instead assessing the younger blonde from behind a carefully blank look. Sharon levelly met her gaze right back. "Which is a pity for you, because I was right that he's interested." She sighed then, though the way she still watched Nadine made her wonder if it was a bit of theatrics, "but you did make your argument and he made his and I can see the logic against the two of you starting anything." Nadine's gut clenched; why did it hurt so much to hear someone else agree that her arguments against pursuing anything with Steve were valid... It was then that the shard of jealousy that had been needling her since the funeral was suddenly intensifying once more as Sharon glanced to Steve with a poorly hidden look of appreciation.
"I thought you weren't interested anymore." The impulsive—and indignant, if she was being honest—question was out of Nadine's mouth before she could stop it. But she carefully hid that truth behind a dryly questioning look. Sharon looked back to Nadine at the question, a brow raising. She shrugged after a moment.
"What? I wanted to see what it was like. Don't you?" It was then that her gaze grew faintly challenging, causing the shard in Nadine's chest to pulse uneasily. "And who says I'm not still interested. Maybe I want you to think I'm daring you so you won't. Would getting you to kiss him and opening that door really be in my best interest if I am?" Her expression eased to one of amusement as Nadine's eyes narrowed sharply. "You can't keep circling forever, after all," she quipped. Nadine straightened, studying the younger woman. Her instincts weren't clear. Not on this. She couldn't quite be sure if Sharon was bluffing, joking...or if she was serious.
Right at this moment, she was proving harder to read than even her sister...and somewhat exasperating in nearly the same manner as Nat was with her attempts to matchmake. Nadine bit back an irritated huff.
But before she could respond, both their attention was caught at Steve's call. He was standing a few steps away from the Beetle, watching Nadine expectantly. Forcing whatever it was between her and Sharon aside, Nadine spared Sharon a final look.
"Carter," she offered with a faint head-bob of acknowledgement. Little else needed to be said and offering more still instinctively smarted of giving away a potential advantage to Nadine. Not to mention, whatever game it was the younger woman was trying to play, Nadine didn't have the patience nor the time to try and unravel it, leaving her somewhat irritated with the younger woman.
But she truly was grateful to the younger agent for her help—her nerve in kissing Steve aside.
A simple nod was all Sharon offered back, mirroring Nadine's.
A simple nod and a small, genuine smile. Nadine nearly faltered at what she read behind the expression; somehow Sharon knew how she felt even if Nadine's background made it hard to properly convey that kind of gratitude.
Her grin turning faintly wry, Sharon turned away, closing the trunk of her car.
It was a dismissal if Nadine ever saw one. Swallowing a huff, she followed Steve, coming up behind him as he shuffled things around in the trunk of the Beetle to better fit his gear.
"You're good?" he asked, sparing her a glance as he straightened. She hummed an acknowledgement, lifting his shield from where he'd leaned it against the vintage car's front bumper. He grinned, a flicker of relief crossing his face.
"You?" she asked seriously back as he bent to grab up his gear. He paused, meeting her suddenly very serious eye. He sighed, nodding sedately after a moment of thought.
"I'm good," he said, the corner of his mouth lifted in a gently reassuring grin. Though she didn't let her expression change, it did help some of the anxious, gnawing worry left over from Nat's declaration back in the JCTC finally begin to dissipate. Some of the tension in her shoulders eased, her posture sagging before she could help herself. But just as quickly, her anxiety was soon turning to annoyance, her gaze turning sharp.
"Why the hell did you go after him alone?" The murmured question came out far more abruptly than she'd intended, not that her disapproving tone entirely hid the thread of latent fear. And before she could help herself, more unguarded words were spilling out with embarrassing ease. "Do you have any idea how worried I was when Nat told me you hadn't been seen since rushing down to face him?" Steve straightened, his expression shifting from startled at her outburst to thoughtful as he looked to her. Nadine's mouth snapped shut with a nearly audible click of teeth. But she didn't allow her challenging expression to falter, silently demanding explanation.
Not that it was all that difficult to guess at his reasoning.
"Well I wasn't exactly alone," he objected with an attempt at deflection, "I had Sam." Nadine said nothing, her unimpressed expression sustained. They both knew that for all that Sam was one of the best wingmen one could have in a fight—no pun intended—he was no match for the Winter Soldier. After a moment Steve's broad shoulders sagged, a sigh escaping as he finally settled on how he wanted to explain. "Because I was the best chance at stopping him," only for his conviction to falter as he glanced toward his friend where he sat, obscured by the open hood of the Beetle. When he finally continued, his voice dropped so low she could barely hear him over the ambient sounds of the thoroughfare above their heads, "it was a near thing, Nadine." He met her eye again, his expression grave. But he couldn't quite hold it, looking down to his bundled uniform. Inhaling deeply, he finally placed it in among the rest of the gear in the Beetle's trunk.
Nadine sighed, her annoyance at his reckless, headlong rush to engage the Winter Soldier fading to a weary ache. One laced with relief that they'd all made it out, little worse for wear. Not to mention she hated seeing him so grim. She held out his shield. Automatically, he took it, but she didn't let go right away. Frowning, he met her eye once again.
"Well, it's a good thing you did manage it," she said, her lip quirking slightly before she could stop it. He looked up to her, his grave expression startled from his face at the mildly teasing tone even as she surrendered her hold on the shield. "Or it would've been up to me to take him out." He huffed out a small laugh at her dry tone, though the look in his eye made it clear he knew she was wholly serious and that he'd heard plainly what she hadn't said; that the idea of it coming to that didn't sit well with her...for obvious reasons.
And a couple not so obvious ones...
Nodding, the small, genuine smile that somehow always managed to send a wave of warmth spreading through her chest returning, Steve looked down to the shield in his hands before turning to slide it into the trunk with the rest of the gear.
It was then, as he settled his shield on top of the rest of the gear, absently checking that Sam's wings were secure next to it, that a reckless idea of her own took hold. An urge planted that she knew rationally she should be ignoring. An impulse she knew she should fervently squash...but she couldn't. Not when the opportunity was presented so neatly.
And before she could let her better sense restrain her, her fingers were brushing Steve's arm and, as he straightened, his expression faintly questioning as he turned to face her, she stepped towards him...
...and pressed her lips to his.
Contentment like she'd never felt bloomed as her pulse raced, warmth flooding through her body as he kissed her back tentatively, gently at first only to gain confidence, one hand rising to cup her face as the other curled around her waist.
God, he felt safe.
He felt like home.
And then it was over and she was pulling away, fixing an unaffected look on her face, her hands falling from her grip on his biceps.
"What was that for?" he asked, a faint huskiness to his voice. She shrugged, ignoring the pleased thrum in her chest and the involuntary, smug pleasure at hearing the effect of her kiss in his voice.
"Wanted to see what all the fuss was about," she joked lightly. The corner of his lip quirked.
"That's all?" Her breath caught and she couldn't quite seem to find the words to answer. A pleased, wondering glint appeared in his eye and before she could help it, her cheeks began to warm.
And he leaned in to lay a quick, chaste kiss on the corner of her mouth before closing the Beetle's hood and circling the car.
Inhaling deeply in a bid to regain control over her normally meticulous composure, Nadine straightened, trying but not quite managing to keep a small, pleased smile of her own from her face.
Though the smile was quickly overtaken with an expression of exasperation at the smug look Sharon shot her right as she disappeared into her own car. Nadine huffed.
Well played, Sharon Carter...
Restraining the sudden juvenile urge to roll her eyes as the dark sedan purred to life and pulled away with her temporary companion inside, Nadine turned her attention back to her current companions.
"So what's the plan," she asked as she followed Steve around the front of the car, interrupting what appeared to be a silent battle of wills between Barnes inside the car and Sam leaning with an arm draped over the open passenger door that had an exasperated expression flickering across Steve's face as he opened the driver's side door.
"We need to find somewhere to hole up for a bit," Steve said, falling into his role as their little group's leader without hesitation, "but first we need to get moving." He glanced solemnly to Nadine, then, "we'll fill you in on the way." Nadine frowned, glancing between the three men. There was a gravity to the three of them that most definitely didn't bode well.
"What's happened," she prompted, shoving aside the unease suddenly running riot in the pit of her stomach.
"The doctor who activated my programming," Nadine faltered at the voice that answered...a voice she very nearly didn't recognize...one she hadn't heard in over eighteen years, "he wanted information only I had." Her attention snapped to Barnes, only half-hearing him.
He'd slid forward from the backseat of the Beetle so that he stood half in, half out of the car, one foot braced on the pavement and one arm on the roof. After a long moment of staring at his loosely fisted hand—his flesh and bone one, she noted absently, her chest feeling tight at the way he seemed nearly to be hiding the other one from sight inside the Beetle—he looked up, his steel-blue gaze flicking to each of them in turn before finally, almost reluctantly settling on Nadine. Only to frown, shifting uneasily under her scrutiny.
Nadine was too unsettled to do much more than stare at him in something that distantly felt like bewilderment. She'd barely even heard what he'd said.
Barnes eyed her askance for a moment before finally speaking up once more. "Why are you looking at me like that?"
Nadine started, her cheeks warming as she abruptly came back to herself. At the realization that she was actually blushing, she only blushed harder, self-conscious and irritated that it had happened in the first place.
But truthfully? Hearing him speak? Seeing him acting so...normal? It was deeply unsettling. The only real interactions she'd ever had with the man had been while he had been trapped by his programming. So this? It threw her off balance, just as seeing him for the first time after so many years back in Bucharest had. Out of the corner of her eye she caught Steve grinning at her with amusement before his curiosity—and concern—got the better of him. Before she could help herself, she was leaning into him, his solid presence next to her and his hand on the small of her back both reassuring and grounding. As she forced the unsettled feeling aside, willing her cheeks to cool, she cleared her throat, pointedly ignoring the fact that she'd been blushing at all.
"I—I've just never heard you speak before," she dismissed with affected indifference...something the others all politely pretended to buy, she was sure. "Not really. One word doesn't really count." Both Steve and Barnes looked startled while Sam just looked bewildered, clearly lost as he looked between his three companions. A low sound had Nadine's eyes snapping back to Barnes, surprise flickering across her face as she realized the dark-haired man was chuckling, a conceding grin appearing on his face.
"Yeah, I suppose that's right, isn't it," his features turned apologetic, "sorry about that. I wasn't exactly, uh, equipped for conversation at the time." She shook her head, absently waving it off.
"There wasn't much opportunity, either," she quipped back with a half-hearted smile. If any of them noticed the waver to her voice, they were all gracious enough not to react to it. Clearing her throat, Nadine forced herself back to the issue at hand.
Without any of them saying as much, it sounded like the doctor wasn't quite done causing chaos yet.
Wonderful...
She bit back an aggravated sigh.
"Well, figure out who's sitting where," she said then, unsettled emotions once more firmly in hand and her voice once more confident and collected as she stepped forward to slip around Steve to stand between him and the driver's seat. It took far more effort than she was willing to admit not to be distracted by how close they were suddenly standing; she was nearly in his arms...especially when his hand fell once more to her waist. "I'm driving."
"Why you?" Steve was the first to regain his voice after her declaration. Nadine glanced up to him, raising a brow as a smug grin spread across her face.
"Because I know where we're going," she brushed off. Before he could react further, she was settling herself in the driver's seat, racking it forward to adjust for her shorter frame; not everyone was as tall as the Captain. She looked over as Sam ducked down to peer at her past Barnes' torso through the open passenger door.
"And where might that be?" She smiled brightly over at him, starting the car as she did. They all took the hint, Barnes scowling faintly at a vaguely entreating look from Steve as he dropped back into the car and scooted over to sit behind Nadine, allowing a suddenly grumbling Sam to wedge himself into the back seat next to him. It was almost comical, really, and Nadine was sorely tempted to chuckle. Especially when the two men seemed determined to keep as much space between each other as possible.
She didn't answer Sam's question until Steve was safely ensconced in the passenger seat and they were pulling away from beneath the overpass. "Because I have somewhere we can lay low," she explained. "A place in Dresden. Not far from the airport."
"Wait, another one?" Sam piped up incredulously from behind Steve, "How many safehouses do you have?" Nadine truly did roll her eyes at that.
"Boltholes," she corrected absently, levelling first Sam then Steve with a nearly chiding expression, "but safehouse works too, I suppose. And one of these days you boys are going to remember that I'm a lot more prepared than you all ever seem to be..."
She couldn't help but chuckle at the way Sam huffed indignantly.
A/N: Thanks for reading!
Don't forget to Vote and Comment!