Jonah picked me up the next morning. It was so easy between us now, like I'd finally unlocked the door and it was now completely wide open. He was smiling and laughing as well, and if anyone asked me where that gloomy kid named Jonah Gibbs was, I would say, "Gloomy kid who?"
Though, once we both stepped out of his car, it was as if his walls slowly built up again, like I was the only one allowed to see the side of him he had been hiding and no one else was allowed to see it. I took his hand in mine, surprising not him but also myself and also a hundred other kids who openly gawked at us as we went into the school building hand-in-hand, and I gave him a smile.
"What did I say about smiling instead of frowning?" I said to him.
He slowly smiled. "Sorry. I'm not used to it," he murmured, his eyes fixed on me.
The hall was packed already, so it wasn't that much of a surprise when Jonah suddenly crashed into someone, effectively making all the stuff they were holding fall onto the ground. Both Jonah and I stopped, seeing a girl stuttering and obviously scared in front of us, avoiding Jonah's eyes as she tried to collect her things.
She was flustered, and she looked like she was about to piss in her pants when her shaky hands kept on dropping her stuff back into the ground. Without a word, Jonah crouched down to help her, making the girl stiffen in surprise.
"I'm sorry, I wasn't looking," I heard Jonah said genuinely. He handed the things back to her, but stood up without helping her. I rolled my eyes and offered the girl my hand, and she stared at it confusedly before slowly taking my hand, and I pulled her up into her feet with ease.
The girl was still hesitant, but she finally looked at us both. I gave her a friendly smile and lightly stepped on Jonah's feet. "Smile," I hissed to him, and he rolled his eyes at me for a moment before smiling at the girl.
"Sorry again," he said easily, making the smile on my face even bigger.
"It—it's okay," the girl stammered. "I'm s-sorry."
"Don't worry about it," he replied, before stepping aside and taking me with him, and then we continued walking along the hallway.
"You're such a gentleman," I cooed at him. I reached out to pinch his cheeks but he stopped me, grabbing both of my wrists with a small glare.
"Shut up," he said, flushing in embarrassment.
I just laughed at him, and we finally arrived at my locker. He waited as I opened my locker, and I sent him a questioning glance. "Don't you need to get to your own locker?" I asked.
He shrugged, his lips pulling into a small smile. He reached out to fix the strands of hair on my cheeks that was out of the ponytail, brushing them behind my ear.
I blushed and caught his wrist to stop him. "Don't do that."
"Do what?" he asked, reaching for my hair again.
"That."
He was grinning. "Why not?"
I turned my head away from him. "You're making me blush," I said, taking my math textbook from my locker as an excuse to not look at him.
He chuckled. "I like seeing you blush."
Well goddammit, Jonah. That's only making me blush even more. "Well, I don't like blushing," I huffed at him. "In case you haven't noticed, I turned into a tomato every time."
He put his hand on top of my head and ruffled my hair, making me shriek in surprise.
"You're ruining my hair!"
"You still look good anyway," he said airily as he turned around and walked away. Before he was gone out of sight, though, he looked over his shoulder and said, "See you later."
I was still blushing as I leaned against my locker, my heart feeling like it was about to burst inside my chest. It wasn't long until Gina finally spotted me with a giddy smile on my face, standing there like an idiot that I was starting to become.
"Good god," she commented as she walked up to me. "Why didn't you tell me when you called last night that finally you got laid, Hannah?"
My face reddened in mortification. "What? I didn't!"
She smirked at me. "Well, that definitely isn't what everybody's saying."
My forehead knitted in confusion. "What do you mean?"
"Everyone's talking about you and Jonah," she said teasingly. We both walked through the hallway, ignoring the looks that people sent toward my way. "How you two supposedly had the best night ever."
I groaned. "For god's sake, Gina, we haven't even kissed! How did anybody even know that Jonah and I hung out last night?"
She shrugged. "You guys were at a public place. They were saying you two were making goo-goo eyes at each other all the way through the event."
Lightly smacking her on the arm, I huffed. "Shut up. We did not."
"Mmmmm-hm. Whatever you say, best friend."
[]
I'd really thought that nothing was going to bring me down, but apparently, I was wrong.
It was during a hazy night, in the middle of a dark, empty road, when I found myself sitting behind the wheel. I'd recognized this dream a thousand times before, but nothing could ever prepare me for what was about to come.
I remembered it being so cold, even though the heater in the car was turned up to its highest level. Light snow was falling onto the road, and the glass window was slowly getting frosty from how freezing it was. I pulled down the sleeves of my sweater so they covered all of my fingers, my numb hand moving slowly to turn the steering wheel.
I was shaky, and I didn't know why. I was scared, I was confused, and I wanted to go home; but this road was foreign to me and I'd never properly driven a car before and I didn't know what the hell I was doing behind the wheel. There was a faint murmur from the radio, a song that I didn't recognize, but it only made the whole situation more chilly instead of calming.
A motion from my right jolted me in my seat, and it was then that I realized that there was someone slumping against the passenger seat, his eyes closed but his face blurry in my eyes. Somehow I knew that he was sleeping, and that whatever I did wouldn't be enough to wake him up. I turned my focus back to the road in front of me, ignoring the low mumbling that came from the stranger.
I didn't know how to drive; I didn't know what I was doing and I was slowly freaking out. I mean, I knew how to drive, but I wasn't good at this and I'd never once driven alone without my dad in the passenger seat, telling me what to and what not to do. I was with a stranger, but I was alone and he couldn't help me calm me down because he was asleep. I wanted to call out his name but my mind just couldn't remember what his name was, so I stayed quiet, trying my best to recall everything dad had taught me about driving safely.
I didn't know how it was possible, but the night only got darker and darker, and it was as if I was slowly driving into a black, endless hole. I didn't know which direction to go—I didn't know if I was going the right way. Heck, I didn't even know where I was going. I was scared, confused, and freezing, and I wanted to go home. But I didn't know where home was.
Suddenly, I heard a noise, and a sudden light coming from the opposite side of the road, shocking me because it had just come out of nowhere from the black hole. It slowly got near, and near, and near.
Then it literally hit me. The light came running into the car, and I almost swerved to the right to avoid it.
But within less than a second that I had left, I saw the big, old tree to the right of the car, and I remembered that there was a stranger sitting in the passenger seat. If I swerved to the right, then the passenger side of the car would only crash into the tree and it would kill whoever it was that sat next to me. So I held my breath, hitting the brakes even though it would do me no good, because the light came crashing straight into me anyway.
Then I was wide awake, breathless, sweaty, and both emotionally and physically exhausted, lying on my bed helplessly.
My blurry eyes slowly cleared, as did my ears, and I finally caught the sound of Lily's cries, begging me to check up on her. So I slowly got up from my bed, my head heavy and light at the same time, and I dragged myself toward Daisy's crib.
I held her in my arms and sat down on my bed, trying to control the rapid pace of my breath. I'd changed her diaper no less than an hour ago, so I just grabbed her bottle and began feeding her, rocking her in my arms and lightly murmuring the one song that I always sang to her. I started singing this song to her on Monday, and apparently, she somehow liked it.
"I love this place; but it's haunted without you," I hummed to Daisy. "My tired heart is beating so slow."
Her crying didn't stop, but it didn't get louder either, so I kept on singing.
"Our hearts sing less than we wanted, we wanted. Our hearts sing 'cause we do not know, we do not know." I shifted her in my arms so I would be more comfortable with the bottle I was also holding. "To light the night; to help us grow, to help us grow. It is not said, I always know."
Daisy's cries slowly got quieter, but it still hadn't stopped. I lifted her up slightly so she was closer to my chest, hoping that if she heard my voice closer to her ears, she would stop crying faster.
And then she did. The crying completely stopped, and it hadn't even been five minutes. I sighed in relief, putting away the feeding bottle and lightly ruffled her hair before placing her back inside the crib.
I glanced at my bedside table and two a.m. on the alarm clock stared back at me. I was still tired, but I no longer felt like I needed to sleep. So I just lay there on my bed, staring up at my plain white ceiling and thinking about the nightmare.
I wish I could say that I had no idea why I was having it again, but truth was, I knew the reason why. It was November already; the nights were getting chillier and the sky was gradually growing somber, preparing for the cold winter days and nights that were about to come. And winters were always the worst for me. Especially winter nights; when it was freezing outside and snow was falling just exactly like how it was falling in my bad dream.
Suddenly, my phone vibrated and I took it from my bedside table. Jonah's name lit up on my screen, and I smiled before picking it up. "Hello?"
There was a pause. "I didn't expect you to answer."
"Well, here I am."
"Did I wake you up?" he asked, and I heard some shuffling. "Sorry."
"No, you didn't. I was already awake because of Daisy," I told him. "Why are you still awake?"
"Can't sleep, as usual," he said slowly.
I smiled, sitting up on my bed. "Any particular reason why you're calling me?"
"Hmm, not really. Just saw your name and thought I'd call you," he hummed over the phone. "I can hang up if you want."
"I don't," I said.
"You sure?"
"Positive," I assured him.
"Alright."
"Alright."
I closed my eyes and imagined the little smile on his face, and I sighed. Jonah probably heard the sigh, because he immediately asked, "What's the matter?"
"Nothing," I told him.
"You were sighing," he said.
"Is it a crime?"
"No..." he drawled out, and I lightly chuckled. "It just... you sound tired."
I bit my lip and smiled. "I am. But not tired enough to hang up the call."
There was a pause as Jonah silently calculated the words to say. "You know you can tell me anything, right?"
"Do I?" I teased.
"Isn't that what friends are supposed to do? Tell each other everything?" he asked.
I smiled again. "Yeah. It is."
He was silent for a while. "Well?" he asked expectantly.
"I had a nightmare," I finally admitted. "I frequently have the same nightmare over and over again for years now, but it still scares the shit out of me."
I could picture the frown on his face, the way the corners of his lips were pulled down and his eyebrows drawn together. "Do you wanna talk about it?"
"Yeah, I guess," I said quietly. So I told him the general description of my occurring nightmare; about me driving alone and the stranger that appeared and then different scary things that happened right before I woke up.
He was quiet for a while, as if he was taking it all in. Finally, he said, "It sounds really intense."
"It is."
"I'm sorry you have to go through that," he said softly.
"I'm alright," I told him. "It doesn't bother me all that much anymore, it just simply exhausts me every time I wake up, but I can deal."
"When did you start having that nightmare?" he asked curiously, almost concernedly, and I hesitated. "Was it..." he paused, hesitating as well, "was it from some kind of a bad experience?"
I bit my lip and chose not to answer. I let him read my silence the way he wanted it, letting him take silent guesses. I changed the topic instead, "Aren't you sleepy, Jonah?"
He accepted the fact that I didn't want to talk about it. "A little bit, surprisingly."
"Well, why don't you go to sleep?" I told him. "Go, before you're wide awake again. You need at least a couple hours of sleep."
"Is it bad that I don't wanna sleep?" he said. "I'd rather just talk to you."
I couldn't hold in the smile. "Aw, stop making me blush. Go to sleep, Jonah. Don't forget about our date tomorrow—or today, I guess."
I could hear the grin in his voice as he said, "Of course I won't. It's the only thing I've been thinking all night."
I blushed. "Really?" I heard him chuckle. "Then what're you waiting for? You need to your beauty sleep."
"I kind of don't want to."
"Do I need to sing you to sleep?" I asked jokingly.
"Maybe I do," he answered. "Yeah, you should do that," he added quietly.
My cheeks warmed. "I wasn't being serious. Just go to sleep."
"Sing to me and I will."
"My voice sucks."
"So does mine."
"What if you end up having nightmares after listening to me sing?"
He scoffed. "I won't."
"Nope. I'm hanging up."
"Please?" he drawled out, and my finger hesitated over my phone screen. "I said please. Will you sing now?"
I sighed to him. "You are such a kid."
"Is it a yes?"
"Oh, just shut up," I muttered, ignoring his chuckle. After hesitating for about thirty minutes, I finally said, "This is the song I've been singing to Daisy. It's called Little House. It's from a movie."
"Okay."
"Okay." I took a deep breath, and then sang, very softly, "You can catch me; don't you run, don't you run. If you live another day in this happy little house... the fire's here to stay."
It was silent over the phone, the only sound I could hear from his side was just the low, shaky sound of his breathing.
"To light the night; to help us grow, to help us grow," I sang. "It is not said, I always know."
I heard a soft thud and some shuffling sounds, and I was guessing that Jonah was settling himself into his bed.
"Please don't make a fuss, it won't go away," I continued softly. "The wonder of it all, the wonder that I made. I am here to stay."
I hummed the melody slowly, closing my eyes as well.
"I am here to stay."
Jonah was still silent, and I continued with the last word, ending the song.
"Stay."
The only thing I could hear was my own breathing, so I held my breath for a while, listening to the sound of Jonah's steady breathing. In and out, slowly and softly, and I let it sing into my own ear.
"Jonah?" I called softly. "You still there?"
The only answer that I got was the steady sound of his breathing, and I smiled.
"Good night, Jonah," I said to him, slowly falling asleep as well. "Sleep tight."