CHAPTER 5.
MATT'S POV.
It was sometime past three, but I couldn't fall asleep. I got up and shut all the curtains and tried to sleep again. As soon as I felt like I was drifting into a dream, someone started ringing the bell and knocking the door, really violently.
I hope it's not the cops... I thought to myself stupidly as I walked to the door and opened it to see Kate.
"Took you long enough!" She said.
I frowned. What is she doing here?
"I thought you died or something! I was worried." She said as she walked inside like it was her own damn house.
"Are you drunk or is this some surprise booty call I didn't know about?"
"Since when am I banned to come visit you, Matt?" She pouted and slumped onto the couch.
"Since you stopped answering my freakin' calls." I practically screamed.
"Harsh!" She said, a bit sad, looking down. Then, she looked up at me expectantly. When I didn't say anything, she said, "Why were you calling anyway?"
"I just..." I sighed and sat down on the couch beside her.
She looked at me, still waiting.
"I wanted to apologize."
"You did?" She looked at me like she didn't believe me.
It infuriated me. "Believe it or not. What do you want?"
She sighed. "I need a place to crash." And she blinked. That's how I knew she was lying.
"Oh, really?"
"No, Matt... I'm hurting." She didn't blink. Her expression was one of pained and sad. One I had never seen before on her face.
"What's wrong?"
She hesitated for a while. "Let me ask you something... If you didn't know me and had met me for the first or maybe the second time, would you just have sex with me and then leave?" She said, her face looking like she was trying to decipher something.
"Leave?" I thought over it. "Probably not, but it would depend on circumstances."
"Like what?"
"If, if my... dog was dying?"
She giggled. "You don't have a dog!"
"If I had cancer and I was enjoying the last few days of my life."
"You don't have cancer either. You don't, right?" She looked at me, sadly.
"No, I'm fine."
"Thank God..."
I looked at her.
"You remember Alex... and Alan? They didn't take me to their house knowingly. I was at some bar and was roofied. I didn't tell them my address so they thought it was safe to take me to their house..."
I paused. "Okay, and then?"
"I went to their place again, and Alan was there... We had dinner and... He was so sweet... We..." She sighed, "We made out and stuff. The guy at Stacey's party with me was Alex. I don't know what he was doing there but then he took me to some hotel, we had sex and he just, left me there." She paused and continued, "I saw him today, too. He kissed me, said sorry and went away, again."
"That's a little fucked up." I said, over-the-top pissed. I swear, if I see him again, I'm gonna beat the shit outta him.
"I know. I don't know how I even fell for it. I don't even know why I'm telling all of this to you." She laughed nervously.
"What'd he say to you?"
"That he was stupid for leaving me that way the other night, and that he was sorry... I swear I thought he meant it..." Her eyes began to tear up.
"Hey, c'mere..." I pulled her into a hug. She didn't say anything.
I was pretty mad at her, but right then, she was sloshed and she needed a hand to help her stay up. We'd been friends for too long and I felt like I had a responsibility towards her.
She looked up at me and whispered, "Thank you for always being there... Thank you so much..."
I kissed her forehead instinctively. "You're welcome."
"I should go..." She got up to leave.
"I'll drop you home." I got up. "Do you have your car?"
"You don't have to. I'll be fine."
"Shut your pie hole and gimme your keys." I held my hand out.
She handed them over to me without another word. I drove her to her house and put her to bed. She fell asleep instantly. I sighed, took off her dress and shoes and changed her into her night clothes as gently as I could without waking her, got in beside her, and pulled the sheets over us.
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KATE'S POV.
The next morning I woke up with a killer head ache. I realised I was wearing my pyjamas. When did I change? I turned to see Matt sleeping right next to me. Shit! What happened last night? I couldn't remember a thing. Fuck! Stop drinking now, will you?
He slowly opened his eyes and looked directly at me.
"Hey..." I said softly.
"Hi..." He responded just as softly. He got up and reached for something on my bedside table. "Here's an asprin for the headache." He held out the tablet and some water. He hadn't been asleep. I could then tell from the bags under his eyes. I felt bad that I was the reason why he hadn't slept. I took the aspirin and told him, "You need to sleep. You look like crap."
"Thanks, that's just what I need..."
I took the pill along with some water and decided to take a quick nap too, hoping the headache would go away.
When I woke up and looked at the clock, I was surprised; it was almost five. I definitely felt better. Much better. Like all my energy that had been drained away had been restored while I was sleeping.
Matt was sitting on the chair at my desk, reading a random book off my shelf.
"Hey... You're still here?" I said as I got out of the bed.
"No, I'm not, you're seeing a ghost." He said, without averting his eyes from the book.
This wasn't the same Matt who was asleep with me in the morning. What the hell happened to him so suddenly!
I rolled my eyes at him and went for a shower, hoping he would have had gone by the time I was done. I had had enough drama with Alex for the entire month. I didn't need any more of it with him. But, when I came out, there he was, still reading.
"If you wanna read, go to the living room and read. There's plenty of room there. I have to change." I said, holding the towel wrapped around my body tightly.
"Not like I've never seen you naked."
My mouth fell open. I glared at him, even though he wasn't looking at me. Why is he acting so weird? UGH. I sighed, took my clothes and went to Stana's room to change.
After I was done, I went back to my room to see him still sitting there and reading.
"Don't you have somewhere else to be or something better to do?" I snapped. If he can act like an asshole, I can act like a bitch, too!
"Not before I talk to you." He finally looked at me.
"Talk to me about what?" I raised an eyebrow.
"This... Us. Whatever it is. I need a break from the drama."
You need a break? What the fuck!
I just gave him a weird look.
"I need a break, Kate." He repeated.
"Haven't we been taking one?" I looked at him, matter-of-factly.
"No. You have. I've been hung up because you wouldn't answer my calls."
"I'm sorry that you acted like an asshole!" It came out of my mouth instantly. I wish I could have taken that back.
He looked at me and sighed. "You're the one who didn't want a relationship. You might think guys don't have emotions, but we do. We really do. And I had to do whatever I could to not fall in love with you, okay?" He slammed the book down on my desk. "I will call you when I am ready to." With that, he turned and stormed out of my room.
"Me?" I followed him outside and half-yelled, "You were the one who said relationships were for wussies! I just agreed for your sake!"
"And then you stayed hung up on that!" He whirled around. "Too blind to see anything! To see past the fact that I was just the booty call guy! I'd started to fall for you, Kate." He reached for the door. "Now I just need a break, because you have two other, more important guys in your life." And, then he was gone.
I was so angry. But, everything he had said hit me like a bullet. Tears started rolling down my eyes. Suddenly everything I was feeling turned into one emotion - pain. I ran to my room, shut the door and cried like a small child. I loved him. More than anything. Never told him thinking he didn't feel the same way, thinking it would screw up whatever we had. Unfortunately, everything was fucked up worse than I had imagined. I sobbed a little more, feeling a weird ache in my chest, like someone had punched me really hard there followed by an even harder kick.
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I had no idea of how much time had passed, until my phone rang.
My head was hurting too bad, but I tried to stop crying and picked it up.
"Hello?"
There was a pause. "Kate... Is something wrong?" It was Alan.
"No... No... Hi..." I didn't know what else to say.
"You're lying... What is it?"
"It's nothing, really. What's up?"
"Kate, what happened?"
I sighed. "I had a fight with someone..."
There was another pause. "Open the door."
I took a deep breath and went and opened the door.
He was standing there; he smiled slightly when he saw me. "Hey..."
What is he doing here?
"Hi..." I smiled back. "Come on in!"
"You don't need to put on that smile for me. I know you're upset."
I sighed. "I won't lie, I'm happy to see you."
"Me too." He stepped inside. "You can talk to me. Tell me what happened."
I stared at him for a while and then finally decided to tell him. He was a good listener. And, maybe, telling him would make me feel better. "I had a fight with Matt..."
"About what?"
"About him and me."
He nodded. "Obviously. Go on, get yourself some water."
"It's okay... Really. He blames me for why we haven't had a relationship. He said that I never wanted one, which is not true, okay! I've wanted a relationship all along! I used to love him! But he..." I blabbered, and then the last few words got lost with my tears. I looked away and wiped my eyes. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't burden you with this crap."
"It's okay. You need someone to talk to. I understand..."
"I don't think I want to talk about it anymore."
"Are you sure? If not to me, then to someone else? That friend of yours maybe?"
"Carolyne?"
"Should I drive you over to her place?"
It did seem like a good idea. I nodded. "Thanks. I'm so sorry... I am such a bad host. I didn't even offer you anything-"
He smiled. "You can thank me later. Come on."
I followed him outside, and walked to his car when he opened the door for me. He got inside after I did and drove me to Carolyne's place. Alan was a generally a silent guy with a smile on his face. He seemed so kind, and sweet and understanding, even though we had known each other for just a few days...
That thought left my mind quickly when I saw my crazy best friend outside her house, covered with splats of various bright colours in a total mess, painting the front wall of the house while singing and dancing to Firework by Katy Perry which was playing on full blast on her stereo. Alan's eyebrows were almost touching his hairline at this image.
"Thanks for dropping me." I said before getting out of the car
"Uh-huh, no problem at all." He wiped the weird look from his face and smiled at me. "And, get your friend some help. She's a little crazy." A little? Understatement of the century. It was a good thing that the holidays were on and most of her neighbours were out.
I smiled back. "I'll try. Thank you once again, and I'm s-"
"You don't have to thank me or apologise for anything." He smiled and squeezed my hand.
I bid goodbye to him and walked over to my crazy best friend. Alan smiled back and drove off.
When she saw me, she grinned and pointed to me, and sang, "Baby you're a Firework! Come on, show 'em what, you're worth-!" She stopped when she looked at my face, really looked. She switched off the music with the remote that she'd tucked into the front pocket of her shorts. "Honey, have you been crying? What's wrong?"
"It's Matt. I had a fight with him."
She gave me a flat look. "Let's go inside."
I nodded. Once we were in, I took a deep breath and told her everything, excluding the bit about Alan that I had conveniently left out earlier too, thinking she would judge me. Hell, I myself am judging my own actions. Why won't she!
After I was done, I felt sad, but didn't feel like crying anymore, like I was getting used to it.
Carolyne was shaking her head. "I'm gonna kill that bastard."
I just looked at her for a while. Then, I asked her, "Do you think it's my fault?"
She shook her head and took my hands in hers. "Sweetie, of course not. He's acting like a fucking PMSing girl!"
"I wish. Atleast that would mean he'd be normal soon."
She chuckled. "They're all impossible. That's why I'm considering homosexuality. Maybe you should too!"
I laughed. "Girl drama is way scarier than girl-guy drama!"
"SO not true, K! Lesbians are all sensible! You just need to find the right person!"
"Hmm... But how do you know who's the right person?"
"Kate..." She squeezed my hands. "You don't. That's why dating exists. No one knows, just by looking at another person that he's the one. You need to get to know him. And when you do get to know him, if you feel like there's no way you can spend your life without him, if he has the power to drive you mad, but still make you love him by the end of the day, he's probably the one."
I put my head on her shoulder and sighed. She was right. Totally right.
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I ran into Matt in college two days later. He had asked me to give him some time. Me, being me, kept texting and calling him. He never answered, obviously. I wanted to sort things with Matt as soon as possible. But, he had cut me out. So, when I saw him in the hallway that day, I yelled.
"Matt!"
I knew he had heard me. There weren't many people around. It wasn't even noisy. And, I was loud enough for a few people to look at me.
He didn't even turn. He kept on walking. I frowned and followed him.
"Matt!"
Nothing. After a while, I had to run to catch up with his increasing pace.
"Matthew. Stop. Please!" I said as I went around and blocked his way.
"Kate. I have to go." He spat the words without even looking at me. He was trying to go, but I took his hand and pulled him to the side-corridor. It was empty.
"No! You... Matt. This is not done! You're... You're avoiding me and you're not even ready to talk to me-"
"Talk about what? Something we never had?" With every word he spoke, I could feel his hate and hurt, hate more than the latter.
"Matt." Before I knew it, a tear dropped down my cheek.
"Don't. I don't need or want your pity, and I don't need or want to talk to you," he said, every word laced with anger and disgust.
"Matt, don't do this. I'm begging you-"
"Kate. No. You don't get to tell me what to do and what not to do any more. You don't get to make any more decisions about us. You've made enough and in all of this, I'm the one who's always been hurt. I made it pretty clear that day. Leave me alone, will you?"
"No, Matt. No-"
"You know what? You spoiled everything based on your petty jealousy of Veronica. In case you never noticed, she's been the one behind me. Not the other way around."
I stared at him, mouth open, no words coming out. It was true. That's exactly what I had done.
"Tell me. What did I do wrong? Nothing. And, it's still me who's hurting."
"Matt-"
"Atleast, I didn't sleep with anyone else!"
I felt like someone had just shot me. Someone I had trusted with the gun. "Matt! How could you-"
"I don't want to have this conversation, or any, in general, with you, Kate."
I was angry and hurt, but I needed to get things right with him. I couldn't lose him. "Matt, please. Don't do this."
"I need to. I have to. I love you, Kate. I loved you so much."
"And, I love you, Matt-"
"Loved, maybe, Kate. But, you moved on. I'm still hung up on you, but you have moved on and you have to decide between two other guys you clearly have stronger feelings for. I was being kind the other day. I know it took you a lot of courage to tell me what you really felt, and I've..." He sighed. "I shouldn't have expected so much from you. But, I can't deal with all this right now. Just, leave me alone. And, give me some space. I'm asking, really politely."
"Matt, I'm sorry. I just..." I couldn't help the waterworks that followed. "I just want my Matty back. I want my best friend back. I want you back, Matt. I need you. I know, I screwed up. I know, I have hurt you a lot. I just, I'm really sorry. I know whatever I say is not going to fix anything. I just... I miss you so much. And, I-I can't see you like this. I can't. Don't hate me, Matt. I'm-I'm sorry."
He sighed and hugged me. "It's not just your fault. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have. I'm just, too angry. Give me some time. I just need to be alone for some time."
I nodded and pulled away, wiping my face. He kissed my forehead and walked away. I went to my car, not sure if I was in any state to attend the remaining few lectures. I took a deep breath before getting inside and driving back home.
I wanted to believe that it was all going to be okay, but I knew it wasn't. Matt and I would never be as close as we were. I had told him what I had felt for him... I had finally told him I loved him. I did. Never in my wildest dreams had I imagined that I had the balls to do that. But, the circumstances and my actions didn't let him believe me. How could I even blame him? Our friendship was, bluntly put - over. And, there was nothing I could have had done about it. I had lost him, and nothing was going to be the same ever again.
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AUTHOR'S NOTE:
Next chapter will be posted soon! :)
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Thanks for waiting patiently. ;)
Priyanka. x