"Avery, wait. Please don't go. I'm sorry I was so short with you." Ryan says as she rushes after Avery and reaches out for her. She manages to grab a hold of Avery's forearm and it stops her from walking any further.
Avery turns around, but frowns. She wants to talk herself into staying but she knows that it will only make things even more aggravating for herself. "Ryan, I'm sorry. I just can't do this anymore."
Ryan furrows her brow in confusion. "I don't understand..."
Avery shakes her head. "No, I guess that you wouldn't. That is why this whole thing, whatever it is that we have going on between us, it needs to end. I can't be here with you. It is killing me. And I've been lying to you and lying to myself about what I really want."
Ryan shakes her head at Avery's words unwilling to concede. She realizes that things have felt different with Avery lately and all she can think about is the conversation she had with her sister just weeks ago, but she refuses to let the other woman walk away. "No. Please just stay here with me tonight. If this is about Silas, we can talk about it."
Avery laughs bitterly but she can feel her heart breaking as she speaks. "This isn't just about Silas, Ryan. And even if we do talk out whatever it is that you think is wrong, then what? We'll jump into bed together and then wake up in the morning just so I can continue to pretend that this thing we have going on is just some convenient thing that we do? Because it might be for you, but I don't feel that way!" She closes her eyes to compose herself. "Not anymore."
Ryan's eyes widen in surprise at Avery's brazen admission. "So, what are you saying?"
"I'm saying that I cannot stay here with you tonight." Avery frowns. She contemplates her next words very carefully. She needed to tell Ryan the truth eventually, but more importantly, she needs to admit it to herself. She just never expected that this was the way it was going to happen. But, her patience and willpower has evidently run out. Avery sighs and smiles sadly. "I cannot stay here because I have fallen in love with you, Ryan Shaw." She looks into Ryan's eyes as she says it and watches as they widen in surprise. "I mean, how could I not? It was bound to happen, right? We met in the strangest, most random way, almost like it could be fate, and I think that we were even friends for a short while--"
"Avery, we are friends!" Ryan exclaims. She considers Avery a very good friend. Maybe even more than just a friend at times, but right now, she does not want to think about that because she feels as though the floor is falling away beneath her feet. Did Avery just say that she is in love with me?
Avery chuckles dryly at Ryan's comment. "Right. Friends." She sees that Ryan wants to argue this, but she cuts her off before she can speak. "I know this wasn't supposed to happen and somehow I've screwed everything up. But, I can't keep lying to myself about how I feel. I. Am. In. Love. With. You." Avery reiterates, putting as much emphasis as she can muster into every word. "And god, it feels so good to just say it aloud for once. And you should know that I want you so badly right now. But, I want all of you. I want to wake up with you in your arms in the morning without feeling like I did something wrong. Or that I am not supposed to be there. I have spent so long feeling guilty about so many things. I'm done with feeling that way about how you make me feel or the way that I feel about you."
Ryan slowly releases Avery's arm but does not pull her gaze away, their eyes still locked to each other. "I... Avery, you know that I don't want a relationship right now. And it has nothing to do with Silas, or you. It's just too much..." She says barely above a whisper, not entirely sure that she is trying to convince Avery of that fact, but really needing to remind herself of why they had this arrangement in the first place.
Avery's only response is to laugh again, mostly at her own foolishness, as tears begin to form in her eyes. "Oh yes, believe me, I know. It isn't like you haven't told me already, multiple times. " She's nodding as she swallows the lump in her throat and tilts her head back hoping to will the unshed tears back into her eyes. When she looks at Ryan again, she sees a sad, disheartened look upon her face. "I should go." Avery finally says and does not wait for an answer before she turns again to walk towards the front door. She opens it without once looking back and it is not until she is in the elevator again, that she lets tears blur her vision of the city on the other side of the glass.
Inside the apartment, Ryan is sitting on her sofa trying to process everything that Avery has just told her. Avery is in love with me. How could I have been so stupid to believe that this thing we were doing could stay casual? Avery is the last person in the world that she wants to hurt and yet, that is exactly what just happened.
Tears begin to pool in her eyes and she blinks them away. She turns towards the end table again where Avery's gift is still sitting and she walks over to it, picking it up. She takes it back to the sofa and starts to unwrap it. She sees right away that it is a large picture frame with a birthday card taped to the front of it hiding the face of whomever is in the photograph. She pulls the card off slowly hoping not to leave any of the sticky residue from the tape on the glass and she gasps at the photograph when she sees it. It is a black and white photo, taken by Avery herself, of Tatum with Reese in her arms. Her sister is looking down at her baby boy with the most beautiful expression of love on her face. In the background are the blurred bodies of what she can make out to be herself and the rest of the family standing around the two.
Ryan blinks again as more tears are building and she moves to put the large frame down onto the ground so that she can open Avery's card. The card itself is very plain with a quick pen sketch of a birthday cake with candles on the front. Another Avery Jennings original, Ryan thinks. She opens the card to see that it is it has a very beautifully handwritten message.
Ryan--My first choice of a gift for you was a music box. But, I haven't really had enough time to sneak into your study to check out all of the ones you already have in your collection, and I didn't want to risk getting you a duplicate, so I went with what I'm good at. I took this picture the second night Reese was home and I remember thinking how happy Tatum looked in it. I also remember how happy you were to be able to be there with her. I thought that you could put it up somewhere to make your place more "you".
I don't think that I ever really thanked you for allowing me to be a part of something so important to you.
It really meant so much to me.
Happy birthday, Ryan. I wish you so much love and all the happiness, not just this coming year, but always. Love, Avery.
Love, Avery. Ryan reads again. Her heart suddenly clenching, she tosses the card aside and quickly makes her way into her office where she has her phone sitting on the desk. She scrolls and finds Avery's name right away. It rings with no answer until Avery's voice comes on the other end asking her to leave a message, so she hangs up and tries again. The same thing happens again, and she tries a third time. She tells herself that she will just leave a voice message if Avery does not pick up. It does not ring at all this time and the call goes directly to Avery's message. Ryan sighs knowing this means that Avery has turned off her phone. She waits for the beep. "Avery, I opened my birthday gift and I love it. It's one of the most thoughtful things that anyone has ever given to me, and I..." She stutters a bit swallowing the lump she has in her throat. "I really want to talk to you. Will you please just call me back? I don't care how late, I'll wait up. Just, please call me, okay?"
Ryan shuts her eyes tightly and takes a deep breath. She thinks that the chances that Avery will call her back are slim, and that makes her even more angry at herself than she was before. Angry that she missed all of the signs, angry she had forgotten about the gift that has been sitting in her living room for the last two weeks, but most of all, she is angry that she could not convince herself to stop Avery from leaving, so she sits down in her reading chair, feeling completely defeated.
Ryan always knows exactly what she wants. She knew she wanted the position as the CEO of the Mavis Financial Group after the first three months of becoming a senior financial consultant with the firm. She knew she wanted Silas the moment she laid eyes on him, just as she knew that she wanted to be free of him earlier today when he made the surprise appearance in her office. She knew that she wanted to see Avery again after they spent the morning chatting on their flight back to Seattle on Christmas morning, and on New Year's Eve, she knew the moment she saw Avery in her tux and black pumps, that she wanted the blonde to be her kiss at midnight.
Ryan admits that Avery has made her feel things that she swore she would never feel again, and a large part of the reason that she has been insisting that they keep things casual is selfishly so that she can keep her guard up and not get hurt again. She wants to believe that she wanted that for Avery as well. The way Avery described her relationship with Julia and how much she was hurting when it all ended was a feeling that she, herself, could definitely relate to. The thought that Avery could be feeling so heartbroken again, but this time because of her, is difficult for her to bear. She wishes that she knew how to fix it, but in all honesty, she is not sure what she should do. Until she can figure out what she really feels for Avery, and what she wants, she will only make things worse for both of them. And this is exactly why she had sworn off relationships in the first place. Why does everything have to be so complicated?
Ryan goes behind her desk and sits down. She turns on her computer and waits for it to boot up. When it does, she writes and sends an email to Elise letting her know that she is going to take the rest of the week and possibly the following week off. She leaves detailed instructions a few things that need to be completed before her return, but she also makes sure to let her assistant know that once she is finished with her expected duties each day that there is no need for her to stay in the office, and that she would adjust her time card at the end of the week accordingly. Once that email is sent, she sends another to Silas and the rest of the staff informing them of her time off and that Elise can help them with anything they might need in her absence.
Ryan sends a text message to Elise as well and gets a concerned response in return. Once she has assured the younger woman that everything is alright and that there is nothing for her to worry about, she opens her internet browser so that she can purchase a plane ticket to New York.
***
"Hey." Tatum says as she crawls into bed next to her baby sister. "Mom and Dad are a little worried about you. I mean, I'm starting to get a little concerned also, honestly..."
Ryan turns her attention away from the television. "What? Why? I'm fine, Tate." She says as she turns away once again.
Tatum studies her for a second and then crawls over Ryan to grab the remote control that is on the nightstand. She turns off the television and this elicits a very irritated groan from the woman beneath her.
"I was watching that!" Ryan complains as she tries to take the remote away from Tatum.
"That's precisely the point! Since when do you watch TV? And a better question, since when do you take a random week off just to come to my house to watch TV? Ry, what's going on?" When Ryan showed up at her door a few days before, everyone was pleasantly surprised. But right away she noticed that her sister's mood was melancholy and downhearted. She waited a day or two and when she did not see a change, she finally decided to ask her about it.
Ryan looks over at her sister, she blinks a few times, and eventually comes to the conclusion that she has run away to New York because she really needs the comfort and warmth of her family. She was just not sure until this very moment that she was ready to talk about what has happened between her and Avery. "Avery told me on Valentine's Day that she is in love with me." She finally says.
Tatum is shocked. Even though she has suspected that the blonde had stronger feelings towards her sister than Ryan cared to believe, she had not expected that she would be so honest and so soon. "Oh." She says but is really at a lack for words.
"Oh?" Ryan wonders. "I thought for sure you'd tell me that you told me so." She says as she looks away from Tatum.
"You know that I hate to gloat." Tatum says softly as she puts her hand on top of Ryan's feeling too sad for her to even tease her.
Ryan scoffs and rolls her eyes. "Right."
Tatum frowns. "So, I take it you turned her away when she told you that."
"What else was I supposed to do? I don't want a relationship, Tate." Ryan says in a frustrated tone.
Tatum groans. "But, why not? I just don't get you sometimes. What is it about a relationship that is so unappealing to you?"
"It's not unappealing. I just don't have time for one." Ryan reasons.
"Bullshit! You tell yourself that you don't have time for one." Tatum says. She is done reasoning with her stubborn sister. "Is it because Avery just isn't as great as Silas was?"
"What? No! Silas has nothing to do with this!" Ryan argues.
"Oh, the hell he doesn't! You're just too stubborn to admit that you're not over his lame, arrogant ass." Tatum says as her voice is gradually getting louder.
"You know what? Get out and just leave me alone." Ryan says as she turns her body away from Tatum so that her back is towards her. "You're not helping."
"This is my house and I'll be damned if I let you tell me I need to get out of my own guest room. Ry, I love you, but I will never understand why you let one failed attempt at a relationship turn you off from anything good that comes your way." Tatum says.
Ryan does not respond because she knows that once her sister starts getting this way, there is no talking her down. Plus, she would hate to have to admit her sister is right, at least with her last remark.
Jameson has been bothered as well by Ryan's sudden appearance in New York because he knows how out of character it is for his younger daughter to drop all of her work and just show up at Tatum's front door. After he and Claire are able to get Reese to sleep, he decides to go check on Ryan only to hear his two daughters arguing from outside of the guest room. He knocks lightly before letting himself in. "You two alright in here? I heard raised voices." He asks.
Ryan turns herself over at her father's voice. "Hey Daddy, we're fine." She says, hoping it is enough to appease him.
"Tatum, why don't you go help your mom put Reese to bed. We were finally able to get him to fall asleep." Jameson says.
Tatum knows better than to argue with their father, so she just gets off of the bed silently and leaves the room.
When her father eventually takes a seat on the bed next to her, Ryan frowns and sits up against the headboard. It does not matter how old she gets, when her dad is in the same room with her, she almost always feels so much more at ease.
"Will you tell me what's been bothering you, Babygirl?" Jameson asks sincerely.
"Daddy, it's nothing you have to worry about, I promise." Ryan says with a weak smile.
"Ryan, ever since you were a little girl, you have never been able to keep anything from your mother and I. Tatum, on the other hand, is a whole other story, but you, we always know when there is something bothering you." Jameson says, returning Ryan's smile and taking her hand. "Please tell me what's wrong. I may not be able to solve all your problems, but you've always said that your old man is a good listener. "
Ryan is silent for a moment, but she knows better than to try to lie to her father again. She sighs. "I don't actually know what's wrong." She tells him honestly.
"Well, that is quite the dilemma then." Jameson says. "Your sister told me about Silas confessing his feelings for you. Would this have something to do with that?"
Ryan groans. "Tatum has the biggest mouth..."
"You know, Darling, we don't like the man, but we don't know him like you do. If you choose to give him another chance, that's your decision and no one else's. The only thing that is important to me is your happiness because I love you."
Ryan smiles. "I love you, too, Daddy. But, this isn't about Silas. Not really."
"Well, now I'm thoroughly confused." Jameson says with a chuckle.
"I already told Silas that there is no hope of us getting back together." Ryan says.
Jameson nods patiently waiting Ryan to continue.
"But that same night, Avery also told me that she is in love with me..." Ryan finally adds.
Jameson smiles. "And you're surprised?"
Ryan looks at her father and furrows her brow at his question. "I... I suppose I am, yes, because Avery knows that I was not looking to be in a relationship."
"Oh, my darling girl... What makes you believe that just because she knows what it is you want or don't want, that it would possibly change the way she feels about you?"
Ryan thinks about this for a moment. "I guess I just thought that she was more sensible than that."
"So, I assume that is what you told Avery, then?" Jameson asks.
"Yes, more or less." Ryan says with a small nod.
"What's got you so down, then? You should be relieved that you were open and honest with her. She deserves that."
"I... I don't really know." Ryan admits again.
"I think that you do. Remember when you brought Avery around the first time? And I told you that she seemed like she had a good head on her shoulders?"
Ryan nods as she recalls that conversation she had with her father in the kitchen. "She does. I mean, she's really great. She's beautiful, and smart..."
Jameson just hums and nods, again silently urging his daughter to talk through her own internal turmoil.
"She's amazing, actually. And I think that I knew the second that she walked away from me that night, that I may have made a mistake." Ryan says sadly. "Daddy..." She sighs. "I think that I love Avery, too."
"Well, that wasn't like pulling teeth at all." Jameson grins.
"You knew." Ryan states with a sad smile.
"Ryan, you have always been such a strong but stubborn woman, and I have learned over the years that it is much better to just sit back and allow you to figure these things out on your own than to try to convince you of something that has yet to become clear to you." Jameson says with a squeeze of her hand.
Ryan smiles at Jameson fondly because she knows that he is right. "I'm just really bad at the whole relationship thing. And I don't want to get hurt again. Or worse, what if I hurt Avery?"
"I never understood why you think that you're bad at relationships, but that seems to be a whole other conversation. What I do know is, if you care for Avery, and love her, you owe it to yourself to at least try to make something work with her. I think that she seems patient enough to handle your stubbornness and your busy work schedule." Jameson says lightheartedly.
Ryan sighs again. "She hasn't been answering any of my phone calls. I think I've made a huge mess of things and I don't know how to fix it."
"You'll think of something. I know you will." Jameson lets go of Ryan's hand and gives it a few pats with his own. "Now, I need you and your sister to apologize to each other and give hugs because you know how much I hate it when you two raise your voices at each other. You're sisters and she loves you. You know that she means well, most of the time." He says as he stands up and reaches a hand to her expecting her to take it. "And keep trying to call Avery. She may need some time, but I'm sure she'll come around once you've managed to tell her how you really feel."
Ryan takes her father's hand and lets him pull her up. Almost immediately, she wraps her arms around him in a hug. "Thank you, Daddy." She whispers.
Jameson gives her a kiss on her temple and then smiles as he returns the hug, giving her an extra, exaggerated squeeze.
All Ryan can think about is how she never grows tired of her father's hugs or his advice, and just how very much she really misses Avery. She has been so stupid, and she hopes that she can still mend what she's broken by telling the blonde how she truly feels.