Berlin, Germany
Spring 2016
Without a word and only a barely perceptible nod, Steve acknowledged Sam's next set of directions, guiding the old model Beetle off the main street and onto a side one that would cut them across one of Berlin's outer neighbourhoods and bring them closer still to the rendezvous point. None of them said much. Likely because there wasn't a whole lot to say. Steve knew he, at least, had a great deal on his mind.
More Winter Soldiers? In addition to the conviction that they needed to be confronted and the doctor stopped, there was an undeniable thread of dismay and even anxiety surging through his veins like cold adrenaline over the prospect. This was not at all what he wanted to be doing.
This was something the Team should be doing. All of them. Together.
But that wasn't to be and Steve pushed the thought aside. There was no point dwelling. Especially since there was every chance they were going to have to go through the rest of their former Team to do this.
Steve was very much not looking forward to that possibility. Nat was as good as his best friend from this time, and he trusted her implicitly as he knew she trusted him; a hard won trust that he could recognize the immeasurable value of, given her past. And Tony? While he wasn't nearly as close to the billionaire as he had been to Howard, Steve still didn't hesitate to call Tony a friend. Heck, there were even times he felt a sort of kinship toward the man, like how he'd always imagined he might feel for a nephew. It was a bizarre feeling to be sure, especially considering how, if discounting the years Steve had spent frozen, Tony was arguably the older of them when going by years lived. But that didn't change how Steve felt. Tony was his good friend's son. And he was his friend in his own right.
He didn't want to fight Tony or Nat or Rhodes. Likely Vision too, if he knew Tony.
They were his Team. His friends.
But the Accords had made them adversaries.
And it made him feel viscerally ill.
It was that threat that made his reservations about what they were about to do all the more potent.
Especially since he was pulling others in with him. He spared a covert glance to Sam. Sam, whose loyalty was without equal. Who was willing to jump into the fight without hesitation even though he could easily walk away. It was made all the worse by his suspicions about his friend and Nat. He was fairly certain the two of them had something, and now Sam was about to be standing across the field from the redheaded operative. Not to mention the friendship the former paratrooper had struck up with Rhodes since they'd both joined the team, no matter that they'd been bickering almost constantly about the Accords in recent days.
And then there was Clint and Nat, the near epitome of best friends, standing on either side of the divide. And the Twins—especially Wanda—against Vision, who'd grown close...
Steve's gut clenched. If it came down to a fight between the Avengers, he wasn't going to be the only one facing a fight against friends.
Because of Steve.
No, not because of him, Steve forcibly reminded himself. He hadn't orchestrated this—the bombing, the Accords, Siberia—he was just stepping up because no one else seemed willing to see what was happening. Sam had chosen to come. So had Bucky. And Clint, and the Twins.
They all knew they would likely have to get past friends in order to deal with the doctor and his machinations.
But still. Guilt and unease swirled and twisted in his gut as Steve guided the Beetle off the main road and onto the service road Sam had pointed out. He spared Sam another brief look, taking in the faint trace of tension in the other man's features. Tension similarly echoed on Bucky's face as his oldest friend met his eye in the rear view mirror.
Back at the JCTC he'd known he'd missed something. He was still kicking himself over not having seen that all of it—the bombing, the search, Bucky's arrest—had all be a set up to get access to Bucky until it was too late. He should have seen it.
If only he'd seen it sooner...
But that 'what if' inevitably led to the question of what might he reasonably have been able to change if he had seen it sooner.
He honestly didn't know the answer.
So he shuffled the thought away. There was no point in dwelling on it. Not when there was so much else crowding his already conflicted thoughts. Not with what they were heading for.
Siberia alone had the potential to be a bitter fight. If they had to go through their friends to get there? People they cared about? He fought against the urge to glance to Sam again.
Lord, he couldn't imagine how he'd be handling the idea of being forced to genuinely fight Nadine.
His stomach twisted once more, though this time with an unsettling mix of guilt, nerves and...most distractingly...hope.
Definitely distracting. Especially as there was a very good chance she had disappeared for good. It was the smart thing for her to do, after all. He knew she'd made it out of holding in the JCTC. Sam had mentioned he was pretty sure he'd caught a glimpse of her, and Bucky was just as sure he'd gone up against her—the man wincing sharply as he recalled throwing her through a window.
But as to whether or not she'd slipped away as they had? That they were all less certain about. And it left Steve's gut in knots of worry.
After the way she'd pulled away after he'd given in and kissed her? Steve didn't have to have her or Natasha's skills at reading people to recognize that he'd spooked her. Or that she'd wanted it but thought she couldn't—shouldn't—have it. That much had been almost painfully clear.
He'd practiced it long enough that he knew self-denial when he saw it.
So he'd resolved that the ball was in her court, as it were, and let it be no matter that part of him just wanted to pull her into his arms and kiss her until she realized he wanted something with her just as much she did with him.
But he still really shouldn't have done it, even if he couldn't bring himself to regret it. It hadn't been a good time. Not with their search for Bucky coming to a head. He'd unbalanced her. He knew that, and part of him wondered if that hadn't been a factor in Nadine getting caught as she had. That and seeing Bucky again?
Not to mention he still hadn't known where Bucky's feelings stood when it came to her. He knew now, of course, now that he knew about Iris, though he still intended to ask when a more appropriate opportunity arose. But every bit of rationale he had pointed to his timing being wildly off.
And then their arrests and the doctor activating Bucky's programming had further complicated everything and further jeopardized the likelihood that they'd be able to confront whatever this was growing between them any time soon.
But after even the fleeting touch of his lips to hers...
He wanted more. In every way. No matter that he really shouldn't.
But he had been prepared to try valiantly to let it go. To let her go even though the very idea made his chest clench and his skin feel cold. Especially after seeing the way Bucky had been looking at her...and the way she'd been so affected by seeing Bucky again.
Though truthfully? He wasn't sure he could, anymore.
He swallowed back a groan. Maybe he should have just come out and said it. That he liked her. That he thought there was something more than friendship between them. Nadine, in many ways, was a lot like her sister, and Steve knew both she and Nat both appreciated directness. A byproduct of their days learning to deal in and speak in riddles and double entendres and hidden meanings, he imagined.
Why hadn't he just come out and told her...
He really was the master of waiting too long, wasn't he...
But there had been reasons not to. The timing, the fact that they were in the middle of a mission where distraction of that magnitude could—and perhaps even had—proved dangerous. The history she had with Bucky...
But then, after the conversation with Bucky in the abandoned warehouse? After Bucky's revelations about five more Winter Soldiers being secreted away in Siberia had sunk in?
And Bucky had rather definitively proven his heart belonged to another woman? A woman who wasn't Nadine?
Well, how did the old phrase go? Hope springs eternal?
He couldn't help but think that, perhaps, maybe he should have spoken up back in her Workshop anyway. That, maybe, he might have missed his best chance.
Especially since he now knew Bucky had a woman of his own that he'd fallen for. Hard, if Steve was still any judge.
"That her?" Steve was pulled from his thoughts at the sight of a black sedan just up ahead, parked in the shadow of the overpass the service road they had turned off onto was set to pass under. Once again on alert, Steve eased the old Beetle he had...acquired a short distance away from the much newer car.
Sure enough, as he killed the ignition on their car and stepped out, the figure inside the black sedan similarly shifted, the door opening to reveal Sharon Carter.
Who promptly tried and failed to hide an amused quirk of her lips as she took in the rather run-down look of their transportation.
"Not sure you understand the concept of a getaway car," she called by way of greeting, her amusement poorly concealed. Steve couldn't help but grin despite being wholly serious in his answer.
"It's low profile," he answered back, nodding back toward the Bug. The corner of Sharon's lip quirked further as she circled to the trunk, popping the latch.
"Good," she said as his gear, Sam's and Bucky's were revealed, "because this stuff tends to draw a crowd." He wasn't quite sure whether to laugh or sigh with relief. She'd hinted in her message that she'd managed to collect some things that belonged to them, but he'd still been leery of getting his hopes up that she'd managed to secret away all of it.
Well, most of it...not that she'd brought along what—or rather who—he had been hoping to see most. He fought to ignore the way his gut clenched in renewed worry and disappointment that Sharon was alone.
Instead, he spared her a grateful, if sedate smile. "I owe you again." She nodded in agreement, shrugging faintly even as she glanced in at the gear she'd smuggled out of the JCTC.
"Keeping a list," she quipped back with a grin. Only to glance over to the Bug. "You know, he kinda tried to kill me," she added, nodding in Bucky's direction. Steve withheld a grimace as he glanced back toward his companions himself. Mostly. The sting of the accusation eased as she met his eye, her own dark ones clearly saying that, while wholly serious, she wasn't holding a grudge. Steve let out a sigh, a small grin of his own tugging at his lips.
"Sorry," he said, looking back to Sharon, attempting a small smile of apology. It mostly worked. "I'll put it on the list, too." Her smile deepened, a small huff that was nearly a laugh escaping. She sobered then, looking back down to the gear in the back of her car. It was enough to have Steve sobering too, sparing a glance to his shield and Sam's wings before fixing the blonde agent next to him with an assessing glance. "They're going to come looking for you," he said, knowing full well that it was a statement of the obvious. She nodded absently in easy agreement, and the way she quirked her brow at him as she met his eye once more said that clearly.
"Maybe." There was a curious glint in her eye, her tone suggesting that she had some sort of plan, but her expression was clear; she wasn't concerned. That didn't stop the newest twist of guilt that joined the knots trying to take over his gut. But he pushed it aside. He might not know Sharon the way he'd once known Peggy, but he was pretty sure he knew her well enough to know she'd been well aware of the potential consequences before choosing to throw in with him. The faintly challenging light in her eye said that clearly. So he pushed aside the impulse to apologize as his instinct was urging to do.
"Thank you, Sharon," he said simply and sincerely instead. She nodded once in acceptance of his thanks, her gaze turning thoughtful, even considering, as she fought and failed to restrain her smile.
And then she was stepping forward, leaning up to press her lips to his as her hand rose to rest over base of his skull, brushing lightly through his hair. Her lips were soft but firm against his; it was nice, but that was all. Not like...
As she pulled away, a sheepish grin appeared on her face, her cheeks pinking slightly. Steve inhaled deeply, an awkward grin of his own rising to his face as he struggled for what to say in response to her play. The warmth beginning to rise up the back of his neck, making its way slowly toward his own face, was not helping in the slightest. After a moment she cleared her throat lightly, glancing up at Steve.
"That was—" she hesitated, how she felt about the kiss hard to discern.
"Late?" he offered when she didn't immediately continue.
"Weird," she finished softly as she settled back on her heels, easing away from him, her expression turning apologetic, "sorry." Steve couldn't help the faint chuckle that escaped him. Or the feeling of relief at her admission.
"It's, umm—it's okay," he offered politely, though it definitely didn't dispel the awkwardness. Still, it was apparently the right response, as she seemed to relax, a trace of kindred relief surfacing in her eyes. She shot him an appreciative look for the attempt before the trace of a grin shifted into a far more reassuring and even impish smile as she shrugged.
"It was worth a try, though." Steve grinned back, another chuckle working its way up from his chest at her casual quip. He supposed that was fair. They had circled for a while. Really, it was probably a good thing to know that there was really nothing—
"Having fun?"
And Steve froze at the familiar, dryly amused voice that piped up behind him.
No...it couldn't be...she should be long gone, going safely to ground, finding a way back to Nina...
Slowly, he glanced over his left shoulder, unable to properly draw breath, his chest feeling inexplicably tight.
There, leaning a hip casually against Sharon's car, her arms crossed loosely over her ribs, was Nadine.
All at once a tension Steve had been working very hard to ignore eased, a weight lifting from his shoulders at the sight of Nadine's wry grin and questioning brow as she looked between him and Sharon.
And his heart began to pound at the odd, sharp glint in her pale grey eyes that was quickly hidden away.
All at once a riot of emotions was suddenly let loose in his chest.
Chief among them relief and an overwhelming joy that she was here...and something he wasn't sure he was quite ready to define yet.
Nadine hadn't run. She hadn't been recaptured.
She was safe.
And she was here.
Steve looked back to Sharon with astonishment, "you broke Nadine out?"
"Excuse me—" Sharon nearly smirked as Nadine huffed, cutting in to correct him even as the other blonde crossed her arms and eyed the Captain with narrow-eyed incredulity.
"More like I encouraged her to move on rather than simply re-arresting her, but sure," Sharon said with a wry grin of her own.
"And I am perfectly capable of breaking myself out, thank you. I was well on my way to freedom before I got distracted by Barnes, there," Nadine added, jerking a nod over toward Bucky where he sat in the Bug with Sam. Steve spared his two friends a glance, nearly frowning with exasperation at the avid way they were watching the apparently unfolding drama. Sharon's smirk grew smug and she exchanged a conspiratorial glance with the other blonde, who grinned wickedly back.
"She is," Sharon agreed lightly, leaning her own hip against the car as Nadine circled around Steve to stand next to her. "Terrible how the JCTTF underestimated The Ghost. Not only did she break out and even help try to subdue the Winter Soldier—out-fighting our people handily too, I might add—but she managed to slip away before anyone could manage to take her back into custody, even managing to make it out with all of her gear and yours." A sly grin crossed Nadine's face as she snorted softly in amusement. Steve eyed the two of them—he couldn't stop looking at Nadine, his stomach flipping as she evenly met his gaze—reeling at the sudden turn of events. Part of him wasn't quite sure this was actually happening, to be honest...
"You two've got this all figured out, haven't you," he finally said, his head shaking in disbelief of its own accord. Nadine and Sharon both smiled, the looks eerily similar in their smug satisfaction. Nadine shrugged.
"Of course," she brushed off with an absent gesture. He glanced to Sharon, a concerned look surfacing beneath a questioning one. Slipping away with their gear was one thing, after all...but facilitating the escape of The Ghost?
"And the JCTTF is going to buy that?" Sharon shrugged once more, her eyes glinting with amusement as she glanced conspiratorially to Nadine again.
"Some of the cameras may have taken a little longer to come back online in the area of the building where Ross had your gear stored, while the ones in the parking garage seem to have come back on just in time to catch The Ghost driving away in a stolen car. Shame how the power failure affected the network so inconsistently." Sharon turned back to Nadine, whose eyes flashed impishly.
"It really is," Nadine agreed mildly, "especially when they find the car abandoned, scrubbed and likely stripped a couple days from now in a more unsavoury part of town." Sharon chuckled. Nadine glanced to the Volkswagen then, her grey eyes growing momentarily guarded. Not that she was entirely able to hide the vulnerable flicker in them before he noticed it. Concern was suddenly prickling at Steve as he realized what had caught her attention.
Bucky.
Before he could help himself, Steve was taking a step toward Nadine, his hand twitching at his side. But before he could reach out to her or even open his mouth, the guarded expression was gone and she was looking back to him.
She raised a skeptical brow at Steve. "A Beetle?" He smiled self-deprecatingly.
"Like I was saying to Sharon, we were going for inconspicuous. And I wasn't exactly expecting a fourth passenger." She bit back a snicker as he answered her unspoken comment on its size, her eyes glinting with amusement as she reached past Sharon to grasp her own gear where it was tucked neatly behind Sam's wings. Absently Steve wondered why he hadn't noticed it until that moment. Then again, the black case that held her rifle and the dark duffle that held her pale grey gear had somewhat blended into the shadows of the trunk.
He didn't quite realize he was staring after her as she turned and headed for the Beetle until a soft sound interrupted his thoughts. Blinking—and pointedly ignoring the warmth that was once again threatening to seep onto his face—he looked back to Sharon. It took a surprising amount of effort not to swallow thickly at the way her lips quirked in poorly hidden amusement. Especially after what she said next.
"You really do have it bad," she said, almost fondly, and just loud enough for him and only him to hear. Inhaling slowly, he tried to brush it off, to deny it even, fixing her with as unconcerned and casual a look as he could.
But no words came.
Only to glance over to Nadine again before he could help himself just in time to see her reach the Beetle.
"Hey," Nadine was saying as she smacked the windshield with the flat of her palm, "do you want your bird costume or not?" Even though his response was heavily muffled by distance and the car, Sam's indignant, "C'mon! Seriously, Ryker?" was easily audible. Steve bit back a laugh even if he couldn't quite manage to hide his smile. A smile that widened at Nadine's bemused laugh as she unlatched and popped the hood on the front of the old Beetle, hiding Sam and his glower from sight.
"She cares for you a great deal, you know." Steve glanced to Sharon, only barely able to keep his surprise from his face. He'd been fairly certain...but to hear someone else say it?
Someone who wasn't Nat?
The JCTTF Agent watched him with a knowing look on her face. What could he say to that? His heart thrummed at the ideas for how to answer flying through his mind. He should probably deny it...only to find he didn't really want to anymore, the idea of denying his own growing feelings causing an ache to twinge deep in his chest. He'd finally started truly admitting it to himself, but could he actually admit it aloud? Could he admit to someone else that he'd grown to care for Nadine too?
Could he admit that he cared for a woman who'd spent her life hiding, running...lying? Who killed for a living? Could he admit he cared for the former assassin?
Could he admit it to the niece of the first woman he loved, the woman whose funeral he'd just attended? Could he admit it to the woman who'd also been his neighbour for a time, who he'd started to hope might be interested in something more than friendship at one point?
Could he admit he cared for the mother of his best friend's child...a child his friend still didn't know existed, he remembered with an ache in his chest. Could he admit he cared for a woman his best friend might care for, who might have a prior claim on her affections?
Could he admit he was falling in love with the blonde assassin?
Apparently he didn't have to. A small, satisfied almost-smile took over Sharon's features, her eyes softening; she'd seen as much in his face.
"Why haven't you made a move," she asked gently, without a trace of censure. Steve let out a loaded sigh. Answering that question was almost as difficult as admitting aloud that he cared for Nadine as much as he did. Again, he didn't even need to vocalize his answer, Sharon nodding slowly as she studied his reaction.
And the way he once again looked toward the Beetle.
Where Nadine was talking quietly with Sam in front of the Beetle's open trunk—each no doubt asking about how the other was after everything that happened at the JCTC—and Bucky was still seated in the back seat, hidden from sight by the trunk lid.
"Because of her past with Barnes," she supplied. Unconsciously Steve nodded, only to stiffen after a moment as it sank in what she'd implied she knew...what had Nadine told her? Had she guessed? But Sharon ignored him, plowing on, "and of yours with Peggy?" He swallowed thickly, his surprise that she even knew about Bucky and Nadine's shared past falling by the wayside as he looked to Sharon with a frown. Nerves suddenly tremored deep in his gut at the tender subject. She sighed, nodding again to herself as the pieces clicked into place.
"Aunt Peggy would be okay with you moving on, you know." She fixed him with an unreadable, yet considering look as she spoke. "She'd want you to be happy. She wanted you to be happy."
"You talked about me?" he asked, attempting a confidence that didn't quite manage to hide his uncertainty. She smiled fondly.
"A little," she admitted with a faintly teasing tone before the sincerity returned, "and I know you still love Peggy, but you haven't been in love with her for a long time, I think. You know it's in the past, and part of you has already accepted that. Besides, she's—she's gone now. You can't hold on to her, or what you could have been, forever." Her gaze turned shrewd, and Steve found it hard to hold. It was far easier to step back, exchanging a small—if somewhat strained—smile with Sam as the former paratrooper ducked between them to grab his own gear.
But he couldn't quite bring himself to meet Nadine's eye...not with his feelings so close to the surface thanks to Sharon's unexpected heart-to-heart. He was already so afraid that he'd overstepped back in her Workshop...then to get her arrested? The last thing he wanted was to spook her any further...
Not that he wasn't suddenly hyper-aware of how close she was as she leaned in to retrieve the bag holding Bucky's gear, nearly brushing against him. Or of the sensation of her gaze pausing on him as she turned...his stomach flipped happily.
It was only as Sam and Nadine returned to the Bug, arms laden with Sam and Bucky's gear, that Sharon continued, her train of thought clearly unbroken despite the forced pause.
"But I think you already know that," she said thoughtfully, "I think you've already accepted it. I think you know she'd want you to live your life. To go after a chance at happiness. To have a future. Love, family even? She might even have said it to you outright," she added pointedly, her sly grin making it obvious she wasn't entirely guessing. Steve shifted, unsettled; she wasn't wrong...Peggy had indeed hinted as much. A couple times.
"Now it's just her past with Barnes that's holding you back." She said it gently if a little leadingly, but Steve couldn't help but tense anyway. "But I can't help but think that's just as much an excuse as Aunt Peggy is." Steve sighed heavily, his gut twisting uncomfortably at the sudden realization that she just might be right.
"I'm not cut out for that type of life, Sharon. I'm not made to 'settle down', to just hang up my shield and retire." The idea that maybe he wasn't meant to either stayed firmly locked behind his teeth. That wasn't a discussion he wanted to get into in the least; this one was already hard enough. Sharon actually laughed, causing his frown to deepen.
"And you think she is? The woman behind the Ghost? Who claims to be retired herself? I think you two are more suited than you're willing to admit." She reached out, laying a hand on his arm, "and there's no one way to settle down and build a future with someone. It doesn't have to mean hanging up your shield. You just need to find someone who understands that. Who might even fight alongside you." A feeling he couldn't quite bring himself to name was suddenly swelling in his chest at her observation, making it hard to draw a proper breath.
"Don't you know I'm the master of waiting too long?" he countered weakly. Sharon smiled indulgently, patting him lightly on the shoulder in sympathy.
"You are that."
"Thanks," he said dryly, "I wasn't exactly looking for agreement." She chuckled quietly before sobering.
"Maybe you should put that title aside?" she suggested lightly, raising a brow in challenge. Steve sighed as he glanced toward Nadine once more, something in his chest loosening at the faintly curious way she was glancing back at him and Sharon as she straightened from depositing Bucky's gear into the Beetle's trunk.
And his heart started to thud just a little faster as her pale grey eyes met his ocean-blue.
When he finally replied, it was said mostly to himself.
"Maybe."
A/N: Thanks for reading!
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