Jieqiong's pov
These past few days without Nayoung have been the best and worst days of my life. I can finally get my mind off of her and I but at the same time.. I missed her.
Normally I'd invite people over, but ever since I first met Nayoung most of my time was spent at her house, so I lost the connection I once had with my friends.
The only person who I was able to see was Roa, in fact she spent the night last night and had just left a few minutes ago, she has been.. The best support I've had in a few YEARS now, she was a true friend.
One thing that sucked about her being the one to step up was, My mother knew she was a Lesbian and my mother didn't like it when she came over, she hated it visibly.
At the moment I'm at my desk writing in my journal. I felt rather alone without Nayoung messaging me or being here, I felt a little hopeless and lonely without her.
My mom walked around and did her usual check on my room, I sighed to myself as I heard my mom banging drawers around in my room, I hated when she did this.
"Alright so she didn't leave anything did she?" My mom spoke out, I shook my head.
"Okay good.. She didn't try to touch you or anything did she?" My mom asked.
"Why do you have to do this?" I spoke up.
"Because, sweetie, she is a sinner. A parasite. You should be glad I even let you see her! I'm just worried that she will try and turn you into.. One of them"
"Mom.. You know she's still a human right..? She's very polite and nice to you despite knowing you hate her guts, why can't you do the same?"
"Because then I'd give her what she wanted! And my dear, you are beautiful, and she likes girls. What if she turned you.. Lesbian. That would be a disaster!"
"Why! I'm your child, you created me, you would hate my guts SO bad if I suddenly liked girls?? You like me NOW what if I WAS Lesbian huh?! would-"
Before I could finish my sentence my mom walked out of the room and came back in with my father. She repeated tell him over and over again, I kept on denying.
"TELL HIM WHAT YOU SAID TO ME." My mom now screamed at me. My brother stood behind both of them, crying.
"MOM. YOU'RE SCARING HIM!!" I shouted at her for the first time in forever.
"YOU'RE SCARING ME!!!" My mom replied.
"WITH WHAT?! A FEELING A PERSON CAN'T CONTROL?! MOM SOME PEOPLE DON'T EVEN WANT TO BE GAY!!! YOU CAN'T HELP WHO YOU LOVE!"
"Are you gay" my dad said and slowly walked towards me with disappointment in his eyes as he finally realized why my mom pulled him into the room.
"NO!! GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY ROOM."
Everyone in my room gasped, I've never truly cussed out loud before, and NEVER to my mother. Before, my mom was my everything, but now all I saw between her and I was conflict, and it wouldn't leave.
My mother began to cry as the anger was too much for her to handle, she left the room and filled the hallways with sadness and weeps over this whole situation.
I didn't notice that through out this whole fight, I had gotten so enraged that I'd snapped my pencil in half. I looked down at it as my dad walked closer to me.
"Answer me." He said, but I ignored him. He screamed those words once more before I looked up to him, and shook my head, tears now flowing from my eyes.
"Good. Because if you were, I'd hire someone to fuck the gay out of you."
With that said he left the room, closing and locking the door behind. I began to shake as my head was full of thoughts. Would my own dad really hire someone to.. Rape me?
My heart hurt to know I was against my parents but I also loved them. I wanted to hate them for their negativity towards my friends and me, but they're my PARENTS.
I can't keep doing this.. I thought as I looked at Nayoung's face in every selfie we had together. I missed her, I wanted to be with her, I wish I could feel her gentle arms around me again, I need her comfort.
I miss you I sent. I got a selfie as a response, a normal picture of her smiling brightly. I smiled and began to cry more as my heart felt like it was slowly stopping.
Everything was attacking me all at once. My mother would abandon me for being gay and my father would force a man on me, and I felt all alone without Nayoung.
I laid on my bed, and closed my eyes, trying to sleep the day away. I was crying so hard that I had to grunt/scream in my pillow every few minutes.
The crying led to a crazy annoying headache, as though something was in there slamming and breaking everything. I cried as everything fell apart.
I couldn't think anymore. I got up and opened my window, climbing out of it. I jumped off the ending to the roof and began to run to Nayoung's house.
The only thing Nayoung took with her was her clothes, her phone, and her weed. Other than that, the place was still completely furnished like it was normal.
I grabbed the extra key taped besides the window and unlocked the door to the quiet, dark, lonely apartment. I closed and locked the door behind me and looked around.
With the other random pictures and collages, I saw pictures printed of her and I on the walls and in the frames. I smiled to myself when I saw all of it set up.
I walked up the stairs and into her room where everything was still placed where it was before, I walked to her bed and sat on it, remembering many beautiful memories.
The more I was in her environment the more calm I felt, I laid down and grabbed a pillow, holding it tightly. It had the smell of Nayoung, I felt.. Home.
Soon enough my mind took over my body again, no matter how much I tried to be positive, a negative found it's way through. I hated everything that was happening.
Suddenly I wanted to scream, I wanted to punch my hand through a wall and just.. Die. Why was I put on the world if I was going to be treated this way?
It all became clear. Creating a girl to make me like her, and then give me homophobic parents that won't let me have gay friends and will rape/beat me if I'm gay.
God put me on earth to endure it all and see how strong I am, well I'm not that strong, and I can't take it anymore. I've always kept my head high but now it's all too much and I'm completely done.
What am I ever going to do in my life honestly? I'm going to be traumatized, and I'm going to have too much anxiety. I thought, my thoughts became actions.
My head needed to be clear, I needed to stop these thoughts before they got too strong. I took my phone out of my pocket and looked for Roa in my messages.
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Roro:
Me: come to me when you can.
Roro: eh???
One hour later
Roro: Jie?! You okay??
Jieqiong has gone offline.
Roro: FUCK.
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After I told Roa to come to me I threw my phone to the floor and walked to the bathroom, my body felt like it was possessed, and my brain was telling it what to do. I was completely numb.
Violent subject up ahead!
I looked around with tears still leaving my eyes, not a single feeling in my heart, but I wanted to feel something. I pinched myself a few times but I hardly felt anything.
Then I sat on the tub and took a deep breath. What am I going to do.. I thought as I looked around, until my eyes landed on something scarcely sharp, a razor blade.
In the moment, I didn't have thoughts, I didn't have control, all my mind wanted was for me to feel something, maybe it would shock me back, maybe it'll relieve me like they say it does in the movies.
What are you doing? My mind said. But I knew what I was doing. I placed the sharp end of the razor to the left of my wrist, and pushed in, deep until it bled.
Then, I slid the blade a crossed my wrist at the same steepness as before, slowly I began to feel pain as my hand started shaking violently, I really did it.
The blade fell to the floor when I felt numbness in my fingertips, I'd hit through veins. My mouth opened as I tried to speak out, did this hurt? Should I call for help?
I walked out of the bathroom with a bloody trail behind, I fell near the bathroom and became to weak to get back up. When I actually looked at my wrist, it was bloody.
I laid on the ground with the bloody arm in my vision, my vision was blurry, and everything hurt. I thought of my parents once more, and smiled through it all.
Please take my life I thought as I closed my eyes and leaned further into the ground, it was super cold so I couldn't help but shiver from it. My teeth even chattered.
Finally I looked passed the cold air and led myself into a complete numbness. It was dark and I no longer could open my eyes or move, I was gone, asleep, dead.
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Roa's pov
It was 2am when I received a message from Jieqiong. She needed me. I got dressed and walked over to her house. When I knocked on the door her mother answered.
"Oh so she invites you over again. Jieqiong is grounded sorry." Her mother said.
"Wait p-please I think there's something wrong with her" I pleaded.
"Well of course there is something wrong with her, that's why she can't see you!" Her mother said and slammed the door. I kept in knocking, and then I went silent.
"Her life depends on if you let me through this door"I said into the door. I heard a gasp and stomping towards the door.
"What do you mean?!" Her mom said.
I explained to her that I had gotten a text from her that was very bizarre, and they told me they got into a huge argument over.... Me? I caused the fight?!
We went up to her door, where they unlocked it. Why did they put a lock on it? I thought as they opened the door, I walked in to see she wasn't in the room.
Before panicking I realized the bathroom door was shut and the light was on. I went to the door and tugged on it, surely it was locked, meaning she was in there.
I knocked on the door and whispered it's me under the door, I waited for a reply but got nothing. Jieqiong? I spoke out a little louder, but I received no response.
The nervousness became even worse when I banged on the door and received no reply. I started slamming into the door until Jieqiong's dad shot the lock.
The door was rammed in and I walked into the bathroom, it was empty. Not a single thing was moving besides the curtains in the blowing wind.. The window is open!
Now I knew it was really something bad. Where would she be?! I ran down the stairs and out the door and began to check the streets with my phone flash light.
Over again I continued to scream her name out loud, hoping she would hear me somewhere nearby and shout back, but no reply was given, just a single echo.
I was trembling with tears in my eyes as I thought of would could have happened to Jieqiong. I began to cry as the thought of her.. Possibly killing herself.
As I cried in the street I heard Jieqiong's parents come towards me. They both looked at me for sometime and slowly started to cry themselves, they knew.
The tears that ran down my face were the most tiring tears I've ever cried. I stared down the street crying until I noticed something, a light, coming from Nayoung's living room. Nayoung is gone.
I told her parents to leave and go rest while I continued to check, then made my way towards the house that was still alive. Hopefully I'd find some type of clue here.
As soon as my hand it the knob it wouldn't turn, which confused me. Isn't there someone in there?! Why are the lights on? I thought as I went through the back door.
Through the back door I saw a normal cute square backyard with a cute tree house, the back door was locked as well. My only chance left was the ceiling sided ladder.
I climbed up the lady like the ghetto bitch I am, and walked towards the first window, a hallway. I walked to the other side of the house and looked to see an open window.
Placing both my hands on the window ceil, I pulled it up to see a pile of blood, immediately I felt pain in my stomach. I walked over to the blood to examine it.
Besides the pile of blood was a sharp blade, my heart trembled when I looked into the next room. Jieqiong sat on the other side of the bed, a blood trail leading to her. I called her name out.
Finally, my eyes landed on her. Complete horror filled my eyes as there was so much blood, still pouring from her wrist. I kneeled down besides her, mind blown.
"Jie-Jieqiong!!! What did you do?!" I said in a stuttered shaky voice, Jieqiong looked up at me with tears in her eyes.
"I.. Just wanted to.. F-feel.. Something.." She said, I grabbed a mini towel and applied as much pressure to stop the bleeding. I knew she would lead to this, eventually.
I called for an ambulance and until then did whatever I could to keep her alive, I talked to her, I pleaded for her to keep her eyes open and to talk to me the whole time.
Soon enough the ambulance finally arrived and began to lift the girl gently and place her on the stretcher where they wheeled her out to the ambulance truck.
Quickly I ran to my moms car and began to drive full speed so I could catch up to the ambulance truck. The lights lit up the night sky in an evil flashing red and blue.
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The next day.
Jieqiong's pov
My eyes may be closed, and I may be quiet and still, but I am not dreaming, I'm only sitting in a room of darkness. I forced my eyes open to see it was daytime.
The curtains were open and the sun was shining through. The more I stared out the window the more I began to zone out. I knew where I was, and I was mad.
When everything settled in, I realizing I had many needles attached to me, and my arm hurt more than ever, they'd stitched it up and I knew it would ruin my life.
You really did it didn't you.. I thought as I laid on my side, pulling my arm up to my view. When I looked at the bandaged, stitched up cut, I felt nothing.
Besides me was some kind of heart scan that didn't make noise. If my heart began to beat fast it would make strange squiggly lines, It was my heart beat being drawn.
A doctor came in and began to sign on to her computer screen. I see you're awake she says and greets me with a gentle smile, I stare at her without expression or words.
My eyes then focused on Roa who stood in the door with her head resting on the frame, we looked at each other for some time until she walked in the room and sat besides me, placing one hand in mine.
"So.. Your parents just got sent out for not wanting to sit near me" Roa said. We both laughed when we realized anything they do to hurt others only hurts themselves.
"Did you stay the night?" I asked.
"Yeah" Roa said with a smile.
"I also brought you a gift" Roa continued.
"I'm going to die of embarrassment if I see a single balloon Roa." I said.
"Even better." Roa said.
Roa pulled her phone out and faced her screen away from me childishly, after she was done she pocketed the phone and stared at me with a bright smile.
Nayoung walked in the room.
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As y'all know I've always had sad
Scenes such as this, because I feel it really
Gives true feeling, because this stuff DOES
Happen in real life. Also, much respect to
Jieqiong's parents, they aren't bitchy like
I made them in this story, an evil family
Always equals better plot! Her family is
Very gentle and nice to her and would
Never say or do anything in this book.