Draco spent a couple more days in hospital recuperating. He was visited by a string of unexpected visitors. Luna was one of the first to come and check on him, and to apologise on her father's behalf for publishing the photographs in The Prophet. Draco accepted the apology commenting that he was impressed that the old coot even had it in him to do something so cunning. His mother stayed by his side as much as possible. Draco suspected that she blamed herself for what had happened as much as she seemed to blame Harry, often shaking her head and muttering about how it wouldn't have happened if only she had been there. Draco knew it would have happened regardless, but his words did little to abate his mother's guilt. Andromeda and Teddy came to visit every day and said that they were both missing him terribly. Ginny and Neville popped in to check on him as well after they had been to visit Neville's parents, leaving a small potted Moly plant by his bedside 'to ward off Dark Enchantments', which Draco appreciated more than he cared to admit. To Draco's immense surprise, Pansy Parkinson and Gregory Goyle came by to see him as well. Pansy said that hearing what had happened to Draco 'put things in perspective for her' and they each promised to keep in touch. Hermione and Ron visited as well, but the one person who Draco wanted to see never came.
"Where's Harry?" he asked before Hermione and Ron could even open their mouths to greet him.
Ron sighed and pulled something out of his pocket and handed it to Draco. "He wanted me to give you this. He says he's sorry."
Draco opened the sealed parchment and began to read. The further down he read, the deeper his frown became. When he had reached the end of the page he checked the other side of the parchment for more writing but found none. He brandished the letter in Ron's face.
"He told you to give me this?" he demanded.
"Yeah," Ron replied before adding hastily, "I don't know what it says."
Although by Draco's furious reaction, he could take two guesses. Draco scrunched the parchment up in his fist. "When did he give this to you?"
"A few minutes ago," said Ron. "We asked if he was coming here with us to visit you, but he just handed that to me and said to pass it on to you."
Draco threw the bedsheets off of his legs and got unsteadily to his feet.
"What are you doing?" asked Ron.
"I'm getting the hell out of here," said Draco grabbing his clothes.
Uncaring that he was in full view of Ron and Hermione he began to strip from his hospital robes. Hermione squeaked and covered her eyes. Ron rolled his eyes and turned away from Draco to give him some privacy.
"What is your obsession with stripping naked in front of me?" Hermione despaired.
"Nothing personal, Granger," he huffed while struggling to pull on his jeans. "But this is an emergency."
"Malfoy, you're not well enough to leave the hospital," she argued.
"While I appreciate your concern for my well-being, I feel as fit as an erumpant, thank you. Besides, I spoke to the Healers this morning, I'm well out of the woods now. They can't keep me here against my will." Draco straightened himself to his full height, swaying slightly. "It's safe for you to turn around again."
Ron and Hermione turned to look at him. "What are you going to do?"
"To stop Harry," he declared.
"Stop Harry?" asked Hermione. "From doing what?"
"From leaving," he said, shoving the parchment into his back pocket.
"Leaving?" asked Ron, confused. "What are you on about?"
Draco strode out into the corridor and nearly walked into his mother.
"Draco," she frowned. "What are you doing out of bed?"
"I'm sorry Mother, but I'm in a bit of a hurry," he began stepping passed her, but Narcissa grabbed his arm.
"What's going on?"
"Hold on," Ron interrupted. "What did you mean, he's leaving?"
Draco hurried passed the three of them and began marching down the hall. "The stupid git has got it into his head that he's in no fit state to be near anyone anymore— us included."
"So he's just leaving?" asked Hermione incredulously.
"Not if I can help it," Draco declared, exiting the hospital.
"Draco, stop," Narcissa pleaded, grabbing at Draco's hand. "Why are you doing this?"
Draco sighed and turned to his mother. "Because I love him. And I know what you're going to say," he put his hand up to stop her from interrupting. "You think that I'm too young to know what I'm talking about, but I just know . And I know that he loves me, too. Tell me, you went to hell and back with Father, yet you stuck with him. Why?"
Narcissa hesitated, then admitted in a choked voice, "Because I loved him more than life itself."
Draco squeezed his mother's hand. "I know exactly what you mean." Narcissa's shoulders sagged, and then she nodded. Draco kissed his mother on the cheek then turned to Ron and Hermione. "Give me some time to talk to him first. You know what he can be like."
"Yeah, we know all too well," said Ron grimly. He nodded resolutely at Draco, "Okay mate. We're trusting you with this one."
"If you need us we'll be at The Burrow," said Hermione. "You better hurry."
Draco nodded and with a loud crack he Disapparated.
***
It didn't take Harry long to pack his suitcase. Even though he had the house now, he still owned relatively few possessions— some clothes, his father's invisibility cloak, and his broomstick. Anything else in the house barely qualified as his. He picked up the snitch Dumbledore had given him and ran his finger over the message again before placing it carefully on the bedside table, leaving it for Draco. He snapped his case shut and pulled on his travelling cloak before stomping downstairs.
He knew it was unfair to leave everybody like this, without saying a proper goodbye. But he was afraid that if he spoke to them all face to face that they would convince him not to leave. He couldn't let them do that, he couldn't let himself give in to weakness again. He had to do what was best for everybody, and that meant that he had to leave. At least he had written Draco a letter explaining why he was doing it. He had waited long enough to know that Draco would recover, but he was still in hospital, too sick to leave. He would read his letter and be hurt for a while, but in time he would get over Harry and move on with his life.
He opened the front door of Grimmauld Place for the last time and paused as a crumpled piece of parchment was thrust into his face.
"What the fuck is this?" spat Draco, pushing his way into the house. He kicked the door shut behind him, still brandishing the paper in Harry's stunned face expecting an answer.
Harry gaped at Draco and dropped his case. "Draco, you're...why aren't you in hospital?"
"Because my boyfriend is an absolute git and sends me letters to my sickbed informing me he's going to leave the country without me!" snarled Draco, slapping the paper into Harry's chest.
Harry looked at Draco's hand and the colour drained from his face. "Is that from the poison?"
Draco glanced down at the black veins trailing up the hand holding the parchment. "Yeah, I'm stuck with it I'm afraid. Just an unfortunate side effect of touching the poison."
Harry gently touched his hand. "Does it hurt?"
"No it's fine," said Draco quietly, then he growled, "Don't change the subject, Harry. What are you playing at trying to do a runner?"
Harry shook his head sadly. "After what happened to you, after what I did to Mr Lovegood, I've realised that I'm too dangerous for other people to be around. I can't risk more people being hurt because of me anymore."
Draco snarled in frustration. "How many times have we been over this? You can't wrap me up in cotton wool and protect me from every danger in life! I know what being in a relationship with you entails, just like being in a relationship with me entails a certain amount of risk of its own. But I don't care about the risk— you are worth it! I would walk through Fiendfyre for you, Harry, if that's what it took for us to stay together!"
"You say that now. But this was only the first. You survived this time, but what about the next time? So long as you're with me, they'll never leave you alone. I can't put you through that."
"Don't I get a say in this?" asked Draco incredulously. "Why does my opinion count for nothing?"
"It's for the best."
"This is bullshit." Draco's expression changed from one of fury to one of desperation and he pleaded, "Please don't do this."
"I have to do this," said Harry, his voice trembling. "If we stay together, things like this will happen again and again. It's only a matter of time. This is what always happens— people who get close to me get hurt. I knew that and I let myself get carried away. I should never have let it get this far. No, I'm not going to have another death on my conscience."
"You promised," said Draco, his voice breaking. "That night in the field, you promised you wouldn't leave me."
"Then I shouldn't have made a promise that I knew I couldn't keep."
Draco's face screwed up into an ugly scowl. "It's because of what they said in the papers, isn't it? You said it didn't get to you, but it did. You're only saying this is for my own good because you don't want to feel guilty about being an arsehole."
"That's a lie!" Harry cried, but Draco raged on.
"You can't stand the thought of everyone else knowing you get your jollies screwing a Death Eater every night. And not just any Death Eater— a Malfoy into the bargain. Is that all this was to you? Some twisted, fantasy fulfilment? The hero fucking the bad guy just for the hell of it then casting me aside when you've had your fill?"
"No," Harry was shaking his head, his eyes wide and shining with tears. "It's not like that."
"Well what is it, then?" shouted Draco. "A sympathy fuck? Did you feel sorry for me? Poor, lonesome Draco Malfoy, another charity case for you to take on until something even more pathetic comes along and piques your interest?"
"No!"
"Then what is this?" Draco screamed. "Why are you fucking with my head? Why did you make me think that you cared if you're just going to leave?"
"Because I do," Harry implored. "I love you."
Draco shook his head. "No. People don't say they love you and then hurt you when they really mean it."
Harry took a step forward with a pained expression on his face. "Of course I love you. I love you so much that it scares the shit out of me. You being a Malfoy has nothing to do with it." Harry leaned against the wall and put his head in his hands, "I'm scared Draco, all the time. I'm scared because I know that the same thing will happen to you that happens to everyone I've ever loved. I cause irreparable damage to everyone around me. I am no fit person to love...I've never loved anyone without causing them harm. And I can't do that to you because I love you. I don't want to see you hurt or get killed like everyone else. You're better off without me, Draco."
"Bullshit," he hissed.
"It's true!" cried Harry. "Sirius, Fred, Lupin, Tonks, Mad-Eye, Dobby—"
"Harry, stop."
"Snape, Dumbledore— my parents !" cried Harry, his voice breaking. "They would all still be here if it weren't for me. I'm not going to be responsible for adding your name to the list of people I've killed."
"You didn't kill any of those people," Draco countered. "Voldemort did."
"I as good as killed them," Harry argued. "By mere association, they met their end at the hands of others. Because of me. I can't go through it again, Draco. It'll break me."
"So you just leave everyone before they can leave you, is that it?" asked Draco. "You did the same thing to Ginny because you were shit-scared of losing her. You pushed her away before she got too close. And now you're doing the same thing to me. If you keep pushing people away you're going to end up all alone."
"That's what's best!" shouted Harry. "I've always been alone. It's literally written in the stars— I walk this path alone. "
"No, you're just a coward," Draco hissed. "So much for Gryffindor bravery. The minute you need to put a little of yourself on the line, you turn tail and run."
"Put myself on the line?" shouted Harry incredulously. "I fucking died! I put everything on the line, you have no right to say that!"
"Dying's easy," Draco shot back. "You're afraid of living. It terrifies you that you don't have a prophecy telling you what to do anymore. Well, the rest of us have to amble along without prophecies and destiny as a safety net and we don't turn away from the people who love us when things get tough!"
Harry was giving his undying declaration of love right before he left Draco forever. Draco wanted to throw those three words in Harry's face. His anger was overruling all other rational thought. He took a breath and let his old mask of indifference wash over his face. It was easier to look disinterested than admit that his life was falling apart all over again. He sneered at Harry with a look of utmost contempt.
"You know what? Do whatever you like. Be the martyr. Again," Turning on his heel, he began to walk away. "Love me, don't love me, it doesn't make a difference either way, because you won't be here."
"Draco, wait!"
He felt Harry's hand wrap around his arm and he paused. "Wait for what? Wait for you to change your mind again? I'm not going to sit here and worry about when's the next time you're going to threaten to leave. But you should know that no matter how far you run, you'll never outrun who you are." Draco turned to face Harry, "You need to make a choice— what kind of person are you going to be? Are you going to keep running away every time you get scared or when life gets too hard? Or do you have the strength and conviction to stand your ground and face your fears?"
Andromeda's words came tumbling out of Draco's mouth and he finally understood what she was saying— that to live a full life, you first have to accept everything that you are, light and dark, scars and all. Draco was ready to embrace himself and all of his shortcomings, but he wasn't sure Harry was ready to accept his own.
Harry was breathing hard. He had that fight or flight look in his eyes, clearly struggling to decide what to do. Draco stood waiting, but the moment seemed to stretch into eternity. Harry stood there, an internal battle raging within himself while Draco seemed to wait in vain for a moment that would never come— for Harry to choose him over fear of the unknown.
"Nobody said it would be this hard," said Harry weakly.
"Nobody said it was easy," Draco countered.
"I'm still afraid," said Harry shamefully, lowering his eyes.
"So am I," Draco admitted.
"You are?"
Draco laughed. "Of course I am. The unknown is a scary thing. But the unknown doesn't always mean something bad. Good, beautiful things are out there to be discovered, too. Life is more than just existing, Harry. It's about being willing to take chances."
"I don't feel like I deserve a second chance," Harry admitted.
Draco touched Harry's cheek. "A wise man once told me that everybody has a chance at redemption, that everyone deserves a second chance— including repentant Death Eaters. Christ, if anyone deserves a second chance, it's you."
Harry closed his eyes tightly and took a shaky breath. Draco took a step closer and cupped Harry's cheeks in his hands, gently wiping away his tears with his thumbs.
"Stay with me, " Draco whispered softly.
Draco knew what he was asking, a promise of so much more than one night, but every night that Harry was willing to have him. After a few tense moments of silence, Harry nodded and replied in a helpless sort of voice, "Yes."
Draco sighed and rested his head against Harry's. Harry leaned forward and gently pressed their lips together and suddenly Draco was tumbling off a sheer cliff into the blissful unknown. It was only a kiss, but it held so much promise that he was afraid that if he broke it, he would lose it forever. Draco closed his eyes, pulled Harry closer and wrapped his arms around him tightly, never wanting to let go. He'd never been so relieved and exhilarated in all of his life.
Draco could feel Harry's magic then. It was humming all around them, it licked his skin like electricity, powerful and intoxicating. Draco kissed Harry hard, trying to drink up his scent, his magic, everything about this man that drove him crazy and wild.
Harry whimpered into the kiss and said breathlessly, "I love you, Draco."
"I love you, too," Draco vowed, kissing Harry harder.
Harry finally broke their kiss and, taking Draco's hand in his own, he led him upstairs to their bedroom. They stood in the centre of the room for a moment, as hesitant as their first time together, only this time they took things slowly, savouring every moment and each other. Draco pulled Harry's t-shirt over his head and discarded it on the floor before gently running his hands through Harry's wild hair, pushing it back to see the lightning bolt scar. Harry looked up at him, his emerald eyes wide with wonder. Still cradling Harry's head in both hands, Draco leant down and gently placed a kiss on the scar. Harry let out a shaky breath and closed his eyes, resting his hands on top of Draco's. This act felt more intimate than anything else that they had done so far. This scar was a symbol of everything that set him apart from everyone else, that made him different and that had meant that, for so long, he had to journey through life alone. Yet here was Draco, someone who finally understood what the burden of carrying a scar really meant. He was a man who carried many of his own. Being held in this simple yet affectionate embrace, Harry felt for the first time in his life that someone saw him for who he really was and accepted him wholly. Finally, they were truly seeing each other for the first time— all their scars and fears laid bare, peeled back layer by layer to reveal a raw nerve in each other's hearts. Now finally they had found in each other someone they trusted enough to be open and vulnerable and truthful with, someone they trusted not to hurt them.
Harry slowly unbuttoned Draco's shirt and peeled it off his broad shoulders, letting the soft material sliver off of his back and fall in a pile at their feet. Draco took Harry's hand and slowly directed his fingers to trace the thin, white scars that peppered his pale face, then lower to the longer, deeper ones that crisscrossed across his chest and abdomen. Harry traced a finger along each scar, the shining flesh was smoother and softer than he could have imagined. He kissed each one, in turn, his kisses starting out feather-soft but became wetter in succession. Harry lightly ran his tongue over one scar on Draco's abdomen and he felt the muscles contract as his breathing became more and more laboured. God, it was almost too much. Not just the feeling of Draco's flesh against his own, making Harry shiver fast, shaky thrills that shot right through him, but the sight of him— his smoky grey, half-lidded eyes, his hair that shone like spun sunlight, his slack mouth, his beautiful, plump pink lips, begging to be kissed.
Harry traced a finger along the largest of the scars that ran from his right shoulder blade down and across to his jutting hip bone. When his fingers found Draco's hip, he wrapped his hand around it more firmly, prompting Draco to take a step closer, chest to chest, both of their hearts beating hard against their ribcages. Harry gently pushed Draco to lie back on the bed and he looked up at Harry, nervous but wanting. Harry's hand snaked down over Draco's abdomen to the zipper of his jeans and he arched up obediently to let Harry drag his trousers and boxers down his long, slender legs. At the sight of Draco's stiff, leaking cock curved up against his tight stomach, dribbling pre-come onto the sparse trail of fine blond hair leading down from his navel, Harry felt a little bit of his sanity drain away.
Harry fell to his knees between Draco's legs and the look on Draco's face set something alight in the pit of Harry's stomach, so bright, so fierce, he had to close his eyes as he closed the distance between them, lips parting, holding his breath for the moment when he felt Draco's cock against his mouth. When Harry's lips brushed over the head, a small moan escaped Draco's lips, a sound that Harry felt go right through him and he enveloped Draco's cock in his mouth. Draco gasped and grasped the bedsheets tightly in his fists; it took all of his willpower not to buck into Harry's hot, wet mouth. Draco looked down at what Harry was doing and groaned at the sight.
Harry looked up at Draco and his breath hitched in his chest at the look on his face, a mixture of fierceness and tenderness, and he felt a moan rise up in his throat just at the sight of him, naked and vulnerable and powerful and so fucking beautiful. Draco's hand reached out to Harry's hair and gripped it gently. Harry closed his eyes again for a moment, leaning into Draco's touch, and Draco made a small sound like a whimper, then groaned louder when Harry leaned forward taking more of Draco's length into his mouth. Draco's hand tightened in his hair and when Harry looked up again, Draco was biting at the fullness of his plump, bottom lip.
Draco began to roll his hips gently up into Harry's mouth and Harry moaned in approval. The thought of Draco fucking his mouth with his cock made him ache, and he let the smooth, heavy weight of Draco's cock slide over his tongue, up and down in a slow, steady rhythm. Draco's movement became more erratic and he began to make quiet uh-uh sounds indicating he was close, so Harry quickly removed his mouth from Draco's cock. Draco looked up sharply with alarm and confusion but smiled when Harry began crawling up the bed towards him, the remainder of his clothing having miraculously disappeared in the blink of an eye. Draco reached up and pulled Harry into a deep, searing kiss. Harry lay on his side next to Draco, slowly tracing his hand down Draco's body. God, he felt so good, so much pale, smooth skin that goosebumped at Harry's touch. He traced his fingers lower and wrapped his fist around Draco's cock and began to pump him slowly. Draco moaned into Harry's mouth and groped for Harry's cock in return. When his fingers lightly skimmed over the head of Harry's cock, Harry let out a sharp breath.
"Fuck," Harry hissed.
He felt Draco smile as he kissed him. Harry didn't know how to handle the shocks of sensation, the almost frightening bliss of Draco's firm, warm hand wrapped around him. The heat of Draco's body beneath his fingers, the little noises and pants of breath, just the smell of him, it all made Harry feel like he was coming apart. Draco slid his free hand down to Harry's balls, caressing them while continuing to pump Harry's cock with his other hand. Harry's mouth fell open and he let out a loud moan and came all over Draco's fist, his whole body shaking with the exquisite intensity of it.
"Draco," Harry panted.
He said it again because of how good it felt in his mouth. "Draco," just like that, in two breaths, like a plea and then a sigh. Had Harry ever said his name exactly that way before? Not just with raw desire, but like a prayer. Draco wanted to hear Harry say his name like that over and over again, like a mantra. Harry let go of Draco's cock and lay flat on his back, panting while Draco peppered his mouth and face with small kisses, a look of serenity on his face.
Once Harry had gotten his breath back he settled himself in a reclining position, leaning over Draco and cradling his long, pale neck in his hand. Draco looked up at him with the sort of longing that made Harry's chest flutter and he kissed him again, a soft, lazy kiss. He began to wank Draco off as he had done before, but Draco wrapped his hand around Harry's wrist, keeping it still while he began thrusting against Harry's hand, lifting his hips off of the bed, gasping and moaning beautifully with every thrust. Harry's spent cock was half-hard again as Draco continued to thrust, then buried his face into the crook of Harry's neck and came hard, shooting all over Harry's stomach, his entire body shaking as the powerful orgasm tore through him. Draco was gasping as his body became rigid then relaxed with a long, shaky sigh, a dreamy, far-away look in his smoky grey eyes.
"Wow," breathed Harry at the wondrous expression in Draco's face he couldn't tear his eyes away from.
"Merlin, I've missed that," smiled Draco sleepily.
"It's only been a few days," laughed Harry.
"It felt like a hell of a lot longer than a few days," said Draco pulling Harry closer.
"I love you," said Harry, not in a whisper or a whimper, but with as much conviction as if he'd said the sky was blue, I love you .
"I love you, too," said Draco.
Harry felt a rush of warmth flood through him and an urge to make Draco feel that way again and again. And it was a comforting realisation that there would be many more moments like this to hold onto. A lifetime's worth.