Chapter 29.
recap: In the previous chapter, 3 months had passed since the delivery or Imperial Edict, but Second Prince and Yi Ran had not seen each other. Ru Yao was growing increasingly impatient and decided to tell the truth to Yi Ran to prepare her heart before the girl enter the palace. Yi Ran finally found out what really happened eighteen years ago, how those people painted as evil were the actual victims and those heroes in power were the real devils. She also learnt that she was a princess.
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She was back in her own bedchamber, staring out of her window, up the night sky at the black moonless but starry night. The moon was covered by thick whirls of clouds, just like how her heart was stained with impure reality. She was just lost, she was confused. How could this be?
If she was really a princess, and that her real parents were killed by the Emperor and Empress Dowager...then would that not make the father of her husband-to-be the killer of her parents? How was she supposed to bear that in? How was she supposed to comprehend and trust that she was really the lost princess?
"The lost princess' name is Yi Rong, do you remember your real name is also Yi Rong, but Aunt asked you to hide it and rename you as Yi Ran when we moved here?" She recalled what Pi Yang told her earlier. She still recalled how her Aunt named her cat as Yi Rong so that she would never forget her real name.
Her father was murdered by people who wanted his throne. Her mother committed suicide because of it. She was then raised by her father's mistress. Those three definitely did not seem like what was said of them in the palace. Most importantly, she was born having the face of the one who caused their misery and her misery.
She felt her heart being crushed and her chest deeply suffocated as uneasiness settled permanently in her mind. What could she do? She was just a powerless woman in an patriarchal era, she was nothing but merely an unimportant figure who could not even secure her rights. Then she remembered, how she had helplessly fallen in love with the son of the one who killed her parents.
She had first sinned by believing the rumours and shaming her parents. She despised the people she was supposed to love. Now, she was just a further disappointment by loving the people she was supposed to hate. And worse, she was born looking like her enemy. Why was her life a joke? How could she live on while carrying such a heavy truth with her?
How could I have despised the people who died for me? She asked herself as her tears slid down her smooth white cheeks, like a waterfall that left trails of sadness behind.
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Time had passed again, winter was gone and spring bad come. It was now just one day before she would be fetched into the palace. She had lost her smile, she had lost her cheerfulness and she had lost herself. She spent days and nights staring out of the window at nothingness when she was not busied with preparations to enter the palace. Her servants noted her strange behaviour to Ru Yao, who brushed it off by saying how it was just a bride's anxiety taking over her and she would return to her real self soon.
Except it was already the night before she was sent to the palace and she had yet to gather herself. Ru Yao was worried that the princess would not be able to survive in the palace in such a mental state or worse, acted rashly and committed suicide. When the Madam of the family entered Yi Ran's bedchamber, she saw the bed lined with red silk bed covers, clean and spotless with not a single crease on it. She looked around again and her heart skipped a beat. Yi Ran was nowhere to be found.
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She ran through the forest in the dark, following the figure in front of her who grabbed her wrist tightly, not letting go. They kept running and running, until he suddenly stopped in the middle of nowhere with only trees surrounding them and the moonlight shining down on them. He turned around to face her and let go of her wrist. Strands of their hair fell out of place and beads of sweat rolled down their forehead. She sucked in the cold autumn night air and filled her lungs with air again, the air was so fresh and clean, unlike the place called palace that rotted with demons who took the form of humans.
"You will be married to him tomorrow," he said. Yi Ran dared herself to lift up her head and stared right at his eyes through hers, the gentle moonlight illuminated his face. She was surprised when First Prince suddenly appeared from the window to her room. She said nothing. There was just silence between them. He was also the son of the murderer of her parents.
"It is impossible to retract the Imperial Edict, but I only have one question." She still stared at him, confused. What was she feeling then when she saw him? Was it numbness? Was it sorry? Was it pity? Was it...hatred?
Seeing her not saying anything, he continued, "have you ever, even just once...had some feelings for me?"
Her heart palpitated uncontrollably. What was this feeling again? She felt her body heated up to her face, she felt warm, but she was not even sure if it was delight or...fear. However, she could not take her eyes off his, for some reason, as though they were glued on him despite her desire to break their eye contact.
"Yes." She lied. It was a lie for her to survive. She knew then, that it was fear. This was the first time the young woman understood what it meant to survive by any means possible.
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Later, the young girl was sent back to the manor by First Prince through the window to her bedroom which she escaped from. She climbed through the window while being pushed and helped by First Prince and tumbled over the window sill, falling onto the floor. Moaning in pain slightly, the girl rubbed her knees and lifted her head, finding Bian Li, who would be entering the palace as her lady-in-waiting, staring in at her in shock. Next to her was Ru Yao, whose eyes widened in surprise when she saw and recognised the man outside the window.
"Do not speak of this. You may go down first," Ru Yao hurriedly commanded Bian Li, who scurried away from the scene and closed the doors silently. When Ru Yao turned her head back at the window, First Prince had already vanished from her sight, leaving her with Yi Ran who had gathered herself and stood up, looking at her nervously. The Madam of the Yu family dropped her body into a kneeling position, which caught the attention of the lost princess. Yi Ran looked at her, her eyes were almost tearing up as she hurriedly rushed in front of the woman she had already used to calling mother, lowering her body so that their eyes were leveled.
"Princess, you need someone trustworthy by your side when you enter the palace. Bian Li is someone you can trust. She is also one of Crown Princess' servant. As she has youthful looks, she was able to fake her age."
"Your Highness, before Your Highness leave tomorrow, Your servant wants to at least tell you something," Ru Yao tearingly said before wiping away her tears. She had always wanted to tell this story, the story of the strongest woman she had ever known. "What is it?" Yi Ran helped her up and they both headed to the low table, sitting side by side on the cushions, facing each other.
"This is about Her Highness Crown Princess, your birth mother." She was not ready to hear it, but it was the time, otherwise there would be no more chances for her to hear it. After Ru Yao calmed herself down for a while, she began reminiscing memories of the past, memories of her master who constantly smiled and never cried through her painful life.
"Her name is Wei Qian, from the fallen Wei family. The Wei family had close relations with the Han family, the family of late Empress Han, the birth mother of Crown Prince. Being the first daughter of the first son of the Wei family, it was natural that she was betrothed to Crown Prince as Crown Princess," Ru Yao paused as she took a deep breath.
"Then, we found out later that the day of her marriage to the Crown Prince coincided with Mistress Li's, or your Aunt An's. However, Her Highness did not complain and went through with it, despite the humiliation she received from other women in the palace. His Highness never cared for her and Her Highness accepted her fate as an abandoned woman." Ru Yao's tears streamed down her face heavily as she told the pitiful story of the misunderstood Crown Princess. She was just another victim of the cruel life in the palace, yet she was hated ad humiliated by many as if she was the manifestation of devil himself.
"Her Highness was scrutinised and blamed by the Empress for being incapable of keeping Crown Prince by her side. When suddenly Crown Prince left Mistress Li and came to Crown Princess, even though just once, Crown Princess was really lucky to be pregnant, as she knew it was the only chance she had in her life. The times when she was pregnant with Princess was the happiest moment of her life and was also the times Crown Princess smiled most. Even in the end, Crown Princess chose to keep her dignity and died with Crown Prince and sent Princess away from the palace." Whirls of grey cloud gathered and suddenly, heavy rain poured down the earth, as though the Heavens were crying for the life of Crown Princess. Perhaps the Heavens really were.
"Her Highness was a strong woman who never cried or showed her weakness to anybody. She was a beautiful noble woman with the kindest heart I have ever met. She carried herself with such strong dignity that it was a pity she was not born a princess," Ru Yao paused again before continuing, "Your Highness Princess, this marriage might have been customarily a taboo. However, Princess, you must smile, you must survive in the palace. Crown Princess sacrificed her life to save yours, keep living itself is a form of filial piety. Whatever is between First Prince and Your Highness, never let anyone know about it." The young woman wanted to refute Ru Yao as she definitely had misunderstood because it was a scene that anyone could easily jump to assumptions for, before she was cut off by her.
"Empress and Emperor know who you really are. Never trust anyone in the palace. Never show them your weakness. You must hate them, hate the Emperor, hate Empress Yang, hate Consort Yu and even hate all of his offspring," she paused for a while before continuing, "including Second Prince."
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She sat on her bed, the noise made by the people outside her bedchamber was deafening to her. She was still unable to smile, she looked just like a hollow human skin inhabited by a lost soul, who moved like it was its obligation. Bian Li dared not say anything seeing how lifeless the young missy looked, almost as if she was against this marriage and unhappy about it that she was putting up a protest this way.
"Is the young missy ready?" when the voice of the old servant from the palace was heard from outside the doors, Yi Ran knew the time was finally up.
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Sorry for the long wait! My exams are finally over yay! And I got stomach flu recently like wow...I've never felt so horrible before, all the vomiting almost made me migrate to my bathroom.
Anyway Ruyi's Royal Love In The Palace FINALLY AIRED! Like YAY! I've been waiting for it since last year like seriously omg I'm at episode 21 now. You guys should watch it! I don't need subtitles so I can watch faster than non-Chinese speaking fans. I suddenly feel lucky that I understand Chinese hahaha!
See you in the next chapter! :)