Most of this chapter is kind of depressing but it does have a ton of fluff in here as well so I hope you can forgive me for the other stuff! There's a trigger warning for self-harm in this chapter and if you have issues with that just skip over that part . This chapter is pretty important though so I wouldn't recommend skipping over the whole thing! Anyways I hope you guys like this chapter and please let me know what you think of it! Love,
Lizzy ❤️
Chapter 31
It was the middle of the night when Harry wakes up cuddled with his brothers and Louis. He doesn't necessarily know what he's doing until he's out of the bed and walking towards the bedroom door.
"You know where to go, Harry," The dark voice in his head bellows to him, this man and time that voice didn't have a name or face it was just the demon inside his head.
Harry couldn't do anything to stop himself before he was in the bathroom at the end of the hall. He has tears streaming down his face as he grips ahold of the razor that he had found inside of one of the cupboards. "Come on, do it already," the voice in his head encourages him and all Harry can do is cry as he brings the razor across his wrist.
Suddenly the door to the bathroom is being pushed open and a sleepy Edward stands in the doorway, wearing nothing but a pair of pajama pants. The man's eyes widen when he takes in the scene before him. "Harry what are you doing?!" Edward asks his younger brother, a sense of panic running through him.
Tears fall down Harry's face as he shakes his head, finally getting enough of himself back to drop the razor back into the sink. He had three shallow but bleeding cuts across his left wrist. "I don't know, I just couldn't stop," he says, hiccuping with how bad he was sobbing.
Edward sends his brother a sad smile as he brings him into his arms so that he can cry into his naked chest. "It's going to be alright, Haz," he soothes the male, rubbing a hand through his brother's long head of curls.
The two of them stay like that for what feels like forever but in reality was only around five minutes. Edward waited for his brother's sobbing to diminish before he pulled the man away from his chest so that he could look into his eyes. "What's going on, Harry?" Edward asks the boy as he moves him over towards the closed toilet seat so that he could clean the man's cuts for him, just like he used to when they were kids.
"I haven't been taking my meds," Harry admits to the man, feeling ashamed of his words as he stares down at his hands which were folded in his lap.
Edward lets out a sigh as he holds his hand out for the man to hand him his still bleeding wrist. "This is going to hurt a bit, HarBear," he tells the man, using his old childhood nickname for his brother as he brings the alcohol soaked cotton swab onto the man's cuts.
Harry let out a small intake of air at the stinging the alcohol had on his fresh cuts, but doesn't complain. He watches as his brother cleans his cuts very careful before placing a large bandage over the cuts. "Thank you, Eddie," Harry tells his brother, his voice sounding like a kid again as he reaches his hands out for the other man to pick him up.
Edward smiles fondly at his brother. "Not quite yet, Haz," he tells the man, poking him on the nose slightly before turning back around to search inside the cupboard above the sink.
He pulls out a pill bottle and places it onto the counter before filling the plastic cup by the sink with water. Harry watches as the man hands him the cup of water and two of the little white pills inside of the bottle. "They're pretty old, but I think they'll still do the trick," Edward says as he motions for his brother to down the pills.
"You kept them all these years?" Harry asks his brother curiously as he throws the pills into his mouth, washing them down his throat with a sip of water.
Edward only smiles at him. "Of course I did, they were yours I couldn't get rid of any of your things," he tells the male before opening up the cupboard again to show Harry what was inside. "See I even kept all of your toothbrushes, just incase there was a day when you would come back home." Harry let out a small gasp as he took in the three toothbrushes inside the cupboard as nice as they were the day they all left them behind. He couldn't believe his brother kept that stuff around after all these years.
"I love you, Hazza," Edward tells the man, crouching down in front of the toilet so that he can meet his brother's eyes that match his own. He takes ahold of Harry's hands and squeezes them gently with his own. "You and Marcy and Alex, you'll always be the most important people in my life no matter what," he says sending the man a small smile.
Harry has tears in his eyes again, but this time they're happy ones. "I love you too, Eddie," he tells the man with a small smile.
Edward lets out a small chuckle as he leans up to plant a sweet kiss to his brother's forehead. "Can I sleep with you for the rest of the night?" Harry asks him, looking up at his eldest brother with a hopeful look in his eyes.
Edward only smiles at the man before nodding his head. "Of course you can, sweetheart. Just let me go to the bathroom first," he tells the boy.
Harry blushes when he finally realizes that Edward must have had to go to the bathroom this whole entire time but had held it so that he could help him first. Edward smiles at his brother when he notices the look of realization spread across his face. "I told you I'd do anything for you, baby," he tells his brother with a smile. "Why don't you go ahead across the hall and I'll be in, in a second."
"Okay," Harry tells his brother with a small nod as he stands up shakily onto his own two feet. He gives his brother one last hesitant smile before he makes his way across the hall to the man's bedroom.
As he sneaks his way inside his brother's room he gets flashbacks to all of the times he's done this exact thing while they were kids. He was always sneaking into his older brother Edward's room. Whenever he'd have a nightmare or when the voices would get to be too much for him, he would slip into Edward's bed because the man always knew what to do to cheer him up.
As he climbs into the familiar bed and cuddles into the covers he couldn't help but to smile at the familiar smell that belonged to Edward. When he feels the bed dip behind him he only smiles as his older brother wraps his arms around his waist and pulls him back into his chest. Harry always was the little spoon between the two of them. "I've missed you so much, Haz," Edward whispers into his brother's familiar strawberry smelling hair.
"Me too, Eddie," Harry tells the man as he leans his head back onto the male's shoulder, already starting to drift off back into a slumber, comfortable in his brother's arms.
********
Louis wakes up the next morning completely naked with two pair of arms wrapped around him. The boy rubs at his eyes with a small groan as he blinks them open blearily to take a look around him, the events from the night before flowing back to him.
"Good morning, beautiful," Alex greets the boy, a too happy smile spread across his face for that early in the morning.
"'Morning," Louis tells the man simply, snuggling back into the man's chest not ready to get up just yet.
"Did you sleep well?" Alex asks the boy as he leans down to pepper small little kisses across the boy's naked shoulder.
"Yeah," Louis tells the man with a small yawn afterwards. That's when he finally realized that one of the brothers was missing, furrowing his eyebrows together the boy tries searching for the man only to come up empty.
"Where's Harry?" Louis asks the awake brother, a pout moving across his face at the man being missing. Especially after what they had done together the night before. He felt a bit bad that the man wasn't here when he wakes up.
"I don't know, babe," Alex says as he pushes few pieces of hair away from the boy's face. "I'm sure he probably just got up early for a jog or something," he tries to reassure the boy.
Louis nods, thinking that Alex was probably right. Harry was always so weird about his morning exercise. "I want breakfast," Louis tells Alex with a pout, his stomach letting out an audible grumble at being empty.
Alex lets out a small chuckle as he hears the sound leaning down to plant a kiss to the boy's forehead before releasing the boy from his arms. "I'll cook you something," Alex tells the boy, loving the smile that he gets for the words.
Louis manages to squeeze his way out of Marcel's arms and make his way out of the king sized bed that belonged to the still sleeping male, Harry's bed was too sticky after last night so they just moved across the hall. "Do you think we should wake him?" Louis asks the other brother as he takes a peak back at Marcel's sleeping form.
Alex just shakes his head at the boy. "No, I'd let him go. Marcel has always been grumpy if he doesn't get enough sleep," he tells the boy and Louis only nods in understanding as he rises from the bed.
That's when he remembers he was completely naked and lets out a whine. "Alex, I need clothes first," Louis tells the man with a pout spreading across his face.
Alex only smiles fondly at the boy as he makes his way across the room to Marcel's closet. The clothes were a few years old but would definitely be able to fit Louis. He pulls out one of Marcel's old band shirts and a pair of sweatpants and makes his way back towards the naked boy.
Louis was standing by the bed with his hands griping his crotch, which makes Alex roll his eyes. "It's nothing I haven't seen already, baby," he tells the boy jokingly, causing him to blush a scarlet color as he grabs the clothes from the man and quickly pulls the sweatpants up his legs to cover himself.
Once he has the black shirt with the words: I'm not okay written across it in red letters over his head he turns back to the other man. "Can you carry me?" He asks the man as he sends him the cutest pair of puppy dog eyes.
Alex smiles fondly at the boy. "Of course I can, baby," he tells him, picking the boy up to carry him as if he were a toddler and not a grown man.
Down in the kitchen the two men are met with the last two of the brothers, both of them were joking around as if they had never been separate in the first place. "What's going on here?" Alex asks the pair as he sets Louis into one of the chairs at the long kitchen island.
"Me and Edward were just making breakfast," Harry tells his brother with a giddy smile as he flips the pancake that was currently frying in the pan.
Louis raises an eyebrow as he looks between the two men finding them to be getting along unusually well this morning. "Did something happen last night that we should know about?" Louis asks the two men, sending an odd look between the two of them.
"We ran into each other in the bathroom last night and caught up," Edward tells the boy with a small shrug as he retrieves some things from the fridge.
Louis doesn't question anything else, just glad that he was going to get a free breakfast out of whatever insanity may have happened between the two men. It wouldn't have been the first time something odd happened between the men. Louis knew what the men got up to together when they didn't think he was watching.
Alex takes a seat beside the boy and gives him a small nudge with his elbow. "Don't you think Harry's being unusually happy for someone who hasn't been taking his meds?" Alex asks the boy beside him, stating pretty much the obvious.
Louis shrugs as he pays attention to the way that Harry lets out a loud laugh as Edward throws a bit of flour into his hair. "I guess so," he tells him, not seeming too bothered by it until he notices the bandage on the man's wrist.
"Harry, what did you do?" Louis suddenly asks hectically as he races over towards the man who was standing across the kitchen.
"What are you talking about?" Harry asks in confusion before the boy takes his left hand into his own and he realizes exactly what the boy was talking about. "Oh," he says, pulling his hand from the boy's, not wanting the boy to worry about him.
"Please tell me you didn't do what I think you did," Louis tells the man worriedly, tears coming to the boy's eyes at just the thought of Harry harming himself.
Harry smiles sadly down at the boy, leaning down to plant a kiss to the boy's lips as he wipes away his tears. "I'd be lying if I did," Harry tells the boy, he was ashamed of what he had done last night but he wasn't that person anymore. He didn't want to be that person anymore.
"Harry," Louis cries out to the man, reaching out to grip ahold of the man's t-shirt and moves to cry into it.
Harry gives Edward a motion to show the man that he should finish up with breakfast so that he can calm the boy down. Edward nods in understanding as he takes his brother's place by the stove.
Louis just holds on tighter when Harry lifts him up into his arms and moves him towards one of the stools at the bar. "Shh, Lou," Harry whispers soothing to the boy that was sat atop of his lap, crying into his chest. "If you calm down I'll explain it all to you, angel," the man promises the boy as he presses a kiss to the top of the boy's head, rubbing soothing circles up and down the boy's back.
Louis nods slightly as he tries to calm down his hysterical crying. He didn't even know exactly why it got to him so much, but he just got so emotional thinking about how Harry could do something like that to himself again. Once the boy's cries have finally diminished, Harry pulls the boy away from his chest so that he could see his gorgeous blue eyes. "There you are, angel," he jokes to the boy as he leans down to plant a loving kiss to the boy's lips.
Louis lets out a small giggle as he smiles sadly up at the man. "Why did you do it, Harry?" He asks the man, wanting to know the reasons behind what the man had done.
Harry lets out a sigh, sending the boy a sad smile. "I couldn't stop myself no matter how hard I tried, it was as if I wasn't in control of my own body," Harry tells the boy sadly.
Louis looks up at the man with sad eyes, hating that one of the men he loved so much had to go through something like that. "I took my meds for the first time last night since the hospital," Harry tells the boy, hoping that the boy would be proud of him for it.
Louis was in fact proud of the man for that and a huge smile spreads across his face. "I'm so proud of you, Harry," Louis tells the man and leans up to plant his lips against the other man's in a loving kiss, so happy that his boyfriend had finally knew that he had to take his pills for his own safety. After all the first step to healing and recovery was admitting that you had a problem.
Harry had a giddy smile on his face as he breaks away from the kiss. He was so glad that Louis was proud of him. All the man ever wanted to do in life was make Louis happy, he'd do anything to keep that gorgeous smile spread across the boy's face for his whole life.
"What did I miss?" A tired voice suddenly asks from the entrance to the kitchen and everyone turns to face the sound.
Louis lets out a small giggle at seeing Marcel's confused expression. "Harry started taking his medicine again, sleeping beauty," Alex announces to the late raiser.
Marcel flips his brother off for the nickname as he goes to take a seat on the stool beside the one that Harry and Louis were sat upon. "Good job, big bro," he says in congratulations to the good news, patting his older brother on the back.
"Now that everyone knows the good news why don't we all eat?" Edward suddenly speaks up dropping a plate pilled with mouth watering pancakes.
Louis' eyes widen at the gorgeous sight before him loving the amazing smell of the breakfast in front of him. "Chocolate chip pancakes are my favorite," Louis moans out, so ready to get the amazing tasting breakfast into his mouth as quickly as possible.
Edward chuckles at the boy's words placing a paper plate in front of him and his younger brother as he sends the boy a small smile. "I'm glad you approve, sugar lips," he tells the boy, sending him a flirtatious wink that only has the boy rolling his eyes in return.
"I still have a name," Louis tells the man in annoyance as he goes to pick at the fluffy pancake in front of him.
"And I still don't think it suits you, sugar lips," Edward tells the boy, even daring to reach out and poke the boy's cute little button nose.
The small touch causes the boy to let out a little growl not liking being touched without his permission. "You know you really piss me off," Louis tells the man in annoyance as he angrily eats another piece of his pancake.
Harry lets out a chuckle as he wraps his arms around the boy's waist, happy to watch the boy in his lap eat rather than eating himself. "Hey give Eddie a break, angel," Harry tells the boy, sending a few kisses to the side of the boy's neck.
Louis lets out a huff at the man's words. "I don't like him," he tells Harry stubbornly.
Harry shakes his head at the boy as he runs a hand through the boy's feathery hair. "And what are your reasonings?" He asks the boy, wanting to know exactly why the boy seemed to hate Edward so much.
Louis drops the piece of pancake he held in his hands as he thinks about all of the reasons he didn't like Edward. "He's arrogant, kills people and thinks it's fun to call me a degrading name like sugar lips," Louis spits out the words as if they were poison on his tongue.
"It's not suppose to be degrading, baby," Edward says to the boy as he takes a seat beside his youngest brother and sends the male a cheeky smile. "Your lips are like a dream and I just know they'd taste like candy," he says, flirting hard at the boy atop of Harry's lap.
Louis can't stop the blush that spreads itself across his cheeks at the man's compliment, but he doesn't give the man any of the satisfaction of knowing his words had affected him as he spits out another rude remark towards the man. "Well a murderer like you isn't going to get a taste of them," he spits the words at the man as he takes another bite of his pancakes thinking he had won the fight.
"Well you just contradicted yourself considering the same person who's lap you're siting on top of has killed many people as well," Edward tells the boy, a satisfied smile spreading across his face at finding the flaw in the boy's words.
Louis' eyes widen when he realizes that the man's words were true. Why was it any different for Harry and Marcel then it was for Edward because the two of them had also killed their fair share of people. Sure those people weren't missed by anyone, but from what the brothers were telling him neither were the ones that Edward killed.
The man seemed to have noticed that he had the boy stumped with his words, letting out a smile spread across his face in victory that he had won the argument.
Louis doesn't let the man have the satisfaction of seeing him disappointed about losing the argument. Instead he just goes back to picking at the pancake on the plate in front of him, throwing small pieces into his mouth every once in a while.
"You'll be in my arms as much as my brother's soon enough, sugar lips," Edward tells the boy as a promise, not letting the smile leave his face as he reaches out to place a pancake onto the plate in front of him. Finally ready to enjoy his own breakfast.