She stood in the window which opened into small Veranda. Looking outside she took a deep breath feeling the night breeze touching her face. The town was beautiful. It had an air of calm to it. Surrounded by lush green areas and mountains to the side, it had made a place in Noor's heart. It wasn't home. But it was close.
Had she ever thought life would come to this?
No.
But it was meant to happen this way. She and Izma were in dire need of a new place considering how the society was slowly making life impossibly difficult for them. It was painfully funny for Noor. How people were blaming her for the chaos she went through in her life. She hadn't asked for any of it. She just wanted a simple life for herself. Something normal. But that seemed impossible now.
When Saboohi Khala came with the solution of moving to a new town, Izma was skeptical but Noor knew this was the chance she needed to right the wrongs in her life. To clear out the tangled up mess. So she agreed. Without thinking much. There was nothing to think about anyway. To contemplate. There was nothing in that house anymore. She needed to start afresh. There was this promise she had made with herself. To become steel. And steel would she become. She was done looking up to others to make things alright for her. It was time to carve her own path. A path which will lead to inner peace. A path where she would be a hero of her own and won't need a stranger's help.
Blue eyes and dark souls.
Not anymore.
Zarnab and her husband wanted to help but Noor had refused. Their showing them the path leading to a peaceful life was everything. She paid the rent herself and the day they moved into the small two bedroom house Noor felt as if a huge burden was lifted off her shoulders. They were yet to make arrangements for rest of the things but still the thought that they were getting somewhere was more than enough.
To think of all this the past few months still felt like a nightmare. Noor felt as if any moment she would wake up and take a sigh of relief. But this nightmare was her life. The demons of past would stay with her all remaining life. Her smiles would be strained. Her happiness clouded with melancholy. Her peace tainted with the pieces of her past.
But she would live through it. Because she wasn't hopeless. If this was what written for her then she would face everything with a smile on her face. She would be steel. She would be one day.
"Noor?"
She turned around finding Zarnab standing near the bed.
"When did you come?"
Noor left the window and took the place right next to Zarnab gesturing her to sit as well.
"Just few minutes back. Was with Izma Aapa."
Noor nodded playing with her fingers. Things were not the same between her and Zarnab. May be she had changed. But she wasn't able to open up to the one person she couldn't hide anything in the past.
"She was asking me to tell her about any job opportunities here. She wants to work. I think it's a good decision. What do you think?"
Noor smiled lightly.
"She's trying to move on from her past which is a good thing."
"And you?"
"Me? What about me?"
"Are you trying to move on from your past?"
Noor was tongue tied. She was supposed to be leaving the past few months of her life in the darkest corner of her mind but it was easy said than being done.
"I know this isn't easy. I won't say just push it out of your system. That's not possible. But try to make peace with it Noor. Since the time you've come back you haven't talked to anyone about what you went through. Talk to me. Let it out. It will help you."
"I...I....Can't talk about it."
Noor took a shuddering breath.
"It's not something I want to revisit."
The the days away from her family roamed in front of her eyes. It was all dark. All grey. But just one faint memory of ocean blue eyes seemed to be some kind of solace. Like the only good in a mass of everything wrong. Noor shook her head. Good? really?
She came out of her haze when she felt Zarnab's hand on her shoulder.
"I feel my share of happiness in this world is over, Zarnab. I can't shake my past off my mind. It's too livid. I've changed. I can't trust people easily. I can't let myself to go deep into the good because this world never is good. There's always an underlying danger. People are not what they seem from outside. Everyone has got faces they are trying to hide. Life isn't what I used to think it is. Life is different."
Zarnab tried hard to conceal the pain written on her face. This wasn't the Noor she had left behind. This Noor was different. This Noor had seen the harsh realities of life. Her mother was right. Noor was robbed off more than anything else of her positivity. And Zarnab had no clue if they will ever get their old Noor back.
"But that doesn't mean I can't try to make my life work. I have to. Right? And I will. I will try to fight my demons. It won't happen overnight but I'm ready to give it a shot."
Noor dropped her head onto Zarnab's shoulder sighing, while Zarnab smiled lightly.
The silver lining wasn't lost. Not yet.
____________________________________
Massaging his temple with his fingers Rayyan sat down on the recliner in his room. Things were getting a lot more messed up now. Noor was the part of his thoughts he couldn't get rid of and he had stopped trying. It felt like as if the whole universe was plotting against him. He had no peace anywhere. Nothing seemed right. Pre occupied mind, lost interest in almost everything and a feeling of losing something he had no clue about were making it difficult for him to concentrate on anything. Haseeb was handling all the matters which needed his attention and he was thankful to him for this.
This wasn't the Rayyan the world used to know. For the very first time he himself was confused about his own self. What happened? How? When? Why? He didn't know but he had come to terms with this fact that he couldn't erase Noor from his thoughts. She was infused in his being and her thoughts were the only thing he could think of. Office, meetings, deals, new ventures, official parties, those occasional and once in a blue moon one night stands everything took a back seat in his life.
And all his time was consumed on just one thing.
Noor.
Was it even possible? The girl who spent just two weeks in his life where he mostly shouted on her, ignored her, or mocked her beliefs. And here she had left a deep mark on his existence leaving him unsettled. Very very unsettled.
He was angry at himself and had tried everything possible to ignore the idea of her. But soon his fury changed into helplessness. He was helpless. Yes, Rayyan was helpless for the first time in his life. And this wasn't a feeling he wanted to prolong. Helplessness was not for him. Still these days it was the only thing for him.
He was not a man to run away from anything. Facing the problems is the solution of everything was his motto. He sat down to contemplate what was happening.
So much was happening.
Still nothing was happening.
He closed his eyes feeling exhausted. He hated this phase he was going through. Was this even possible to lose your mind over such a trivial thing. She was just a girl. A girl he had no interest other than to use in his revenge plan against Regina. The last glance she had directed at him was still fresh in his mind. Her drenched in rain face and those eyes staring at him as the police escorted her to their van.
Was she where she wanted to be? Had she reconciled with her family? Was she .....
No!
He wasn't supposed to think about her whereabouts. This was not what he signed up for. This was a forbidden territory. It was an unknown land and he was not the one to venture into unknown like this. These thoughts were absurd. Foolish!
He needed something to stop all this. He needed peace. He needed his old self back. He needed everything under control like it always was.
He was lost in his thoughts when the familiar call hit his ears.
ٱللهُ أَكْبَر..ٱللهُ أَكْبَر
He eyes shot opened. He wasn't unaware of this sacred calling. He had spent his childhood in modern yet religious household. And his knowledge about that wasn't just preliminary. But after leaving that place he never reflected much on his life and the way he was leading it. This was the very first time he was listening to Adhan with this concentration.
He sat there on the corner of his recliner. His face was not giving anything. He was just absorbing the words into his soul which seemed to let go of all the agitation of before.
The silence that followed after the finishing of Adhan was a heavy one. He didn't know how but he had made a decision. This was the first time he was acting on pure impulse. Impulse or his heart's wish. He didn't know. But this seemed right. This seemed what he ought to do.
His eyes darted towards his mobile on the table and lingered there for a while. The memories of past were flashing in front of his eyes. He took a deep breath and dialed the familiar number.
"Good evening sir, I was about to call you myself. I've talked to the delegate sent by..."
"Haseeb..listen to me."
There was an urgency in his tone which wasn't hidden from Haseeb.
"RAK? Is everything okay?"
"Yeah. I just want you do something for me."
"Yes?"
"I need some information. Someone's whereabouts."
Haseeb's mind raced immediately. He knew who this person must be. And this made him shocked to no bounds.
"Who?"
He asked trying not to sound surprised.
"Noor."
Word left Rayyan's mouth and the next second he cut the call.
The ever mind game player listened to and acted upon his heart for the first time.
_____________________
Noor looked around at the slightly busy street and took a deep breath. She had come here with Zarnab to accompany her to her weekly doctor appointment. Zarnab was trying her best to bring out some normalcy in Noor's life. She started with getting the same vibe of their friendship back. She didn't have to try harder. Noor was not entirely ready to share the weeks she had spent away from home but she was sharing her inner feelings with Zarnab which was better than everything. Zarnab had understood Noor needed a purpose in life. She needed to surround herself with people who would appreciate her. Who wouldn't judge her on the basis of her past. On Zarnab's insistence, Noor had tried finding a job just to deviate her mind but it didn't work. She didn't want to do these jobs anymore. She wanted something else. Something where she could be what she wanted to be in someone's life. A light of hope. She wanted to work for the women like her who were fooled on the hands of people they put their faith in. Few months back her aspirations were different. She just wanted a simple life but now to think of it she knew simple isn't something she would get. She wanted to prevent an other Noor from going through what she had.
This was the only way of coping. Of dealing with her past. Of looking back at it with not fear or pain but a steely satisfaction. A satisfaction that she didn't fell down when people wanted her to. She didn't scummed to the wound afflicted upon by this world. She fought not only for herself but other people as well.
"I think this is really an inspiring thought process."
Zarnab said walking silently alongside Noor on the smooth grass. They were passing by the meadows on the way home.
"But the problem is I can't do it alone. I need to join an agency or something. And as far as I've seen there isn't one here."
"You have made your mind right? Allah will make ways for you. I'm sure of it."
Noor smiled a genuine smile after ages.
And indeed Allah had opened ways for her because the next day she stumbled upon the recently established Zirwa Hamdan's office in the town.
_______________________
Zirwa placed her head in her palms and looked at the file in her hand. It had been just a week she started her agency work here in this small town. When she came here she was determined to bring a change in the mentality of the less privileged people but it was easy being said than done. The people were not literate enough specially the women. They had no clue about their basic rights. They were blindly following the norms set by people. She was on the verge of giving up. This was not something she'd set out for.
Was she really made for this? Was she really able to do this?
Her reverie of thoughts was broken by a knock at her door. She looked up and found a young woman standing there.
Did a woman actually willingly came here to sort her issues out?
Zirwa smiled and called her in.
_____________________________
"I tried my best to gather any information I could. But the neighbors had no clue where they've gone. Neither the police department was co operating. They didn't provide much either."
Haseeb finished looking at his boss who was leaning against his chair. A forlorn look was settled on Rayyan's face. His expressions were giving out nothing.
This situation was no longer an enigma for Haseeb. It came like a shocker as this was the very first time his ever stoic boss was showing emotions other than hate and pure boredom. Rayyan was actually himself at lost to tell exactly what was happening to him. Haseeb should've known the woman who made the not-giving-two-flying-fucks-about-anything RAK take her in his shelter wouldn't leave his mind that easily. Haseeb tried his best to act nonchalant but couldn't. This was huge. The woman was messing with the great RAK mind and he had no control over it.
"Sir, I..."
Haseeb opened his mouth when Rayyan gestured him to go. Haseeb knew better than to push his wrong buttons so he made his way towards the door and shut it behind him with a faint click.
Rayyan took heavy steps towards the glass window which reflected the city lights below. His hand fumbled with his tie loosening it a bit because suddenly his breathing was coming in rapid succession.
He couldn't believe the piece of information Haseeb had told him. Noor Fatima was not there at her hometown. The address where she was taken to last time by the police was locked and the neighbors also didn't know where she was.
He took a shuddering breath. It wasn't about his failed attempt. It wasn't about his lost chance at cleaning his mind. It was something altogether different.
He was worried.
Because he was not sure if she was alright or not.
Such an irony it was. The same man who left her on the mercy of police constables was now going out of his way to find out about her.
He covered his face with his palms. And then ran his fingers in his disheveled ebony hair messing them some more.
Only one question was lingering in his mind.
Was she okay? Was she?
He clenched his teeth and punched the nearby wall trying to suppress the urge of crying out loud with frustration.
What to do?
He didn't know.
___________________________
"Asslam Alaikum."
Noor greeted hesitantly. She was not sure if she did the right thing by coming here. But her heart told her it was worth giving a chance. This is what she wanted to do anyway. To be a part of a movement like this.
"Wa Alaikum Asslam. Come, have a seat."
Noor sat down with a nervous glance around. It was a small cabin with no extravaganza whatsoever. From the walls to the interior everything was telling about the simplicity of its owner. In front of her a women was seated. She was clad in a while and black shirt and pants with her honey loose curls tied at her back with a catcher. Her shawl was over her shoulders and she was looking at Noor with kind eyes. She was almost as old as her. Noor noted.
"I'm Zirwa Hamdan. The owner of H&D foundation. How can I help you?"
Noor hesitated for a bit and then looked up.
"I'm Noor Fatima. And I'm here because I want to be a part of your cause. I want to work with you."
A thoughtful expression settled on Zirwa's face.
"I know you'll need educated and experienced people with you or those who can invest here. I'm not any of these. I don't have a acceptable degree, neither I have any experience and the money? let's not even talk about it. But still I want to be here. I want to work for your agency."
"I'm sorry but we aren't hiring. You know it's just the starting of this venture and I'm not turning it into a business scale."
"I'm not asking for a job. I'm asking for a place in your office from where I can take part in changing other women's lives."
Zirwa looked at the young girl in front of her. She was in her early twenties. Around twenty two or three. But still the ambition in her Hazel eyes was telling Zirwa a story she knew was hidden beneath the surface. Before she could say anything in reply they both heard a commotion outside. The voices were loud and soon the door to Zirwa's cabin was burst open and a man with a turban on his head stepped inside with nothing but fury on his face.
"Where's that woman? Where's she? How can she mislead our daughters and wives? How can she brainwash them against us!"
The teenager girl entered after him trying to calm him down but he jerked her away. His blazing eyes found Zirwa's confused form and he charged at her.
"Oy! Sir! What are you doing."
Noor push him away. By now few other people had also entered the room and where trying to contain the man.
"Shafaqat Ali! Have you gone mad? Leave the madam alone."
One of the villager bellowed at Shafaqat Ali.
"Leave her alone? She brainwashed my young daughter. Just because of her Sunbal is refusing to marry Karam Khan!"
He pointed towards the crying girl who was still clutching his side.
"Everyone! out please."
Zirwa called out to other men who reluctantly left the place. She took a deep breath and turned to Shafaqat Ali. Her attention away from Noor who was watching it all standing close to the table.
"Sir, Your daughter came to me yesterday with her problem. She doesn't want to get married yet. And it's totally fitting. She's just eighteen for crying out loud! Why are you forcing into something she doesn't want."
"She's just a child! She doesn't understand all this."
"My point exactly! She's just a child and you are going to marry her with a man twice her age? Aren't you being too hard on your own flesh?"
"Look, Madam! Don't poke your nose into things you don't understand. She will marry Karam Khan and that's final!"
"And how much money Karam Khan has offered you in this deal?"
The voice came from the corner no one was looking at. Noor narrowed her eyes at Shafaqat Ali who seemed lost of words.
"Tell us, Sir. How much?"
Suddenly Shafaqat Ali's face seemed like it would burst any moment. He was ready to pounce on Noor when his daughter held him.
"Tell her Abba! She isn't wrong is she? When I came here yesterday I told everything to madam here."
Sunbal pointed towards Zirwa.
"But never I told her about the reason for which you were marrying me to that old man! I thought of handling it without dragging my father's dignity into it but you didn't think about me for once Abba! You are trading me like a goat! All I did was try to turn the odds in m favour but here you are! Arguing over a lost cause!"
She dropped her face in her palms and cried harder. Noor felt as if she was transported back to the night in that dark room in Regina's residence. She had wept like this. She had felt helpless like this only. The dread which had surrounded her that night slowly faded into nothingness and a determination took its place. She took measured steps and stood in front of the father daughter duo.
"Why are you trading her, sir?"
She asked in a polite yet strong voice.
"I have a large sum to give back to Karam Khan. I don't have the money. This is my last resort."
"Blood relations are never a resort in money related problems, sir. She's your flesh and blood. Your own daughter. Do you have any idea what she'll face once you've given her to that man? You are going to trade her like a utensil then let me remind you that man will also treat her like a utensil only. You are her guardian. The one person she is supposed to turn to for protection. Don't snatch that hope from her. Don't make yourself the predator in her eyes. Money can't buy you a daughter can it? You can always come up with any other idea. But this step of yours will break your daughter. She will start hating you. She won't wish ill for you but Allah will never ever bless you with anything after that. You don't love your daughter but don't you fear Allah as well? Have a bit faith. He will make a way. You are proving your strength here. Being the man of the family you can decide anyone's future? But let me tell you one thing when Allah will decide what will happen to you trust me you won't find any place to hide!"
May be it was the steel in her voice or in her eyes or in her words but Shafaqat Ali looked remorseful. His head hung low while a tear rolled down his old wrinkled face. He didn't say much but turn to his daughter and placed a shivering hand on her head.
He wasn't going to send her to that Karam Khan. Noor knew it. And Zirwa as well. The father daughter left from there with tears and regrets. But it was over.
Noor had saved someone from becoming an other Noor. Zirwa turned to her who immediately wiped her tears.
"How did you know he was trading her for money?"
Noor didn't say anything for some time. Zirwa kept on looking at her when she mumbled slowly.
"I figured it out. Couldn't let a story repeat itself could I?"
One sentence. It was just one sentence but it made Zirwa understand a history of pain. Noor didn't stay after that. She was gone before Zirwa could say anything.
__________________________
"Rayyan?"
The board of directors were sharing confused looks with each other. They were here for an Important meeting to decide few future ventures of the company but the CEO was least interested to know what they all had to say.
Haseeb shook his head feeling helpless. Rayyan had no clue about his own summoned meeting. He got up understanding too well what he had to do.
"Gentlemen. I think we should postpone this meeting for an other day. I will let you know the new schedule. Sorry for the inconvenience."
They were not happy on this decision but still saying nothing harsh to both of them got up and left the room silently. Haseeb came to Rayyan who was lost in his own world.
"Are you insane? Do you have any clue what are you doing?"
Rayyan got up from his chair banging his fist on the table. Haseeb just rolled his eyes at it.
"RAK you..."
"LEAVE ME ALONE!"
He shouted on top of his voice and the next moment pushed the things on the table to the floor in his rage. His eyes were spitting fire which shocked Haseeb. He had seen him upset and angry before but this was for the first time he was acting this way.
"I'm tired of this! I'm..."
He couldn't complete his sentence as he didn't know what to say anymore. Taking long strides he left the hall leaving a shocked Haseeb behind.
____________________________
Zirwa looked around and rang the doorbell. The door was opened in no time revealing a woman looking at her with a raised eyebrow.
"Asslam Alaikum. Can I meet Noor?"
Izma greeted her back with a confused expression settled on her face. She led her to the small veranda where Noor was helping Maheen in her homework. Her eyes went towards the door and she immediately stood up.
"Nice to meet you again, Noor."
Zirwa smiled taking a seat in front of Noor. Izma was still looking between the two when Noor thought of making the introductions.
"Aapa, this is Zirwa Hamdan. She's the owner of the H & D foundation. And Ziwa ma'am this is my sister, Izma."
Zirwa smiled in Izma's way and then turned to Noor.
"I came here to apologize for that day. You came there with purest of intentions and I misunderstood you. I'm sorry for that."
Noor shook her head indicating it was fine.
"So when are you joining from?"
"Hun?"
Noor raised an eyebrow.
"I need more people like you in my work. I have this dream where I want every woman to know her worth. It was my bad that I couldn't do understand your sentiments that day. I don't exactly know what you had to go through but your determination of not seeing anyone else going through it makes you respect a lot. So, will you join me?"
She extended her hand. Noor kept on looking at it and then embraced it with a smile on her face.
"Thank you so much. I should get going now. Will see you tomorrow."
Zirwa got up to leave when Noor's voice stopped her.
"What H & D stands for?"
Zirwa turned to her.
"Hope and dreams. People can break us. But can never take away these two things from us. And from these we can rebuild our world. My mother had to live with a man who snatched everything from her but not her hope and her dreams. And she built her whole world again with the basis of these two. I've seen it happening so I believe it."
She left from there making a new emotion to bubble through Noor.
Hope and Dreams.
_____________________________
He was driving rashly on the road not realizing he was way up the speed limit. Frustration was taking a toll on him.
On not realizing where she was.
On not being able to do anything regarding this.
He was damn frustrated on everything and in all this he shouted at Haseeb and made a show in his own office. Well Done!
He felt as if his nerves would burst. This was limits. This was heights. He was at the brink on insanity. And he could do nothing about it.
Lost in his own thoughts he was rounding a corner when his eyes fell on a lone figure walking aimlessly on the road.
Those messed up white clothes.
Those tangled hair.
Those splotches of blood.
Was she?
Was she Noor?
His eyes go round as the realization hit him. Stopping his car with a jerk he leapt out of it and ran towards the vision. He couldn't let this happen again. He had to stop it. But as soon as he came lose there was no one.
Whatever it was gone.
His mind was playing games.
His emotions were making him go nuts.
He had no idea.
But whatever it was.
It was gone.
He didn't see the incoming car announcing its arrival by a loud horn. It was too late to do anything so he just placed his hand on his eyes as the light blinded his vision when someone pulled his from his shirt saving him from a deathly accident.
"Are you freaking out of your mind?"
Haseeb shouted on top of his voice but Rayyan was not listening. His eyes were still fixed on the same point spot on the road. Haseeb closed his eyes and asking his driver to go back, took hold of Rayyan's SUV's keys and making him sit inside drove away.
______________________________
After like ages she was feeling light and calm from within. As if she was finally getting somewhere. And she was. Indeed.
It was time to move forward. Time to test her own self. Time to be the light in someone else's life. She looked up at the clear sky when her ears reverberated with the voices from the past.
One in particular mocking her for her beliefs. One she couldn't hate. One she couldn't get rid off.
"Thank you, Mr Khan for telling me I couldn't. Because I've just discovered I can and I will."
_______________________________
"Do you have any idea how close you were to landing in the surgical wing of a hospital?"
Haseeb was literally literally of at his friend's foolishness. His actions were always an enigma but these days he was like an open book and Haseeb didn't know if he liked it or not.
Rayyan looked anywhere but at Haseeb.
"Come on! Say something!"
"I..."
He croaked and covered his face with his palms.
"I thought there was.....Noor."
Haseeb turned towards him looking at him with deeply. This desperation, this longing, this pain was new. And it was so evident.
"I...I thought that she was there but she wasn't and....I have no idea where she is. What if...What if she's been captured again by those people. What if she's in danger. Wha..."
If his words were shocking the worry etched on his face was telling Haseeb an other story. He was talking as if there wasn't anyone around him.
"Do you care?"
Haseeb asked and it proved to hit right on target.
"Yes! I'm worried for her! I can't sleep at nights, The nightmares won't let me. I can't do anything. Everything reminds me of her. Why all this is happening I don't know. But It is just...I'm tired of all this. I'm tired of running away from my own self ,Haseeb. What to do I don't know!"
He said when a tear left his eyes.
"Y..You are in love with her."
Haseeb stated making Rayyan's head shot up towards him.
"You are in love with her! Yes! You are."
Haseeb sat next to him.
"Love?"
"Yes, You love her! Damn it, why it took me so long to realize it that it was love all along!"
Love...
It was Love?
It couldn't be.
Can it be?
"You are in love with Noor. Don't lie to yourself anymore."
Haseeb patted his shoulder but he was too lost to react. Haseeb smiled and left his room as he knew his boss needed some time alone to come to terms with this new fact of his life.
__________________