"i-i don't know quite how to explain it," i twiddled my thumbs in my lap.
i looked up into April Royer's hazel eyes, my therapist of three months. "lets start from the beginning then, Sasha."
i took a deep breath. "there is this man. well i'm not sure he is a man, i see him at all different ages. but i know its the same person. i see his face everywhere. just staring at me in wonder, like he wants to ask me something. it is almost comforting." i cough at the tension in the room. the only sounds that can be heard is April taking notes on how insane my story must sound.
she looks up, "go on."
"well it started in my year book. my friends and i were looking at group pictures and i saw him. his blonde hair and deep blue eyes. i pointed to him and asked my friends who he was. but they said i was pointing at nothing. from then on i never brought it up." my palms were becoming clammy as my heartbeat began to speed up.
"that made you feel alone. isolated." April concluded.
"but then it became more frequent. in large crowds at the park i would see him. i could see him while i was sitting in a coffee shop crossing the street. once i even ran outside to catch up with him. he faced me and we made eye contact. then a car passed and he vanished. he would be in my dreams. but i was never afraid of him. he made me," i rubbed my forehead as my head began to pound, "he makes me feel comfortable."
"this is extremely common, Sasha. you have been through lots of trauma, this is your brains way to help you cope. that is all. this is why you are not afraid of him."
"no. no! you do not understand. i thought that too, i really did. but i went to the county fair last weekend. a-and they have these tents where you can get face paintings or people can draw you. yknow local people trying to make money from their talents."
i rubbed the back of my neck, "the lines were very long. all of them. but there was this elderly man, with his own little station set up. he had these beautiful paintings, landscapes, portraits! they were nothing like i have ever seen. i asked to if he could paint something, anything for me. he asked me to smile, once i did he told me that it came to him. and he began painting. he painted me, but i wasn't alone."
i stood up from my chair and walked to where my backpack was near the door. there the canvas laid. with his face on it. i brought it over to April and carefully put it on her desk. "look at it! that is him! it's the one i have been seeing. i am not crazy. how did that man know? i have never met him in my entire life. look at this painting! tell me something."
i unraveled the paper that the old man had painted on. i leaned over so April could see. there i was, sitting normally, a soft smile with a look on my face that felt somewhat peaceful. but that wasn't what we were looking at. it was who was standing behind me. his hand resting on my shoulder in a supportive way, this man or was he a boy? blonde hair and deep blue eyes, almost grey. with a slight smirk, just there with me.
April inhaled sharply and leaned back in her chair. she pursed her lips together and slapped the folder she had been writing in shut.
"what is it?" i asked, my eyes filled with realization, "you know him, don't you? who? help me, in need to know, please!"
April began shaking her head at me, and looked around before speaking, almost making sure that we were alone, "stop. stop! i need you to listen to me. do you know who River Phoenix is?" April asked as her forehead creased with worry.
"no, never. why? is that who this is? because i need to find him. this is happening for a reason. maybe he lives around here somewh-"
"Sasha! you can't meet him. River Phoenix is an actor from the eighties, very well known. he died in 1993. i honestly do not have an answer to this. go home and get some rest for now. we will figure this out."
it felt like my heart stopped. how is this even possible? i grabbed my things and snatched the canvas from April's grasp. i got out as quickly as possible.
i need to find the man who painted me and River Phoenix. he must know something. i put my keys in the ignition and began driving an hour an a half to the fair grounds hoping to see the man around there.
————
i yawned and turned on my brights. the sun was just about to set. i watched as the neighborhoods became less and less lavish. more children running through the streets. more and more homeless people sitting in alleyways. i could see a flickering light in the distance as well as a shadow. i parked my car and grabbed the canvas.
i began walking towards the flickering street light. the shadow became more and more clear. but it was just a black shadow, no human to create it. it's hand reached out and i did the same, just as our hands were about to touch the street light went out with a loud bang.
i covered my ears, as they started to ring. i opened my eyes to see the old man whom was pushing a shopping cart filled with paint brushes and canvases and more treasures. i yelped. he came out of nowhere.
"are you quite alright, child?" he asked me gently.
"yes, thank you. but i need your help. do you remember me? you painted me." he was truly my last hope.
"oh indeed. how could i forget? you were easy to paint." he smiled at me.
"yes, well my name is Sasha. why did you paint this boy with me? how? i don't understand." i handed him the canvas.
"oh yes child. you and him are two hindered spirits. connected at the heart. in your souls. yet separated by time. tell me. do you ever feel as if nobody understands you?"
"what? well yeah but every teenager goes through that. it's 2018 i would just like to know who i am." i didn't understand anything this man was trying to tell me, but i would. soon enough.
"touch my hand, my child. you will see."
my breath caught in my throat. i slowly reached out and touched my fingertips to the mans.
—
i felt as if i was dying and seeing all of the memories from my life. except they weren't memories at all. they were news reports and celebrity interviews and movie trailers all crumpled up in my mind.
"hi, my name is river phoenix"
"i play chris chambers from stand by me"
"veganism is extremely important to me"
"breaking news! teen heartthrob river phoenix found dead"
"viper room turned deadly!"
"drug overdose"
—
i gasped and began coughing. i pulled my hand away from the man.
"h-how did you do that? who are you?" i have never been so overwhelmed by emotions before.
i saw him, so full of life, so calm and cool and collected. his voice was one of an angel. i felt connected. but it flipped like a light switch to his body lying on the sidewalk. i couldn't explain it.
"my name is Ambrose. i have a gift. i would say from god himself. he speaks through me."
"well please make whatever god is saying more clear!" i pleaded. i don't even remember the last time i went to church. religion was open to me, i never knew what to think.
"River Phoenix, and you, Sasha, something is there. i am not sure quite what, but you must go to him. save his soul, with yours. connected as one." he looked so deep into my eyes, i felt vulnerable.
"i am sorry, i am so sorry. but i think you have the wrong person. plus he died! twenty five years ago! how do i go to him?" i was angry, sad, exhausted, anxiety was filling every last bit of my body.
"through me, my child, do not overthink this, as it will only make you more confused. just trust in me. think about River, how he makes you feel. think."
i closed my eyes and breathed out. his eyes. i allowed myself to dive into the oceans that were his eyes. i felt Ambrose put both of his hands on either sides of my face, i instantly felt tired, and unable to keep my eyes open.
— —
"sweetie? are you alright hun? oh you poor thing." the first words i heard as i sat up from the hard concrete floor. there was a crowd of people surrounding me. confusion clouded my mind.
"i'm sorry. what happened?"
"oh well, i saw you fall from across the street. i believe you fainted. lets get you into the drug store and see if we can find you some painkillers." the nice woman helped me up and brought me into a store. she held her little blonde daughter by her hand. she seemed to be about ten.
she ran off as her mother pulled me in the direction of the medication. "no really, i feel fine now." i tried to talk my way out of this situation.
"please, honey i am a nurse. this is in my nature."
her daughter came running back with a magazine, "oh please ma let me get this!"
the woman rolled her eyes, "why so you can put more posters of that boy on your wall?"
i coughed, "um. may i see that?" i asked the young girl. she handed me the magazine and sure enough on the cover was his face. River Phoenix. "im sorry, what day is it?" i asked nervously.
"well its july 13, 1986." she laughed.
"holy shit."
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OOOH WOW! SURPRISE! This idea really came to me out of nowhere but it is great. I think you will really enjoy this. Also all of my characters names are Sasha but i love it, something about it seems right. If you know me at all you know River Phoenix is my idol. So please PLEASE tell me what you think and comment any suggestions! MUCH LOVE
-SalissaIrene