F E L I X
Passing the huge glass bowl of rice to his mom who thanked him silently with a small dip of her head, Felix once again picked up his chopsticks and and slowly started eating his own share. Beside him Steven was poking his potatoes. For him, they were never the 'right' amount of boiled: either too soft or not soft enough. Initially it was irritating to hear him whine about potatoes but they all got used to it. Now nobody listens to him so he messes around with them hoping any one of his family members would pay attention to his whining.
But nobody ever does.
Mom says it's 'pre-puberty symptoms', whatever that is, and that every other kid goes through with it.
Felix doesn't remember going through any symptoms of the kind. He has always been the quiet, socially awkward kid who doesn't know how to take part in conversations. Being friends with three of the most popular guys at Scivion High had protected him from any kind of bullying that kids like him have to go through.
Well, when he became friends with Asher, Josh and Max in third grade, he never expected them to be popular in high-school. He was not psychic. God knows what they saw in him to stick together all these years. Although he was now friends with a lot of people, he could let his whole guard down only in front of his three best friends.
It's not like the others make him uncomfortable in any way. It's just that he's not sure what to say or do with them. But he has to admit, his senior year was the best part of his high-school life. He never thought he would someday be included in all the crazy adventures that Olivia had introduced in their lives.
But the fact remains unchanged: Felix would always remain the awkward kid.
Although he was born and brought up in Calgary, his physical stature always made him feel different from others. He did not seem to fit in among other people. Well, that's because he doesn't fit in. But he was glad that he did not get to face the same problems as his parents.
Mom and dad were really young when they first arrived in Canada, newly weds at twenty-one years old. They did not know English and the food here was not really up to their liking. But dad had got a job here as a software developer fresh out of college and he did not want to miss that opportunity.
His parents struggled a lot with the language barrier and odd looks and awkward moments while shopping. They had to join English lessons and adjust their appetites in accordance with the food serves here. And Felix doesn't even want to think about how people always pronounce their names wrong. Even now.
He doesn't know what makes him so insecure about himself. He has this deeply ingrained feeling that one day his friends would realise how boring he is and leave him and he would be recognised as a loner and a fool. He knew very deep down, like very, very, very deep down that he was being stupid but he just can't prevent these thoughts from taking over his mind sometimes, especially when he sees people around him laughing and joking with each other and he just sits there like the awkward potato that he is.
"Have you filled your college applications yet?" Dad asked, mixing the vegetable gravy with rice.
"Yes," he replied. "I am not sure what I want to pursue though."
"You can always ask Lucy," mom adviced. "I am sure she can help you."
Felix strutted, not really knowing how to respond to that.
He and his sister were not close. Lucy was older to him by seven years. When Felix was a kid, their relationship was like every other siblings: constant fights, consolations, apologies. . . But once Lucy reached Sophomore year, she became too busy in maintaining her perfect grades and get into a good medical college which she did. She had a tunnel vision and she worked hard towards it but it put a strain on their bond. With hardly any conversation taking place between them with Lucy's busy schedule of going to school and coming home and straight to her room to study endlessly, they slowly drifted apart. During dinner, when usually their whole family would gather together and talk about their day, was just filled with Lucy's ambitions and her plans and her achievements which bored Felix to death.
Although there was a large age gap between Felix and Lucas, he tried his best to be a good big brother to him and not be all self-centered like his sister. It did not mean that he was not proud of her or anything, but after sometime, he understood that she had her priorities and he had his.
Also there was this fact that he was not as ambitious as Lucy. He did not have his life figured out like her. Does that mean he would not even fit in with his family in the near future?
He hopes it never comes to that. The thought alone is scary.
"-listening to me?"
Felix's train of thought was cut off by his mother's voice.
"What?"
"What are you thinking about?" Dad asked. Felix knew he was concerned.
"Um, nothing. Just about college and, er, stuff. . ."
"Don't worry about it, son." Dad smiled at him. "I'm sure you'll figure something out."
Felix shrugged and gave him a small smile in return. He knew that he would figure it out but he wanted to figure it out sooner.
"These potatoes are hard, ma!"
~•~
The next morning, Felix sat on his porch waiting for Max and Aril as usual. He wouldn't lie and say that being a third-wheel was a great experience. But they had had this arrangement since they learned how to drive and Felix was not going to walk out of it because he was awkward around people.
Moreover, Aril was a pretty chill girl. She would always try to include Felix in conversation and sometimes even go as far as ignoring Max. It was amusing to see Max whine and pout to get his girlfriend's attention.
But it meant it was also dangerous to have him behind the wheel.
A loud horn made Felix aware that Max is finally here. He walked out and took his seat in the passenger side. Aril waved him from the backseat. According to her, just because she was a new addition to their carpool doesn't mean that she would take his place. Although Felix try to argue that it didn't matter, he was secretly glad that she understood. He liked her more then.
"Hello, Felix!" Aril greeted as soon as Felix had shut the door.
He mumbled a similar greeting back and adjusted his dark blue school bag on his lap. Max turned on the radio and a Bon Jovi song blasted through the speakers. Max began bobbing his head along the beat, the white baseball cap which he had worn backwards lightly brushing the front of his seat. Aril began to sing along softly although it was more of a rock song which requires a lot of screaming. Max grinned and without any warning, began shouting out the lyrics.
". . . me heaven and put me through hell. . ."
Complete with drums and electric guitars and headbangs and all. Well, it's Max, after all.
~•~
Felix was making his way to his locker after waving goodbye to Max and Aril when he saw Olivia and Anaya whispering with each other. Well, after spending his senior year with them, he knew that they were not a wise combination. The ideas Olivia came up with were crazy itself but with inputs from Anaya, they'd be dangerously insane.
Brushing aside his thoughts and no intention to know what they were discussing, Felix went on his way. But from the corner of his eye he saw Anaya glancing nervously at Travis who was busy chatting with a couple of guys from the basketball team. He always thought that Travis' crush was unrequited. But seeing Anaya nervously biting on her nails and stealing glances at Travis, he was almost sure that he was wrong.
"Yo! Felix!"
He heard Olivia calling him waving her hands in the air to capture his attention. Anaya pulled Olivia's arms down and hissed something in her ear but Olivia pushed her away and beckoned him to come to them.
With a nervous gulp, Felix headed towards Olivia and Anaya. While Anaya had her head in her hands, Olivia was grinning widely at him.
"Um, yes?" Felix asked, clearing his throat.
"See, Felix is a wise fella. He would give you the right advice!" Olivia said crossing her arms. There was a grin on her face and Felix did not know whether he should be afraid or not. Moreover, him being wise was debatable. Does having a 4.0 GPA make him wise? Or just a guy who knows how to score?
"Olivia. . ." Anaya sighed.
She shushed her and asked, "Tell me the truth, okay?" Before Felix could nod or shake his head, she continued, "You know that Travis has a crush on Anaya, right?"
He nodded.
"And you know Anaya likes him back, right?"
He shook his head, after a pause.
"Well, she does!"
Felix looked at Anaya to find her hiding her face behind her palms as she muttered very colorful curses. "Okay. . ."
"And you know Travis has been chasing her throughout the whole senior year!"
"Yeah. . ." He shrugged.
"So, if someone you like has been chasing you for a long time and you don't give give a thought about them but secretly you like them back, how would you manage the situation?"
Damn! Solving a calculus question is easier!
"Um, confront them maybe. Because I know they like me back?" He was not sure his answer was right.
"See!" Olivia stated smugly. Although what she was smug about, Felix did not know. "Even Felix thinks you should announce to the world how much you like him!"
"Um, that's not exactly what-"
"So," Olivia interrupted him. "What do you say?"
Anaya looked distressed, close to pulling her hair out and running for the hills. But of course, she did not do that. Instead, she began jumping and waving her hands in front of her like they were on fire. "What should I do? What should I do? What should I do? What-"
While Olivia was busy trying to calm her down by what Felix assumed to be a 'calming' incantation (Olivia was big on those stuff), Felix quietly backed away to his locker and sighed. He doesn't even know what to say when somebody asks for an opinion. And even if he says anything, it comes out awkward and useless.
How did he even manage to make friends?
~•~
Felix looked around him. Noah, Shay, Aril and Dave were laughing about something that Travis did in his PE class. Olivia was sitting with Josh, Sienna, Asher and James telling a story which included Rex, food coloring and a hair dryer. Josh and Sienna looked highly unamused. The rest of them were arranged in a circle playing some sort of game that they improvised. It included balancing a straw on the tip of the nose. It was probably Travis' idea. He saw Anaya stealing glances at him.
Felix had arrived at their usual place under the tree after having a discussion with his physics teacher about college applications only to see all his friends super comfortable around each other. How can people just mingle with each other when all of them are so different? It baffled him a great deal.
He can never talk about sports or TV shows or crushes or pets like lizards. Well, the last one may be because he did not have a lizard as a pet but whatever! All he knew to talk about was science. And he cannot just walk to a group of happy people talking about the last episode of Dragons in Zombieland and discuss about Bohr's Theory.
Well, Dave, Elle and Noah were kind of like him but they were not awkward around people.
"Hey, Felix!" He heard Travis call him enthusiastically. "Come on, let's make fun of Josh and Sien- OW!"
That was Sienna smacking him on the head. Well, he kinda earned it. Although, Sienna has started to wear a lot of colorful clothes lately, she still scares the heck out of him. He realised that the intensity of her glare had nothing to do with how colourful her clothes were.
"Well, you kinda invited that smack," Elle said, chewing on her pasta. She did not notice the scowl that Travis was shooting towards her.
"Why don't you get busy by eating faces with my brother?" He countered.
Elle frowned at him. "You are such an ass!"
"Ooh, Elle swore!" Max giggled. Josh, Asher and Noah looked at him with an eyebrow raised simultaneously. It was uncanny. Olivia, Aril and Anaya burst into laughter.
And all this time, Felix just stood there awkwardly not knowing what to do.
He clenched his fists tightly. He was sure his knuckles were white, well, white-er now. Before he loses his cool, he must get away from here!
"Uh. . . um. . . guys!" Everybody looked at him with smiles on their faces. "I've got to- I just remembered that I've to discuss something with Mrs. Herbert! I'll. . . I'll see you all later!"
Without waiting for a reply, Felix rushed into the school building hoping desperately that none of his friends could detect the awkwardness and insecurity in his voice.
As soon as the glass door closed behind him, Felix leaned his back against the wall and slid down to the ground. Maybe he had some kind of social anxiety? He should analyse more about it on reaching home. . . What if it's true? God, he did not want therapy-
"Are you done?" Olivia's voice made it's way into his mind, startling him a great deal.
He jumped. Putting a hand on his heart, he looked up to see her arms crossed but she was smiling at him. Well, nothing goes past her X-Ray like gaze, does it?
"Done with what?" Felix asked after he was able to slow down his breathing rate.
"Thinking uneccessary stuff, of course."
Of course, he knew that all his insecurities were uneccessary but he just couldn't help it! "I was not-"
"Felix, what are you afriad of?" She interrupted, sitting beside him. Before he could think of a answer, she continued, "And I don't want some bullshit about how I'm overthinking! I abandoned my cookie for you and I don't regret it!"
"What-"
"You know why? Because you're going to tell me the truth and we're going to do something about it! And it's going to happen in the next thirty seconds!"
Felix sighed. He rested his head on the wall behind him and gulped. "I'm. . . I'm afraid of everybody leaving me. . ." There. He said it.
"I don't understand. Why would anybody leave you?"
"Because I'm not cool enough!"
Olivia snorted. "That's ridiculous! You wanna take a dip in liquid nitrogen?"
Felix groaned. "You don't understand! I'm- I'm not mysterious like Josh or funny like Max or suave like Asher or confident like Shay or terrifying like Sienna or-"
"But you don't need to be like them. You are you!"
"Yes!" He exclaimed. "And I am boring!"
"No, you're not. You are funny, intelligent, shy. You are you."
"But-"
"And trust me, we don't need another Josh or Ash or Max or Sienna or Shay or Noah or-"
"I get it! I get it!"
Olivia grinned at him. "Let's go-"
"But sometimes. . . sometimes being me doesn't seem to be enough. . ." He whispered.
"You know what?"
He saw a determined look take over her face. He was not sure he liked that very much.
She stood up, grabbed his wrist and pulled him outside, to where his friends were sitting. He tried to get out of her grasp but damn she had a strong grip! God, whatever idea she had come up with is going to be a disaster.
"Olivia, please," he begged. "Let's talk about it between ourselves! It's silly-"
"Yes. Yes, it's silly," she agreed, stopping in front of their friends who were now gaping at them. "Therefore, these goofballs will be the best help!"
Max scowled at her. "Who are you calling goofball, woman?" That earned him a smack from Elle and Shay.
"What happened, sweetheart?" Asher asked, wrinkling his brows.
"Felix here thinks-"
"Nothing! Nothing happened-"
"Shut up! He thinks you're going to leave him someday!"
Felix groaned and face-palmed. Nobody said anything. He faced them all only to come across a dozen raised eyebrows.
"Why would you think that?" Josh asked.
"Sorry dude, you know I can do anything for you but please don't ask me to handcuff myself to you! It would be wierd as fu-"
"Max!" Aril reprimanded him.
"Felix, you can tell us anything. You know that, right?" Asher said, putting his hand on his shoulder.
"It's- it's nothing big! It's stupid-"
"Of course, it's stupid!" Olivia agreed. "But why the hell does that not make it big?"
"Can anybody tell what the fuck is wrong here?" Sienna asked, frustrated.
"Yeah, we're kinda lost here. . ." Noah backed her up.
"Nothing is wrong-"
"If you say 'nothing' one more time, I'm gonna sock you!" Travis threatened.
Felix sighed and looked at Olivia for help. He was embarrassed.
Rolling her eyes, Olivia explained, "Felix here thinks that he's not 'cool' enough to be friends with y'all! He's harbouring some crazy idea that you're all gonna leave him someday when you realise how boring he is."
Twiddling his fingers, he looked down at his red sneakers. He was really, really embarrassed. He had his heart on his sleeve now and he was not sure if that's a good thing or not. Well, he trusted all his friends and his insecurities are really stupid but they are insecurities none the less.
If he was expecting a hug or a comforting pat on the back by any of his friends, he was highly mistaken. Max was the one who hit him right across his shoulder making him stagger on his feet.
"Ow!" He exclaimed, rubbing the sore spot. "What's wrong with you?"
"What's wrong with you?" Asher asked. "You're insane, man!"
"How long have you been thinking about this stupid stuff?" Josh glared at him.
"I-"
"Should I sock him?" Travis asked, putting his hand up in the air. "Please, let me sock him!"
"Nobody is going to sock anybody!" Aril stated. "Felix, your worries are really unnecessary!"
Felix nodded. "I-"
"Yeah, I thought you're just shy," Dave said. "I did not know you were stupid as well."
"What he said," Noah agreed.
"Guys, guys, break it up!" Elle raised her hands. "I think he was just scared to let all of us in among his little group of friends-"
"No! Not at all-"
"Shut up, Felix. Nobody's asking you," Shay countered sassily.
"And you thought these bunch of 'goofballs', as Olivia puts it, are going to leave you!" James snorted.
Felix looked around him to see angry faces, frowning faces and grinning faces. But not one of them held any worry for him or his useless thoughts. And he could finally understand what Olivia was trying to drill into his mind. They were not worried about his line of thinking because they knew that nobody of them was ever going to leave anybody. They knew that they were gonna be there for everybody. They knew that their friendship was one of those kinds, the kind that lasts forever, no matter the distance, no matter the time.
God, he's so stupid!
"I'm sorry, guys," he mumbled. "I did not mean to-"
"It's alri-"
"Woah woah woah!" Olivia interrupted Aril and jumped in front of him. "You cannot escape with just a mere sorry! Joe's diner. 5 'o clock. Your treat!"
Everybody cheered and whooped. Well, except Josh and Sienna, of course.
Felix's eyes widened. "You mean I have to feed thirteen food-crazed teenagers?"
"Fourteen, including you!" Anaya piped in.
"Damn!"
"You know," Olivia said staring at the tree. "I've had an excellent idea lately. . ."
Everybody groaned.
"I don't want to hear whatever it is," Sienna grumbled.
"Too bad," Olivia retorted. She picked up a stone with jagged edge and began scratching the bark.
"What are you doing?" Noah asked.
"Chasing unicorns!" She muttered. "What does it look like?"
"Uh-"
"Don't answer that!" After a few more seconds of scratching, she dusted her hands and handed the stone to Aril who was standing next to her.
"What am I supposed to do with it?" She asked, referring to the stone.
"Eat it!" Olivia rolled her eyes.
Aril's eyes widened in shock. "Uh, I don't think that's hygenic-"
"No, dummy!" Olivia interrupted, exasperated. "You are supposed to carve your name on this tree!"
"Oh." After a pause, she added, "Why?"
"This tree has been with us throughout our friendship. It will be like a. . . like a legacy!"
Aril shrugged. "If you say so."
"I'm not carving anything, anywhere."
"I'm doing no such thing."
Josh and Sienna announced at the same time.
Olivia did not seem to be bothered by it. She smirked at them, instead. "We'll see."
Felix couldn't help but smile at the people around him. He was stupid, he knew that now. Yes, all of them had not been friends since childhood days or for a long time. Most of them did not know everything about others. But still, he knew that their friendship is strong. No matter how crazy Olivia's ideas were, they always took part in them if it meant to help each other in anyway. And the result was always beautiful. In the end, they were always together.
Oh and Josh and Sienna ended up engraving their names, after all.
~•~
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