Where is he taking me?
We're only a few blocks away from the mall, and he's holding onto my hand with a loose grip. He's making it clear that I can leave, but I don't want to. My hand stays in his. There's something comfortable in the air between us, and while I'm not sure I should trust him, I do.
From what I know about Carter, aside from the rumors, he seems like a great guy. He has a single, struggling mom. He works a part time job so she doesn't have to worry as much. And, on top of those facts, he listens to swing music. Yes, he could be the first creep to listen to swing that I've ever met, but I doubt it.
We continue along in silence, and a few cars pass us with their headlights on as the sun starts to sink behind the horizon. The early fall clouds soak in the colors, turning the sky into roses, robin's eggs, and lilacs. The air is crisp, but not cool, refreshing after the oppressive summer heat. The humidity has died down, and pretty soon, we'll sink into the winter months.
If I blink, I'll miss the leaves turning and blissful fall weather. The season is short and fleeting, gone too fast.
Carter squeezes his fingers around mine. "How's your weekend been so far?"
I let out a breath.
"That good, huh?" He arches an eyebrow and slides me a half smile. His dark hair drifts in the breeze and offsets his crystal blue eyes. His bronzed skin is smooth and perfect. His face is clean shaven, lacking the usual scruff. He's breathtaking, and I'm not sure he knows it.
"I spent most of today worrying about my chemistry grade, and that's done nothing to solve the problem of my seat getting challenged."
"Seat?" He wears a muddled look of confusion on his brow.
"We have lead chairs in band, which I've had since our last lead graduated. Georgia is playing against me, and the winner takes the seat." I shrug, feeling helpless all over again. My anxiety rushes back in, curling up my spine and melting my brain.
"Hey," Carter says, his calm voice snapping me back to the present. "Is that where you go?"
"Where I go?"
"Whenever you disappear."
I stop walking, and he turns to me. My hand is still in his, and suddenly, it feels too warm, even with the breeze circling between us. I drop his hand, and he steps away from me, as if he knows the truth is bigger than the space around me.
"I don't know, I guess?" Crossing my arms, I stare down at my feet. It's too hard to look at him and admit this. "I have a lot of things I'm trying to juggle, and sometimes, I feel like I can't keep up. It's a train pushing forward, and I got off at the wrong stop ages ago." Gazing back up at him, I add, "I suppose that doesn't make much sense."
He shrugs. "It does. Your metaphor might need a little work, but it makes sense."
I frown.
Light dances in his eyes, and that half smile appears back on his face. Somehow, his expression still conveys sadness. "I know what you mean. My mom and my friend, Desmond, get really ... weighed down with life."
"But not you?"
"I used to. The rumors bothered me, and I guess they still do, but I've cut out all unnecessary stress." He rocks back on his heels. "That's why I've never signed up for honors courses. Come on, we're almost there." He nods his head toward an actual alleyway. I had almost forgotten our destination.
"You purposefully don't take honors course?" I start walking again, and he keeps pace. Our fingers brush against each others, and I regret dropping his hand, but neither of us makes the move to hold the other.
"You think I'm stupid?"
"No, definitely not anymore."
Carter chokes out a soft laugh. "Not anymore."
"Well, I mean, you do have a reputation, but I never thought about it before. We don't hang out in the same group at all," I trip over my excuses.
"Relax, I'm teasing." He grins, and I cut a glare at him. "My teacher, Mrs. Everett, thinks I cheat because I get nearly perfect scores in her class."
"So that's what happened with Meredith?"
"You heard about that?"
"You know our school."
Carter turns the corner down a brick lined alleyway. "Yeah, I do. Unfortunately." He lets the last word hang between us.
Until I started dating Carter, I never thought about the rumor mill, but now it surrounds me. Hushed whispers about scandals, glares in the hallway, laughter behind my back. I never thought it was directed at me before, but now I think I had been blissfully ignorant. Or maybe I wasn't interesting enough until now.
"I didn't believe it, for what it's worth," I tell him as we come to a stop in the middle of the alley. At this time in the afternoon, the sun doesn't touch any part of this space, and it's cooler in here. There's enough light to keep the shadows at bay. "I mean, who would cheat off of Meredith?"
Carter smiles, and his cheeks redden. "Thanks."
My heart melts from his sudden shyness.
"So, where are we?"
"Here." He points over his shoulder at a mural on the wall.
The painting is colorful and chaotic, painful and beautiful. Half-human creatures standing in the middle of a beach paradise, but their bodies are mangled. Each creature is otherwise perfect, down to every strand of hair, but bright red blood seeps out of twisted bones and joints. Their faces are oddly happy or calm, which gives an eerie feel to the whole thing. Blues and yellows from the ocean background clash against the demented scene on top. It's stunning, terrifying.
"Whoa," I say. My mouth is gaping open, but I don't care. The artist who made this has vision. I've always been great at playing other people's music, putting my own flare and soul into each piece, but creating something out of nothing involves so much more energy, time, passion.
That's one of the many reasons I want to focus more on music. If I had more time, maybe I could learn to do this too. Create something beautiful and mesmerizing, breathtaking and dangerous.
"Compliments to Adam Ortese," Carter whispers. He's gazing up at the art too. He places his hand on the small half-rabbit, half-boy. It's the only creature that isn't brutalized.
"Your dad?"
"He'd been working on this in the middle of the night. Everyone thought he was doing drugs like my uncle had been, but he was painting this. My mom says that all of the pain he felt from losing his brother went into making this." Carter steps back. "It's a metaphor for the whole world. He felt like everyone single person was broken in a way that never showed on their face."
"Except one." I step forward and run my fingers along the rabbit. "This is supposed to be you?" I glance over my shoulder.
Carter's eyes shift downward, and the corners of his lips turn up. "He thought I'd be his reason to start over, the beacon of hope in his life." He sucks in a breath and looks back at the painting. "It's the only thing I have that proves he wasn't trying to die."
"It was an accident, Carter. I'm sure—"
"He died the same way my uncle did." He shakes his head, eyes narrowing at the painting, in admiration and frustration. "He should have been more careful."
I turn back to the mural. The half-boy looks perfect, but so unlike Carter save for the eyes. "The boy looks more like your mom, doesn't he?"
Carter laughs. "Yeah. My dad hoped for it. My mom's beautiful."
"So are you," I mutter, blushing as soon as the words escape my mouth. Who calls a guy beautiful?
Stepping toward me, Carter runs his fingers down my arm again, and goosebumps prickle along my skin. His fingers intertwine with mine, and he pulls me gently to face him. "Did you just call me beautiful?"
I search his eyes, wondering if I've insulted him, but there's only curiosity in his gaze. "What if I did?"
"I'd say your scope of beauty is messed up." With his other hand, he tucks a stray piece of hair behind my ear. "Because you, Emma Williams, are beautiful." His fingers hover on my cheek.
I am breathless, and my heart leaps in my chest. I lean forward, my forehead brushing against his, and we hover, breathing the same air. Tilting my head to the side, I kiss him, pressing my lips hesitantly against his. I've never been the one to initiate anything; I've never done this. My brain burns with anticipation.
He cups the side of my face, pulling me into him. His other hand stays firmly around mine, and Carter deepens our kiss. I gasp, opening my mouth. He tastes like mint, fresh despite the heat gathering between us. His fingers intertwine in my hair, and he lets out a low sound I can't quite place. After a minute, he pulls away and looks at me.
"You, Emma Williams, are the most beautiful thing that has ever happened to me. Thank you."
Before I can ask him what he means by that, he squeezes my hand and kisses me again, gentler this time. When we separate, the sky has turned into twilight. "Let's get you back to your car."
"What about you?" I ask, feeling a little dizzy. I'm falling for Carter, and it's terrifying. I'm staring over the edge of a cliff, and a part of me wants to forget about the rest of the world and jump.
"Our town's rumor mill may be scary, but I can walk home at night. It's only a mile." He wraps his arm around my shoulder, and we walk together out of the alley, as one broken half-boy, half-girl creature, made whole by being together.
- - -
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Stay tuned to get another glimpse at Carter's home life. Emma is going to face Georgia in the challenge for the lead chair—who do you think will win?