"It was a pleasure to burn."
- Ray Bradbury
In Darkness Confidence Resides
I caught a quick glimpse of Wes' devious smirk before he closed the door behind us, plunging us into the complete darkness of the office. I couldn't see anything, but I could feel everything. Wes firmly held my waist between his warm hands and the room suddenly grew very hot.
Wes guided me through the darkness of the room by my waist until my hips fell against a desk. I leaned into it for support for I was sure my knees would give out. With sudden confidence, I trailed my hands up along Wes arms and across his sculptured broad shoulders. He shivered at my touch as I pulled him closer but he growled in impatience at my deliberate slow movements. Instead, he stepped closer and pressed me up against the desk.
His lips softly touched my temple and my skin was set ablaze. Oh, how had I survived the cold without him for so long? My train of thoughts trailed off as his hands drew enticing circles on the side of my waist and circled lower across my back, his lips trailing across my cheekbones and down to my jaw. Every part of me he touched was set to fire and reborn again and again.
I moaned at his touch and pulled his mouth to mine. I could feel his smirk against my lips at my impatience and he kissed me deeper, his tongue caressing my trembling lower lip. I granted him access and he hungrily kissed me, his hands sliding down my arms and to my thighs. He suddenly grabbed the back of my thighs and lifted me up against the desk. I gasped, wrapping my legs around his waist as he pressed into me, deepening our kiss. I was out of air, but this was far better than breathing.
He locked my hands above my head, fighting for dominance as he kissed my neck. I moaned in response and pressed him closer.
"Kitty," he whispered huskily and breathless. "You'll be the end of me, I swear."
I looked into his eyes and pulled him back into a kiss. This time it was more urgent and he pressed my hands harder above my head.
My hands pressed into something sharp this time and something above my head gave way and there was a crash. A folder fell to the floor and papers flew everywhere over the study room.
We pulled apart, breathing heavily as we looked at the mess we head created.
"Damn," I cursed. "Dad's going to kill me!"
I wiggled out of Wes' grasp and switched on the light, staring in horror at the mess we had made. The papers in the folder had come undone in their order and they were literally everywhere- over the desk, on the floor, somehow even finding their way to the slip under the door.
Wes blinked as his eyes adjusted to the bright light. His face was flushed and although I probably looked even worse, I felt satisfaction in his reaction. He smirked, winking at me as he bent to pack up the papers.
I did the same, hurriedly gathering papers together and shoving them into the file. But there was a sudden silence behind me and I turned around to see Wes. He had stopped midtrack, his face white and eyes wide as he read the paper he was holding.
"What is it?" I asked in concern at his sudden expression.
"You didn't see the papers?" Wes asked, raising an eyebrow at my nonchalant attitude.
"No, it's just dad's work stuff," I raised an eyebrow at him. "Did you accidentally find a love note he wrote to Laurina?"
"No," Wes replied slowly, eyes flitting to the paper and back to me in concern.
"Wes, you're worrying me," I walked towards him to look at the paper he held. But he removed it from my line of sight and I raised my eyebrow at him again.
"Kitty, all the papers are dated," Wes slowly explained.
"Ugh!" I moaned. "Guess we'll have to sort them and put them back together before he comes. Is that what you were worried about."
"No, Kitty..." Wes slowly continued. I looked at him in confusion but he sighed, standing up and showing me the paper.
My eyes fell upon the paper and upon seeing the letter, my face immediately paled.
Dear mom,
Last night was a nightmare. Once again, Eli dragged me to one of her boyfriend's parties – Dracula this time. I probably mentioned him in the last letter, she's only been seeing him for a few weeks now. I can only imagine if you were here right now you'd be shocked. Eli has changed, and I'm scared for her, mom. You were her role model, and more of a mother to her than her own! And she lost her own mom right after you-, well, anyway, it's all really just taken a toll on her. Dracula turned out to be a cheater and Eli was distraught. She tried to pretend she didn't really care but I knew last night, she relived her story with Tyler all over again. I just feel so helpless all the time. I barely see dad anymore and you aren't here to give me advice, mom.
Also, remember that horrid boy who always beats me in math tests- Wesley Bane? Yes, he helped us today. He was the one who found out Dracula is a lying jerk. But before that happened, I could swear there was this...moment between us. I don't know how to describe it exactly. He treats everything like it's all just a game to him, but for that one split second, I could swear I saw something in his eyes- like a hint of something that was long lost and you were trying to find it again. I don't know- it wasn't something I'd ever seen before. Eli warns me about him, but I don't see what the danger is? He is always going to be that conceited jerk who just gets lucky in math tests. Don't worry, I'll be him in the next test, I promise!
I love you,
I miss you,
Kitty.
"W-Why is this here?" my stuttering voice sounded strained and far away, as though it were disconnected from my body- a separate entity acting on its own accord.
Wes picked up another piece of paper and handed it to me. It was another letter, dated from two years ago. Then another, dated only 3 months ago. How did dad have a copy of my letters. I look all the letters from Wes' hands and peered closer. This looked exactly like the ink from my pen, the smudges from my fingers, even a coffee stain when I'd accidentally spilled some on the letter as I rushed to take it to the cemetery. But dad never visited mom's graves to have these. He never...
"He's been collecting your letters over the years," Wes whispered the answer I did not dare to even think about.
"He's been visiting mom's grave all these years?" my voice was still a separate entity and as hard as I tried, I could not reach out to control my own voice.
"Maybe he hadn't forgotten your mom, after all we thought," Wes gently touched my shoulder.
"All these years of abandoning me, I find out now that he's read every single letter about my friendship and boy dramas to my mom?!" my voice suddenly exploded as colour rose to my cheeks. "Well, where did you think your letters were going when they went missing every month?" Wes raised an eyebrow at me. "Hold on- boy dramas?!"
I shrugged my shoulders at hi, disregarding his second comment, "I don't know! I assumed the wind would blow them away up the heavens, Wes!" I could still feel the embarrassment heating my cheeks as every piece of my teen history looked up at me from the ground.
Wes threw up his hands in defence, "Look, I know you're mad but I'm just saying maybe we should look at this from your dad's perspective."
I raised an eyebrow at Wes challengingly- what could possibly justify this invasion of privacy?!
"Your dad was going through a very difficult time. He felt really guilty over what happened to your mother and couldn't face you. Maybe reading your letters was his way of staying in your life, Kitty," Wes walked towards me and wrapped me in his arms again.
"Why do that when the living proof was right under this roof the entire time?" I pulled away, pointing at myself in frustration.
"Everyone mourns in their own way, Kitty," Wes calmly replied. "As long as you survive, it doesn't matter how- A wise person said that to me."
I glared at him for using my justification for how he handled Rene and I sighed, breathing in deeply in the hopes that I could calm my nerves. Dad had been reading my letters to mom this entire time. Every time I had written that I missed her, or wished that she was here, that life was difficult without her- did the weight of dad's guilt increase? How much guilt did he have to feel that the only way he felt he could be in his daughter's life was by reading the words she wrote to her dead mother- his wife? This entire time dad had been hurting much more than me. And neither could approach the other out of pure guilt. Guilt had eating its way through relationship and through the very walls of this house. It was time for it to be over.
Wes once again stepped closer to me and placed his hands on my arms, bowing his head to look into my eyes. I nodded and smiled at him.
"Thank you," I told him sincerely.
"You should actually be thanking how attractive I am, otherwise we wouldn't have been making out here and we wouldn't have found those letters," he winked at me.
I rolled my eyes at him, "Thank you...for ruining the moment."
He chuckled and kissed my cheek.
Just then, Eli burst into the room. Her eyes were wild and her cheeks flushed.
"There you are!" she yelled at me. Her eyes flickered to Wes and she did a double take. "As amazing as this is right now seeing you two together again, we have to go!"