My face was still painful and discolored two days later, though most of the swelling had gone down. Though it was uncomfortable to do the exercises Tau insisted on, my encounter with Juleen convinced me further of their necessity. After seeing what Juleen did to my face, Analiese made up her mind and joined me in the routine each morning. We worked until our muscles burned and nearly gave out from fatigue. Even if it wouldn't give me much of an advantage, it felt good to be doing something to defend myself and I thought Analiese felt the same. We were doing what we could.
It was early afternoon and we'd all begun cleaning to prepared for the party that would follow the battles the following evening before I saw Ró again. I was helping prep the pastries for breakfast in the kitchen when Veetrala Faedra pushed through the doors. She glanced around, her eyes staring down her long, pointed nose before landing on me. Her eyes filled with contempt.
"You. You've been summoned," she said.
My heart began to race, panic rising in my chest. I wanted to sink into the floor and disappear. I could not be alone with Juleen again, I did not think I would survive it.
"Quickly!" she snapped. "You know better than to keep a laere waiting."
Relief swept over me. I kept my eyes trained to the floor walking quickly behind her down the steps and into the grand entrance of the paestra. When I saw him, I didn't look up. I kept my gaze low and let my hair fall into my face to hide the bruising and small split in my cheek from where Juleen hit hard enough to break the skin.
In the past, Ro had been protective of me, but I did not know if that was genuine or part of his game and I did not know where we stood now. I avoided letting him see me while he spoke quickly with Veetrala Faedra, thanking her for being so prompt.
"I have better girls," she said in her own language to him. "This one is more trouble than she's worth."
Eliró laughed. "I can handle a bit of trouble," he told her dismissively. "Let's go," he said to me all the humor gone from his voice. Once again I found myself questioning if the coldness in his tone was an act or not. Eliro didn't wait for me, he spun around, and I followed, two steps behind as we'd always been taught. We continued this until we were a block away from the paestra when Eliro fell back in line with me.
"I had to return to Sieraul for a couple of days," he explained why he hadn't caught up with me sooner. His voice returned to the warm tenor I'd grown accustomed to. I didn't like that I was relieved, but I was. Part of me had been concerned that he was still so angry he didn't want to see me.
"It's fine," I said and then added in a lighter tone, "I've managed without you."
Next to me, he chuckled, and the sound made my gut tighten. I knew when he saw my face he would regret the laugh. I didn't blame him though.
"I take it you've kept up with the exercises Tau gave you."
"Every morning." Ro turned down a side street and led me down a different path than we usually took. "Where are we going?"
"The market," he said. "I need to pick up a few things."
"The market?" After how intense most of our meetings were, it seemed unusual to be strolling through a market together. The stalls were operated by humans and it was mostly personal servants doing shopping on behalf of their Morri patrons, though some shopped for themselves, and it wasn't entirely uncommon to see a Morri strolling through the marketplace. I occasionally was sent to pick up whatever ingredients Marlee needed and enjoyed the peace it brought to wander through.
It was nice to see him and do something simple and stress free, but there were things that we needed to speak about. Tau indicated there was an explanation worth listening to, and I was trying to give Ro the benefit of the doubt. I hadn't pressed for an explanation the morning after our argument. But everything I'd said... I still wanted the answers. Eliro may have been hoping I'd have forgotten, but that wasn't going to happen.
"Eliro," I started. "I think—"
"I know, Lena," he said. "We will talk."
"What business did you have in Sieraul?" I asked in an attempt to have a normal conversation.
"Just meeting with my family."
That sounded innocent enough, but his father was a zashar, and judging by the strain in his voice I didn't think it was a pleasant reunion.
"Don't want to share the details?" I pressed. I knew it was a touchy subject and a smarter girl may have bitten her tongue, but I wanted to know I could trust him. I wanted to be sure that he wasn't hiding more from me.
"Not now."
Satisfied with the implication that he would tell me in a less public setting, I changed the subject to more mundane topics as we entered the market.
Shops were set up lining either side of the street, most filled with food. It was those who farmed fruits and vegetables that did most exchanging at the market. But there were others as well, people who had trades that they could make a living off of. Jewelry makers, artists, and toymakers all had booths as well. While there weren't many Morri shopping, seeing Eliro walking through shouldn't have come as a shock to any of the vendors but the looks they were giving us said otherwise.
He stepped away from me and I watched as he had a quick exchange with a human woman. She stood on the side of a stall selling baked breads and greeted Ro with a polite smile. He looked at the breads for a moment and then asked her a question that I couldn't hear. Their hands touched and I could have sworn he passed her something, but then he walked away without any purchased and returned to me empty handed.
"I would have liked some bread," I teased, trying to keep our conversation light even as I grew more uncomfortable with the looks aimed in our direction. I wondered if maybe they recognized him, knew of his status.
"You only have to ask, Meikev," he said. "Should we turn back?"
"No," I said. "That fruit looks enticing though."
It became apparent to me, why so many stared as we approached stand full of mouthwatering fresh fruits. While Ro looks over the fruits, judging their ripeness the man running the stand looked at me with wide, pity filled eyes, and then looked at Ro, his gaze filled with contempt. I'd avoided allowing Ro to see the bruising but hadn't done well to hide my face from the people around us. They assumed he was responsible.
"These aren't for sale," the man behind the fruit stand said abruptly and my eyes grew wide with shock. Mean looks were one thing, but I couldn't believe that he'd refused Eliro's business.
Eliro's head snapped up to look at the man, I could tell he was as confused as he was offended by the man's apparent disgust. I watched closely, waiting to see if I needed to step in. Ro may have brushed off my own snide remarks and challenges, but it was not a luxury he afforded to most.
"They aren't for sale?" he questioned at the moment more confused than upset, which was good.
"Not to you." I don't think I'd ever seen Eliró, or any other Morri so shocked. He'd just been refused.
Humans weren't allowed to refuse a Morri anything. And living, breathing beings who valued their lives didn't insult a laere. The human man looked at me, a warm expression in his brown eyes. My heart swelled with pride that this man would risk is own well-being for me.
"Here you go, you can have this," he said and passed a round, sweet fruit to me.
I hesitated, knowing I probably shouldn't take the poma. Accepting the fruit could give the appearance that I was siding with the man over Eliró. But it had been an exceedingly long time since I'd tasted the crisp sweetness of a poma, so I reached out and accepted the gift. It was one of the largest I'd ever seen and I offered a half smile. I was completely touched by the man's outright disapproval of what he assumed was Ró's violence. It wasn't typical to see humans stick up for one another like that and I didn't hold it against any of us. We tended to duck down and avoid trouble. Not this man though.
If the laere was upset by my acceptance of the fruit or the man's less than kind treatment toward him, he didn't show it. Instead, he nodded to the man and moved on, walking toward the next stall. As we walked together, Eliro glanced down in my direction questioningly but didn't say anything. It wasn't until we drifted past the bulk of the vendors and bustling crowds on the street that he spoke.
"Did I do something to offend that man?" he asked, seemingly perplexed. It had been foolish to hope that I could save this conversation until we were in private. But I had avoided allowing him to see my face for as long as I could.
"I believe he's under the impression you beat me."
"What?" Eliro asked stopping so suddenly that I ran into him. Catching my shoulders to steady my step as he turned around, he asked, "Why would he think—"
The question trailed off, lost somewhere between his mind and his mouth as he looked down at my face. I watched as his expression morphed from curiosity to horror before landing on outrage. The look in his eyes was enough to cause me to shrink away even though I knew the fury wasn't directed toward me. I hadn't ever seen him so angry. He let go of me and then reached toward my face, wanting to touch me, but I stepped away.
We were very much in public, human and Morri both watching, but I couldn't determine why I backed away. I told myself it wasn't appropriate for him to act this way toward me in such a public setting. It was fine to enjoy the company of a human, but to care for them was not so accepted. A dark part, hidden deep inside of me knew that I had stepped away because I cared what they would all think. It didn't matter that I knew he wasn't like the others or that I'd come to see that maybe I was wrong to judge all Morri so harshly. Allowing him such an intimate touch with witnesses present felt like a betrayal against my own kind. I didn't want them judging me, thinking and whispering things about me that I knew I had thought about others who fawned over Morri men and women.
His eyes flashed with something that looked like hurt but that I pretended but understanding as he dropped his hand. Looking at me still, his jaw hardened and eyes dangerous, he turned away muttering a string of curses in his own language, and took a couple steps away from me before he turned back to me, still speaking in his own language as he rattled off words so quickly I could barely make any out.
It was impossible to tell whether he didn't realize he'd reverted to speaking his language entirely or just didn't care. I caught enough of his words to know that he was not happy. I don't know that anger was the right word to describe the way he spoke either...distraught. I hated it. And as wrong as it may have been, I liked it, too. It was proof that some part of the time we'd spent together was real.
For the first time since we'd met, I wanted to close the distance between us, I wanted to take his hand and reassure him that I was only bruised and not broken. I wanted to be somewhere we could talk, where I could explain what happened. But I didn't. I stood before him more aware than ever of the eyes on us, the interest in those around us. Some, I was sure, watched in morbid curiosity, wondering and maybe sickly hoping to see him take out his anger on me. They would be disappointed.
I thought about all the things he'd done for me, to make it so I didn't feel less than him. They weren't grand gestures of affection. They were little things he did. Conscious decisions that I knew he made regardless of what anyone might think, for me.
Eliro didn't walk ahead of me but beside me. He carried on conversation like I was an equal in front of anyone. And now, when it was my turn to bridge the divide between us, I stood there wishing we were anywhere else. I couldn't do it, I couldn't reach out and take his hand. I couldn't say his name in the same gentle, reassuring tone I'd heard him say mine.
To say I could not do it painted me in too kind a light. I was perfectly capable of letting him know that I cared. There was nothing physically preventing me from taking his hand or from speaking to him like the friend he'd become. I could, but I would not do it.
"Laere Eliro," I said deliberately and waited until I had his attention. Use of his title seemed to be reminder enough of where, and who, we were. When he seemed to be listening I continued, "Is there more shopping that you need to do?"
"No," he said.
His eyes roved over the market, noting the people watching him and his lips drew into a thin line. It looked for a moment as though he may address them, but he seemed to think better of that. His eyes met mine and with a little tilt of his head, he motioned we continue. Without waiting for any response from me, he turned and began walking down the street again at a brisk pace. Eliro didn't glance back to make sure that I was behind him. He knew I would be.
I followed him without saying a word, having to skip steps to keep up with his quickened pace. My legs burned, but I didn't say anything to slow him down. It seemed that Ró was making every effort to maintain his composure and I didn't want to say something that might change that. After several blocks, he slowed the slightest bit upon hearing my labored breath behind him, but he didn't truly slow until we reached the lift inside the building where he was staying. And then, I was sure it was only because we had to wait on the magnetic contraption to arrive at the ground level. When the barrier opened I followed him onto the clear platform without complaint. I waited until the doors shut and the lift began its move up before speaking.
"Ro..." I barely had his name out before he spun to face me.
He took a single step closer but that was all it took for the space between us to disappear. Unlike before, I didn't back away from him. And when he lifted his left hand, bringing his palm to cover my sore cheek, I leaned into it. After a long moment, filled with silent words that I didn't have the courage to speak or even think, he dropped his hand just before the lift lurched to a stop.
"Who?" he demanded after shutting the door to his suite firmly behind him.
"Juleen." His jaw ticked and I saw his fists clench and unclench a couple times like he wanted nothing more than to hit something. I waited for some form of verbal response, but it became clear that wasn't going to happen. "Please sit down. You're making me anxious."
With a deep breath, he relaxed, not much but enough, and he walked to the couch and sat down. After he sat, I left the room, looking for the kitchen. It wasn't like the one in the paestra that I'd been so accustomed to. There was a cooler unit that was full of beverages and cabinets housed plates, cups, and other kitchen necessities. But there was no stove or oven. Where one might have been there was, instead, a holo-screen. It was currently powered down and looked like nothing more than a small black half-sphere. I didn't know how to work one, but I figured using it, he could order any meal he could imagine. I was tempted to play with it for a moment but refrained. I'd never used one before and this wasn't the time.
Instead, I turned to the cooler unit and searched inside for something that might be good. I settled on pouring him a glass of juice and took it back to the living room with me. He looked up, questioningly.
"It seemed like the proper thing to do," I said shrugging as I passed him the glass. "When someone is upset you either give them something to drink or feed them and I didn't know how to work your holo-screen, so..."
"Thank you," he said. Eliro took a sip that I was sure was more for my benefit than because he was actually thirsty.
"Ro." I said carefully taking a seat on the chair caddy-corner to the sofa he occupied. "You seem very upset."
"I am," he said, his voice a low rumble.
"Why?" I asked curiously. When his only answer was to look at me as though I'd lost my mind, I clarified.
"You knew this would happen," I said carefully. "I know you did. Something like this became a sure thing the moment Juleen realized you had taken to me." And Ro had played to that, he made certain Juleen would notice. Ensured, I would become trapped in this mess.
"I..."
I waited for him to continue, to offer some explanation, put words to what I felt was true. But Ró didn't continue speaking, he trailed off seemingly at a loss for words. And then, he avoided it altogether.
"When?" he asked and though I wanted to push back and insist he answer my question, I didn't. Instead, I relayed to him every detail from my meeting with Juleen. Most of it wasn't worth mentioning, but Ró wanted to know it all, so I didn't hold back. There wasn't much of actual importance that passed between Juleen and me. He was simply upset and took it out on me.
"I've informed Tau," he said. "He's a far better healer than I am. He'll arrive shortly to help."
"Thank you," I said.
"Don't thank me," he said quickly. "This never should have happened."
I scooted to the edge of my seat. "Ró," I began but before I could finish the thought, Tau pushed open the door to the suite and walked in and I slouched away.
"Wonderful timing," I muttered.
Tau, hearing my words took one look at my face and grimaced. "You doing okay?" he asked with real concern. I could tell that Tau wasn't glad to see me injured but unlike Ró, he didn't pretend it was out of the realm of possibility. "Looks painful."
"It is," I said wryly and still a little irritated over his timing.
"Good thing you have me." He crossed the room and stood in front of me. With one hand, he pulled the coffee table that was behind him closer to me and sat down on the edge. Tau leaned forward, studying my face. "Not as bad as I expected though, he must have held back."
"Didn't feel that way," I said.
"You're alive," he pointed out. "Nothing is broken. Is it just your face?" When I nodded, he gave a sort of half-smile. "He held back. He may not next time."
"Tauzil."
Tau's eyes snapped to Ró and they seemed to have a sort of silent conversation between the two of them. After a moment, he gave a small shake of his head and then turned back to me.
"I have to touch you, okay?" He said and waited for me to acknowledge it before he reached out and cupped my cheek in the same way that Ró had done in the elevator. Tau closed his eyes and I sat there, a little confused at first because nothing was happening, but then the warmth hit me. It was similar to the warmth I'd felt when Ró first kissed me, except instead of starting from inside and working its way through my soul and body, I could easily pinpoint the source. The warmth radiated from the hand on my cheek and penetrated deep into my skin and bone but didn't spread through all of me, instead, staying isolated to the bruised areas.
Several minutes passed before the warmth receded and Tau opened his eyes, when he pulled his hand away, he smiled.
"There," he said. "You look almost human again."
"Thank you." Testing it, I touched my and there wasn't a single hint of tenderness or pain where there had been moments before. I knew they could heal, but I never imagined how it worked or that it could be transferred to others, especially humans. I sat there in amazement for a long moment.
"Come on," Tau said standing up. When I looked at him in question, he continued, "time to train. Not that I mind healing you, Lena. But I'd rather not have to at all, so let's get to it."
I thought about that for a moment. It wasn't a bad idea and learning to defend myself was something I had requested they help me with. Ro had relaxed now that Tau healed me, but I knew he was feeling guilty and there wasn't going to be a better time to demand answers.
"No."
"No?" They both asked at once, I couldn't have picked which one sounded more incredulous at my refusal.
"No," I said again. "I mean, yes I want you to teach me, but I've been waiting days and trying to convince myself that you have a perfectly good reason for manipulating and lying to me this entire time. I want an explanation."
Groaning, Tau sat down on the couch. Assuming that was an agreement, a smile pulled at my lips. I expected some argument, or, at a minimum, I thought Tau would try to convince me that this was of little consequence compared to the need to know how to defend myself. But neither argued. Neither began to speak either. Tau sat looking uncomfortable while Ró's expression was one of reluctance.
"Why did we meet?" I prompted when they didn't jump right into it. Ró shifted, but the change of position didn't make him look any more comfortable when he began to speak.
"This has all been in motion for some time. Juleen has rarely extended an invitation to anyone to visit Aurael. We all function separately with very little reason to physically meet with one another. Not meeting often is the best way to avoid wars. Juleen has always been strict with Aurael's borders, but in the last couple years it's increased."
I found it strange that he mentioned they had almost no reason to ever meet, yet Laere Tauzil of Eoezelle and Laere Eliró of Sieraul seemed very familiar with one another despite being from separate ruling families. They interacted and trusted each other as only people who knew each other for years would. That sort of trust wasn't built from a few meetings throughout their lifetime, they had grown together. They had been through enough together that they had one another's back. I wanted to know how that was, but it there were more important questions that needed answering.
"I am not sure how aware you are of the positioning of our cities, but the fastest and safest way to travel between Sieraul and Eoezelle is to cross into Juleen's land. It's well outside any inhabited area, but Juleen has increased security. We assumed at first, he was having issues with maintaining control, but when he extended the invitation, it was clearly a power play. He has something we want, passage, and is willing to permit it again if we agree to his terms. To discuss, he extended the invitation to Sieraul and Eoezelle to come and discuss."
So this had all been over the use of borders? Was that why they wanted him removed from power because they didn't want to deal with him not letting them pass over his land.
"Whatever is running through your mind right now, you are incorrect," Ro interrupted himself when he noticed my expression. "At this news, Tau and I met."
"I thought you couldn't meet."
It was Tau who laughed before answering me. "Traveling through Aurael is not the only path, it is just the safest for our people. We are skilled, trained, capable of trekking through more dangerous territory. And it was necessary, Juleen grows hungrier for power and more cruel with each passing cycle. You see my father is not so different from Juleen and would be willing to make a deal that would cause his people to suffer if it had potential to be lucrative for him."
"My father, in his old age, has forgotten that some things are worth fighting for. He has forgotten who he was and who he trained me to be. Now he is interested in keeping the peace. If it avoids great conflict, he will agree."
"So you met?"
They nodded. "Each of us had contacts in the Aurael, but we couldn't be sure how much to trust them. Juleen is paranoid enough that planting one of our own in his service would do no good. We needed someone inside, someone who could understand our language and get close enough to Juleen to be of use."
"There is a, uh, man in Eoezelle. It has been a long time, but years ago, when things weren't so tense and Juleen wasn't so paranoid he traveled with his family between Eoezelle and Aurael frequently. He was known to be friendly with humans, did what he could to offer support in this city. He and his daughter worked with your resistance here, offering people safe passage out of the city and bringing through necessities that Juleen tends to deprive you all of. Medicine, mostly, but weapons as well.
"I tracked him down and asked about his ties to your resistance. He said he no longer had any contact with old ties. After the death of his daughter, he stopped making the trips. He didn't go into great detail, but he gave me a name of a human he trusted, one in the resistance. Your father's name."
"Once here we attempted to track your father down..." But they found he was dead. "When we found records that he'd died in the prisons, we thought we were going to have to start from scratch. But where there was record of him, there was record of you. And when we were able to gather the story, we knew you were the perfect choice," Ró said.
"Perfect choice?" I asked. "What made you so sure?"
"Your father died at the order Juleen, so it was a safe assumption that you felt no loyalty to him. He was a leader in your resistance, and it was safe to assume even if you weren't involved in any way, you shared his sentiments. Yet, you managed to land a position in the paestra. We didn't know if you knew our language well, but we couldn't have asked to find someone in a better position."
Leader? I knew my father was involved in the resistance, he did not hide it from me, and when I was young I attended their meetings when he had no one else to watch over me. I had no idea how involved he was though. No idea he was a leader in it and certainly I hadn't known he worked with a Morri man. It was only after my father's death that I realized all he'd been trying to tell me was true.
"My father didn't die in prison." I was stuck on that. I couldn't just let this image of my father rotting away in prison fill their minds. The truth was he fought for what he believed in until the moment he was killed. Even if standing for his beliefs meant not fighting at all. To them, he was a name they heard from someone, a man who might have been of assistance. I knew to them it didn't make a difference one way or the other, but to me, it did. "He died at the battles."
"It's likely that they don't record the exact cause of death. If a criminal dies in the battles, they still die a criminal. They were still imprisoned at their death."
It took me by surprise that there were people who maintained records of humans at all. I didn't think we were so carefully tracked. I didn't think anyone cared to take note when we died or who our relations were. I had always thought we were mostly invisible. Like a herd of cattle, the whole mattered but no individual was distinguished from another.
"Where did you find these records?"
"The public can access it from any holo-screen in the cities network. No one really thinks twice of that sort of thing," Tau explained. "Learning of you and your position was not too difficult once we arrived, actually finding you was a bit more difficult."
"We were kept fairly occupied in our first week here and it didn't help that you're called Lena—"
"What else would I be called?"
"Your name," Ró answered carefully. I looked at him questioningly, Lena is the only name I'd ever known. It's the only one I had. It struck me that they probably hadn't intended to find me at all.
"I'm not sure you ended up with the human were searching for," I explained. "My only name is Lena."
"No," Tau started but cut off when Ró gave him a sharp look. "Ró," Tau said sharply. "She deserves the truth." He turned his attention to me. "Lena is what you are called. The name you were given at birth is Avleonie."
I looked between Eliro and Tau, waiting for one of them to laugh.
"My father would not have given me that name."
It was a Morri name and my father hated the Morri. He spent his entire life fighting them in any way he could. Some names were similar and could be and were often used by everyone. Names had blended and Morri had chosen pretty human names for their children and vice versa. But, it wasn't common to have such a name as a human.
"Your mother would have," Tau said simply.
"You're lying," I said at Tau's insinuation.
I would have known if my mother was... not human. If I was not human. My father would have told me. That's not a thing you just keep from someone. I would have known. I looked again from Tau to Ró and back. Tau looked frustrated but Ró just looked kind of sad. My heart sunk as I realized they truly believed what they were implying. "Then you're mistaken." I was human. Only human. I wasn't them. I wasn't a monster.
"Perhaps we are," Ró said. "Either way, that was the name we had."
The name they had was wrong. If what they were trying to say was true, it meant my father had lied to me. He'd lied to me about everything. He hated the Morri, there was no way he would have been with a Morri woman. I couldn't accept that. I wouldn't.
"We weren't sure what you looked like and didn't have any success inquiring with other humans in the paestra about you. Our meeting was not as planned as you believe, but it wasn't chance either. I noticed you at the arena that morning we met sitting with the other faemulis from the pasetra. It would have been hard not to. They were all scared...sad...broken, but not you. You were sitting with this expression on your face like you wanted to jump in the ring and kill the Morri inside. In the time I'd been in the city I hadn't seen a single human openly look at us with that much disdain. I figured regardless of who you were, you were our shot. When I pointed you out to Tau, he agreed.
"When it ended, I nearly lost you in the crowd with your hood pulled up. It Tau who recognized the girl you had been sitting with and shoved me in your direction."
"It was the fastest way to ensure your introduction," Tau added, still amused by the action.
"You asked my name." It was the first thing he said to me, asking my name. And now I knew why.
"And you lied to me," Eliro answered.
"I gave you my father's name..."
It made sense now, why he was so sure he had found the right person. He'd been hoping to hear the name of the girl he had been looking for but I'd given him a different one, a man's name. He connected the dots and became sure I was the right person. And if that's the case then it can only mean that for whatever reason my name is recorded from birth as Avleonie.
He grinned remembering. "You lied to me. You didn't even attempt to hide your dislike. Nobody has spoken to me like you did."
"And you liked that?"
Eliro shrugged. "I liked that you spoke your mind. But I wasn't sure you could do it. I had no idea if you spoke our language at all and you were so openly bothered by my very existence that I didn't think you knew how to play nice long enough to assist."
"But when I saw you at the party, I saw how diplomatic you could be. You protected the other girls, you served with a smile on your face. Anyone would have thought you were perfectly pleasant and content where you were. Even when you insulted Ilya, you played it perfectly. I thought it was a mistake at first. I figured you didn't really know what you were saying, and it was an unlucky mistake that you chose Ilya to say it too. It was as I diffused her desire to kill you that I realized you had known exactly what you were saying and that you did understand."
"How?"
"You clenched your fist when I insulted you," he explained. "Not after others began to laugh and anyone could have assumed the spirit behind my words. As I spoke to them, you were offended by what I was saying."
He was far more observant than I gave him credit for.
"Then I just had to convince you."
"Manipulate me," I corrected remembering the first times we met. I had been so thrown off by how he was acting toward me, how strange he was treating me, that it had been all I noticed. When he scared off those guys I'd been so pleasantly surprised that I didn't look on his behavior with any suspicion at all. And when he hadn't bothered to hide his conversations with me and wasn't discreet his attempts to get me alone, I had been so wrapped up in the excitement of it all that it never crossed my mind that his every action was so very planned. "You made sure that someone would take note of your interest long before I agreed."
"Does it matter?"
"Yes. It absolutely matters."
"Why?" he asked, leaning forward frustrated. "Why does it matter how it began, you agreed. That was your decision."
"It wasn't my decision. You just let me think it was. How can you not see that?"
Tau sighed and stood, announcing, "I'll be in the training room." He walked from the room, but I hardly noticed, so focused on Ro.
"This was something I thought I had, Eliró. It was my choice. It was my decision to help you, to try to make a change. It was the one thing I could choose for me, that I could be in control of. I don't get to pick out what I wear. I don't get to choose how I spend my days or with whom I spend them. I don't have free time to play on a holo-screen or browse the market at my leisure. I have no choice in every part of my life and you made me believe this was my choice. Mine."
"It was," he insisted.
"No, it wasn't. You are just another Morri making decisions over my life. The only difference was that you took the time to trick me into thinking I had any control."
"You came to the conclusion—"
"And if I had said no? If I had declined to help you? Tell me, what then. Swear to me that if I had refused and walked away from you, you would have let me."
His silence was confirmation enough.
"Don't try to convince me that I had a choice in this."
"Meikev—"
"Stop calling me that," I interrupted.
"Lena," he corrected himself, his voice pleading with me to understand. And I did understand, at least part of me did. It didn't change anything though. I felt used by someone I'd grown to care for and respect, and it hurt.
"I am willing to help how I can. I've seen too many people destroyed because of Juleen and the way he runs Aurael. But I don't like being used. I don't like being tricked and made into a fool. You are not like him and I do not believe you are cruel, but you've treated me the same way your kind has treated me all my life. You made the decisions for me; you took away any choice I had. You say you want to change it all, prove it."
I waited for a long moment for him to respond.
"Say something," I begged when he didn't.
"What can I say?" he asked, finally meeting my eyes. "Does it make it better if I tell you you're right? I knew what I was doing and hadn't considered your feelings at all. They did not matter to me at all. You agreed, but if you hadn't...I've worked too hard to create this opportunity, I don't know if I could have let you walk away." He paused and then added, "Does it make you hate me any less to know that I don't regret any of it?"
I recalled the way he reacted to my bruised face, the tender way he touched me in the lift. I didn't believe that he regretted nothing.
"Then why were you so upset to see me hurt?"
His eyes softened and Ro took a step toward me as if he intended to close the distance between us but stopped. "You know why," he said, his voice barely a whisper. But I didn't know why. Not really. Ro sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "I can't do this," he said. I wasn't sure if he was speaking more to himself or to me. Without another word, he left the room. He left the flat entirely.
I stared speechless for a moment, not sure what to make of any of it. I was half-tempted to follow him or to leave as well, but I turned and made my way down the hall to the training room where Tau waited.
"You okay?" he asked.
"Can we just not talk?"
"Rather hit something?" he asked, grinning. Tau tossed a bag to me and then he bounced from foot to foot on the mat. "Get changed and let's go, morrisi."