Chapter Fourteen.
Surprisingly, in the morning, I'm up and ready before Van has the chance to violate me like he does every morning. If I'm going to distant myself from him then I can't purposely sleep in so that he'll come in my room and wake me up. Well, that's not the only reason that I sleep in, I sleep in because lately; it's been taking me a long time to fall asleep. I just have too many things to think about.
I walk downstairs in a pair of white short shorts and a baby blue camisole that hugs my flat stomach. My hair is straightened and falling over my shoulders. I actually look really cute today, even I'll admit that it's a personal best. I mean, nothing compared to last night, but that was a personal best.
I walk into the kitchen and see Darren eating a bowl of cereal at the kitchen table. "Wow, look who decided to grace me with their presence," I say sarcastically, while walking to the fridge and pulling out the chocolate milk. I see the carton of Van's strawberry milk behind it, a smile spreads across my face as I close the fridge.
"Why are you so smiley at six O'clock in the morning?" Darren asks me.
I shrug, "no reason in particular." I pour some of the milk into a glass from the cabinet, then put the chocolate milk away.
"You know how Vance has been staying here a lot, are you guys like...?"
I shake my head, "no, he has a girlfriend."
"I see..."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"That you're that girl," he answers simply.
"That girl?" ask, still not catching on.
"Abby, are you that retarded?" Darren chuckles, taking a bite of his cereal.
I guess so because I have no clue what he's talking about. I walk over to the table and sit in front of him, with my chocolate milk in my hand. "Explain to me what you're talking about."
"Abby, you're a moron if you really can't see it," he replies.
"See what?"
"Vance likes you, Abby. Guys that have 'sleepovers' with girls and actually sleep, don't stick around for strawberry milk, that's your first clue."
I laugh. "You're a moron if you actually believe that," I tell him and then I finish my chocolate milk.
"And you're a bigger moron if you don't," Darren mumbles.
I roll my eyes at him and bring my empty glass to the kitchen sink. "Darren, is something bothering you? Ever since you got back from New York, you've been like a completely different person," I say, ignoring his comment.
Darren hesitates before answering, "nope, not a thing."
I walk out of the kitchen, not satisfied with his answer. Why am I the only one who doesn't know something? Darren knows something that I don't and Van knows something that I don't. Does everybody just get together and form a 'hey let's not tell Abby anything' club. I hate that I never know what's going on. They should just tell me because I'm obviously going to find out sooner or later.
After Van and I serve our fourth Saturday detention, he asks me if I can stop by Kendall's. Apparently he left his cell phone over there the other day, that's the only reason why I'm actually doing it. I've never been to Kendall's house and I was trying to keep it that way. I know where she lives, it's just that I've never been there.
"So what are you going to do tonight?" Van asks as I pull out of the school parking lot.
I shrug. "I'm not sure, I was thinking about just going to the concert, I mean, what are the chances that my parents will actually be home tonight? I figure that I'll just stay at a hotel or something."
"Abby, you can't go down to Riverport by yourself," he says.
"I'm not, I was going to call Mitch and see if he wanted to go, he's heard a couple of songs by Avenged Sevenfold that he liked."
"Oh, ok, but you know that it'd be over around two in the morning and you'd have to drive an hour back," Van reminds me, like I don't already have plan for that.
"I know, which is why we'd stay at a hotel or something, maybe even in my favorite flamingo hotel. Those bright orange flamingos are hot," I joke.
Van chuckles, "you're so weird."
I smile, knowing he's right.
I pull up in Kendall's driving way about fifteen minutes later and notice a familiar red truck beat up pickup truck. Oh my gosh, that's... "Van, why is Michaels' truck here?" I ask him quietly, while putting my car in park. I can't believe this...she did it again.
"Stay here, I'll be right back," Van tells me, without even looking over at me.
I watch as Van walks inside of Kendall's house. Her parents must not be home, otherwise he probably would've knocked on the door. If Kendall is cheating on Van again, which I guarantee that is what's going on, then I'm going to beat the shit out of her. And Michael. Michael's his best friend, he can't do that two Van, right? I mean, Van and Michael are about as close and Van and I are. I wouldn't be surprised if Van bragged to Michael that he kissed me. If Van did that then I'm going to kick his ass too.
It's been five minutes and Van still isn't out of the house yet. Should I go inside? Van told me to stay in the car-wait, I don't care what Van says, I'm going in. I should go in, right? I mean, I have a right to, right? OH MY GOSH, I'm going in, all I'm doing is confusing myself.
I open my car door and take small steps toward the front door. Okay, Abby, think this through, if you go in there, you're probably going to see some things that will completely scar you for the rest of your life.
I take a deep breath as I twist the door knob and push the door open. I immediately hear people yelling upstairs, so I follow the noise. I can't believe that this is happening now. Why couldn't this happen a couple weeks from now? But right now? Great fucking timing. I should've just said no to bringing Van here.
Why does everything have to be so fucking complicated? This is going to give Van another thing to be pissed off about. Between Kendall and his parents, I can't seem to decide which one deserves the worlds' shittiest person award.
Kendall is the one girl that I've ever seen Van stay with and she does this to him. She gets pissed that him and I hang out, but she goes and sleeps with Michael? Yeah, I wonder which one's worse? Kendall should be sent to a Jesus school or something. I don't know what they're called, but that girl needs Jesus...bad.
I make it to a closed door where I can here Van's voice yelling over Kendall's. I can't make out what they're saying because they're yelling over each other. I open the door and see Kendall in her bra and panties. Yeesh, that's a bad sight. Her room is hot pink and neon orange, with everything else matching it. This sure is a day going down in history; seeing a slut in her natural habitat.
"Well, if it isn't Abby Fucking Elliott!" Kendall says.
Van turns around and looks at me and frowns, "I told you to wait downstairs."
"And I told you that she'd cheat on you again. I guess we suck at listen to one another, huh?" I reply.
"You know what, this is all your fault!" Kendall says walking closer to me.
Van gives me this look that says, 'don't even bother'. I wish it could be that simple. "Really? How is it my fault that you can't keep your legs closed? Or that you can't keep your mouth shut? Need I say more?" I ask her.
Kendall's mouth drops open. "You're such a bitch, that's why no guy ever bothers to stay with you."
I shake my head, "no guy will ever stay with me because he gets tired of hearing the word 'no', which is where you come in and take care of him, isn't that right, Michael?" I say looking over and a shirtless Michael standing in the corner, like he isn't in this fight. Then I see his eye, already reddening and his lip bleeding a little.
"Abby, come on, she's not even worth it," Van says, grabbing my wrist.
"You know if I were you, I would've hit her too," I tell Van.
"I can't hit a girl," he tells me.
A jolt of adrenaline rushes through me and my fist tightens. I then swing my arm back and crash it straight into Kendall's Barbie Doll face. She brings her hand up to her bleeding nose. "Yeah, but I can," I tell Van. Damn, that felt good. That has been coming for years. "Let's go," I say to Van and start to walk out of the room.
"I can't believe you just did that for me," Van says following behind me.
I laugh. "Don't flatter yourself, that was all for me, I've wanted to hit her ever since you guys started dating, but I DIDN'T because of you."
Van smiles half heartedly. "I should've listened to you. You were right."
I smile. "I know, it's because I'm psychic," I whisper, only joking.
Van chuckles, not enough to hide that hurt look still on his face. "So what am I supposed to do now? My girlfriend was cheating on me, my parents are screwed up, the guy who I thought was my best friend; slept with my girlfriend."
"See, if I were your best friend, that wouldn't have happened because I wouldn't have slept with your girlfriend," I say, joking.
Van laughs. "You're more than my best friend, there isn't even a word for what you are, that's how amazing you are."
I smile, "aw thanks Van-essa!"
He shakes his head and chuckles.
We get back into my car and leave Kendall's house. "Okay, now I hate to sound like bitch, but does this mean that you're off the hook for going to dinner with her parents?" I ask.
Van nods. "So...does that mean I can go with you to the concert?" he questions.
I nod. "I guess, but only because your girlfriend cheated on you, it's not like I actually want you there," I say, joking. Of course I want him there. I can't think of anybody that I'd want to go with more.
It's probably bad to say this, but I'm glad Kendall cheated on him and I'm extremely glad that they're broken up. Wow, I'm a horrible friend. But it's just that if they were to stay together, it just would've caused more problems.
The only thing that really pisses me off is that Michael stooped as low as Kendall. He ruined the whole group. Things between me and the rest of the guys will never be the same. Why can't guys just keep it in their pants? I mean seriously, you could get a guy to do anything you wanted if you dangled sex in from of them. It's kind of degrading to be perfectly honest.
"We should go over to Kyle's and see what he's doing," I say.
Van shakes his head, "I don't feel like being around anybody right now. I'm kind of..."
"Sad?" I fill in the blank for him.
He nods. "I know it sounds stupid, why would I feel sad about my girlfriend cheating on me, right, but I do. I really cared about Kendall, Abby. She was a completely different person when she wasn't around her friends, or any other people for that matter," Van explains. "I'm tired of being with girls just to sleep with them. Seeing everything that's going on with my parents...I just don't want to end up like them, you know?"
I nod slowly. "You won't end up like your parents."
Van smiles faintly, "I sure as hell hope not."
"You won't, I promise. I'm psychic, remember?" I joke.
He chuckles. "Right." Then he gets that sad look on his face again.
I sigh, "you aren't going to cry, are you Van-essa?"
"Not over Kendall," he answers simply.
I smile, "good," I say.
"But, can I just say that I'm more pissed of at Michael than I am at her. I mean, Michael knew how much I liked her, he's also supposed to be my friend, so why would he do this?" he says, pausing for a second. "I really thought that this time was going to be different between me and Kendall, but apparently not. You know, I was going to tell her that I love her, but that's obviously not going to happen. She doesn't take anything seriously," he finishes.
I'm just nodding along the whole time, not knowing what to say, or if he even wants me to say anything at all. I figure that it's best to just stay quiet in a situation like this.
"I hope this doesn't sound unmanly, but I want to be with a girl that I can be in love with that's going to love me back, you know what I mean?" Van says. "I know that it doesn't sound like something I would say, but it's true. I'm tired of chasing Kendall around. And you know what else? She never apologized for the last time she cheated on me," he tells me. "Feel free to shut me up anytime now."
"I think it's very refreshing that you actually have a heart. Granted it may be a small shriveled up heart, it's still there," I say.
He laughs, "so you don't think that I sound like a pansy-ass for admitting that I want to be in a serious committed relationship?"
I shake my head while pulling into my driveway. "Not even a little bit," I answer. "It takes courage for somebody to admit something like that."
Van smiles half heartedly and says, "well, thanks, but I'm going to go home and be depressed now."
I nod. "Okay," I say and Van gets out of my car, shutting the door.
I want to invite him in, but that probably won't make things any better. Right? Maybe I should just let him be by himself for a while. If he wanted company, he would've asked me right?
I get out of my car and walk inside of my house.
"Abby, honey, is that you?" I hear my moms' voice ask from the kitchen.
"Yeah, mom, I'm back from my detention," I remind her and start to walk up the steps to my room.
"Hey, come in here, I want to talk to you," she calls to me.
I sigh and turn around to walk into the kitchen. "What's up mom?" I ask her when I'm close enough.
"I was just talking to your father on the phone and he told me that he talked to you about my new temp job," she answers.
"Yeah, what about it?"
"I was just going to let you know that tonight's my last night, they offered me a permanent position, but I turned them down. I miss being at home, it seems like this family is falling apart without me," she smiles.
I shrug, "okay, that's cool mom."
"Are you okay, Abby? Is something bothering you? We can talk if you like," she says, stepping closer to me. "Tell me what's bothering you."
"I don't want to talk mom," I say annoyed.
"Abby, we haven't talked in such a long-"
"Yeah, well, maybe if you were home more often. You know, I'm not the only one that needs to talk, mom. Darren needs to talk to somebody, but he won't. I may need to talk, but I don't want to, okay? I talked to dad the other night," I tell her, starting to get a little aggravated. "I'm going to go over to Van's house okay? I might be staying over, but I'll be home tomorrow," I say as I start walking towards the door.
I walk outside and slam the door behind me. I run across the street and knock on Van's door. I wait a couple of seconds until he answers the door. "Nobody should be depressed alone," I say to him.
Van pushes the door farther open to let me walk by him. "So why are you depressed?"
"I'm just tired of everybody thinking that there's something I want to talk about. When I say I don't want to talk, I don't want to talk. I'm not depressed, I guess I'm just annoyed," I answer.
"Do you want to talk about something, Abby?" Van asks.
I look him in the face. Seriously Van? Then he smiles, letting me know that he's just joking. I laugh.
"Come on, let's go be alone, together," Van says, taking my hand and pulling me towards his room.
Something tells me that I shouldn't go into his room, but do I follow my instincts? No.
Van's room is surprisingly clean. Probably because he's never here, he's always at my house when he's not somewhere else. I'm never in his room, I don't think anybody's ever been in his room. I think that the last time I was in his room was like almost a year ago.
"Is this bed sanitary?" I ask. Just because his bed is made, doesn't exactly mean that it's clean.
Van chuckles, "it's clean. Kendall's never been in my room."
"Oh and I have, wow, I feel honored," I say sarcastically.
"I don't really let anybody in my room. It's kind of my area, you know, it's my safe place. Well, now a days your room has become my safe place," he answers and falls down onto his bed.
"Mine's the beach," I tell him as I sit on the corner of his bed. I'm purposely sitting as far as I can from him.
"I know."
"You know?"
"Yep. I pay attention to things, Abby," he says. I don't think I've ever told him about my safe place. "Why are you all the way over there? I don't bite...too hard," he jokes.
"I'm fine over here," I say quietly.
Van sits up and wraps his arms around my waist to pull me closer to him so that I'm laying next to him. "Did I do something wrong?"
I shake my head. Not at all, he's doing everything right. That's the problem! "Van why do you always do this?"
"What are you talking about?"
"This," I say motioning to his hands touching my waist.
"I don't know. Why?"
"I don't think it means the same thing to you as it does to me," I say really quietly.
"Does it bother you? I can stop," he says moving his hand.
I sit up and look at him. "Can I be straight with you?" I ask.
"Yeah, that'd be awesome because I'm lost."
I take a deep breath. It's okay to tell him now. He doesn't have a girlfriend anymore. "You know how on Thursday you asked me if, um, I have feelings for you? Well, I um, think I do and I know that you don't, but some of the things you do, really confuse the hell out of me. The only reason I went out with Kevin-"
"Evan," Van corrects.
"Right," I say. "The only reason I went out with him was because I didn't want to like you, but that didn't-"
"Abby...look I like you, it's just I can't...with you. You're-"
"A complete idiot, I know. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said anything."
"No, I'm glad you did, but...it's complicated..." he trails off.
I nod. "I feel really stupid right now, so I'm um, going to go," I say, turning away, but he sits up and puts both of his hands on the sides of my face.
"Abby, don't do this, okay? We can still hang out, I'll give you space. Do you remember that night when we talked about if one of us did something completely stupid, then we'd just forget about it? I can forget if you forget," he says. "I seriously don't know what I'd do without you as a friend, okay? We can't do this."
Just say that you can forget so that this can stop. I shouldn't have said anything. It was too soon anyways. He just broke up with his girlfriend today.
I nod and force a smile, "I can forget."
I can't forget, this isn't something that I can push away, but whatever, if he can forget, I can forget. I am in so far in denial that it's not even funny.
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