It had been a couple weeks since speaking last to Hamza, none of us saw each other at uni or texted.
I was busy with my normal work from uni. It was Saturday so I was spending my time at the university library reading over my lecture notes which I usually I do over the weekends. I liked coming here.
I like keeping myself occupied in work it felt weird with no work. As I was writing a few notes down, I felt a tap on my shoulder.
I turned around looking up seeing Hamza. I moved myself a bit away from him and gave him a suppressed smile.
"Sallam" He smiled back
"Walikumsallam" I replied back looking back down
"Can I join you?" Hamza asked signalling to the seat in front of me. I kind of wanted him to sit with me, so I nodded in return.
Wait! what?! no, that's not what I want...Ugh it's too late I told him to sit down.
He walked to the other side of the table and took a seat in front of me. "Here on a Saturday...someone is dedicated," He said smiling taking out his stuff from his black bag.
"Yeah" I replied looking down, I didn't know what else to say.
I started writing again and both of us didn't speak for the next couple of minutes till Hamza broke the silence again between us.
"You're from Pakistan right?" Hamza asked looking at me with his hands on his laptop typing.
"My parents are, I'm from Jordan," I told him, not daring to look at him. It wasn't right now, was it.
"ah so you're an arab" Scrunching his nose
"what's wrong with that?" I asked him raising my eyebrows.
"Nothing I just am not a big fan of them"
"Um okay... there is nothing wrong with them but okay" I gave him a confused look. He was very confident unlike me.
"You don't talk much do you?"
"I do once I'm comfortable" My answers were direct. As much as I wanted to maybe make it into a conversation I knew I shouldn't and I needed to focus on my work
I guess soon after he got it, that I wanted to work, so both of us didn't speak for a good couple hours. I didn't know that was possible but I guess it is when there's a guy sitting in front of you.
I was now pretty tired and just wanted to go home it was about 7 in the afternoon, I didn't have enough energy to study. I also might have to do some work at home to do, if I exhausted myself here I wouldn't be able to do the work at home that is left for me.
What I mean by work is like cooking, washing the dishes, cleaning the house.
I started putting books in my bag and looked over at Hamza who was staring at his laptop.
"Um...Hamza..." I said quietly, I don't even think he heard me but it was worth a try.
His head quickly snapped towards me. "Yes...You leaving?" Hamza asked raising his left eyebrow
"Yeah, I kind of am tired, I also have to catch a train home so it's going to take longer," I told him
Hamza shut his laptop and crossed his arms on the table "I can drop you if that's not a problem with you" I gave him a suppressed smile in return. It was a nice offer but I don't know him first, second its not right, third if my parents knew I would probably get a beating so I had to say no.
"Um...It's okay I kind of want to take the train, thank you for the offer" I told him getting up.
"Your choice..., take care I'll see you on Monday yeah"
"Insha'Allah" I looked at his brown eyes that looked perfect.
"Insha'Allah" Hamza smiled copying me
"Take care asallamulikum" with that I turned around leaving the library. I was doing wrong I knew I shouldn't have looked at him right in his eyes but it was kind of tempting.
The walk to the train station was long it was about 15 min. Once I got there it was another 5 min wait for the next train to come. I couldn't stop thinking about him. what really got me thinking is if he is who I think he is...caring kind, religious?
I don't know, I guess time will tell, but one thing didn't make sense why was he talking to me? I mean I have heard that girls have died over him, like legit have tried flirting with him, kissing him. I don't know what type of a person he is but he sure does attract many women.
The ride home was okay, but there were many questions occurring in my head.
Once I was home, I prayed my evening prayer and sat down watching Netflix. I did need a break from studying and at this point, nothing was better than an episode of Suits. I didn't have any work left shockingly since everyone was out.
I was a third way in the episode until my phone was buzzing continuously. I didn't want to look at it because I knew if it were my parents they would straight up call instead of texting, but at this point, I was done with the buzzing.
I picked my phone up seeing 12 texts messages all from Hamza. What in the world did this man want?
I swiped right opening my phone, reading his texts.
Hamza- TEXT
Aliha- TEXT
Sallam
I just wanted to know if I did something?
Like to make you uncomfortable...
He continued on saying things that were quite unnecessary
Wasallam, No it's just I wanted to finish my work but um...
But um...?
If you do want to talk as I guess two individuals, I guess we can
Hahaha, aren't we talking like two individuals right now?🙃
yeah, yeah we are lol
how does tomorrow sound at 3?
I can't tomorrow, maybe Monday after classes?
sounds good to me, we can speak as two individuals haha
I facepalmed myself realizing I made myself look like an idiot. I put my phone down hiding my face in my knees.
I guess we are going to meet and have some time to talk instead of studying. He did seem like a nice person but I am not going to say anything more till I get to talk to him.
My heart started racing and I guess it was because I was excited to meet him, but it isn't even right. I mean aren't I trying to be a better muslimah, didn't I just come out of a toxic relationship.
What is going on?...I sighed loudly not realizing I was smiling widely.
Suddenly the door slammed open and I jumped at the noise.
"What are you doing?!" My mother asked in a stern voice, I didn't know she was home already. I didn't even hear her come in.
"Nothing I was just watching something" I replied back calmly. My mother came closer to my bed and picked my laptop up.
Yep you guessed it she didn't trust me, she never did. You know what's even better she admits to it.
Ya allah keep me strong...
My mom put my laptop down in less then two min and went back out telling me to come downstairs so I can make tea for my father.
The one thing that I was thankful for was that at least my parents knew that I didn't want to get married anytime soon and they haven't once forced it on me alhumdulliah.
I hope it stays that way and Insha'Allah it will.
Once I served tea to my father I went back to my room but this time I took my books out reviewing my notes.
I knew I had a message from Hamza but I also knew that I would be glued to my phone then. So I left his message unread till later.
The one thing I knew that was wrong is that I was developing feelings for a man that I hardly knew and have only seen.
That wasn't right, in no way, was it. I am still trying to recover from the last relationship.
--------------------
It was Sunday evening and I was about to head out. Yes, I haven't opened Hamza's text because I have other important things to do.
I was wearing a black dress with a belt around my waist along with an off-white hijab. I was going out to a place where they apparently serve good dessert.
I wasn't someone who had a big sweet tooth but I did like ice cream from time to time.
Once we got to the place, it was crowded we had to wait around 30 min to get a seat. I would have rather left, I mean it's 10 o'clock and we could go home and sleep or watch something but nope we are at a dessert shop.
I'm not being unthankful but we could do so much in just these hours.
When we got our table I sat in the corner letting my family order and I would probably just share because I knew if I ordered something it would go to waste. I know I wouldn't be able to finish it.
This was my head telling me what to say. The actual truth...the actual truth is that they didn't care. They didn't care if I eat or not, my family doesn't care what my opinion or worth is.
We ordered three sweet dishes and one poutine that my sister wanted. Once we all ate we went straight home.
I was tired but I had to read my isha prayer and finish some of my readings. I am a huge procrastinator and I think everyone knows that. I am trying to get rid of this habit but it's not really working.
I started slowly developing a headache and it became harder and harder to read. I turned the room lights off and turned on my side lamp closing my books.
I was stupid enough to grab my phone and opening the texts from Hamza.
Hamza- TEXT
Aliha- TEXT
Monday at 4 is okay with me wbu?
I looked at my schedule that I had saved on my phone and saw that I had a two-hour break from 3:30 till 5:30 so that sounded fine to me.
Yeah, that's fine I have class at 5:30...
immediately I got an answer
okay that's fine, where do you want to meet?
I guess infront of the library...
Okay see you then, IA
IA
With that, I shut my phone. I was not having it at this moment, my head was killing me and I really wanted coffee but it was too late and I wouldn't sleep at all, I needed my sleep so I can get up for fajr.
I closed my eyes trying to think of something that help my racing heart calm down,but at this point, nothing was calming me down. I wanted tomorrow to come so this heart of mine to calm down.
I kept turning on my sides looking at the time, it was 3 in the morning and fajr was in an hour. I don't know what to do.
I took a deep breath in and grabbed my counter that was sitting on my side table. I put the counter on my finger and started reciting a couple of surah and names of Allah.
The next thing I knew I was fast asleep.
The next morning I was exhausted. I woke up an hour later to read fajr then again I had trouble to sleep because of my headache.
I was on the train to Uni with my second cup of coffee in the last 1 hour. It was helping but i'm going to start to feel light headed later.
Once I was in class I took a seat next to Ayesha. "You look tired honey" Ayesha whispered to me as I took a notebook out.
"Walikumsallam to you too" I replied rolling my eyes.
"Just saying girl" Ayesha exclaimed
"I could hardly sleep last night, I didn't even finish my readings" I told her. I saw a slight smile forming on her face. She was so weird at times, at times I have no idea what in the world she is saying or thinking.
"Explain the smile" I said to her as I was writing down the date.
"Hide those bags before Hamza see's, he might know you were thinking of him all night" I widened my eyes at her turning around to her
"WHAT" I whispered yelled. how did she know?
"Do you Miss. Zafar have anything you like to share with the class?"
The professor looked at me and I bet everyone's eyes were on me, but I had no idea because I was sitting right infront
"No sir" I replied looking down.
"Alright then" the professor continued on with his lecture that he started.
I moved my hand underneath the table and poked Ayesha in the arm. I could hear her laugh slightly.
So I guess Hamza and Ayesha speak, I really now want to know how she knows and who told her, but I had to wait two hours till I can ask her and eventually scold her for saying that in class and saying it first thing in the morning.
Those two hours felt like two days and at the end of it I just wanted to grab Ayesha and get her to spit out everything she knew.
Once I was done packing my books in my bag I got up and grabbed Ayesha's arm.
"WOAH girl calm down" Ayesha Exclaimed.
"You have explaining to do so let's go," I told her and made her walk in front of me as fast as she could.
Once we got out of the lecture hall I grabbed the seats right outside and sat down Ayesha down.
"Explain to me how you know and who told you? It wasn't even supposed to be something for anytone to know of" I told her
Ayesha had a smirk plasterd on her face. I raised my eyebrows waiting for an answer looking right in to her brown eyes.
"Okay so um... Danya was told by Hamza that he was busy today, they were supposed to go somewhere but he said no and when Danya asked he told her he was meeting someone and I guess they said your name" Ayesha said crossing her arms
"AND...."
"Well then Danya asked me if I knew anything and I was quite shocked myself and well yeah...now tell me what this is all about?" Ayesha asked me
I rolled my eyes. I guess Hamza didn't want to lie so he was honest but many things were going through my head. Why was I thinking good of Hamza? What if he didn't care about telling anyone?
"Well we met at the library the other day and he and I were sitting at the same table working, later he contacted me on facebook and um we both wanted to talk after that, just as like two people," I told her leaving out many things.
She wouldn't understand first and I kind of want things to be kept private unless I need to tell them. I'd rather keep things to myself then tell others and Ayesha understood that quite well at times which is why she doesn't force me to tell her everything.
"Just like two people huhhhh..." Ayesha winked at me
I slapped her lightly on the arm "yes like two modest people" I told her getting up. I had to get to my next class and so did she.
"Fine, Fine but I kind of would like to know what happened," Ayesha said smirking at me. I shook my head putting my hand on my forehead.
"Sure...I have to get to class" Ayesha nodded and we both said Sallam to each other and parted our ways.
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I was done with most of my classes now the only class that was left was my English which was at 5:30. I was walking slowly towards the library it was a 15 min walk from my campus. I had earbuds in my ear listening to music. I use to be a big fan of the weekend and that stuff but I stopped listening to them only because I wasn't a fan of their vulgar music.
I looked at my wrist watch and it was 3:54 by the time I reached in front of the library. I found a tree to sit under and rest my head on. I was tired really tired, I have not had lunch and I was living off of coffee with almost just two hours of sleep.
Keeping my eyes open now was becoming a struggle and I didn't want to get another coffee because it wouldn't be healthy I already had three. Yes I got another one before my third class.
People know that that is all I drink. I use to drink chai but it became to light for me in caffeine so now I have got addicted to coffee with extra espresso.
I suddenly jumped at someone tapping my shoulder.
I turned around seeing it was Hamza who was laughing. I rolled my eyes getting up and taking out my earbuds.
"Sallamulikum" Hamza said in between his laughs
"Walikumsallam" I replied
"How are you?... Sorry that was so funny" Hamza said grinning
"Alhumdulliah and well yeah lol what did you expect," I told him furrowing my eyebrows towards him.
"Right okay, Well I haven't eaten so I was thinking of grabbin a bite. Have you eaten?" Hamza asked me
"Um no" and that very minute I looked up at him. He had big brown eyes which sparkled and his beard was perfectly trimmed and shaped around his face. He was smiling with his eyes looking directly down at me.