Mate? He's not my mate.
I would've felt the sparks by now, I would've felt more attracted to him. Then I remembered how he had made me feel this morning and nearly swooned. Of course I was attracted to him, but I didn't feel the insufferable pull towards him like I had heard mates could feel. He was too easy to brush to the side, to easily swept to the back of my mind.
"That's not true." I blurted, shaking my head in denial.
She looked up at me, having already started stitching. I looked down in bewilderment; I hadn't felt it at all. Maybe... -no, we aren't mates. "You don't feel it?"
"No, I don't feel any pain." I moved my eyebrow to see if it hurt, but she smacked me in the arm.
"No, child! The sparks! Do you not feel them?"
I looked at Helix, seeing his head cocked to the side. I scrambled to answer, "Well no. I mean, I feel attracted to him - a lot - but I don't feel the sparks."
"I feel the pull, but not the sparks." Helix suddenly spoke, his deep, timbre voice rattling my bones with a pleasurable ache.
"Interesting..." the doc replied, placing butterfly closures around the wound.
Seriously, how did she go that fast and how did I not notice??
"Have you shared an intimate moment yet?" She asked, placing all of her tools to the side to directly speak to us.
"Sort of. Nothing special though." He replied smoothly, as if our interaction this morning meant nothing to him.
I just lowered my head, pulling my hand out of his roughly and folding them in my lap. He gave me a confused look for a split second before giving the doctor a look to see if she might agree that I was acting childish. I knew if it were my parents across from me they'd immediately take his side, agreeing that I was just a sensitive baby. I ought to have been sent to my room for being disrespectful like this.
"It was obviously something special to her." The doc said gently, grabbing my hand and squeezing it lightly. "I guess you wouldn't know much about how a real relationship works, now do you, Helix?"
My jaw dropped.
He furrowed his brows immediately, growling deep in his throat, "Who gave you the authority to judge me and my relationships? Last time I checked, you didn't have a mate, so why are you so smart about this?" He said haughtily.
She gave him a piercing look, her gaze nearly ripping him to shreds, "Well, if you had any sense in your head, and if you were so good at the 'relationship thing', you wouldn't have said that moment meant nothing, when you know damn well it does. And don't let yourself believe for one second that I don't know the way you call her by that horrid nickname -sorry for the offense, dear." she addressed to me on a side note.
Helix stood up, knocking over a tray of tools. "Fuck you, Aunt Lana." I flinched.
For the first time since their heated argument started, I stood up. "Please, Helix, don't swear at her like that."
He suddenly turned his attention to me his venomous gaze never lessening, "This doesn't involve you! Now go to your room."
I was shocked at the harshness in his words. "You're sending me to my room?" I was aghast.
"Are you deaf?" He snarled, grabbing a chunk of my hair and using it to shove me towards the door.
I yelled in pain, my hands gingerly touching my scalp where many hair follicles were now non existent. I couldn't believe he would send me to my room, like an impudent child, then grab my hair and force me. I felt a sick feeling crawl up my throat, as the realization that being here might just be worse than living at home. His violence scared me, but only pissed off his aunt.
"You do not lay a hand on her!" She shrieked, pointing her finger in his face. "Did your mother not teach you anything?"
"Shove off, Lana." He smacked her hand away. "I swear to the moon goddess, Ninny, if you don't get out right this second-"
The door opened softly behind me and Phoenix poked his head in. He spotted me and grabbed my wrist, pulling me out of the crack in the door, right as Helix's hand slammed into the door, shutting it with a loud bang. The wall rattled. A small yelp escaped me and I jumped in fright.
"What did you do?" Phoenix said, sounding surprised. He led me away from the medical wing, nearly frantic.
"I-I don't know, she was getting on his case about our relationship and he got angry." I cried, my eyes still so wide I thought they might get stuck like that.
"Well did she insult him? That's the easiest way to make him violent." He said matter-of-factly.
"Well, I don't think it was really an insult... more of a scolding."
"Ouch." He said dryly.
"Hey, Phoenix." I pulled him to a stop, his grip on my upper arm tightening. "I know Helix told me to go to my room, but I have only a little bit of work left. Could I do it after lunch?"
He actually looked sorry when he uttered the next words, "That was an alpha command, I'm surprise you didn't notice since even I heard it through the door, that means you have to go to your room. It's not really something you can debate."
"What about lunch?" I asked.
"You'll miss that too." He grimaced. "He has to relieve you of the command, as you know." I nodded tiredly.
"I know."
He gave me an apologetic half smile before releasing me. "You know the way. Just don't dilly-dally, he will be angry if you don't go right away. I'll try to get him to release you early."
I just gave another nod and waited for him to leave the hallway. I didn't want to go to my room, I'd much rather finish my work in the library, since I had only a bit left of cleaning the shelves. He couldn't hurt me that bad if I disobeyed him, right?
I looked around feverishly, trying to see if I could find Phoenix anywhere. I took a tentative step towards the door when I should have turned down the hall. I saw no one. With more confidence, I took another step. However what confidence I had was torn to shreds when I heard a his voice, "Are you fucking serious?"
A hand latched onto my wrist and violently pulled me away from the library doors. I saw the angry face of Phoenix, but he was glaring straight ahead, dragging me behind him. My heart plummeted to my shoes, and I struggled to make an excuse for why I was breaking Alpha's command. I truly didn't feel as if I were under command. "I'm so sorry, Phoenix. I just am so close to being done cleaning."
He just shook his head, his eyes still blazing. His silence is what made me feel the most guilty about what I had attempted to do. Break alpha command over a library, really Florentine? Now I knew how silly it sounded. He tugged me down the two flights of steps and through the narrow, twisting halls that I had still yet to memorize.
When we passed the boiler and reached the wooden door, he jerked me to a stop. He suddenly forced my body up against the closed door by my upper arms, his body so close that I could smell his aftershave. I felt sparks shoot up my arms and my hands went numb, but not from his grip, it was different and I couldn't place it. Being this close to him rather than Helix had two completely different feelings. I felt anger with Helix, but when he had touched me I felt nothing but pleasure. With Phoenix I felt obvious fear for his violent ways, but I felt connected to him, as if I could run to him in a time of need. I didn't want to rely on him, so I tired to push that down.
His eyes burned holes through me as his eyes raked over my face, "Are you stupid?" I didn't answer, afraid of his harsh tone. He took that with anger and pulled my body away from the door a few inches before slamming me against it again, taking my breath away. I gasped and coughed, yet he ignored it. "Are you fucking stupid, Florentine?"
I rapidly shook my head, tears blurring my eyes. Was he going to hit me? "No..." I replied weakly.
His eyes softened in the slightest at my reaction, but he remained firm. "Then why in the fuck would you disobey a command? Do you want him to tear you apart? He will, even though you're his mate."
The tears rolled down my face and a sob escaped me, "I don't want him to be my mate!" I cried, anguish taking me over.
His hand slammed over my mouth, sealing my lips shut. "Do you want him to hear you? Crying that loud will sure get his attention, as it has in the past. And saying shit like that will not help your case whatsoever."
I tried to shake my head but his firm hand prevented my head from moving much. I felt tingles explode across my skin, making goosebumps rise on my arms, similar to the sparks from earlier. He slowly peeled his fingers away and let his hand go back to holding my arm tight. "If he's my mate, why doesn't he show me affection, or even acknowledge that were mates?" I ask, my tone much more hushed this time.
He sighed, "To fuck if I know. All he's told me is that something is missing. Somethings not quite there."
"The sparks." I finished for him, knowing exactly what he was talking about. The sparks I, for some reason, feel when you touch me.
"What about them?"
"They aren't there."
"What do you mean they're not there, they have to be there. That's impossible." He shook his head, not believing me for one second.
"Its true, when he would touch me-"
His face scrunched up, "Ew, I don't want to hear it."
"It was nothing bad. And apparently it didn't even matter to him..." I mumble. "They just weren't there." I finished with a sigh.
"That doesn't give you the right to break command. Do you know what he would do to you? Have you not heard the rumors?" He pressed, still having me stuck against the door.
I shook my head meekly, rubbing my eyes to get rid of the tears. "No."
"He will put a chain around your neck while in wolf form and leave you outside in a doghouse so everyone going by can see you. He will leave you there no matter what for a week with nothing but a bowl of water." His words made me shiver. "People have almost died, Florentine. You're already going to have some sort of punishment for the stunt you pulled in the room."
"But I didn't do anything..." I whispered, biting my nails in worry. I didn't want to get punished.
"Not to him. He hates people who get in his way or disagree with him. It's his most endearing quality." Phoenix muttered sarcastically.
A small smile found its way on my face and I giggled lightly. "I don't think he'd be thrilled to hear that."
"He won't." He said blankly. I couldn't tell if it was a threat or a light hearted joke, but I swore myself to secrecy. Mostly to protect from any backlash from Phoenix.
His hands slowly eased off of my upper arms where red marks circled around my biceps at his tight grip. He stepped back to allow me room to breathe, shoving his hands in his jean pockets. I rubbed my arms gently to get the blood flowing again, in the moment not having realized his grip hurt that much. I knew he wasn't going to say sorry, as he was Phoenix after all. I couldn't expect that much of him.
He took a deep breath, "Alright then. I don't know if he will come down here to talk to you, honestly though, it's doubtful. So I'll probably come down once he's done giving you your 'punishment'."
I hardly considered being sent to my room amiable punishment, but since I did nothing wrong, I guess it's whatever. "Thanks." I muttered, grabbing the door handle and twisting it.
I pushed through the door, not sparing him a glance back as I shut the door. I could hear his footsteps echo down the cement floor hallway, his boots loud and distinct. I flopped onto the small bed pushed up against the wall, the bed squeaking at the movement. I shifted into a more comfortable position, eliciting more groans from the bed frame.
I looked up at the ceiling, imagining Helix standing three floors above me in his posh office. I stuck two middle fingers at the sky, wishing he could see them and feel my wrath. I wanted to strangle him for toying with my feelings then throwing my heart in the wood chipper. Did he not see that I was hurting? I didn't know we were mates, he obviously did, why didn't he say anything? Why doesn't it feel like everyone always explained and fantasized about?
With a rush of anger and confusion I let a scream of frustration escape me and I slammed my fist onto the bed. I grabbed the single pillow on the bed and threw it at the door. My wolf strength had been amplified by my anger, and it thudded loudly, rattling the door. "I hate this place!" I cried fiercely, hoping Helix was listening in so I could just leave.
It didn't seem like he wanted me here, so why not just let me leave. I'm sure many pack women would love to marry him. I growled in anger, wanting more answers. I knew exactly where to get them. I stood up and walked to the shelf, snatching the leather diary from the row. I was ready to figure this crap out.