Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead.
~Adele
(Unedited)
{Clarys POV}
My hands fidget in my lap, clasping and unclasping around the open envelope so often that it's now well thumbed rather than crisp and expensive looking.
My stomach hadn't done so many flips in its life, but that could be from anything right? We were about to land and flights always make me nervous. It didn't help that the bloated man next to me was sleeping so heavily that he didn't hear the seatbelt announcement and was restricting me from properly securing my own.
But it wasn't that was it?
The airport is cool, almost freezing cold when i land and attempt to drag my heavy suitcase through the crowds of people. JFK was busy all year round but in the middle of June it was packed with tourists. Then again, at least it wasn't christmas.
"Clary!" I hear her before i see her and she comes charging at me nearly tackling me to the ground, her arms and legs around me. My case forgotten i cling to her, breathing her in like a complete weirdo because I've realised that's exactly what you become when you miss people. You notice things you hadn't before.
"Isabelle." I mumble into her hair and she's laughing so hard she's crying and climbs down. I don't even notice the tears on my own face till she's detached herself "My god, I've missed you." I sniff and she wipes at her face, completely clear of make-up probably because she knew it would get ruined.
I know mine is.
"Come on, come on, come on, we're on a strict time schedule." She grabs my hand and i barely manage to take the handle of my case again before she's dragging me like a small child.
"Izzy! Stop before you yank it off this case is heavy!"
"That's why I've brought muscle!" She exclaims behind her and apon exiting the airport i see she isn't lying.
The last time i saw Alec Lightwood in person was eight years ago and was still very much a shy seventeen year old. He smiles, his hands tucked casually into his jean pockets and his white shirt rolled up to the elbows. His hair was shorter now and well maintained that progressed into a tidy, short beard. My face breaks out into a smile and i leave Isabelle with my bag to run at him like he had me just minutes before.
Both of his strong arms come around me and I'm crushed against a rock hard chest and just notice that all of him is well-built, breathing in his cologne and feeling him shake with a deep chuckle.
"Clarissa, look at you gorgeous." He kisses the top of my head like a protective big brother and i look up at him at the ocean blue of his eyes.
"Me? Look at you Alec you're, you're-"
"Grown up?" He smirks in a way that makes my heart ache.
"Well i was going to say hot but sure." I tease and he shakes his head letting me go
"Hey! That's still my brother you know." Isabelle makes an 'I'm watching you' motion with her fingers as she passes him the bag
"Seriously though, the welcome party is in five hours so let's get a move on." She clicks her fingers and saunters in the direction i'm sure their car is parked.
"At the plaza?" I lower my voice to ask Alec who nods, ignoring various looks from young women as he passes.
"The very same." I can't tell from the look he gives me whether or not he particularly likes that idea
"How on earth did they get the money to throw it at the plaza?"
"Jen's parents paid for it. Upper east siders." Alec rolls his eyes and a feeling i'm increasingly becoming used to settled in my stomach. How posh, upper east siders huh?
"And they're cool just buying me a room there?"
"Ugh," Alec stalls lifting the case as he dodges through cars and opens the back door of a silver jeep to place it inside. Isabelle is already settled in the passenger seat "here's the thing Clary, you aren't staying there. Family isn't anyway. We're staying at my parents." He smiles awkwardly and the crushing revelation that I'll be under the same roof as him nearly knocks me flat.
"But-"
"He's at Jens. They live there." Alec can't look at me anymore, despite not being able to stop a second ago. They live there. How nice.
Isabelle smashes the horn
"Fiiiiiiiive hoooours" she calls out the window and Alec holds the back door open for me "Shall we?"
***
I take a deep breath. I've been sitting infront of this mirror, with that same god damn invitation on the vanity infront of me for twenty full minutes.
I had taken my sweet time getting ready. Making sure my pastel pink summer dress was straight and my make-up, however natural it looked was perfect. Each piece of jewellery from my plain silver rings to my matching dangling earrings and bracelets put on with great care.
Still i felt incomplete. Like no matter what i did something would always be missing.
"Clary sweetheart," Maryse calls from the other end of the door, startling me "we tried to give you some time to settle in and get ready but I'm afraid we'll be late darling if we don't get a move on." Maryse, from what Isabelle had told me, was home more often now and much more pleasant to be around. Something that had happened after divorcing Robert just a few years before. To say she had given me a warm welcome on my arrival would be an understatement.
"Yes of course," i grab my clutch, tucking the envelope into it "coming."
It's a tight fit in the car, which won't be the case for the rest of them come the wedding as the wedding party obviously travelled in style. But i suppose her parents weren't that rich if we were taking Isabelles Mercedes-Benz.
The biggest shock i must say was Max, wedged between me and the door in the backseat the twenty year old, who looked so much like his big brother, was in a suit. His hair swept back into an dated but highly fashionable do. I nearly killed him when i got my hands on him and wept for the innocent boy he was. He was going to break some hearts if he hadn't already.
"Nervous?" He asks, steadying my fidgeting fingers which I'm sure he picked up from his brothers and i laugh, slipping his hand from mine.
"Easy tiger or I'll tell your brother." I wink at him playfully and he smirks looking down at his own fingers
"Which one?" He braves, his brown eyes meeting mine again.
The little shit.
"Not to worry anyway Clary. Blondes are my type." Maryse reaches over me and slaps him on the leg
"How many times must i tell you, stop flirting with everything that moves." She can't help but smile herself and Isabelle chuckles from the front seat.
"He can hardly help it mother, he was raised by two wild animals." She points out "Three." Maryse replies, eyeing her in the mirror with the same smile she had given her son. Isabelle doesn't even object to that.
Deep breaths. Deep breaths. You belong here, this is your city. Look there's central park!
"Clary honey, you have to get out some time." Maryse, her face gentle reaches her hand out to me like the mother she is and allows me some time to take it. I think i was having a heart attack.
Don't be ridiculous, just take the womans hand.
"I know, yes." I nod and take her hand so she can help me in my heels out of the car.
"Are Alec and Magnus here yet?" She asks "Not answering their phones, worst case scenario i'd say they're stuck in traffic." Isabelle answers and Max types frantically on his own phone trying to locate his brother and his boyfriend with no luck.
"Oh hell." Maryse mumbles and turns her youngest boy in the direction of the Plaza hotel. Isabelle links her arm through mine.
"It'll be fine Clary don't worry." She pats me but I'm not so sure. My hands sweat just thinking about it.
My panic is momentarily forgotten when we step inside. I'm immediately blinded by the chandelier, hanging in all it's crystal glory and my hand drifts along the banister of the stairs flawlessly like it's made of silk.
In all my years in New York i had never seen inside the hotel. When Isabelle directs me to the Champagne bar i catch my breath for a second because despite the amount of people in here and of course the further, unnecessary but beautiful chandeliers shine at me. This place was full of them.
"There's some people here you'll know." Isabelle leans in close to tell me and points through the sea of upper class toffs to a muscular man in a black suit, nursing a drink. I'd recognise him a mile away even if his black styled hair hadn't given it away.
I detach myself from my best friend and squeeze through the crowd, desperate to get to him.
"Will!" I'm yelling, i don't care. "William!" A woman to my left tutts at my excitement and lets me shove my way past her just as he turns round
"Clary?" He squints at me making my way over like he can't believe his eyes and abandons the gentleman he was talking to despite him not having finished his sentence.
"Clary, fuck, it is you!" He grabs me, lifting me in the air in his arms and laughing "No way! I didn't know you were coming beautiful?" He pulls back to look at me and settles me on my feet again, his smile the brightest i've ever seen it.
"Did you come alone?" He looks around for my imaginary boyfriend before letting his eyes drift to me again "Yeah, yeah there's- noone." I tell him awkwardly and he brushes it off like its nothing.
"Oh well, gives you a chance to properly introduce yourself to eligible rich bachelor's." He winks and pulls away from me.
"You haven't changed a bit William." I smirk and he fixes his hair back again "Yeah well, i was already flawless so."
"Where's Tessa tonight? Is she here?" He shakes his head and grabs a glass of champagne from a passing waiter, handing it to me "At home with the kids, she's coming to the wedding but we couldn't find a sitter for tonight too." Poor girl. She was family, more so than i was, she deserved to be here.
"That's a shame, i was hoping to see her tonight. And the little ones." From the pictures i had seen on each of their facebooks both their young son and daughter were gorgeous. The perfect mix between mother and father. James had even inherited his uncles eyes.
Speaking of which.
"Are the happy couple here yet or-" the crowd erupts, a symphony of light cheers and applause that has me turning in the direction everyone is facing
"That would be the King and Queen arriving now." Will hums by my ear and sure enough, as the crowd parts i see them.
Jennifer is wearing gold, her long blonde hair pulled up into a very complicated and stunning updo and when the light of the chandelier hits her she lights up with them too like she was just as delicate and beautiful as they were. Her face was warm, with soft pink lips and her long legs I'm sure had every single man in the room seething with jealousy that they didn't belong to their own fiancees.
None of this is initially what bothers me. No. There were many beautiful girls, women, in the world. But not all of them were wearing a seventeen thousand dollar engagment ring from none other than Jace Herondale. As if just his last name wasn't enough. A ring he had his fingers enclosed over as he escourted his fiance into the room.
Yet still, that wasn't what bothered me. It was the way he was smiling at her, the way his whole face had been consumed by everlasting love and adoration. That is what made me lightheaded.
"Clary love, are you alright?" Will has his hand flat against my lower back, his blue eyes searching me and somehow, somehow i manage to smile "I'm fine, just the champagne. Wwnt straight to my head."
He peers at the full glass in my unsteady hand and says nothing.
"Doesn't she look beautiful. Like an angel." An older woman with severe amounts of botox chirps up from infront of us to what i presume is her husband who agrees, watching the young woman. The couple of the evening chat animatedly to a man who is very clearly Jennifer's father and i look as long as i can before he points out Will in the back corner and of course myself.
Despite the distance, the second our eyes meet across the room there's a crack. Something strong and powerful in his shocked expression and the way he moved around his partner to get a better look even if we both knew for certain he knew what he was looking at.
Jennifers father continues to try have a conversation with him and out of politeness he nods and is rewarded with a confused expression from both his fiance and her father as clearly it wasn't a yes or no question.
His hair is shorter than it was when i knew him and his jaw is sharp and angled, setting off his face perfectly and twice as handsome as i remember. Jace Herondale was still the most beautiful man i have ever laid eyes on and he was coming this way.
He marches, smiling at guests as he passes and avoiding their conversation. William senses that he isn't coming for him and so mingles with the crowd once more as I'm yanked by the arm under a large marble looking corridor and into a small empty room.
"Jesus ow, what is it with you people and yanking?" I tear my arm from his grip and look around at the few empty tables and chairs in the room
"Sorry." He mumbles, his voice deep and although i hate to admit incredibly sexy. He notices how close we are and steps back to pace around the room, stuffing one hand into his suit pants and dragging the other through his blonde hair.
"What the hell are you doing here?" He spins, pointing a finger at me accusingly like I've done something wrong. I'm at a loss for words.
"I- well, you invited me." I remind him and he chuckles a little like I'm completely mad
"No i didn't. Why would i invite you to my wedding?" His smile is malicious and i knew that even if he had invited me out of kindness that eventually it would fade. I couldn't really blame him.
But what the hell does he mean he didn't invite me?
"It's your handwriting on the envelope!" I whisper yell at him despite the fact that nobody else will be able to hear us. When he still looks baffled i reach into my clutch to fetch it, holding it out to him, bent corners and all. He's hesitant, like I'm a wild animal that could lash out at him but eventually comes to take it from me before stepping away again.
I'm embarassed when he slips the invitation out to inspect it and closes his eyes very briefly.
"Isabelle you- shit." He whispers to himself before kicking at one of the vacant chairs violently and sending it clattering to the floor "fuck!"
"What's going on?" I demand because he was acting like a child and he holds the cream card in the air
"I wrote it but i- i was never going to send it. It was in my study. Alec must've told her about it."
"What?" I thought that maybe the invitation had been a joke. To rub it in my face but the fact that he couldn't bring himself to send it crushes me. It plants a large, ugly seed inside me that twists up all of my organs and grows into something frightening and restricts me from breathing.
"Clary how could i have sent it? The writing for the address is different i don't even know where you fucking live." He spits the last part out and i flinch even if he is far away.
"Look that was-"
"No." He shoves the invite back at me
"I'm not going to discuss the last eight years with you. Not now, not ever. And especially not at my wedding." He's pointing again but his voice falters in a way it hasn't since i left him.
"Jace," i try but he races for the door behind me "Jace wait."
He's directly infront of me now, both of us wedged in the doorway and our hearts racing against each other.
"Please don't Clary, i'm begging you. Don't." He's so dangerously close, our noses almost touching if he leans down a little which he wont and the way he whispers it brings tears to my eyes.
"Jace-"
"If you ever loved me Clarissa," he cuts me off and the gold of his eyes captures me making me understand that despite what had happened it is still raw for him, if even slightly "don't do this."
I can't speak. Not to him. Not to Jace when he was this close and begging me not to touch him or look at him too fondly. Begging me that if i ever loved him i should stop whatever he believed i was doing. I had taken away the assurance he once had from me that he was my whole world and that was the worst thing i had ever done in my twenty-four years.
"You can come to the wedding but after that you have to leave. You can't stay here." It reminds me that this isn't my city. Not really, not anymore. And he opens the door the best he can and slips out into the corridor.
***
"You look like you're enjoying yourself?" A voice perks up beside me from where i'm seated, near enough chugging champagne and watching people mingle.
"Do i?" I turn to it and realise "it" isn't so bad looking. He smiles like i amuse him and pours himself a glass
"Sure, if by enjoy i meant would rather die." He clinks flutes with me and downs his own glass.
"I never did like weddings." He looks off towards the people infront of our table. His hair a very light, messy brown and the stubble on his jaw tells me he didn't care enough about the occasion to shave. Which i liked. Alec had shaved his entire beard off.
"Why are you here then?" I ask him and his complicated, forest green eyes settle on me again. He can't help but smirk.
"Moral obligation." He explains and pours himself another glass.
"What about you, Friend of the family?" Friend of the family. That is what i was wasn't it. Jace hadn't invited me himself.
"Something like that."
"Are you a friend of Jennifer's or?"
"Her cousin. And also a groomsman." He raises his glass across the room to Jace who's looking over probably to check i'm on my best behaviour. The blonde barely smiles back.
"He's been in a sour mood all night." The man mumbles beside me, raising his eyebrows.
I'm not particularly in the mood to discuss Jaces mood.
"Why'd he pick you?" I find myself asking because Isabelle hadn't mentioned him, whoever he was.
"What am i not handsome enough?" He grins and i shake my head, chuckling slightly.
"We met through College, it's how he met my cousin." Ah, of course. He was mingling with the upper east siders in college.
"I'm Ethan by the way. Nice to meet you." He reaches his large yet delicate looking hand out for me to shake. Ethan... the lawyer? Isabelle had mentioned him. Or, how hot he was actually but i was barely paying attention.
"Clarissa."
His eyes narrow very slightly as he pulls his hand back.
"The artist?" What the fuck?
"Yeah..."
"Isabelle tried to set me up with you once. Used the term "Freak in the sheets"" He smirks again and my face goes absolutely beetroot read.
"She didn't." Sweet lord Isabelle why?
"She did i'm afraid but naturally i turned her down. I had this image of you being a real sex pest." He erupts with laughter when i whack him with my clutch
"I'm kidding, i'm kidding!" He smiles.
"Look this is all very glamerous and everything but if i eat another miniature anything i think I'm going to scream, fancy going for a hot dog?" He hooks his arm like I'll slide my own through it but the question only confuses me
"Aren't you supposed to love this stuff? Being from money and all?" I raise an eyebrow at him and he scoffs.
"Please sweetheart, i'm not from here. My uncles the rich one. My dad is a mechanic." And with that i decide that yeah, fuck yeah i want a hot dog.
Although it's summer time the cold night air still wraps itself around my ankles. Without Ethans suit jacket over me i might have been freezing.
His white shirt underneath is tucked into a pair of fitted, grey suit trousers which he has slid both of his hands into the pockets of as we stroll around New York.
"I haven't been here in years." I admit feeling incredibly guilty.
"Yeah, i haven't seen you around the family before. Something about you lived in Miami."
Miami. I didn't miss it one bit. I didn't miss seeing thousands of old people with barely any clothes on. I didn't even miss the young people there who did that or the beach.
"I might be moving back." I haven't discussed this with anyone yet, not even Isabelle in our weekly phone calls and decide it's safe to tell Ethan. We hardly know each other so it's not like he would try talk me out of it.
"What's stopping you?"
"It's complicated." He really had no idea how complicated it was. Even if i didn't enjoy Miami, i didn't have to worry about bumping into Jace there. And i especially didn't have to worry about bumping into his soon to be wife.
He pulls his hand from his pocket and leans against a very lavish building. We had walked for forty minutes just to get to his favourite hot dog place, which turned out to be so worth it, before taking a stroll around New Yorks Upper East Side
"Are you in love with someone here? Someone from the party?"
The guy is psychic and he's onto me.
"No. Why would you think that?"
"Why else would you be running and hiding?" Hiding?
"I'm not running and hiding from anyone you invited me to get food."
He thinks about that for a minute before nodding "Yeah, you're right. But maybe i'm running and hiding too." It hadn't occurred to me.
"So who's your lucky lady, or... guy?"
He doesn't correct me but something about the way he's looking at me tells me he's straight. Or at the very least Bisexual. Then again, we once thought Alec was straight.
"Some things are best kept secrets, huh?" He's grinning. He looks up at the building behind him then back at me.
"So this is me. You're more than welcome to come up." He slips his hands back into his pockets and i roll my eyes. Does he think i was born yesterday?
"I'm not having sex with you Ethan." The smile stays put on his face
"Nobody is asking you to. We could just have Coffee then I'll phone you a cab."
"Coffee is code for sex." I giggle but it's short lived because i can't believe that any time the word is even mentioned i can't think about anyone but one man. It's incredibly frustrating.
He pushes himself off the wall and comes to stand infront of me, brushing some curled, loose hair from my eyes.
"Clary, Coffee is code for Coffee. If you want it to end there then that's where it'll end." I felt guilty that i was thinking about someone else even if Ethans intentions were innocent until i made the move but he was kind and he knew very little about my broken heart, other than perhaps how it felt.
"Coffee." I point at him and he holds his hands up in surrender.
"Coffee." He repeats.
"I like Coffee."
***
{Alecs POV}
"Good morning dearest sister." I joke on my way into my mother's house at her stood in the hallway in her pyjamas "get dressed, we're having breakfast at Takis." Magnus groans from behind me, making a B line for the kitchen probably in search of some aspirin. He and whiskey didn't mix too well.
"Alec, lower your damn voice. It's six o'clock in the morning." The raven haired girl complains and grips her head. The drinking had continued here last night, for us anyway.
"Isabelle it's eight and I'm using my regular voice." Lightweight.
"You are not." Magnus exists the kitchen with a glass of water and his shades still on.
"What the fuck is happening?" Jace questions on his way down the stairs looking more put together than me even. He'd went to bed when he came in, he was staying here until the wedding it turns out.
"We're going for breakfast like old times, where's Clary?" I direct the last part at my sister and she yawns loudly "At Ethans, she stayed there last night." Her hands fly up over her mouth the second she says it and Magnus sinks back into the kitchen and shuts the door. Traitor.
"She what?" My brother enquires and I'm not sure how to address the situation. I mean, he was engaged, due to be married. Why were we still dancing around the subject?
"She stayed at Ethans last night. Probably fucked him. Can we all get dressed please? I need Coffee." Magnus deciding that he wasn't as shy as he had previously made out speaks through the gap in the now open door. Isabelle quickly dismisses herself to get changed but Jace doesn't move a muscle.
"She doesn't even know him?" He tries and Magnus takes my hand from beside me now. I wasn't going to stop him. He had a point, he almost always did.
"So? It's a wedding and she's a grown woman. She doesn't need permission to sleep with someone and least of all from you." You shouldn't get into an argument with Magnus post-hangover and pre-caffeine, he was no stranger to obliterating people in such a state.
"So she just shows up and starts screwing my guests?" He snaps
"Who's screwing whose guests?" I nearly jump out of my skin at the sound of her voice and whip my head in her direction. She closes the front door and hangs a grey suit jacket up on a hook.
"Nobody." Magnus quickly tries to repair the situation with no luck
"You. I specifically told you not to mess with my wedding or you're out!" He comes down the stairs just as she hurls an envelope at him that I'm assuming is his invitation.
"Guys, stop." I reach out to them but Clary yanks her arm away from me now directly infront of the soon to be groom.
"This is getting out of hand." I tell my boyfriend who doesn't agree or disagree.
"What exactly am i doing to ruin your precious wedding?" She asks him and his jaw works as he looks at her yet still his stance isn't a threatening one. He's standing so close like he might kiss her rather than hit her.
"Well for one sleeping with anyone who gives you a passing glance isn't helping."
Oh sweet hell.
"Clary," i take her by both arms now before ironically having to pick her up bridal style, although not without a fight "come on, it's not worth it. He's stressed out."
"Fuck you!" She calls over my shoulder, nearly deafening me while i try to carry her up the stairs "I didn't sleep with him asshole i just crashed at his. Don't you dare insinuate i'm some kind of cheap slut!" I can see my brothers face from the second landing, some kind of mixture between relief and aggression.
But most of all regret.
"I- i'm sorry i just-"
"Leave it Jace." Magnus takes him by the shoulder, leading him to the livingroom.
"Alec put me down for god sake." She wriggles and i sigh dropping her onto her feet outside her room.
"Thank you."
"You two need to sort out your issues and you need to do it before Friday. You have an opportunity for you both to apologise and you're wasting it screaming and accusing each other." Isabelle had thought it would be a great idea to send out Jaces invite. I however wasn't entirely convinced. She had seen it as some kind of sign that he had forgiven her but couldn't bring himself to say it. Isabelle had always been naive to Jaces ways though. Even as kids.
Jace hadn't forgiven her, that much was very clear from his aggravation but instead still loved the red head. Despite everything. I know better than anyone that forgiveness is a choice or more so one than love. You didn't avoid talking about someone if it caused you no pain and Jace hadn't asked for the woman in years.
Yet he wrote her an invite.
"He started it." She mumbles like a toddler and i have to pinch the bridge of my nose to stop myself from yelling.
"I don't care who started it just fix it. And get changed, we're going to fucking Takis whether you two like it or not."
PROJECT REUNION.
Chapter one 😚 it's really shitty though for a first chapter. Apologies for that.
But thoughts regardless?
Until next time,
Kirsten. 🌸