march 12, 2013
11:02 pm.
dear ashton,
i've been so sad lately. this whole cancer thing is depressing as shit and to top it all off i'm left with the fact that you aren't doing so well either.
it tears me apart inside, ashton. knowing that my sickness is causing you to get depressed again is absolutely making me mad. i barely even get out of the house anymore, unless i have to go to chemo.
oh, and in a month i get my stats back to see if my treatment has been helping. yay. (note the sarcasm.)
i have lost a lot of motivation to do things. fuck, i don't even want to go to the park to see you anymore. seeing you would just remind me of how i'm ruining you, and i don't think i could handle that.
so for the past two thursdays you have been left alone at the park, probably wondering where the hell i am. gosh, you probably hate me, sorry.
my mother wants to send me to a therapist, because aparently i haven't been handeling this too well.
i have cancer and i could die at any moment and my best friend ever possibly hates me!! LIFE IS GREAT!
no, mom, life is not great. and i don't need a therapist to tell me that.
since i haven't been doing much of anything lately, i have spent a lot of time thinking about you.
gosh, ashton. i fucking love you. and as much as i try to convince myself that i don't it never works because these feeling i have for you are more than real.
it just fucking hurts so much to know that you more than likely don't feel the same way.
this pain i feel in my heart everyday now is excruiciating.
this whole falling in love thing hurts more than any type of cancer i could have been diagnosed with.
forever,
venus
-
THIS GOT FIVE HUNDRED READS WHAT THE LITERAL FUCK
I LOVE YOU GUYS SO MUCH
AND NOW ITS ALMOST AT SIX HUNDRED READ LIKE WHAT THE HECKY BECKY
WHOS BECKY
I DONT KNOW
BUT ANYWAYS THANK YOU SO MUCH!
probs gonna update twice tonight because i aM PUMPED