“I’ve only ever seen the Queen in battle once.” Erik’s eyes were far away, his voice held a note of awe as he remembered, “she is a blur, a whirl wind of snow and ice. She freezes her opponents even as they move against her.”
“Freezes them?” My voice sounded high and strained. I remembered Loki telling me I wouldn’t be able to freeze him, “I thought frost and fire sort of canceled each other out.”
“Usually they do.” Erik nodded. “That’s why we fight more effectively with swords. But a very powerful jotun can overcome the powers of his enemy. The Queen is extremely powerful, she can do so without thought. But if you were to try to freeze Loki for instance…” here he raised his eyebrows, and I tried not to blush, “you would have to try very hard. You are lucky in that you have frost blood in you, it will be harder for the Queen to freeze you.”
“Why?”
“Our powers aren’t meant to be used against our own kind. It’s nearly impossible to freeze your own kin.”
This reminded me of my fight in the hallway with lady Edda, how furious I had been. How the ice crackled under my fingers and she had shrieked in surprise. “I think…I think I’ve done it,” I said hesitantly. When Erik looked confused I continued hastily, “On lady Edda, when we were fighting. It wasn’t much ice, but the way she reacted you would have thought I’d stabbed her.”
Erik was steadying me with interest. “Because you’re not supposed to be able to do that.” He smiled suddenly. “You continue to surprise me, Amo- Megan.”
“Thanks.” I folded my arms over my chest, trying to ignore the fact that he’d almost called me by that name. I was beginning to hate it.
“How are the dreams?” he said abruptly. “Have you had any lately?” Erik was looking at me eagerly, like he was hoping I would admit that I had. The light in his eyes made me back up a step. Did he somehow think he was communicating with his dead love through me? That he could still hear about a part of her in my dreams?
I shook my head. “No, I haven’t had any more lately.”
He looked crestfallen. “Ah, I was hoping she would surface to help you in battle.”
Battle. He was right. My skin prickled all over. I hadn’t had any dreams lately, did that mean I had lost my ability with the katana? My wide eyes must have communicated panic, because Erik drew his sword from the scabbard with a ringing of metal on metal. He brandished it, waiting for me to draw my sword. I pulled the katana from the scabbard with shaking hands.
He swung without warning, and my arms went up automatically, the weight of the blow vibrating through me as I blocked his sword. The clash of steel echoed in the huge empty training room. He danced backwards and swung again, and I countered just as smoothly. The movements seemed as natural as breathing. Relief flooded through me, and Erik finally stepped back, thrusting his sword back into the sheath at his hip. He dragged one hand across his brow and nodded, satisfaction evident on his face, “Dreams or no, you’re still doing fine. I don’t know too much about genetic memories, but I think it’s safe to say that the sword skill is in there for good.”
Thank god for that. The subject brought up a question I’d been wondering about. “Speaking of genetic memories….when I first met the girls they had dreams too. What does that mean?”
Erik waved one hand in the air, as if this wasn’t significant or important, “The Queen sent out soldiers to imprint on the girls. She had this idea that she would breed super soldiers that knew how to fight straight out of the womb. It didn’t work very well. So when it came time to imprint on you, she made sure she did the magic herself, to make sure nothing went wrong.”
“So they have some too?” I said slowly. Super soldiers, how creepy was that?
“In a manner of speaking.” Erik appeared ready to dismiss the subject now. “I think we should work on your freezing now, since you have the sword play down still. We’ll do more of that later.” He glanced up at the old clock mounted on the wall, “I’ve only got you for ten more minutes, so let’s start. How easily are you pushing away the mental block I was telling you about?”
“It’s easier now,” I admitted. “It still takes me some time.”
Erik took a step forward and grasped my hand, his fingers cool and strong. He flipped my hand over and traced his fingertips over my palm, tickling me.
“Your power is already inside you. Just waiting here to get out. You don’t have to say any magic words, or do a spell or anything. You have something in you naturally that holds it back, that is holding back the magic all the time. It’s the block. You’re still releasing it a little bit at a time. If what you say is true, and you froze Edda when you were angry, then you have plenty of power in you. You just need to let yourself set it free. Pull down the mental block within you and unleash your potential. You’ve probably clamped down on it, since you’re afraid to hurt people. Did you have bad experiences at first?”
The memories came flooding back, his lips on mine, his hands tangled in my hair. His hot mouth turning cooler and cooler. Opening my eyes to see his frozen lashes and blue lips. Fleeing the room in panic and lying awake later that night and many nights after that. I still didn’t know what had happened. Did I kill him? Did his parents come into his room later to find him thawed out, lying on his damp comforter, dead? Or did he wake up and shake it off? Maybe he took a hot shower and he was okay now. Maybe he was telling everyone in high school that some freak had frozen him with a kiss.
Erik’s voice was gentle, his thumb was making circular motions on my palm now, stroking my hand. “I’m going to guess by your expression that something happened. I won’t ask you what.”
I couldn’t look at him, I just stared at his feet and mumbled my thanks. I didn’t want to talk about it.
“Megan, look at me.” Erik slid a finger under my chin and tilted my head back, forcing me to look up at him. “Listen to me,” he said firmly, “you cannot hurt anyone here. You’re in a castle filled with your own kind. You can let loose and I promise you won’t hurt anyone. And once you’ve broken free of the restraints you’ve built for yourself, I can teach you properly. I can tell you how to harness your power and use it with precision.”
I swallowed, gulping air in, trying to smile. “Okay. That sounds good.”
Finally he let my hand go and stood back. “Look, we’ll start out small. Have a seat on the floor.”
I glanced down at the hard stone floor and looked at him quizzically. “Okay.”
He grinned. “We’re going to meditate. You’ll have to have the strength of will to get past how much your butt hurts.”
I snorted, but obediently sank down onto the floor, copying Erik, who had sat down cross legged and placed his elbows on his knees.
“Shut your eyes,” he murmured. “Now, search yourself. Go deep into your head, examine what’s going on in there. Forget your worries, forget where you are. Just blank your mind. When you get to that state, you’ll be able to completely access the spot that’s holding you back.”
I tried to shut my eyes and make my mind blank, but all I could think about was Loki, and the war, and having to kill the Queen. This was going to take more than one lesson.
After “meditation” I bid Erik goodbye and headed for the stables, hands shoved in my pockets, shuffling my way down the stone passageways. My feet felt heavy. I didn’t want to get on the horse again. I was still aching, still scared it would decide it hated me and kick me or something. When I arrived at the stable it was obvious I was a few minutes early. Vidar wasn’t there yet, only a few shy stable boys who looked at me and quickly glanced away again.
Sigurd poked his face over the top of the stall, observing me sternly.
“Hey,” I said, but I stayed back, unsure if he wanted me to approach or not. What if he bit me? I’d seen that happen before, on movies and stuff. It didn’t look fun. Footsteps behind me. I whirled around, a sarcastic greeting already on my lips. To my surprise it wasn’t Vidar.
Marian was standing there with her hands on her hips. She was wearing a loose fitting brown dress today, with a silver chain belt slung low over her hips. Her hair stood up in spikes and her eyes were bright, studying me with interest.
“Oh…hey,” I said. “I guess you like horses, huh?”
She nodded, smiling. Marian swept forward silently, pointing to me and raising her eyebrows. A question.
“Do I like them?” I guessed.
She nodded.
“Um…sort of,” I stammered, “they’re okay.”
Marian smiled knowingly. She put her hands up by her face and pretended to flinch back, then she straightened up and pointed at my chest.
“Afraid?” I said indignantly. “I’m not afraid.”
Marian smirked. Before I knew what was going on she strode forward and grabbed my wrist firmly.
“Hey,” I protested as she dragged me forward, right into the stables, toward Sigurd. She stopped in front of the stall and looked at me pointedly, placing her left hand on the horses’ long nose, her right still firmly grasping me so I couldn’t run away.
“I don’t…”
She interrupted me with a pointed look and a jerk of her head.
I sighed. “Fine, okay.” She stood back and let my wrist go, giving me a little shove in the small of the back. The message was clear. I reached up and placed my hand on the horses’ nose,
“I’ve done this before you know,” I said haughtily, “at the last lesson. See, I’m not afraid…”
Sigurd jerked his head up abruptly, and I jumped back with a gasp. When I turned around Marian’s shoulders were shaking with laughter. Again she put her hand in the small of my back and shoved me forward. Go again, okay, that was obvious.
“Okay, alright,” I grumbled. “I’m just jumpy.”
Sigurd looked at me with patient brown eyes while I placed my hand back on his nose. Marian placed her hand on top of mine, pushing it downwards. She wanted me to stroke him. Okay, I stroked Sigurd’s nose carefully, still leaning away.
He seemed to be regarding me critically. When I glanced over at Marian she had a very similar expression on her face.
“What?” I said defensively. “I’m petting him, aren’t I?”
Marian leaned forward and placed her hand on the side of Sigurd’s neck, leaning in to give him a good scratch, she was so close to him that her head and shoulder was pressed up against the big horse. She looked at me pointedly.
“Are you trying to tell me to stop being afraid?” I crossed my arms over my chest. She was nodding. I sighed, forcing myself to lean in closer to Sigurd. To my surprise the horse snorted softly and nudged me. His eyes were warmer now. Was it possible he was looking at me with approval?
Marian fished into her pocket and took out a little brown cake. She took my hand and placed it carefully on top of my palm, demonstrating that I should hold my fingers flat and offer it to the horse. I did, a little nervous. Sigurd bent his neck slightly and sniffed at my offering, then he opened his mouth, his floppy lips brushing across my palm as he devoured it. I couldn’t hold back a giggle. It felt really strange.
Marian was grinning and nodding, still stroking his neck. She put her hands up and raised her eyebrows. See?
I did. Sigurd wasn’t going to bite me, or step on me. He was nice. What’s more, I suspected that he was warming up to me as well. There was something about him that was so much better than a normal horse. Something told me he was far more of a personality.
“Do you think he likes me now?” I said anxiously.
Marian’s eyes crinkled at the corners when she smiled. She nodded.
“Okay I’m glad. I think I was afraid that he was going to hate me.”
She nodded and turned, gesturing for me to follow her. We went down the center of the stalls, ignoring the staring stable boys. Marian popped into the tack room and reemerged carrying all the gear that I’d seen Vidar use to saddle up the horse last time.
I stared at her. “You know how to saddle him?”
Her eyes crinkled again. She just reached out and plunked the saddle into my arms, knocking the wind out of me slightly. Some answer.
I trailed after her. Marian flicked the latch on the stall and opened the door. Sigurd seemed to know what was expected of him. He stepped out slowly and then stayed in one spot once he was out. Marian showed me how to put the gear on. She did it way slower than Vidar had, one step at a time, then she made me repeat it right after she had, guiding my hands even. When we’d finally saddled him (twice) she held out her arms and wiggled her eyebrows at him. As if to say, “ta da!”
I couldn’t help feeling a surge of pride. Even if she’d helped I had sort of done it myself, the second time that is. Marian gestured at me to climb up, and I took a deep breath and put my foot in the saddle, hauling myself up onto Sigurd’s back.
This time I was ready when he surged forward. We left the shelter of the stables and emerged into the light, and Sigurd took me around the ring, already knowing exactly where he was expected to go. This time it was vastly different. My shoulders felt relaxed, I wasn’t tensed in the saddle. It was a relief. He wasn’t going to throw me. He wasn’t going to stomp on me. Marian thinks he likes me.
When I glanced over at her she gave me a wide grin and two thumbs up. I straightened in the saddle as Sigurd did another lap, feeling incredibly happy. We came around a second time, and this time Loki and Vidar were standing behind Marian. Vidar’s mouth was hanging open, and Loki looked delighted.
“Hey,” he exclaimed. “She looks great!”