Chapter Nineteen
I was wrong about Kingsley, he's a bigger whore than I ever could possibly imagine.
Unlike what I had expected, we didn't pick up Kingsley's date on the way to the party. It turns out he did have one and I soon found out as soon as we walked through those cherry wood double doors. He didn't come here to party. He came here to pick up girls.
As soon as we entered the party, which was being held in some kind of ballroom, Kingsley left my side to meet some redhead in the corner. I watched as they giggled back and forth shamelessly and really considered waiting the party out in the car but thought better of it.
How often do I get this dressed up? Hell, it's hard to even get me in a dress, let alone makeup. I need to make the best of this situation. I need to get out on that dance floor and shake it like my momma gave me. Maybe I'll snag a dance partner on the way.
Ignoring the manslut in my peripheral I strutted out to the middle of the ballroom floor where there were a few couples slow-dancing to the classical music playing in the background. I tried to spot out someone-anyone-who looked like they wanted to dance or even talk, but I didn't find anyone. Everyone had a date. Besides Kingsley and his whores, I'm the only one without one.
How pathetic. This is high school all over again.
Groaning I lowered my head to the floor. What the hell kind of party is this anyway? Where's the DJ? The screaming bodies pounding into me? Where the hell is the bar? I need a drink.
No, my sensible side told my inner self. You cannot drink because you have to drive Kingsley home!
Sucking up the disappointment I felt bubbling in the pit of my stomach I made my way to the patio and strolled down the stairs into the garden. The silence is thick and welcomed compared to inside with all of those people I don't know. They're all rich and important--that's the only thing I could decide from their clothes and tastes in liquor--they are not people I could find myself actually being interested in anyway.
At least that's what I'm going to tell myself as I walk through this flowery wonderland alone. No need to admit to myself what I already know. That I'm a complete loser.
Ugh, what is with all of this self-pity all of a sudden? I scrunched my nose at myself and shook my head. All of this just because Kingsley didn't ask me to be his date? What am I, some jealous lover?
"Aren't you feeling well?"
"Holy fucking shit!" I scream into a very familiar face, but the lighting out here is terrible.
"Is that how you always greet people?" Evan asked.
"Uh, ah, no..." I say dumbly, looking down at my hands. Wow, how embarrassing! "W-what are you doing here? Didn't you tell me you don't get out much?"
He chuckled. "I suppose I'm not as much as a hermit as I let on. I'm here on business, to make a deal with one of the artists here."
"Oh really?" I say engagingly. He's never told me where he's worked before. Slight interest aroused in me. "What kind of deal?"
"I work for a Salon nearby and they want to showcase a few different styles of art. I hear Kingsley Thomas is a fantastic realism artist."
Now why the hell did he have to go and mention Kingsley? And right when I was starting to forget about the ass hole too. Damn men and their ignorance.
"Is that so?" I say without a clue, even though I know fully well how great of an artist Kingsley is, especially his work with realism. You won't see anything like his anywhere else in the world. He's that amazing.
"Yes," he told me, a charming smile playing across his lips. Staring at his mouth I was reminded of the last time we met. When we kissed and I felt nothing-completely nothing at all.
"Hmm," I say, just to fill the silence. "So have you talked to him yet?" I crossed my arms over my chest and stared across the distance of the garden. It's quite a remarkable scene. Purple and red mixing with oranges and yellows. There's nothing but trees and flowers and a small pond where a few birds bathed. The air is scented heavily with the perfume of roses and forget-me-nots.
"No, haven't gotten the chance," he says smirking. "It seems he's quite the ladies man."
"You can say that again," I muttered under my breath, but I didn't think he caught it.
"What was that?"
"I said, we should really hang out again," I lied.
"I think I would really enjoy that," he replied confidently, as if he knew I could barely keep my hands off of him. Wow, Evan, get real. You're not that great.
I smacked his chest, but before the back of my hand could make contact with him he grabbed my wrist and pulled me close, his other hand going to the small of my back.
"What are you doing?" I breathed across his mouth. We were so close. I could feel the heat between us setting my skin and cheeks on fire.
I don't want this! I want to scream at him. I don't love you Evan, can't you see? The only one for me is...
Suddenly I was ripped out of his arms and thrown into something hard. My surprised gasp was covered by a soft, warmness that crashed into my mouth violently. This close I couldn't make out the features of his face, but I knew it was Kingsley. Only he could kiss me so forcefully and possessively and yet so gentle and seductively. I wanted to wrap my legs around his waist and make him lay me down in the garden in front of everyone but thought better of it. My judgment is seriously warped when I'm around him.
"Kingsley?" I try to say in a pissed-off tone, but it comes out as a sigh. Dammit! He's going to think I enjoyed that! Even if I did, he doesn't need to know it!
"Hey, man, what the hell are you doing?" Evan says from behind me. I didn't have to turn around to see how angry he was. I could hear it in his voice.
"Yeah, what the hell are you doing Kingsley?" I pushed him away forcefully but he wouldn't budge. Next I tried to unwrap his arms from around my waist, but couldn't do that either. He wouldn't even let me turn around to look at Evan.
"Don't fuck with my girl," he shoots at Evan, deadly as a bullet. His grip grew tighter around me and I fidgeted in his arms. What is his problem all of a sudden? And where the hell did he even come from anyway?
"What do you think you're doing?" I scream at him and stomp on his foot so hard he yelped and let go up me. Finally I was able to push him away. He stumbled backwards but did not fall.
"I am not your whore!" I shout, ignoring Evan's curious looks between us. "Nor am I going to be your bitch, Kingsley so get that through you're thick little head. If you wanted me to be your girl then maybe you should have stood up like a man and asked me! Why didn't you ask me to be your date, huh? Why didn't you?"
With every other word I was pushing his chest hard, making him step backwards as I stepped forward.
"You know I'm attracted to you, don't even deny it!" I find myself saying too loudly. I really hope no one else decides to come out and see the show. "You know it and yet I know nothing about how you feel. One minute you're kissing me passionately and the next minute you're acting as if you made a mistake. Why is it so hot and cold with you? If you have something to say then act your age and tell me, don't beat around the bush, don't grab me from other men and suddenly declare me as yours. I am not a commodity. You cannot buy me and you will never possess me. I will not be treated like this Kingsley. I cannot put up with anymore of your stupid high school boy bullshit!"
My chest was rising and falling quickly and my face was completely red with anger and the humiliation of rambling like this not only in front of Kingsley but Evan too.
"So if you have something to say, then spit it out," I poised my hands on my waist, trying to act sure of myself even though I felt the opposite of that.
Kingsley stood in front of me, looking down on me with an expression filled with so many words and emotions, but I'm tired of trying to work out how he feels. He's harder to put together than a rubrics cube and I'm tired of it. I'm done-with all of it.
"If you don't say anything in the next ten seconds Kingsley, I'm out of here."
Still, his lips remained sealed. How could he possibly be at a loss of words now of all times? This is his chance! I'm giving him the opportunity to shoot me down or raise me up into his arms and he's not doing anything about it. How can he just stand there and look at me like that?
"Jesse," he croaked, as if it hurt just to speak my name. "Please don't do this to me."
"I'm not doing anything to you," I tell him. I felt like crying and my vision threatened to blur, but I kept it together. "Please, Kingsley, please just tell me. I need to know before I dig myself into a hole I'll never be able to get out of. Either you want me or you don't. It's that simple."
"I can't," he said, pain filling his eyes.
"You can't what?"
Taking a deep breath he looked into my eyes for the first time since kissing me. "I can't do this right now. I don't know how I feel about you."
Oh my god. Did my heart just rip? I swear I could feet something right in the middle of my chest, burning and expanding in into my lungs, destroying everything in its path.
"If you...," I sucked in a sob and forced myself to meet his eyes. Dammit, I told myself I wouldn't cry. "If you don't know now you never will. I'm sorry, Kingsley, but this is goodbye."
I turned around and looked at Evan who was standing there with an open mouth, eyes gaping wide at us as if he couldn't believe it. To tell you the truth, I couldn't either.
Grabbing his arm I yanked him forward, "Come on, Evan." I wiped away a stray tear, not looking back at Kingsley who I knew was still standing there looking at me. I could feel his eyes boring into my back.
"Wait, Jesse, I don't know if I should--"
"I said come on!" I yanked his collar and began to speed walk, dragging him behind me.
"Jesse, don't," I heard Kingsley say as I passed him. More tears fell, but I got rid of them before anyone could see.
"Faster, Evan," I tell him, letting go of his shirt so I could go at the pace I wanted. "I need you to take me out of here."
My legs kept moving faster and faster until I was sprinting through the garden wildly. When I looked back Evan was no longer behind me following, but I didn't slow down for him to catch up and find me. I don't want to be anywhere near this place anymore. I don't want to see another ballroom or garden in my life. I don't want to see Kingsley ever again in my life.
The last thing I heard before the rain started and I caught the nearest bus was Kingsley screaming my name.
"Jezebel!"
The swinging doors closed and I collapsed into a velvet seat near the back, not hearing the whispered concerns and mocks from the passengers around me.
Even after all of the terrible things he put my mom and me through, for once, all I wanted was to see my dad. Even when I don't, he always knows what to do. I've felt so lost without him.