A/N - New part, people! Finally! Sorry for how long it's taken me to get this out but inspiration has finally struck, so enjoy!
**
Empty. Numb. Void. How many words could I use to describe how I felt? Blank. Hollow. Anaesthetised. Alone. Plenty, it would seem. The sound of the flatline once they'd switched the machines off still brought me out in cold sweats. A couple of weeks had passed since then and it hadn't gotten any easier. Jace somehow managed to get me through the funeral, and Joe even let Jimmy come home to be by my side through it all. It turned out my mom left her house to me, so all I'd been doing the past few weeks was remaining housebound, replaying old memories over and over again as if she were still around. I'd told Jace I needed time and space which he surprisingly honoured without too much protest. His only condition was I check in once a day to let him know I was alright, which as far as conditions went wasn't too much to ask.
"Brook?" I heard a familiar voice call from the kitchen. I was sat cross legged on the bedroom floor with my mom's trunk full of photos and memorabilia spread out around me. I'd lost track how long I was there, but I knew I hadn't slept or eaten in over 48 hours. My pyjamas hung looser on my body than before though they were all I wore lately. My hair was greasy from my lack of showering and hung limply down to my chest in straggly waves. I hadn't bothered to look at my reflection, but I didn't have to see myself to know what a state I looked.
"Brook, are you home?" The voice came again, only louder and closer to me. I slowly glanced up as light spilled into the room from the hall as the bedroom door was pushed open. I hadn't bothered to draw the curtains back since my first night, so the sunlight invading my eyes still made them sensitive. My eyes settled on a familiar pair of baggy jeans with boots underneath, up to a slightly too big white t-shirt with a cut over the top. Craning my neck further up, my eyes settled on those beautiful blues. He didn't say anything, he just stared hopelessly at me before letting out a sigh and crossing the room.
"Come on." He muttered as he leaned down to grab me. I recoiled from him and shook my head.
"I've let you fester in here for long enough. It's time to get up." He sighed and placed a hand under each arm then lifted me up to my feet. He wrapped an arm around my shoulders and drew me into his side before walking me over to the bathroom. He sat me on the closed toilet seat then turned the taps on to fill up the tub. Wordlessly he brought me back to my feet and peeled the dirty clothes off of my body, tossing them into the hamper in the corner. He eased me into the now full bath, then set about scrubbing me down. If I was in my right mind I'd be screaming at him for the indignity, but grief had turned me into a shell of my former self so I allowed him to do whatever without protest. I had to admit, the water felt nice against my skin, and my hair already felt better after he'd convinced me to lather some shampoo into it. Once all the grime had been washed away, Jace wrapped me up in a towel and lead me back from the bathroom to my bedroom.
"I can manage now." I mumbled as he went to dig out some clothes for me. He looked at me and nodded after a moment before disappearing out of the room. I slowly put on some underwear and a pair of jogging bottoms with a baggy vest. I still wasn't in the mood to put any decent clothes on. I sprayed some detangler on my mop of hair and set about combing all the knots out with gritted teeth. Once I'd lost half of my hair to my comb I shoved it back into a messy bun before padding out of the room and into the kitchen. Jace was scraping food off of the pile of plates I'd been leaving into the trash when I entered. He didn't look up when I entered the room, he just continued to clean. I sunk down onto one of the empty kitchen chairs and folded my hands in front of me and watched him as he furiously cleaned up after me.
"I'm sorry." I finally blurted out, making him pause. He was stood over the sink with his back to me, and had let his head drop after my words. Sighing, he turned around and walked over, pulling the chair beside mine out and sinking down into it.
"I know this is hard on you, B. I can't begin to imagine what you're going through, but you've gotta look after yourself. Your mom wouldn't want to see you like this." He let out an exasperated sigh and clasped his hands around mine.
"You keep saying you're fine and you need space, but you're not, Brook. You need to let people in, let them help you through this." He added, his tone a mixture of frustration and worry.
"I know." I replied in a small voice.
"Baby I want you to talk to someone. You need to get out of your own head. If not me or the club, then talk to someone. You won't find any solace in the bottom of a fucking bottle." Jace's eyes flicked over to the row of empty alcohol bottles lined up on the counter.
"You want me to see a shrink?" I scoffed at him, snapping my gaze away from him angrily.
"If that's what it takes then yes. Getting shitfaced drunk isn't gonna change anything." He snapped back. I turned to him again and glared at him harshly.
"What the hell would you know? You haven't lost your parents. Your mom didn't die thinking you hated her. Don't even try and lecture me about dealing with pain." I growled at him. He pursed his lips and clenched his fists, obviously trying to control his temper.
"I'm trying to help you." He replied through gritted teeth.
"Well just stop, ok? I never asked for your help." The words tore from my lips without me meaning them to, and I saw the moment I pushed too far. He shoved his chair back and sprang to his feet, towering over me.
"Fine. You want to drink yourself stupid then be my guest, but I'm not sticking around to watch you do it. You decide you want some help, you know where to find me." He yelled at me before storming past me and out the door. It slammed so hard the floor shook before the distant rumble of his motorbike took over. Once he was gone, nothing but silence greeted me. It was cold and haunting, and I'd never felt so alone.
I stewed over Jace's words for the rest of the week. Any time I tried to sleep my dreams haunted me, yet every time I was awake I kept replaying the fight with Jace over and over again. Some naive part of me thought he would come back and try again, but he didn't. Jace was as stubborn as they come, and until I admitted I needed help I could kiss him goodbye. He'd been through this with me once before, and it came as no surprise that he didn't want to take that particular trip down memory lane.
"Take it Donna's still round Axel's?" I heard the familiar voice of Jimmy after the front door slammed shut. I didn't even move from the fort of pillows and covers I'd made on the floor as two sets of footsteps got louder.
"Yeah, probably still sleeping off last night." Jace replied bitterly before entering my room. I didn't look over, but I knew he was there.
"Shit." He muttered under his breath before coming over and standing over me.
"Jesus Christ, Brook." Jimmy said in shock from across the room. I felt both pairs of eyes on me, probably taking in my dismal appearance. I hadn't slept, eaten or even showered in God knows how long.
"Hey Jimmy, how about you call some of the guys and get this place cleaned up."Jace instructed over his shoulder. I heard Jimmy's footsteps retreat down the hall, leaving me alone with Jace. He crouched down in front of me and reached out to pinch my chin between his thumb and forefinger, turning it so I was forced to look at him. I dragged my eyes away from the spot on the floor I had been focusing on and stared at him blankly.
"You can't keep doing this, B." He sighed, dropping his hand and letting it hang between his knees with his other hand.
"Did you know that I can't actually remember the last time I told him that I loved him?" I stated, dropping my gaze to my hands that were wringing themselves together. Jace let out a sigh and moved forward so he was sat beside me.
"Your dad knew how much you loved him, B." He replied and wrapped his arm around my shoulders. I let him pull me into his chest without putting up a fight and couldn't help but snake my arms around his waist. He pecked my temple before adding "besides, he wouldn't want you moping around like this. What would he say to you?"
"Don't miss the present because you are dwelling on the past." I said in the best impersonation of my dad, making us both chuckle.
"Your dad was a wise man." Jace nodded. I looked up at him and stared for a moment before pressing my lips to his cheek.
"Thank you." I whispered. He smiled down at me before climbing to his feet and turning around to pull me up.
"Go have a shower and I'll make you something to eat. You smell." He winked at me, earning a slap to the chest. I knew then that everything was going to be ok because I had Jace.
I pulled up in front of the club and cut the engine, then glanced at my reflection in the mirror. I'd showered and brushed some makeup on to try and bring myself back to something that resembled a human. I put on a pair of dark skinny jeans with my combat boots and wore a black lacy vest, deciding to put a bit of effort in. I wanted to at least look like I had my shit together, even if I didn't. I hated that Jace had seen me in that state again, and my mind kept going back to the thought that Jace needed someone by his side who was strong. I sighed and climbed out of the car then crossed the lot towards the main building and heading inside. I saw Fowler by the bar and gave him a quick wave.
"Seen Jace?" I asked once I was in front of him.
"Yeah he's in there." He replied, jabbing his thumb over his shoulder towards the meeting room. Luckily the door was open so I wasn't interrupting a meeting. I muttered a thankyou and squeezed his arm before crossing the room. I peered into the room and softly knocked on the door before seeing Bear, Gabe and Frankie trail off their conversation and turn around to glance at me. Jace was leaning over the table with some documents spread out in front of him and looked up to meet my gaze.
"Sorry, am I interrupting? I can come back." I said somewhat nervously. Jace looked back to the others and said "everyone clear?"
"Yeah, got it." Bear nodded.
"Alright, give us a minute." Jace dismissed them, his eyes flicking to me again. They each left the room, kissing my cheek and giving a small greeting on their way past. The tension in the air was suffocating as Jace and I were left alone.
"Hey." I finally willed myself to speak, giving him a small smile.
"Hey." He repeated back to me in a flat voice before looking back down at the paperwork in front of him.
"What's going on?" I asked, eying the documents.
"What are you doing here, Brook?" He changed the subject, snapping his head back up to look at me. I sighed and closed the door before walking around the table towards him.
"I... I guess I just wanted to see you." I shrugged.
"Well, now you've seen me." He snapped. I took a deep breath, trying to keep myself calm. I didn't want to fight with him, and Jace was always good at being defensive to the point where I lost my temper.
"Look Jace, I'm sorry, ok? I didn't mean any of those things I said. It's just a tough time for me and I'm still trying to figure out how to cope with this." I explained.
"Like I said before, booze ain't the way to do it." He shot back at me.
"I know, and I haven't had a drink since." I quickly replied.
"Good for you." He nodded, his voice still cold and devoid of any emotion. It was this tone I hated more than any other. At least when he was yelling at me or speaking to me affectionately I knew how he was feeling. This tone gave me nothing, and it bothered me.
"Look, I need you right now, so can we please just get past this?" I reached out and pressed my palm to his cheek, turning his head so he was looking at me.
"Please Jace." I said again in a quieter voice, studying his face for any sign of him thawing. He stared back at me for a second before letting out a heavy sigh and placing his hand over mine.
"Promise me you'll talk to someone? Help sort out whatever shit is going on in your head?" I nodded quickly, making a smile tug on his lips. "That's my girl." He said huskily before his lips brushed against mine. I sighed into the kiss, missing the feeling of him, from his rock solid body to his surprisingly soft lips. I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him down closer, then let out a small squeak as he hitched me up onto the large table and stood between my legs without breaking contact the whole time. His hands roamed my body as his lips continued to attack mine and my head started to go a little woozy.
"Hey Jace, sorry to interrupt but Joe wants you down at the shipyard ASAP." Freddie popped his head around the door and interrupted us. He looked at me and said, "How's it going, darlin'?" with a wink before disappearing. Jace sighed and leaned his forehead against mine, closing his eyes and letting out a sigh.
"No rest for the wicked." He stated before stepping back and giving me room to hop off of the table. "I'll see you later, babe." He pecked my lips before heading towards the door. He stopped at the door and turned to look at me with a sexy grin on his face before adding, "we'll pick up on this again later." Then he was gone. I fell back against the table, gripping it in an effort to hold myself steady. God damn Jace Murphy and his ability to turn my legs to jelly.
**
"So, Doyle called me earlier." I kissed Jace's bare chest before resting my chin on it and peering up at him.
"Oh yeah?" He smiled down at me as his fingers slipped through my hair and began gently massaging my scalp.
"Asking when I think I'll be ready to come back to work. Thinking maybe I should go back tomorrow." Jace's hand stilled and a look crossed over his face.
"You sure you're ready for that?" I lifted my head up and frowned at him. "Look, all I'm saying is you've been through a lot, ok? It's not like you need..."
"Don't you dare finish that sentence." I warned him before sitting up and detaching myself from him. "We've covered this ground before."
"Hey, alright I get it. You want to spend your time in some greasy diner that's your choice." I rolled my eyes at him but accepted his half-assed surrender anyway. He grinned then reached out and grabbed me, pulling me back towards him and flipping us so he hovered over me, making a chuckle escaped my lips.
"God I've missed your laugh." He sighed before dipping his head down and kissing the tip of my nose.
"Know what I've missed?" I peered up at him and fought to hide my smirk. His eyes crinkled as he smiled down at me and shook his head.
"Your smoking hot body." His eyebrows shot up and his grin grew even wider. "Oh, is that so? I give you some meaningful type shit and all I am is an obstacle? I see how it is." I laughed as he nuzzled my neck, his beard tickling my skin.
"I'm going for a shower." I kissed his temple before rolling him off of me and pulling myself out of bed. I grabbed my towel and a change of clothes before crossing the room towards the bathroom. Jace wolf-whistled behind me, making me turn and shoot him a look over my shoulder before disappearing into the shower.
I let the hot water run down my body, closing my eyes and letting my mind drift back to Jace's lips exploring every inch of my body, setting each trail on fire. The hole that had been missing for the last 6 years was finally full again, and I found myself smiling at how content I felt. Sure, I still missed my mom like crazy, but how I felt with Jace made me think that maybe, just maybe, I might be ok. I was snapped out of my thoughts by the feeling of hands on my shoulders and a scream tore from my throat.
"Relax, it's just me. Jeez." Jace' eyes swam with concern as he stared down at me. I let out a shaky breath and tried to steady my heartbeat. "That night... it's got you jumpy still." He stated, a dark look crossing his face. I could have lied, but the truth would have been written all over my face so I figured it was more hassle than it was worth and instead nodded.
"Oh babe." He sighed and pulled me into him, my arms automatically circling tight around his body. "I'm gonna find those bastards, I promise. I've not given up." I bit my tongue, trying to stop more truths from escaping my lips. Some truths were best left unspoken. He finally drew back, cupping my cheek as his eyes searched mine for some kind of reassurance that I was ok.
"So, any particular reason you couldn't wait for your own shower?" I raised an eyebrow at him. He cracked a small smile, a spark of life lighting up in them again.
"I've found myself wanting to be a bit more ecological. Do my bit for the environment, y'know?" I snorted, shaking my head at him.
"You are something else, Jace Murphy." His expression sobered up a little, which meant nothing good.
"Just got a call, I'm gonna be out of town for a few days." I froze, not liking the sound of it at all. I collected myself and buried the mixture of emotions that bubbled in my chest.
"Where are you headed?" I asked, trying to keep my tone light and inquisitive.
"Nevada. I'm gonna have the grunts follow you, make sure nothing happens while I'm away. Just do me a favour and don't try to lose them, ok?" He gave me a knowing look, making me roll my eyes at him.
"So, what's going down in Nevada?" His expression changed, a look I'd seen many times before. He was about to stonewall me.
"C'mon, B. Don't ask questions you don't want the answer to." His words had an underlying tone that told me not to press him on it, so with a sigh I nodded.
"Hey, I love you." He said as if that was supposed to distract me from asking any further questions.
"Yeah, I love you too. Be careful, ok?" He smiled down at me, the twinkle back in his eye.
"Always am. Now, let's get back to what I really came in here for."