(Anything inbetween the symbol '~' is flashback.)
CHAPTER TWENTY FIVE- The world can be anything you want it to be.
Ashley’s POV:
~
“Sorry.”
A thick Irish accent apologised timidly as we basically walked into each other en route to cross the landing at the same time. There was something about that voice, familiar almost, only a few times had I held conversation with someone who conveyed an Irish accent and somehow, theirs didn’t seem the same as this one. There was just a certain twang in his voice, like I had heard it before; somewhere, somehow, and I liked it.
“It’s okay.”
I shrugged giving a small smile at the cute blonde boy who seemed rather embarrassed by walking into me, he must have been new to colliding with strangers, it’s a shame I wasn’t. I almost said something else to re-assure him that it really was okay, and there was no need for him to seem to uneasy about it all. But then, I realised I was staring at him and seeing the small creep of a blush tinting his cheeks I smiled forcing myself to look away as I proceeded to my sister’s room. However, I never did get very far as that same dreamy voice brought me back, forcing me to turn again, and avoid his eyes. This wasn’t like me, normally I was cautious about boys, studying their outward behaviour before I allowed myself to melt in their presence, appearance and the sound of their voice, studying every inch before I got too close, but I was already slipping too far in, lost in the way he stared straight back at me, so intensely, like nothing and nobody else was watching.
“Hey, is this yours?”
He asked and then upturned his palm to me, resting on his hand was a single gold chain with a silver heart hanging from it, I could see the small words engraved, numbers and names, that was all it was, apart from being so much more when you looked closely. It wasn’t any bracelet though, it was mine. I kept my eyes fixed on the jewellery in his hand, scared of how stupid I would look if I got myself lost in his eyes again, and just generally himself. He really struck me somehow, and I was quite surprised at how I found myself immediately attracted to him, from the outside, he didn’t seem my type looks-wise but as I continued to take in his appearance, I decided that rules were made to be broken and that I didn’t always have to stick to the same type of guy. Take a chance, slip away from your standard; you never know what you might find…
~
“You look nice.”
The same thick Irish accent came from the pink lips of the same blonde boy as he let his eyes travel me for a brief second before snapping them back to his phone. I only recognised my sister from the five other people there, the four boys were all staring at me but then they broke into smirks, eyes settling on the blonde boy still looking at his phone his fingers dancing wildly over the screen.
“What?”
He asked furrowing his brow in a confused tone as he looked up from his phone and the smug looks from the four other boys surrounding him.
“Oh nothing…” A boy with particularly curly hair sung smirking. “Just you getting in there straight away.”
The blonde boy frowned looking from me to curly hair a confused and slightly embarrassed look crossing his face.
“We already met, actually.”
He scoffed and at this point I felt my cheeks heat up a little as I realised he was referring to us. He looked back down at his phone after sending me a small smile, and I supressed a smile too. Looking away to avoid catching his gaze in front of everyone else, or rather the other way around, he was the one who caught me with his gaze, or rather his eyes.
~
“Soon I’m going to tidy your room properly, I don’t see how you can live like this.”
I proclaimed scanning the items of apparel and some things I couldn’t even name that were cluttering his bedroom floor. Tightening his arms around my waist and hips he shrugged pressing his lips to my temple for a few seconds.
“It’s fine, there’s nothing wrong with it babe. I know where everything is like this.”
“Niall you can’t see the floor.”
I scoffed and he shrugged again, and then he almost laughed at his own lack of tidiness in his own bedroom while I just sat there, taking it all in.
“So?”
“You enjoy picking your outfit from your bedroom floor?”
I raised my eye-brows and he smirked.
“I’ll tidy it next week when you’re in collage now just shut up and kiss me.”
~
“Do you want me to go and get Niall?”
“No. He hates me!”
I whined feeling my tears still slamming against my cheeks as they poured from my eyes, bringing make-up and powder with them, but most of all they brought loss, pain and a broken heart, and that was much worse than losing a few ounces of heavy product from my face.
“What? He doesn’t hate you. He loves you Ash, so much. You’re talking shit of course he doesn’t hate you, have you been drinking?”
The words didn’t even register, they just echoed, kind of like my whole world was right now. I didn’t even feel as if I was living in it, I was a million miles away, so far away, and I was watching myself through this distant pane of glass and I couldn’t break through, trapped, so trapped drowning myself in guilt, hurt and loss.
“No!”
My voice didn’t even sound like my own as it left my mouth. So cracked, dry and lacking in any tainted sense, faltering at each syllable, I had never felt myself hurting so much physically and emotionally, I couldn’t even decide between the two right now, too absorbed within the realization that wasn’t even there, that he wasn’t mine anymore. Gone. Within a few minutes everything came tumbling down suffocating me and I had to bring our relationship with me, drowning it into oblivion. And now I felt as if I couldn’t breathe, almost as if he was my only reason to, and without him, I conveyed no purpose and more and more, as the painstaking seconds slipped by I found myself wanting no more part of this world if it wasn’t next to him, so hollow, vacant. Lost.
A matter of an hour or so later I was staring back at myself, but it didn’t even look like me. Bare. I saw myself bare with no make-up or product pretty much every day but not like this, this was completely different, make-up was there, just not in the right places, cluttering my cheeks and staining my dress there was none left on my eyes, where it should have been. I had cried an ocean by now, eye-liner and mascara were dead as well, non-existent, just like this relationship. All within a sudden flash, gone.
~~
“Shhh Ashley…It’s only me.”
Niall cooed softly into my ear, his breath was tickling my neck and as I sucked in another desperate breath I caught a split of his scent, so comforting, to have that back, filling my nostrils as I had missed so much.
“Baby it’s okay, it wasn’t real. You’re okay…Ash shhh it’s just me.”
Now I realised I was crying as I felt something warm slide down my cheek but before it reached my chin contact with his thumb to my cheek was made and the dampness was gone but the feeling of his skin against mine still lingered, clutching on like there was no tomorrow. Observing how my head felt and my insides, there might not have been.
The strange and sticky smell of chemicals was apparent and a low and steady beeping sound was sounding throughout wherever I was. I knew I must have been on Niall’s lap because I could feel his chest rising and falling with each and every husky breath he took and his lips tickling my skin.
I let my tongue explore my mouth running it over my teeth my whole mouth felt dry and starved of any liquid for years, as I pushed it forward against my lips forcing them to open I felt Niall’s fingers close in around mine giving my hand a gently squeeze.
As I opened my eyes they instantly met with his staring back at me, they widened a bit as he realised I was now looking back at him and he sent me a small smile still staring down at me.
“Morning beautiful.”
He breathed sitting me up a bit more upright and as I looked around I remembered the hospital room from last night, all the people the sirens, things being shoved down my throat and suddenly it all flooded back, what this was and why I was here.
“N-Niall?”
I stuttered looking up at him and he nodded ever so briefly.
“Yes love?”
“How much longer?
“Until when?”
“I can go home.”
His face fell a little at that point and he ran an uneasy hand through his hair.
“They…They didn’t tell you?”
I just looked at him and then shook my head.
“Love, you’re not going home yet…You’re staying here…Ash, you’re being transferred to the intensive care unit.”
He informed me looking wistful and at first I wasn’t convinced I had heard him right but then it all sunk in and I felt even sicker than I did before.
“Wh-What’s that?”
At this point he bent down pressing a light and feathery kiss to my forehead.
“Just somewhere…Where you’ll get a little more attention that’s all, where they can keep a better eye on you.”
He assured me but he was concealing unreserved concern himself, I could just tell.
“Will…Will you stay with me?”
“Of course I will love, of course I will.”
I smiled at this, resting my head back on his chest I felt a little more relaxed knowing that he was going to stay with me, that however scary the next steps were, he’d be there with me.
“Thank you…I love you.”
I mused entwining my fingers with his again concentrating on his steady breathing, about the only thing that was frequent right now.
“I love you too…How are you feeling now love? Do you feel better now that you’ve had a few hours’ sleep?”
I shrugged tracing my fingers up his chest and to the zip of his jacket as I began to fiddle with it.
“Kinda, I guess. My head still kinda hurts and I feel really sick but I guess I’m okay…Hey, where is everyone…I mean like, my parents and Ellie…Aren’t they here? I could have sworn-“
“Your parents left a few hours ago love and Ellie stayed at home, she never came here.”
“Oh.”
Was all I managed melting back into his body. I suppose it didn’t bother me too much, I had Niall here with me and that was all that I needed, it’d be nice to know that they cared but right now, I only really needed Niall to care, I guess that was all I ever would need, it sure seemed like it at the moment.
“This is really itchy.”
I complained tugging at the ugly material of the hospital gown somebody had slipped me into. It didn’t even fit properly and I could feel it barely cover my bum.
“Vanity above pain love.” Niall chuckled. “Just so you know…You look sexy as hell in that hospital gown babe.”
He chuckled kissing my forehead and I rolled my eyes looking back up at him and nudging him in the ribs.
“Shut up and have some respect for the patient.”
I tutted teasingly and he smiled.
“I do apologise Miss Dawson, will you ever forgive me?”
“Hard one when you dissed the hospital gown.”
I scoffed and he just smiled leaning down to kiss my nose but I tilted my chin up forcing him to kiss my lips instead. Behind me, somebody cleared their throat and we abruptly parted and I almost expected it to be my sister or one of the boys, the kings and queen of cockblocking but then I remembered that the boys were in America and Ellie was at home with my parents and I felt my cheeks redden slightly as a male doctor with tanned skin stared at us.
“Oh lovely you’re awake…Tell me miss, how are you feeling this morning?”
He asked looking at me expectantly as he tapped his biro against his clipboard. Niall shifted me slightly so I was facing the doctor now and slid his hands over my hips gripping onto them tightly holding me in position.
“Err, my head hurts a bit and I feel a bit sick…but otherwise I’m fine.”
I stuttered and he nodded scribbling something down.
“That’s to be expected…Now have you any visitors with you today?”
I saw this as a bit of a stupid question as I was sat on Niall’s lap and he had clearly noticed this but felt the need to ask anyway, when Niall was right there.
“Err well Niall’s staying with me…I mean, um if that’s alright?”
At this point Niall slipped his hand lower and caressed my thigh with his thumb giving my hand a re-assuring squeeze.
“Ah right, you’re Niall, yes?”
He questioned raising his eye-brows at Niall who nodded, un-sure of what to make of this situation.
“Right well, okay, that seems pretty do-able. Now, if you’d like to pack any of your stuff up miss then please feel welcome and a nurse shall return in ten minutes or so and you’ll be transferred to the intensive care unit, sound okay?”
This, did not sound okay, but I think this was a bit of a rhetorical question so I simply nodded learning from previous encounters that everything went a lot quicker if you simply agreed to everything.
“Wonderful. I’ll see you in an hour or so and we’ll start doing some tests. Don’t hesitate to let us know if you need anything, please, it’s very important we know of any changes in your state, okay?”
I simply nodded and he flashed us both a smile before disappearing down the hallway.
“You’ll be okay love…I know you will.”
Niall breathed into my hair pressing a feathery kiss to my temple.
“What if I’m not though?”
I whined burrowing into his chest, he ran his fingers through my hair smoothing out the many tangles it conveyed.
“You will be…You’re stronger and braver than you think, Ash.”
“Well they don’t make it sound like it.”
I mumbled beginning to fiddle with the zip to his jacket again.
“Love, you are, think back, you’ve been through so much and you still carried on. You’ve come a long way, Ash. Remember when you used to be so sensible you were almost worse than Liam? And remember when we went to the river in Ireland that night last year and swam in it at two in the morning a few hours before our flight? Or what about the other night when we walked back through all those fields and then went and explored that house because you wanted to? My point is Ashley, that even though a lot of things we’ve done were risky and maybe somewhere you were doubtful, you still kept going, pushing yourself further and I know you can now, I just know it, okay? And I’m going to be with you, every step of the way.”
I didn’t say anything for a moment as I recalled these memories, I guess in a certain light he was right but in another I was doubtful, it just didn’t seem like any progress was possible right now. I don’t know, I just really can’t anymore.
“Of course I remember but…”
“But what?”
I shrugged biting down on my lip.
“I wish…I wish I was normal.”
For a moment he was completely silent and then he hugged me tighter resting his chin on top of my head he tangled his fingers through my hair pressing his lips to my forehead.
“Ashley…Don’t say that, you know what they say…Be careful what you wish for.”
I was about to open my mouth to respond, not that I really knew what to say but before I could he was speaking again, concealing my lack of quick and sensual replies for me, just as he had concealed all the troubles we’d ever had in the past so well, and how I had concealed this for so long. Keeping it locked inside, a million padlocks on top I never really spoke about it, like most things, everyone knew it was there, it was just never discussed. Maybe like most issues now, people guess, think, that maybe, if you ignore something for long enough it’ll go away. But now, there really is no short-cuts and the longer you leave it the worse it gets, nabbing at you harder and harder each time until you break, and force yourself to fix, not conceal, fix.
“And I know you’ll be okay because you’re strong, so strong, and you’re too beautiful to go to waste, but it’s okay, because I’m not gonna let you.”
“Niall…” I breathed stretching a hand upwards and moving hair from his face tracing my fingers down his jawline and finally resting my palm on his chest. “It’s not…It’s not your job to fix me.”
I admitted and he sighed inwardly before leaning down closer to me resting his forehead on mine.
“I…I know it’s not Ashley, only you can save yourself, but that doesn’t mean I can’t help, because, believe me love, you’re never alone.”
-
That evening I found myself in the place disaster had struck only about 24 hours before. Doing the task that became doomed for incompletion simply because I hadn’t eaten or drank enough. The shower. Although, after forcing down some horrible liquid food and some energy shakes at regular intervals during the day I wasn’t feeling too bad and actually found that sleeping on Niall’s lap last night was much more comfortable than the hospital bed I had originally been in, I didn’t know if he could say the same, but there we go. I was quite the bit shocked when they agreed that Niall could spend the night with me but we weren’t complaining.
The only bright side about being placed in the intensive care unit was that the rooms were a lot nicer and bigger and resembled a hospital less, but in a way this kind of worried me. All the luxuries that the other rooms didn’t have being in the intensive care unit could imply that they were like this because I was going to be hanging around for a while, but honestly, I really hoped that I wouldn’t be as I didn’t want my whole week with Niall to be spent in the hospital.
“These showers,” I mused wrapping the too small towel around me while considering whether it’d be better to have it too short on my lower or upper half. “Are not even that nice.”
“It is a hospital love.”
Niall shrugged looking up from his phone briefly before tapping away a bit.
“And this towel,” I continued. “Wouldn’t fit a four year old.”
He then slid his phone back into his pocket and looked up at me, his eyes widening slightly at how desperately I had to yank at the materiel to get it to cover a merely decent amount of flesh and even then a stripper was probably wearing more than more. He smirked getting up from his seat and walking over to me placing his hands on my shoulders.
“This isn’t a laughing matter, Horan.”
I frowned stepping back from him in pure order to make it easier to at least get it a little more securely around my body.
“Well why don’t you put some clothes on then?”
He questioned as if I was stupid and needed him to point this out for me. I just looked at him gesturing to my clothes which were underneath the bed, which I would not be able to reach down and get as I had to use both hands to keep the flimsy materiel around my bare body.
“Awh, would you like me to get them for you Ashleeeey?”
He cooed smugly and I rolled my eyes.
“Don’t be difficult, Niall.”
I scolded tutting and he simply smirked as he brought my few clothes that I did have here from underneath the bed and placed them on top of the quilt while he motioned for me to choose which ones I wanted.
“Awh I’m sorry babe, how you feeling anyway?”
He questioned handing me some simple leggings, a t-shirt and a hoodie.
“Okay, I guess.”
I shrugged taking the clothes and then hurrying into the bathroom to change into them.
As I stood there, in my underwear, I realised something, for once, I actually began to admit to myself that there was a problem here. My obsession with being skinny really had, inflicted itself so strongly on my reflection. But the thing is though, it’s the thing that put it there in the first place, the thing that allowed me to sit and stare at myself for hours picking out every single minimal flaw in myself out and telling myself it had to change. When I was in my tomboy stage I never understood girls and how they cared so much about what they looked like, what boys thought of them, why their stomach wasn’t flat and their hair wasn’t straight. I just really didn’t give a shit. And looking back now it’s like looking at a different person, I can’t believe I was ever that person, that care-free, intelligent but yet totally oblivious to the world of fad diets, make-up and all things appearance alternating that invaded my lifestyle so much. Crashing in and forcing themselves into me after Cara’s words, you shouldn’t be doing this, you shouldn’t be like that, you’re a girl, Ashley, start acting like it, whore.
Running my hands over my figure I winced as all I could feel was bone. It had been that way for a while now but only now has I realised it was a problem, I had thought this was good before, normal, that this was what it was finally like to be skinny, like Faye, like everyone, like all the perfect girls that were better than me. But maybe, as I come to realise that this is anything but good again I’m willing to make change, but I just can’t see it happening. I’ve been doing this for so long, I get so far and then something snaps inside of me and I’m back to square again, it’s like how far can you stretch the gum before it breaks. But maybe, if you do with it ease, patience and encouragement you can get somewhere. It takes time though, it takes time to build things back up to the top when they’ve hit rock bottom, and right now, I really don’t think I have the time.
“We should go out.”
I remarked as soon as I stepped out of the bathroom shutting the door behind me with a bang. Niall just looked at me as I folded some of my clothes away underneath the hospital bed and then sat on the chair by the window, tugging at the blind I let my eyes travel the bank and to the canal in the distance. Just a long, straight stretch of water occupied by a jetty down the side and lined with trees, it was pretty strange to have in London, and on hospital grounds but it was pretty, to say the least.
“What do you mean?”
Niall questioned sceptically raising his eye-brows at me.
“Exactly what I said, we should go out. I’m tired of being stuck inside all day, especially in here. Just for a few hours?”
“Ash…You know you’re supposed to stay in here and get some sleep.”
“Niall, I’ve slept all day today, how much more sleep could I need? Come on, just for an hour or two, we’ll be back before anyone notices…I haven’t seen you in three weeks Niall and I don’t want to spend the time we do have together in here.”
He sighed running a hand through his hair and chewing on his lower lip. I just looked at him silently pleading that he’d cave in.
“If…Are you sure you’re okay? Because if you’re not feeling okay then I don’t think we should go Ashley, it’s for your own good. Rules are there for a reason, love.”
I rolled my eyes getting up out of my seat I made my way over to him making him shift over in his seat I squeezed in next to him. I traced my finger over his jawline and chin as I stared at him, getting lost in his eyes again, like so many times before, it was always near impossible to navigate my way back out again.
“Funny because I remember you saying me to this time last year that they were made to be broken…Don’t tell me you don’t remember this, Nialler.”
He let a small smile curl at his lips now, leaning forward and closer to me her let his finger trace over my skin brushing my cheek before moving hair from my eyes and then tilting my chin up.
“That was a bit different but…You’re impossible to say no to…”
But his words were trailing off already as he claimed my lips with his kissing me softly and slowly. I felt myself being shifted in the small seat and further onto his lap, my arms found his shoulders and I draped them over letting my fingers reach up and tangle in his hair all while not breaking the still slow but warm kiss.
“J-Just an hour or two?”
I repeated smugly as we broke apart and he rolled his eyes wrapping some of my hair around his finger and then leaning his forehead on mine.
“The things I do for you…But take your tablets with you, alright? And give me one of your shake things…”
“Niall…”
“Ash…”
“Stop worrying so much, I’ll be fine, honestly, I feel fine.”
He just looked at me for a moment as he broke one of the bottles that held my energy shakes in it from the plastic wrap and slipped it into his pocket.
“I just care, Ash, and I would never forgive myself if something happened to you when you were supposed to be back here.”
He said slipping his fingers in-between mine and locking them together before proceeding to give my hand a gentle squeeze and kissing my cheek.
“Nothing will happen, I assure you I’m fine, if it makes you feel any better I’ll go to sleep as soon as we get back, alright? It won’t be any more than two hours…Look I only want to go down to the canal over there, it looks really pretty from here…I wish I had my camera.”
He smiled at this, tucking some hair behind my ear he leaned closer to me again.
“You always wish you had your camera.”
He mused wrapping his arms around my waist from behind and pressing his lips to my neck. I placed my hands over his entwining my fingers with his and melting into him.
“Maybe…But more I always wish I had you with me.”
I breathed turning my head to look at him over my shoulder. He smiled resting his chin on my shoulder.
“Me too…I love you, Ash.”
“I love you too…”
I mused melting my lips back onto his with ease for a few more seconds.
“Now come on, the sooner we go the sooner we’ll be back.”
I whispered tugging at his hand. With precaution I opened the door and looked either way down the dark hallways. With it being one in the morning most people in this block were sleeping and the corridors were off limits at night so I suppose this was risky but I had been sleeping and crammed inside for 24 hours now, they can’t expect me to live like this.
“Can’t believe you…”
Niall sung as we closed the door behind us with a silent click and began to creep down the silent and desolate hallways, our footsteps echoing throughout as we strove for the door at the end of the corridor which led to the forgotten outside world.
“Shut up. You’ll thank me in the end.”
I retorted giving his hand a squeeze as we reached the double doors at the end of the corridor. But as I put my body weight against it along with my hand pushing it open, it didn’t budge.
“Shit, it’s locked.”
I heaved a sigh thumping the door in frustration.
“Well, I guess they knew you’d be in the mood to rebel.”
“Oh they don’t know the half of it…Follow me.”
I breathed tugging at his hand again
He said nothing as he let me pull him to the right through a series of narrow corridors and private halls, offices and god knows what else. I could see the light from the sensor security light flicking on and off outside the door as someone passed.
“Hospitals are creepy at night.”
Niall breathed as I stopped walking pressing my back against the crème wall keeping my shadow from the light.
“Shhh, we’re not supposed to be here.”
I warned pulling him from the triangle of light spilling through the crack between the floor and the door. He smirked placing his hands either side of my body on the wall and leaning his forehead on mine.
“Well…” He whispered. “What are we doing hanging around then?”
“That’s a security light.” I gestured to the door. “And it’s on, meaning someone’s there so we’re waiting for them to pass.”
I informed him but he was already inching his lips onto mine. With each slowly slipping second that he degraded the distance between us I felt my heart began to pound faster and faster, this happened every time. This effect that his presence simply being so close has on me. Stomach churning butterflies and heart wrenching warmth. Symptoms of fear but so matter of factly, I wasn’t scared of it at all, this is what love does, so many negative things amerced in positive vibes, it just takes the right people, the right time and the correct patience for the formula to convey, exactly what was destine for that moment, those people and the deep buried reason, for ever falling in love.
All these emotions crushed themselves into each other as that little leap of joy evaded my heart as his lips covered mine. As always, everything around began forever slipping away, folding itself back into nothing and dissolving into a concealed state because we didn’t need anything or anybody else in this moment. It was a simple, common and probably typically cliché moment but that didn’t mean it wasn’t as special as the last, the first, or the next one, each one was equally as full of love and compassion as the other. All baring emotion and the feelings that could not be spoken it was a particularly intimate thing, to be able to conclude that all these things came from one kiss conveyed in one relationship.
Somewhere, in the maze of corridors a light was dimmed making the darkness that I already stared at with my eyes closed showing that we were not the only ones up and in the corridors at this time. But I was a considerable amount away from my block meaning that most nurses and doctors around here didn’t know me, or recognise me well enough to bring justice down on sneaking out with my boyfriend in the dead of the night.
“Oh I’ve missed you…”
Niall whispered against my lips as with each word formation he spoke they grazed mine triggering a mash of cravings to kiss him properly again. I smiled letting my hands run over both of his shoulders as I leant back from him slightly gazing up at him, and at this specific moment I realised that he was honestly all I needed. Just to be there, to endure the wonderful relationship we share with as much compassion as we could muster, to just hold me, and to tell me that no matter what it was going to be okay because no matter what we’d be together. Somehow, someday, even if it took forever and a day, one day, we’d be happy together and so would everyone else. Intimate and full of promise, we’d only get stronger.
“You know…” I breathed leaning forward and up again so my lips resumed to grazing his with need again. “That I’ve missed you too.”
He stared back at me and the icy coolness of the blue colour that amerced his eyes aided the warmth and little heart-skips-a-beat feeling that was churning inside of me, like us, getting stronger and stronger by each second, flowing like a forever present white sail in the never ending wind of the sea, always floating, even as just a mere breeze, there. Bold or bright, dim or low, it was always just there.
As these words left my mouth in a small whisper a few seconds later his lips were back in firm contact with mine, claiming mine as his I held no uneasy complaints as I kissed him back with just as much compassion as the last.
About a minute later the security light never did come back on and outside was enveloped in pure pitch darkness signalling that there was nobody within a visible twenty metre radius and it’d be half feasible to get out un-noticed, or at least by anyone who would care. So pulling away from him with a hint of reluctances I took his hand in mine pushing up from the cool walls and through the door that I knew would be open and sure enough was as we entered the cool night air.
“You cold?”
Niall asked his breath a misty cloud of condensation as he spoke; the air was that cold, so lacking in warmth for early September. I shook my head pulling the cuffs of my jacket further over my hands and putting my hood up over my hair.
“No. I’m good.”
I replied and he nodded.
“You look like a right gangsta’ with that hoodie on love.”
He chuckled and I simply smiled looking up at him.
“I am a gangsta, what yous on about?”
I mused and he smiled pressing a kiss to my cheek and I scrunched my nose up as he did so, smiling he titled my chin up to peck my lips again, re-creating all those feelings again when this one lasted for merely a second, it was that quick, and that simple.
“Where are we going again?”
He questioned giving my hand a squeeze, my fingers were slightly numb with the ever fading temperature but I could still feel his entwined with mine, fitting perfectly in the gaps.
“The Canal, I’ve never been to one before.”
“You haven’t?”
He raised his eye-brows his eyes widening slightly, I shrugged shaking my head.
“No, it’s not exactly like they have them in the city centre of London is it? I grew up in the city Niall; we never went to places like that like you did.”
He considered this for a moment, as if weighing the atmosphere of my childhood compared to his.
“I guess…What did you do for fun as kids?”
For a moment I just looked at him and then dragging my gaze away I focused it on the falling leaf from an oak tree in the distance still thinking recalling my childhood, but somehow the word fun didn’t seem to fit, as if it described someone else, something else, completely another world away from my lifestyle.
I shrugged. Now the leaf had reached the ground, falling with a flutter to a halt when it reached the ever fading patch of grass surroundings the tree. Another had replaced it, surfing the air until coming to a stop too, gravity defied.
“I studied, Ellie sung, I read, Ellie danced. The list could go on, but it would just be pitiful comparison, our lives were kinda separate, as we are.”
“What so you didn’t like…Just go out as kids? You know, just kids you live with, neighbourhood kids and just mess around all day until it got dark and you got hungry or whatever?”
He questioned and I shrugged again.
“Sometimes, I mean in the summer we’d go down to the damn or something, but you’ve gotta remember, I grew up in the city Niall. We didn’t have vast stretches of endless countryside to explore, things were different, I guess things still are now.”
“Wow, you missed out…I mean those were the days man, growing up sucks.”
I smiled a small smile kicking a stone and watching it scatter across the grass about five metres ahead of us.
“Maybe, but maybe reality just sucks, when it sinks in…What did you do as kids for fun then?”
I asked and it was then that he smirked looking up and around him as he recalled memories, like I had done so many times before, allowing himself to slip back into the past.
“Everything, I suppose. Summer was always the best, as soon as school got out. That was the best time, getting up late and not caring what you looked like or had to do. We’d play football a lot, just around the roads and lanes and stuff. We’d go on our bikes down to the river and spend the day there, swimming and just messing around in the water and stuff. Sometimes we went fishing too, in the river, but you have to have patience for that, I think you’d like that…”
“Fishing?”
I raised my eye-brows sceptically and he nodded.
“Sure, don’t be such a city girl. I’ll take you one day, I bet you’ll love it, trust me.”
He mused and I just looked at him not saying anything for a few seconds.
“Okay,” I shrugged. “I trust you.”
“Good, I’m glad to see you’re so open to new things, I mean, growing up in the city and all.”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, I just mean that most city girls would write something like fishing in a river off as their worst nightmare but you’ll try anything within reason, I like that.”
“I’m not ‘just a city girl’ you know.”
I assured him and he nodded sending me a small smile.
“I know you’re not love, I know you’re a lot more than that but I’m just saying that you’re not like any other girls that grew up in the city I’ve met, you’re different, you know?”
“Right, and you’re not like any other pop-star I’ve met. Is that the same thing?”
He smiled properly at this wrapping an arm around my waist he pulled me into him as we continued to cross the gardens and make our ways towards the Canal.
“I suppose it is, yeah. I’m just really glad that I ever did have the chance to meet you.”
He breathed leaning down and pressing a feathery kiss to my temple. I smiled turning my head and returning his kiss on his lips soft and quick.
“Well I’m glad that I ever had the chance to meet you too.”
I replied and he smiled pulling me in even tighter as I rested my head on his chest his steady heartbeat filling my ears.
“Don’t you think it’d be really weird to like live on a boat?”
I queried as we approached the banks that bordered the long stretch of water. It was all silent and dark here and the only sound that could be heard was the clanging off the bells on the ropes as they crashed together on the mingling breeze tampering with noises and travelling audible sound. The soft hush of the water as it licked the edge of the concrete that bound it all together was almost audible too but was drowned out by the clanging of the bells as the sound travelled elsewhere, caught in a mere light breeze.
Niall shrugged his eyes scanning the boats moored up on the docks that lined the water.
“Maybe, but I suppose you’d get used to it though, right? I mean it’s weird to sleep anywhere new, but if you do it enough times you get used to it.”
Like almost every time, Niall had a point.
“I suppose. It’d be kinda scary though, basically sleeping on water…What if it sunk during the night? You’d drown and you wouldn’t know about it…Oh my god what if someone drowned here? That’s so creepy.”
Niall chuckled lightly using his thumb to caress the small of my back in a soothing manner as he kept his arm tight around my waist.
“I don’t think you would drown love, and besides, if it did sink I think you’d probably wake up. But who knows…All I know now is to never take you somewhere that involved sleeping on a boat.”
He shrugged running his free hand through his hair and sending me a small smile.
“But, I just don’t get it, aren’t boats meant for travelling? Surely not living on.”
“Well, yeah but you know that sometimes when you travel somewhere it takes more than just a day so you would obviously have to sleep there, wouldn’t you? Would you not feel comfortable on a cruise either?”
“I don’t know, maybe that’d be a bit different. Cruise ships are more adapted for living on, I mean people pay to go on a cruise as a holiday, so they must be good…I suppose it’d be okay, as long as I didn’t watch Titanic before I went on.”
He laughed at this giving my hand a squeeze.
“You like Titanic?”
I shrugged.
“Sure, it’s okay. Who doesn’t?”
“You know…” Niall breathed into my ear leaning down. “Some people say I look a lot like Leonardo DiCaprio…”
“Shut up.”
I shook my head giggling as I punched his arm playfully and lightly. He just smiled proud with his own remark.
“What? I was gonna say you could be my Rose.”
“Sure, because we’re living on a cruise ship and about to sink.”
“Such a realist.”
He muttered shaking his head and tutting.
“Well, life isn’t all unicorns and rainbows.”
Niall shrugged.
“It can be if you want it to be. You can make anything you want to, it only takes imagination.”
“Something you clearly have tons of?”
I questioned and he nodded grinning.
“Of course I do. Join me and we’ll run off into the sunset into a world of white bunnies and rainbows?”
He chuckled throwing an arm out dramatically and I rolled my eyes giggling.
“Any day. And then you can be my leprechaun with the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow?”
I grinned and he smiled chuckling.
“Sure, but you only get the pot of gold if you’re good girl….”
“I’m always a good girl.”
He smirked now stopping and placing his hands around my waist slowly lifting me up.
“Really? Because maybe to everyone else you are…But to me, hmm I’m not so sure.”
“Yeah well maybe you’re just lucky and get the best of both worlds.”
“Or, maybe I’m just lucky to have you, the real you.”
He smiled leaning his forehead on mine and gazing into my eyes with that same adoration and love that I knew was so genuine it was surreal, and I felt the same if not more for him.
“Yeah,” I breathed. “And I’m lucky to have you too, real lucky…”
But his lips were already on mine and I immediately felt that jolt of joy, like every time, but somehow every time it got stronger. More determined to conquer the world, and everyone who didn’t want us to be happy.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A/N.
heey babyaaa
so what did you think of the flashbacks?
I didn't do too many because I wasn't sure on it, but did you like it? I tried to make it sum up some main points in their relationship if you get what I mean, like first meeting, and then the beginning of the relationship and then the loss at the end?:3
please let me knows what you think;)
so on the last chapter I asked you to all vote so I could see how many I could get and at the moment it has 112:o thank you! keep on voting and maybe we could do that on this chapter too and see which one gets the most?;o
love you.
so Sylvia (my orthodontics dentist;)) didn'treally care that I broke my brace since I only have 1 and a half weeks left and i can still wear it so it's all good and she said she would look forward to seeing my again next week and everything's looking good, cus she loves me you see
until tomorrow my bitches.
ooh and omg I got these really nice sandals and top today and I think my mother may be getting me a kindle for my birthday;) exciting shiz:D
loves you.
-Emily.