Raquel POV:
"Kris I'm going to the store. I'll be back later." I yelled out. I grabbed her car keys before leaving the house and entering the car.
It's been a month since we started the marriage counseling and honestly it's not working. I feel like Kris and I have been even more distant than how we were before.
These days I don't feel the love I should from her and I feel empty because of that. I don't want to suspect she's cheating again but, I have no choice.
Maybe Kris was a player before I met her. There is only one person to call...
"Hello. This is Rick."
"Hey Rick! Long time no talk!" I spoke into the phone sounding excited.
"Raquel I just saw you last week. What happened now?" He asked sounding bored.
I turned into the parking lot of the supermarket and looked around for a park. "Look, I have a few questions for you...Ummmm I was wondering if ummm..."
"You were wondering?..."
I parked and turned off the car. "I was wondering if...Kris was a..." I took a breath then spoke again. "Was Kris a player before we started dating? Or before she dated Cathy?"
Rick started laughing and then he cleared his throat. "That's why you called me? Raquel goodbye."
"Wait!"
"What happen Raquel?" he huffed. I unbuckled my seat belt and looked out the window. "I think Kris is cheating on me again. I mean I don't want to think so but ever since we got counseling, she's been distant and I don't feel the love that I used to feel with her." I sighed and got out the car.
"I'm sure she isn't cheating because she loves you."
"But was she a player and be honest Rick." I demanded.
"Yes she was..." It got quiet for a while and I thought Rick had hung up but he didn't. "Rick-"
"She used to sleep with so much girls and even when she was with Cathy, she was cheating but Cathy never found out because she was so slick with it."
I couldn't believe my ears. Kris was a cheater and lord knows how many girls she slept with! Lucky thing we went and got tested before we really started having sex.
"Wow...."
"Look don't tell her I told you any of this okay. She didn't want you to know because she thought you would leave her. But when you were in Florida, and you guys were 'talking', she had a few girls here and there but I guess when she got married to you they disappeared....well at least I think so."
"Oh my gosh...and what do you mean you think so?! Could she have been sleeping with other women while we are married?"
"I don't know...You know we aren't as close as we used to be."
With all the sh*t I just heard I didn't even notice I was in the store already. "Rick just tell me this. Should I be careful?"
"Yes you should but I'm sure she stopped her player ways because she loves you very much."
"I guess. Look Rick, I'll talk to you later. I'm at the supermarket."
"Okay. Peace." I hung up the phone and shoved it in my pocket.
I just didn't understand why Kris couldn't tell me about this sh*t before I married her. Now I feel like I don't even know her anymore.
I don't even know what the hell to believe! What if she's cheating on me still. I mean with this new found information I wouldn't be surprised if she was cheating on me because she was cheating on me before.
"Lying ass b*tch." I mumbled to myself. Putting the cereal in the cart, someone's cart bumped into mine.
"Can you watch where you're- Jada?" Sh*t! Great, just great.
"Raquel! Oh my gosh you're alive! I was scared you were dead or something." She ran over to me and gave me a hug.
"Get off of me ho! And I was ignoring your ass!" I yelled trying to push my cart away from hers. "Why have you been ignoring me and why are you so upset?" She tried touching my face but I slapped her hand away.
"You have some nerve to ask me that dumb ass question!" I yelled back in her face.
"Ohhhh! I know now. I wasn't even talking about you to that girl on the bus! That was just my friend."
"Tomorrow I'm gonna tell her that I don't care for her and I have feelings for someone else." I repeated her words from that day on the bus.
"Raquel I wasn't even talking about you!"
"Then who were you talking about!? Huh Jada?" I yelled. There were people looking at us but I didn't care as usual.
"Look it's complicated..." She whispered. I rolled my eyes and was gonna leave but she grabbed my arm. "Look Raquel please let me explain over dinner-"
"Jada did you find the juice? Ohhh...ummm...Jada who is this?" the same Ashley girl from the bus appeared behind her.
Jada looked back at her and then back at me. "Wow Jada really! To think I was starting to catch strong feelings for you!" I snatched my arm from her grip and walked off.
"Raquel please! I could explain!" she yelled but I was already in the other aisle.
How could she do this to me? I thought she had feelings for me! I mean she said she felt sparks when we kissed that night in the club so what changed her mind? Maybe she lied to try to slowly get into my pants.
But why didn't she f*ck me that night when I begged her to? I even laid down in the bed naked for her to come and f*ck me!
I placed my items on the conveyor belt and cashed for my things. I had to get out of there before I embarrass the poor girl and myself.
"Raquel please!" I heard Jada yell from the door of the store but I ignored her. Once I finished packing my things in, I closed the trunk and went straight into the car slamming the door.
"F*CK!" I screamed then punched the steering wheel. I couldn't believe how bad my day is going.
First was Kris and her cheating, player ass. Then here comes Jada and her new girlfriend in the store and her trying to "explain" to me why she said why she said. And the crazy thing is that she didn't even say sorry!
I took a breath and started the car. "Vicky please tell me what I need to do..." I mumbled. I miss her so much.
These past two weeks hasn't really been going well at all either. Last week Sunday was Vicky's funeral and it was so f*cking depressing. I didn't even go up to see her in her coffin because I'm still hurting. I loved that girl so much and to just lose her without saying goodbye is just terrible.
I also didn't read that note that she left me. Maybe when I get home I could read it and it might give me some clues on to what to do with my life when I'm feeling down.
Arriving at the house, I parked and took the groceries out the trunk and walked up to my apartment.
"I have to invest in a new house." I mumbled to myself.
When I reached to my door I heard Kris laughing and another voice laughing as well. "She got some b*tch in my house now." I said to myself.
I opened the door and it was very silent. "Kris I know you don't have some- Bernice what are you doing here?" I placed the bags on the floor and went over to give her a hug.
"Hey boo! I came over to invite you and Kris to a party I would be having next month." She smiled then it faltered. "Raquel you okay?" She asked looking at me in my eyes. I picked up the bags and brought them in the kitchen.
"I'm fine Bernice. Thanks for the invitation." I forced a smile so she could believe the words that came out my mouth, but it didn't work.
"Bullsh*t. Raquel something is wrong. Please tell me." She helped me put away the groceries and I sighed.
"I think Kris is cheating on me and I found out some information about her that she never told me." I huffed.
"Oh my. I don't think she's cheating. The way she looks at you shows that she loves you very much." She replied.
"I guess. I'm starting not to care anymore. I'm tired of feeling like I'm the only one in the f*cking marriage. And it's not like I could just give up and dump her. We're married and I love her too much."
She came over and gave me a hug. "It's okay babe. Talk to your counselor and see what she says about this situation."
"Thank you Bernice and I would call her tomorrow morning to schedule an appointment right away."
"Good. Now I shall get going. I got a hot date!" She kissed me on my cheek and skipped out the kitchen.
She hugged Kris and left the house.
I stood in the kitchen looking at Kris from where she was sitting. She got up and was going to leave the living room but I called her back.
"Kris what is going on with us?" I asked. She took a seat at the breakfast bar and took out her hair tie.
"Nothing. Do you think something is wrong?" she asked. "Yes." I replied truthfully.
She shifted in her seat and looked at me. "What's wrong then?"
"I feel like I'm the only one in this marriage Kris. And I don't like it. You don't show me any attention and I don't feel the love anymore."
"Well Raquel if I didn't love you, then I would of left or told you we should get a divorce and forget about the counseling."
I looked at Kris for a while before I responded. "Are you in love with me Kris? And be honest."
"I love you, yes."
"I asked you if you were in love with me though." I huffed.
"I-" there was a knock at the door and I looked at Kris and we both looked at the door. "Are you expecting anyone?" I asked her.
"No I don't think so..." She shrugged and got up then went into the room. I shook my head and walked to the door opening it a little too fast.
"Raquel...Please listen to what I have to say. I promise you and I swear to you that I wasn't talking about you on the bus. Well I was but not like how you thought." Jada said while holding my hands in hers.
"Jada please leave." I snatched my hands from her and tried closing the door but she pushed the door back open. "Raquel please can we talk? Once you hear what I have to say, we would be back to normal I promise."
I stood there looking at her then I made up my mind. "Fine but if things don't add up then don't ever contact me ever again. And don't even think about coming to my house either."
She smiled and gave me a hug. "Thank you!" I pushed her off me and went into the living room to grab my wallet.
"Kris I'll be back later! I'm going out with Jada for a bit!" I yelled. I heard her say 'okay' then I closed the door behind me.
****
We arrived at Buffalo Wild Wings one of the few restaurants I find very annoying. "Jada can't we go somewhere else? I don't like this restaurant." I complained.
"Why?"
"Because... I don't know. Just take me somewhere else before I change my mind about you." I demanded.
"Fine. Olive Garden good?"
"Yes. Thank you."
We drove in silence for a few more minutes until we reached our destination. The restaurant was packed and I was kind of upset because I couldn't yell at Jada like I planned to.
She paid the taxi driver and we got out the car. "I hope I can give you some answers for why you're so upset." Jada said trying to hold my hand.
"Don't touch me please." I said putting my hands in my pocket.
When I entered the restaurant, the good garlic smell slapped me in the face and this made me even more hungry.
The waiter took us to our seats and Jada decided to pull out the chair for me but I went around the table and took the other seat leaving her surprised.
"I took out the seat for you and you're just gonna ignore the gesture? Wow you're more angry than I thought."
I rolled my eyes and said, "Sit down Jada and explain to me what is going on with you and why you think it's cool to lie to me and say you have feelings for me but go around telling everyone else you don't." I barked.
"Well first off I don't understand why you are so upset because you're married remember? So you shouldn't even be caring if I have feelings for you or not. If I didn't have feelings for you, why would it even matter to you. There is no chance of us being together anyway..." She pointed out and she made so much sense.
"Whatever Jada. I'm going home." I got up from my seat but she got up and pushed me back down in the seat.
"No you're not! Your ass is staying right in that seat and listening to me until I say it's time to go." She yelled at me shutting me right up. One of the qualities I like about her is that she could take control and I LOVE women like that.
"Explain I'm listening." a waitress came over interrupting what Jada was going to say and she placed the menus on the table and left.
"Okay well that girl, Ashley, she's actually my best friend and she's straight so don't worry about her. She has a boyfriend and everything. Plus, I wasn't even talking about you in that way on the bus. That someone I said I was having feelings for was you, but the person I said I didn't care about anymore was one of my ex's."
"So you do have feelings for me?" I asked to make sure.
"Yes. I promise you and they are very strong feelings as well." She smiled.
"I just wanted to tell you this though. When you said that we don't have a chance that really hurt my feelings and the way my marriage is going right now I would say otherwise."
"What do you mean?"
"I'll explain later but how come you never told me about your ex girlfriend? You could of at least inform me that you were in a relationship or something."
"I know and I'm sorry. But I wasn't really in a relationship with her...we were kind of on a break." the waitress came back and took our orders and left again. "Are you still on that break with her?" I asked.
"No. I broke up with her that same day. She didn't take it well and we kind of got into a fist fight. That's why I have this scratch on my chest here."
She showed my the scratch and it looked like she had to get stitches. "Damn are you okay!?"
"Yea I'm fine. She could of kill me with that knife she sliced me up with but I escaped just in time." She sighed brushing her fingers over the scar.
"I'm sorry for assuming things please forgive me." I pleaded. "I already did. You know how much I love you- sh*t." Jada cursed and I was shocked.
Did she just tell me she loves me? Oh my gosh. I don't even know what to say! "Ohh Jada... I didn't know...that's how you felt."
"I didn't mean to say it out loud." Jada banged her head on the table and I giggled. "It's okay don't worry it slipped."
"I know but you don't feel the same way and... ugh! I feel stupid..." I picked her head up off the table and she looked at me. "It's okay Jada. Just know I have strong feelings for you." I stretched over the table and kissed her on her cheek.
"Raquel how is your marriage?" she asked taking a piece of bread. "Well Kris is very distant now and I just don't feel the love anymore. I'm starting to not even care about her anymore. It's like the fire died out and all that's left is the smoke."
"Wow. But I thought the counseling would help?"
"I thought it would too but I guess not. It made things worse. She doesn't even really pay attention to me anymore and I think she's cheating on me again."
"Again!?"
"Yeah... I just wish I knew what the hell was going on with her. At this point I just want to give up on our marriage. I don't even think I'm really in love with her anymore."
I sighed and Jada rubbed up and down my arm. "Look, I can't believe I'm saying this right now but...don't give up on the marriage just yet. Maybe she still loves you and I don't know maybe work is stressing her out."
"I doubt that. Owning a stripp club isn't hard work." I smiled. "Jada guess what she said when I asked her if she was still in love with me."
"What did she say...?" Jada asked very hesitantly.
"She told me she loves me." I shook my head remembering her acting like she was bored with our conversation.
"So what's wrong with that- Ohhhh! Oooo...you're going to have to talk to the counselor about that." Our food came and it looked so delicious. I took a forkful of my food and drank my soda.
"I'm going to schedule an appointment tomorrow morning just to talk to her alone."
Jada took a sip of her drink and shook her head 'no'. "Go there with Kris so she could know how you feel. Don't go there by yourself."
"See I don't want to her to go off on...someone."
"What do you mean she wouldn't go off on anyone. She loves you too much to go off on you."
I licked my lips and played with my food. "I found out some information about her past and the person who told me wasn't supposed to tell me anything but they did and I'm sure if I told her what I found out she would go off on that person."
"Ohh goodness. Raquel why?" Jada shook her head and sat back in her seat. "I was curious...and I wanted to see what her old life was about before me and I found out that it was very bad."
"Wow." Jada shook her head again and called the waitress over for some containers for our food.
I was glad I went out with Jada tonight. I think I really needed it and I knew she was going to give me some good advice to help my marriage as much as she wished she was my wife instead.
We packed up our food and was on our way back to my house. "Jada how come you never took me to your house?" I asked.
"Well, you might think different of me if I ever invited to you over." she replied. "If it's messy, it's okay I could help you clean one day." I smiled at her.
"I guess."
"But for real you should invite me over." The taxi driver stopped in front of my building and Jada got out and ran around the car to open the door for me.
"Such a gentlewoman." I giggled. "Sorry it's a habit." She shrugged. I smiled and we walked inside the lobby.
"Thank you for tonight and I'm sorry for jumping to conclusions. I will call you tomorrow before we leave for our appointment."
"It's okay and I hope you do call. I wouldn't want this wonderful night to go to waste." she winked at me and I started blushing.
"Good night babe." I kissed her on her cheek and gave her a hug.
"Good night dear and I would probably come over before you guys leave." I told her it's fine and we went our separate ways. I felt more relaxed and a little stress has been relieved but when I got to my door I didn't feel the happiness anymore.
"Kris I'm home!" I yelled out.
I'm hoping I could get that appointment for tomorrow because Kris and I have some problems. I don't trust her and I just feel like we aren't together anymore. It's hard being married and if this is what being married feels like then I don't think I want to me married anymore.
The marriage I watch on TV is way different to my marriage. The couples seem so much happier and they look like they could grow old together. But I honestly don't see Kris and I growing old together at this point. I just want what ever this feeling I'm feeling to go away and never come back.
I want to feel happy again. I want to feel like someone really loves me and cares for me. I want to maybe start a family one day and see my kids grow up and find love. But with Kris I don't think I could feel that way.
"How was dinner?" Kris asked me when I was settled in the bed next to her. "It was good." I fixed my glasses on my face and picked up one of my favorite books, To Love Again.
"You're still reading that book? It seems boring." she said changing the channel. "It's actually not. It shows how strong love can be. The women in here actually care about each other despite their flaws." trying to give her some clues.
"Oh. Well good night I'm tired." She yawned and turned off the TV. "I'm scheduling an appointment with Dr. Washington and good night."
She sat back up and stared at me confused. "Why?"
I marked the page I was on and looked at her. "Well I have some things I want to get off my chest and I want to tell you how I really feel." I said.
"Aight." was all she said then laid back down. I rolled my eyes and wanted to say "See Kris, this is the sh*t I'm talking about."
I turned off the light and laid down hoping I could fall asleep for once.
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Kris' POV:
I can't believe myself.
How could I lead her on like that knowing I don't feel the same way about her. I thought I was in love with this girl but really, I'm not and I feel bad.
Maybe at this appointment we have later on today I could tell her how I really feel and how much I didn't want to hurt her feelings.
"Can you get the door for me Kris." Raquel asked while putting on her earrings. She was wearing a black and white sundress and her black strapped sandals. I stood there for a moment looking at her and I just thought maybe we could work things out but I just couldn't see it.
At all.
"Kris! The door." She snapped her fingers in my face and I rolled my eyes.
I ran to the door and opened it to see Jada and another girl standing next to her. The girl that was standing next to her was so beautiful and her face was so flawless.
"Hey Kris! This is my best friend Ashley." she smiled then hugged me. Ashley smiled at me and shook my hand.
When they stepped in, I looked behind me trying to check out the ass on Ashley and I was happy I turned around because the way she was shaped from the back made me want to-
"Hey Jada. I see you brought Ashley..." I looked at Raquel for a second and her facial expression changed once Ashley came from behind Jada. What was up with that?
"Hello Raquel. Nice to meet you again. I'm sorry about the other time in the store. Jada...she tells me everything and I..." Jada elbowed her friend and she instantly changed the subject.
"Nice place you guys have here." Ashley smiled and it was the most beautiful smile I ever seen in a while.
They walked into the kitchen and I followed them because I was bored and I wanted to go to this appointment really badly.
"So how are you guys today?" Jada asked looking at me then back at Raquel. "We're doing good. You didn't tell me Ashley was coming with you today..." Raquel said.
I looked at the facial expressions while they were talking and something was definitely off. "Raquel what time is our appointment?" I asked staring down Jada.
"It's at 1:00 so we have time." She replied. Jada noticed I was staring at her so she decided to walk to the other side of the kitchen.
"You okay Kris?" Jada asked. "Yup. I'm fine." I rolled my eyes. I felt like Raquel was keeping something from me and it included Jada. Now I know I cheated but she said she wouldn't do the same thing to me. But things just didn't feel right but it's okay hopefully at the appointment she would tell me everything she needed to tell me and I would tell her everything I needed to tell her.
Ashley, Jada and Raquel stood there and talked about random things while I looked at their body language. Something about Ashley made me think she was a lesbian because she seemed very interested in their conversation about sex, with women but she was straight.
I walked over to the couch and thought to take a little nap before we left because I know I wouldn't be getting any sleep tonight.
"Bored?" I heard a voice say above me. I opened my eyes and saw the beauty standing right in front of me.
"Yeah. I'm just wishing the time would go a little faster." I closed my eyes and crossed my arms.
"Me too. Jada and I were supposed to go to the mall today and meet up with my boyfriend." she replied. I opened my eyes and looked at her.
"I thought you were a lesbian when I saw you. You throw off that kind of vibe..." I said.
"Really? Strange. I'm straight though. I might have a few bumps and lumps but I'm straight." she giggled.
"What do you mean by bumps and lumps?" I asked. "Well I used to have crushes on some girls but if I date one and it gets serious my family will never approve because of the whole religion thing." she shrugged an took a sip of her water.
"So you're attracted to girls?" I asked even more interested in the conversation.
"Yea..." I could tell she was blushing. Maybe if she would date a girl and bring her to her parents you never know what could happen.
We talked for a few more minutes and I noticed Jada and Raquel were still talking. Looking over, I saw the way Jada was looking at Raquel and I wanted to get up and slap the smirk off her face. But then I looked at Raquel and she had the same look and I started to feel bad.
I kept Raquel from going out and dating different women by marrying her when she was young. I tied her down and now here she is probably falling in love with someone else. But today at our appointment I hope I could let her go experience more things and date other people.
"Can I tell you something? I honestly don't care if you tell Jada but make sure it's after you guys leave." I sat up and faced Ashley.
"Sure. What's up?"
"Well I'm not in love with Raquel anymore but I still love her. I just feel like I led her on for the past year. I mean I thought I was in love with her but I been thinking lately and I was wrong."
She sat there looking like she just seen a ghost. "Ummm...wow...I can't believe you trust me enough to tell me this but...how come you never told her from the start? And why did you guys get married so quickly?"
"Well I was scared to tell her and I thought we were really in love with each other and would be together forever but...I thought wrong."
"Wow. I think you should tell her how you really feel today at that appointment." She suggested. "I know. That's exactly what I'm going to do."
I looked at the time and noticed it was time to leave. When I got up, Raquel and Jada were coming towards us with smiles on their faces but they instantly turned into frowns.
"Are you guys okay?" Jada asked. "Yeah we were walking about...umm...the news." Ashley lied.
"Ohh okay. Wow, must of been a really serious topic." Jada replied. I could feel Raquel's eyes on me and when I looked at her I was right. She looked like she was worried but upset at the same time.
I was really nervous to tell her how I've been feeling for the past year. I honestly don't know how she's going to take it. She's lost Vicky one of her best friends and now she's going to lose me. Her wife.
"You ready to go?" Jada asked Ashley. She nodded her head 'yes' and they said their goodbyes and left.
"Kris are you okay?" Raquel asked me. I grabbed my keys and opened the door. "Yea. I'm good. I just have a lot on my mind."
She shrugged and grabbed her phone following behind me out our apartment.
****
Dr. Washington placed the chairs so that they were facing each other in the middle of the room and this would make things ten times harder for me.
"You guys would be facing each other so your feelings could reach your spouse." she said motioning us to sit.
We sat down across from each other and I was starting to get sweaty. I didn't want to do this but I had to. For my good and Raquel's.
"Okay so Raquel you scheduled this appointment so I believe you should express yourself first." Dr. Washington grabbed her book and pen and faced Raquel.
Raquel cleared her throat and sat up. "Okay. Well Kris, you know how much I love you but...I just don't feel the love from you anymore. I feel like I'm the only one in this relationship and like, I just want to feel loved again. I'm also starting to think that you're cheating on me again. I don't know with who but...hey, you make me wonder who you really are."
I tilted my head to the side and was thinking maybe she knew something I didn't. Why would she think I'm cheating again even though she feels like I don't show her enough love.
"Is there anything else Raquel?" Dr. Washington asked writing down a few things in her book.
"Well honestly I can't trust you anymore Kris. I heard about your past and I think to myself, why would she changed her ways for me when she's been with Cathy longer than our marriage? I feel like you never opened up to me about your past and that's one of the things I regret not asking you before we got married. Maybe if I had known how you work then we probably wouldn't be here." She shrugged and crossed her legs.
I looked at her for a while and the anger started to rise in my system. I started breathing a little hard to contain my anger but Raquel sensed it and said something else. "Kris I love you and I want this to really work." She leaned forward a little with her elbows on her knees.
"Don't let Jada hear you say that sh*t." I tried mumbling but Dr. Washington heard me anyway. "Say that again?" She asked.
"I said...Don't let Jada hear you say that sh*t." I repeated loud enough for Raquel to hear. I saw a little bit of shock in her eyes but then it went away.
"What do you mean? Jada has nothing to do with this." She squinted her eyes and raised a brow.
"Sure she doesn't." I said leaning forward so close that I could kiss her without leaning anymore. "Who is this Jada person that you guys are talking about?" Dr. Washington asked still jotting sh*t down in her book.
"Jada is the person that she truly loves. The person that she f*cked after she said she wouldn't do anything to hurt me."
"Kris you know damn well I didn't f*ck- I mean have sex with her!" She yelled. "How do I supposed to know that you're not lying. I mean you did say that you were drinking that night."
I sat back in the chair and I saw a tear come down her face. I felt bad but it was the truth. I didn't know if she f*cked the girl and just didn't want to hurt my feelings.
Dr. Washington noticed it was quiet so she decided I should express myself.
"Well Raquel truthfully, I don't love you anymore and I haven't in the past year. I mean it may seem like I recently stopped showing you love but I sat down and noticed that I was lying to myself. I mean I love you as a person and I have no hard feelings towards you but I just don't...feel the connection anymore."
She sat there staring into my eyes probably trying to see if I was telling the truth. After her being silent for a few more seconds I continued. "I know who told you about my past and I promise you I wouldn't go off on him. That's my family. I'm so sorry for this Raquel honestly I am but I just thought that maybe this feeling would go away but it didn't. This counseling made things even worse for us." Another tear slid down her cheek and I really felt bad but I had to tell her the truth.
"I also feel like I stopped you from living your life. I mean you date one girl and you get married to her right away. I'm surprised we lasted this long honestly. But I just want to let you go now and allow you to live your life and date whoever you want and just-"
SLAP!
"Shut the f*ck up." She wiped her eyes and had a scowl on her face. "Kris, are you telling me I wasted my time on your ass?! I could of been out there enjoying the rest of my youth while it lasted. My relationship with my mom was ruined! Part of my family never wanted to be around me! Actually they still don't. They hear that I'm a lesbian stipperr and they give me dirty looks! Kris honestly there are no words to describe what you are to me right now." She got up and left the room making sure to slam the door behind her.
I sat there rubbing my face from that hard ass slap while trying to process this. I really, really didn't want to hurt her like this but it had to come out. I know she would of rather let me tell her the honest truth rather than just lie to her for the rest of her life with me.
"Wow...Dr. Washington, I think I would like to sign those divorce papers." I whispered still in shock from her response. I shouldn't be shocked because who sits there all happy knowing the person they love wants to get a divorce?
"Are you sure about this Kris?" she asked me. I shook my head 'yes' and she handed the papers over to me.
I signed where I was supposed to sign and placed the papers in a folder she had given me for all her notes that she would write to us at the end of our appointment.
I heard the door open then close and saw Raquel gather her things and say goodbye to Dr. Washington. "Kris can I go home." She asked not looking me in the face. I got up and said goodbye to Dr. Washington as well.
We left and our ride home was even more quieter than the walk to the car. When we reached in the house I went straight to fridge getting out two bottles of water.
"I guess I have to start packing." She sighed. I offered her the bottle of water and gently grabbed her wrist so she could look at me.
"Raquel I am so, so, so sorry for what I've done to you. I just...I don't know I should of follow my mind and tell you in the first place but I just thought things would get better. But understand that I still and would always love you but I just think you should live your life instead of being trapped in a marriage that would never work." I kissed her on her forehead and she started crying. I held her in my arms feeling so bad that I just wanted to beat myself up right there on the spot.
I deserve everything bad that gets thrown in my face because of how much I hurt someone who fell in love with me. I broke her heart and I would understand if she never forgives me.
"Raquel I'm so sorry. I deserve all the hurt in the world. You could beat me up for all I care." I tried to calm her down but she started crying more.
I lifted her up bridal style and carried her to the room. I laid her on the bed making sure to take off her clothes before I did so. She didn't mind me watching her only in her bra and panties so I took off my clothes and laid down next to her.
She stopped crying after thirty minutes and I held her in my arms again. "Kris I just don't understand...I feel hurt and broken but then again I feel free. I'm not going to forgive you right now but I just want to tell you thank you for allowing me to live my life now. Honestly, umm... I been feeling Jada a little bit..." she confessed.
Chuckling, I pulled her on top of me and then kissed her tear stained cheeks. "It's okay. I saw the way you would look at her. Plus I knew something was up when you guys weren't talking." I smiled.
"Wow...this is so weird. Kris, I'm going to miss you a lot and I'm sorry for anything I did to you...." She replied.
"It's okay. I'm the one that's truly sorry. I really didn't mean to treat you this way Raquel. I mean you been through so much for the past month and I just made it worse...I'm so sorry."
She placed a finger on my lips then kissed my forehead. "It's okay. I'll be fine. Just make sure you're there whenever I need you."
"Yes ma'am. I promise." She smiled and kissed me on my lips. I returned the kiss a little longer than planned then flipped her over so she was now on her back.
Us having sex right now probably wouldn't be a good idea but she was so into it I didn't want her to stop pulling me into her.
"Raquel are you sure you want to do this?" I asked in between kisses. "Yes Kris. Just one last time." she whispered in my ear.
I kissed along her shoulder and then unbuttoned her bra. I moved back to her neck and took in her scent for one last time.
Tomorrow I would be the one packing up my things and leaving while she stayed here in the house. I wouldn't allow her to leave. I already broke her heart, I didn't want to kick her out the house too.
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Raquel's POV:
I woke up to lots of noise coming from the closet. I felt around for my glasses and placed them on to see Kris packing up her suitcase. "Why are you leaving?" I asked.
"Sorry to wake you but I've done enough damage. You should be kicking me out honestly." She snorted.
"Well...wow, ummm. I guess I'm going to have to find a new job." I sighed looking out the window. Kris came out the closet and sat on the bed next to me.
"I think you should read that letter Vicky wrote to you. Doesn't it tell you about her shop and stuff?" She asked. I just remembered the letter that I was supposed to read about a month ago. "Oh yeah. Thanks for reminding me. I'll probably read it later."
"But until you could get back on your feet I would gladly pay for your school still and rent and all that other sh*t." She smiled. I smiled back at her and kissed her on her cheek. "Thank you Kris. I promise I would pay you back."
"No! You don't have to. As I told you before, I did enough damage."
"Kris I don't care I have to give you something back in return." I argued.
"You already did that last night." She winked at and pushed her playfully. "You're an ass." I giggled. She shrugged and her face got serious. "I know. I'm so sorry Raquel."
"Stop Kris. That sorry word is getting annoying."
"I don't care I would keep repeating myself until you forgive me."
"No need for that. Just show me how sorry you are..." I ran my hand through her hair and sighed. "You really want me to show you how sorry I am?" She asked. I looked at her with my eyebrow raised.
"Yeah." She pushed me back on the bed and started to pull down my panties. "Kris not like that...Kris not like- sh*tttt!"
"I guess this could help me forgive her too" I thought to myself.
******
I walked into Le Fleur looking for Bernice. "Holly Party." I told the hostess. Following the hostess, I saw Bernice sitting there enjoying her drink while looking around the resturant.
When I approached her table she looked up and started smiling. "Hey girl." She got up and gave me a hug.
"What's up? How you doing today?" I asked her. "I'm doing good. How are you doing?"
"I'm okay..." I pouted then played with my nails. "Are you sure you're okay?" She asked.
"Me and Kris. We're getting a divorce..."
Bernice stood up looking angry as ever. "Where is that b*tch?" She looked around the restaurant like Kris would be in here.
I started giggling and she sat back down. "Calm down Bernice. I'm kind of happy we're not going to be together anymore. I can finally be free and go partying and all that."
She shrugged and took a sip of her drink then looked out the window. "That could of been ya'll but Kris playing." She said.
I started laughing and looked out the window to see a lesbian couple holding hands with a little girl in the middle.
"Can I take your order ladies?" I heard a familar voice say. Without turning around I said, "Ummm can I have a Jada with some pasta." I turned around and smiled.
Bernice turned around and looked so surprised. "You work here? Damn..."
"Yes I do. It's not bad and why are you so open today Raquel?" She pushed Bernice over so she could sit in front of me.
"How am I open?" I asked knowing what she meant. She placed her pen and notepad in her pocket and smiled. "Well you told me you wanted a Jada with some pasta..." She wiggled her eyebrows and I blushed.
"Shut up." I reached over and slapped her lightly. She laughed trying to hit me back but she missed.
"How was the counseling?" She asked getting comfy in the seat.
"Don't you have to go take some orders?" Bernice asked trying to push her off the seat.
"Yes. But that could wait. Wendy!" She called out. A pretty dark skinned girl turned around and walked over looking annoyed.
"What do you want Jada? Those people are already starting to piss me off." She told her in a monotone voice.
"Gosh, don't take it out on me..." Jada's eyes widened and the girl rolled her eyes. "What do you want Jada?" She asked again.
"Can you take care of my tables please. I have some business to take care of." She asked blinking her eyes a few times. "No, the f*ck I look like?" She rolled her eyes about to walk off but Jada cleared her throat.
"Wendy...can you please delete your ratchetness and take care of my tables please?" She asked giving Wendy a 'warning' look.
I looked at the both of them and I felt like something was up. Jada knew something that Wendy probably didn't want to know.
Wendy nodded her head 'yes' and walked off. Bernice and I looked at Jada and then at each other. "Jada what was that look about?" Bernice asked.
"What look?"
"The look you gave the girl. It was like she was your child and you didn't want to beat her in public..." I giggled at the comparison Bernice gave.
Jada rolled her eyes and sucked her teeth. "She was just acting stupid. But back to you Raquel. How was the counseling?"
I squinted my eyes and took a sip of Bernice's drink. "It went terrible at first but then things got better when we went home." I smiled.
"Well details please. Like what happened when you told her how you felt?" Jada asked.
"When I told her how I felt we were going back and forth and she told me that she didn't love me anymore and that she wants to let me go so I could live my life." Jada's mouth opened wide along with her eyes. "But then I thought about it and I think its good that we would be getting a divorce. I mean, she said she felt like she basically married me too fast. I didn't get to go out and party and date and all that before I married Kris." I took another sip of the drink.
"Wow...so basically...wow..." Jada sat there for a while just staring at the floor. "So when are you signing the papers?" She asked.
"I guess whenever Kris gives me them to sign."
"WOW. I'm still in shock."
I smiled at her and she started grinning from ear to ear. "So about that date." I raised a brow and tilted my head to the side. "What date?"
"Our next date..." She got up and kissed me on my forehead. She walked away and I sat there smiling like a fool.
"Well looks like you won't be single for long." Bernice shrugged.
I laughed at what she said and rolled my eyes. "I'm going to be single for as long as I can. Jada...she can't really provide for me. She works at a restaurant, she probably lives in a small ass apartment because I haven't been to her house yet and it's too early for a relationship."
Bernice looked around the restaurant before looking back at me. "B*tch! Jada seems like a faithful, sweet and caring person! She would give you the shirt off her back if you guys were stuck in the middle of a blizzard."
I shook my head. "You are overreacting girl. And I know she's a sweetheart but I need someone that's going to take care of me and provide for me when it's needed."
"But first you need someone that would love you Raquel."
Bernice was right. The only way that I'm ever going to get that type of treatment is if I find someone who really and truly loves me. I mean Jada claims that she loves me but I'm not sure yet. It's really to early to love someone and we aren't even in a relationship.
"You're right. I don't know I'm not ready for a relationship yet." I huffed. "Well no one is rushing you girl. Take your time." She replied. We got up and left the restaurant saying goodbye to Jada on the way out.
I honestly just wanted to enjoy life after my divorce. Not have to worry about another marriage and being trapped down in one. I want to party and experience new things, date new people, explore the lgbt world. I hope Jada would understand that once I tell her on our date.
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Sorry for the long wait guyssss but I had to settle back into my home after my lovely vacation. Imma miss Kris and Raquel :( I think I might do one more chapter and then the epilogue but I hope you guys don't kill me because of the ending.... :/ But just know that someone is going to reappear back in someone's life and cause some drama and all that other stuff... :DLovee yalll!!
-Krissy :*