Maliah and I slept in for most of the day. I was surprised to see that it was the afternoon already. My stomach woke me up with it's grumbling and bubbling. Maliah didn't get up right away. Considering how much a good time we had last night, she's currently still in post sex haze. She's also an early bird so last night we really pushed her limits.
It was amazing. Really amazing. And I'm happy Hielee and I didn't wind up having sex because I doubt it would've been as amazing and honest as it was. Now I know what Maliah means by sex being special. It is special and even though I could careless about hook up culture, especially because I'm sort of apart of that culture, it's nice sharing a special moment with someone you can't imagine your life without.
At first I was extremely nervous ... and self conscious. Maliah's body is much fuller than mine and point blank attractive. I was afraid she wouldn't like me naked. I was also afraid she would change her mind last minute, but she seemed a lot more calmer than I was. A lot.
I feel my blood drain and rush when I recall her fingers digging into my scalp and her silky soft moans in my ear. God it felt like I was riding a cloud for hours. I see why people get addicted to fucking, but we didn't just fuck, I think. It was more than that.
Fucking doesn't last hours. It doesn't involve long make outs and generous assumptions. I'm scared to say we made love, especially because Maliah has reminded me time and time again that she isn't in love with me, but deep down I think she is. She just doesn't know it yet.
Hopeful thinking.
I turn on her shower and leave my head under the hot water. The water hits my cut making me bite my lip out of pain. God this shit is annoying.
I didn't hear the door open and almost didn't hear Maliah getting in the shower with me. I turned around, surprised, but happy. I always see scenes like this in movies and what not. I always thought it was pretty gay, but now I'm on the gay end and couldn't be more grateful.
Maliah pushed her face against my neck. I can tell she just decided to get up of bed and come in here. I kiss the top of her head and hold her hips. Everything I imagined about her body was almost accurate.
It turned out to be better than I ever imagined.
I think about how good she tasted and how I couldn't stop until she was super sensitive and begging for a break. I may just be stuck in post sex haze for a while too.
Maliah finally spoke, "How are you?"
I kissed her head again, "I'm good. What about you?"
"Tired ..."
I laughed a little, "I can imagine. You're never up that late. You can't hang for shit."
"Fuck you." She said softly.
"Yeah? That's definitely not a joke anymore."
She chuckled, "Mmmhmm ..."
I feel the steam starting to fill up the room. Maliah relaxes more against me. Her fingertips started caressing my back.
"Don't start teasing me ..." I warned.
She lazily lifted her head and kissed the side of my face, "Oh I know. That's the fun part."
I laughed and pressed my mouth against her neck. I started slow, dragging my lips around and kissing sensitive spots. Then I started giving her open mouth kisses. Maliah is a very big sucker for neck play and I love it. Its an easy spot to please and manipulate. He other spots involve her tits and her sides.
"Do you think we missed anything important?" She asked randomly.
I pulled from her neck in confusion, "Is that really what you're thinking about?"
"You know I don't really miss school unless I have to. Like really really have too."
"Calm down. I'm sure we didn't miss anything that will tank your perfect grades."
She kissed my lips softly, making my blood rush back down to my core. The dread in my chest came back though. What are we? What do I tell Hielee? Should I tell Maliah about Hielee and I's recent hook ups?
She moved her hands to my shoulders, "What time is it anyway?"
"Well it was twelve when I got in here." I answered, shoving those thoughts back far into my head.
She groaned, "Ugh ... we really slept the entire morning away. I'm so not used to that."
I smirked, "Doesn't it feel great?"
"A little. Then again I feel like we wasted a large portion of the day."
"Well ..." I kissed her neck. "Lets get productive ..."
She sighed softly, embracing me and letting herself melt into my hands.
Where do we go from here?
After making out and showering, I decided I wanted to give Maliah space and myself space for that matter. My head just became clogged with too much.
She surprisingly didn't argue or question my sudden decision, but I think she knows why. She has to understand the way things are ... are just weird. For the both of us. I don't think hating each other one month and loving each other the next is a very good thing. We went from avoiding each other to having sex like nothing ever happened. I'm at the point where I don't actually know what to feel or how to feel.
"How was school?" Jane asked. "And Maliah's house?"
"Good," I lied. "Maliah and I talked."
She stopped wiping down a pot and looked at me, "Really?"
I nodded, "Yeah."
"Well I assumed you guys didn't not talk ... that would be weird, huh?"
"At first it was," I shrugged. "We started yelling."
Uneasiness crossed her face, "Uh ..."
I flashed her a smile, "We're fine. I think ..."
"You think?"
"It's complicated." I mentioned as I walked away.
I sighed walking up the stairs. I made it to the top with my legs and feet slightly burning.
Harry's room door is open. I slowly approach it and look into a still very empty room, which reminds me about what my parents said - they want to have a new baby.
They haven't mentioned anything about it since they brought it up. Maybe they decided it's a shitty idea.
Because it is.
I close his door and walk into my room. Time to figure how I'm gonna sort these thoughts that are swarming my head now.
**
I set my lunch tray down on the table. Today they're serving pizza and nuggets with some weird looking vegetables that smell like ass.
I wait for Hielee to come join me. I look around, slightly eyeing everyone and catching Maliah's stare. She gives me a small smile while sitting with her other friends I can't really stand. I wave at her. She doesn't know that I'm actually about to break some real fucking shitty news to Hielee. In fact, neither of them know a thing about what I need to tell them. I figured Hielee would be the first one I talk too because I know she's going to take it the hardest.
Some part of me was begging myself not to say anything, but that would just make things a lot worse. Karma is real and I don't want to be in her spotlight anymore.
"Hey." Hielee said coming into view.
She sets her tray down a distance in front of mine and sits down, adjusting herself and brushing her loose strands of her hair behind her ears.
"Hey," I replied. "How was your day yesterday?"
"It was ... good. I guess. More lonely than anything, but good, you?"
I swallowed, "It was weird. There's something I have to tell you ..."
"Okay, shoot."
"Uh ... Last night, Maliah and I -"
"Got back together?" She blurted.
I shook my head, "No. No, uh, we're still kinda not exactly talking on normal terms. Um ..."
"Um?"
"We had sex last night." I said quietly.
She didn't make any noticeable changes in her face, but I felt the energy between us shift. Horribly.
She glared at me, "You guys had sex? After probably about a month of fighting and not talking?"
I suddenly felt even worse, "Yeah ... Things were said last night and one thing I guess led to the next and ... yeah."
"So now what?" She asked firmly.
I shrugged, feeling stupid that I don't even know myself, "Me and Maliah have things we need to work out. I didn't really stay long. I left yesterday in the afternoon."
She rolled her eyes, "Pathetic."
"Woah, what?"
"You heard me," She scoffed. "Jax don't you see what she's doing? She's fucking manipulating you and only calling you back when shit gets tough for her."
"No," I argued. "That's not true. That's not even how it happened."
She folded her arms, "Who made the first move?"
"She did - that's not the point," I said quickly realizing what she was trying to do.
"So she knew what she was doing in other words. For whatever reason she's suddenly ready to have sex with you and she knows exactly how to lure you back in. On top of that, you're still somehow sitting here with me and not with her."
I exhaled heavily, "Oh fuck off. You don't know what happened."
"So now what? No more fucking around then? Cause I assume you're gonna go back to being faithful to a girl that's not even yours."
I closed my fists, "I wish you'd stop assuming shit."
"Does she even know?"
I don't say anything. My silence gave her the answer to that question real fast.
She scoffed, "Wow. I mean I know you guys weren't talking, but ..."
"It's our business," I stated confidently. "I was actually going to tell her today after I was done talking with you."
She sighed, "Cut the bullshit Keen. You were just using me to numb the wounds she caused."
"I wasn't using you."
"Then what were you doing?"
"Being a friend?" I said sarcastically. "At least trying to be. You'd rather me lie?"
My eyes switched over to Maliah who was standing there awkwardly, "Hey ... did I interrupt something?"
Hielee looked up and looked away just as fast. I rub my temples and take a deep breath. Perfect timing, freckles.
"No freckles. What's up?" I responded trying to mask my annoyance.
"I wanted to talk, but I didn't wanna intrude ..."
"Too late." Hielee said.
"Excuse me? Is there something you said?" Maliah said.
"No!" I shouted standing up out of my seat. "There's nothing she said. Fuck it, lets talk."
"No I wanna know what she said." Maliah demanded.
Hielee snapped to her, "I said you already intruded. Happy?"
"Do you have a problem?" Maliah asked getting closer to her.
I stepped in between the small distance that was left. I grabbed Maliah's arms and shook my head, "Stop."
I heard a chair behind me scratch the floor. From the corner of my eye I see Hielee just pick up her tray and walk away from us.
Maliah scoffed and tried shrugging me off, "Fucking bitch. What the fuck was that about?!"
I said quietly, "You need to calm down. People are fucking staring at us."
She glared at me, "I don't care. Why the fuck is she so rude? What does she have against me all of a sudden? It's not my fault you love me and not her."
"I told her," I said. "I told her about me and you ... last night."
She looked shocked for a moment, "Why ..?"
"Because."
"Were you ... messing around? With her?"
I sighed and nodded. No point in trying to hide it any longer even though I wanted to tell her under better circumstances. Of fucking course not.
I felt her body ease. I finally let her arms go, "Ah ... makes sense now."
"You're not mad?" I asked, genuinely confused and curious.
"I'm not mad, but ... I'm not happy about it. I understand that was probably gonna happen. I guess I'm not your first then ..."
"What? No, you are," I said quickly. "We didn't ever have sex. I mean we definitely got close a few times, but it never felt right. Especially not the way it did with you."
I saw the corner of her lips almost twitching into a smile, "Oh."
"You're my first everything, freckles."
She smiled and sighed. Which leads me to wonder what she wanted to talk about with me.
"What'd you wanna talk about though?" I asked.
"I was literally just coming over here to see if you were alright. I noticed you looked upset from a distance ..."
"Yeah."
She looked past me, "You should eat."
I shrugged, "Not really hungry anymore."
She reached for my hand and grabbed it. I feel like shit now.
She spoke as if she read my mind, "It's not your fault."
"I feel like it is. I don't mean to hurt her the way I do. How was I supposed to know that was gonna happen. I'm obviously not gonna keep it a fucking secret."
"You were gonna hurt her regardless. Just like I guess I was gonna hurt you regardless. We can't avoid not hurting people." She said softly.
"We still need to talk - more." I mentioned.
She nodded, "I know. I just figured you wanted space."
I freed my hand and sat back down in my chair, "I did. Everything is confusing now - between us. I don't know what this is and I'd like to know."
She sat down in Hielee's seat and folded her hands on the table, "Of course. Should I come over today?"
"My parents won't be home so yeah, I guess. We can get into another screaming match," I joked.
She chuckled, "That's not supposed to be funny."
I smirked, "I know."