Niall's POV
I dragged my ass out of bed as I heard something fall in the kitchen, sounded like Liam's phone. I was still dead tired, but also knew my best mate needed me now. Harry got into the shower, trying to wake himself up a bit as I walked to the kitchen, finding Liam there on the floor, head in his hands, shaking violently.
I sat down next to him, pulling him close to me, not bothering with the tears that were running down his face, wetting my T-shirt.
I rubbed soothing circles on his back, just holding him, as there was nothing for me to say.
“Za... Zayn said he's gone off with an old mate.” he hiccuped. “An old mate Niall. It's all been useless!” a wail escaped from the back of his throat.
This was why I didn't want him to act on his saviour instincts, I hated to see him like this. Broken and shattered to pieces. I had seen this once before, when Nicola had overdosed and I had hoped it would've been the only time. I knew it was only a matter of time before he started blaming himself for it too, it was awful.
My feet were sleeping as Harry walked into the kitchen, taking my place with Liam so I could have a shower and get the foul taste of beer out of my mouth. I wondered how something could taste so good in the evening and yet so horrible the next morning.
When I came out of the bathroom, I found Liam on the couch, still sobbing and shaking while Harry was at the stove, cooking us some breakfast. It was highly unlikely for Liam to want anything to eat, but still, we could try anyway.
Harry and I ate our eggs and bacon, as expected Liam refused his, and just sat with him, listening to his sobbing, taking turns in hugging and comforting him. Sometimes his sobbing would die down, his breathing still ragged, and it seemed like the crying had stopped, but soon enough another wail would follow and the sobbing would start all over again.
I didn't know how long we sat there, but my stomach was telling me it should be noon soon. Liam had finally drifted off to sleep, still shuddering now and then. He was pressed close to Harry's chest, his hands around Harry's waste and their legs an entangled mess.
Suddenly, a key was being shoved into the lock at the front door. Harry and I looked at each other, startled, soon hearing footsteps walking into the living room.
Louis' POV
“Hey guys! What's up?” I asked cheerily as I walked into the eerily silent living room.
Niall snorted. “What's up? Are you fucking kidding me Louis? I'm surprised you found your way back to the flat, really.”
Both his and Harry's eyes were shooting daggers at me, I didn't understand what was going on. Yes, of course, I got home rather late, but I had stayed over at Kevin's, since it had been 7 before we finally stopped talking, and by the way, I had thought about bringing some bread rolls and even freshly baked croissants. “What do you mean I found the way back to the flat?”
“Had fun with your old mate then?” he shot back, not even answering my question.
“Louis?” Liam's voice was weak and quivering, as if he had been crying.
I walked up to him, feeling how something cracked inside me as I saw his face, his eyes bloodshot and puffy from crying, his cheeks tear stained and his lips quivering as I put my hand up to his face. “Liam? What's going on?”
He flung himself into my arms, knocking me over as I was crouched next to the couch. “Oh Lou, at least you came back home.” he whispered, his voice cracking.
“Liam, of course I came back home, why wouldn't I?” I didn't get what they all were going on about, me not coming home.
“I was so worried about you, when you didn't come home last night!” he sniffled. “But I'm glad you're here now.”
“Oh Liam, I'm sorry, I would've called or texted you, but I left my phone.”
“I know. And then Zayn said you were off with an old mate, and I figured you wouldn't be coming back, but here you are.” his arms were still around my neck, almost choking me as he pulled me even tighter to his chest.
“I... What? Why would me meeting Kevin at the bar mean that I wouldn't come back?”
“Because you're not strong enough yet Lou, I shouldn't have left you there on your own!”
“Not strong enough?” Finally it clicked. “You thought I was going to use again?”
He nodded fiercely in reply.
“You really thought that?” my voice cracked as I felt the tears welling up in my eyes, a big lump appearing in my throat. “You really think I would give all this up for one more shot?” I saw Niall and Harry disappearing from the corner of my eyes. Liam's eyes still on me, gazing as if I was the eighth world wonder. “Do you really have that little trust in me Liam?” I noticed my voice was raising, anger and hurt quickly rising as I spoke. “Is this also why you've been so frantic about bringing me to work and picking me up every single day? I always thought you were just being sweet, but it was because you don't trust me all along, wasn't it? I can't believe you Liam.” I sighed, not able to stop my rant. It was all coming up and I had to let it out. “I thought, I hoped that I had showed you by now that I had started a new life. I don't want to use any drugs anymore. I've got you now, I love you Liam, I really do. I love what we have, I love this life. I don't want to go back for just one second. I can't believe you don't see that.” I was on the verge of breaking into tears, and I knew I couldn't handle breaking down in front of him. I stood up, leaving him there, on the floor while I stormed off to my room, tears running down my face as if someone had turned on the tap.
“Louis?” I heard faintly from the doorway to Niall's room.
“Drop it Niall. Go sit with Liam and talk about what a filthy junk I still am in your eyes,” I spat at him.
I fell face first onto my bed, not caring for the bunch of clothes that were spread on it. I cried until I had no more tears left, wailed until my voice was broken and I couldn't make a sound. I had truly thought that it would be different this time. I thought that Liam believed in me, and Niall and Harry too, but when it came to it, they didn't trust me, they jumped to conclusions and assumed I hadn't changed a bit. It was the same old story all over again.
It was already dark outside when I finally fell silent. I was tired, but I knew I wouldn't be able to sleep. I didn't want to sleep, knowing I would only be haunted by vicious nightmares.
I laid on my side, staring at the wall, pretending to count the little squares in the wall paper, although I didn't exactly know who I was pretending for. Myself, probably, trying not to crumble down once again. Trying not to think about how I would have to move out now, living on my own. Not to think about how hard it would be not to go back to my old life, since I wouldn't have Liam or my new found friends to do it for.
I had reached 237 when there was a knock on the door. I didn't bother answering, hoping they would leave.
“Louis?” Harry's husky voice sounded from the doorway as he opened the door before walking into my room. “I know you're not sleeping,” he simply stated. A few seconds later, I felt the mattress dip where he sat. It took him a few minutes before he spoke again, I supposed he was trying to figure out what to say. “Listen Lou, I'm sorry. We're sorry. We jumped to conclusions, and we shouldn't have. We should've known better. We should've thought of you as the friend you've become and not as the junkie you were before. We were wrong to treat you like that when you came home.” He sighed. “Niall was just... he was feeling so extremely bad for Liam, you know? They've been through this together when Nicola died, and from what Niall told me, Liam took that really bad. He just hated seeing his best mate like that. I still feel like Nicola is a part of the reason why they split up, you know?”
I turned around, showing him I was prepared to listen, still remaining silent. He shifted on the bed, sitting crossed legged and leaning against the back end.
“Liam was freaking out this morning, when you weren't home. He woke us up, even though we were still drunk. He called Zayn, and he said that you were off with an old mate. He assumed it was the bad kind of mate. Wrongly, but I guess it's understandable with Liam's history. He's seen his sister go back three times Lou, the third time she died. He just... he was so afraid to lose you. He wasn't even mad at you, you know. He was just afraid that you wouldn't come back. I think he loves you Lou. I'm pretty sure you guys haven't said it to each other, since he kept repeating it to Niall the whole time this afternoon, how you'd said you loved him, but I'm pretty sure he feels the same.”
It was only then I had realised that I indeed had told Liam that I loved him. It was true, so there was no way I regretted it, but maybe the moment had been badly chosen.
I pulled myself up so I was sitting on the opposite side of the bed, crossed legged, as if I was Harry's reflection. I looked down at my hands as we sat in silence for a few minutes.
“I'm sorry Lou, we shouldn't have picked Liam's side right away. We should've believed in you, we should've heard you out before jumping to conclusions. You're our mate, our friend as well as Liam is.”
“It's okay Harry.” my voice cracked and sounded faint, making it come out more as a whisper. “I understand, how you guys wanted to stand by Liam, you wanted to protect him. And I guess I also understand why he assumed I had gone back. But it just hurt so much. It still does. But I get it. I get how I have to prove myself, show Liam that it doesn't have to go like it did with Nicola. And I'll do it. I'll show him. I don't want to throw all of this away.”
Harry nodded.
“Where is he?”
“In his room, with Niall.” he replied, getting up from my bed. “Shall I tell him he can come in?”
I nodded in reply, swallowing the lump in my throat. It took a while before I heard shuffling in front of my door, as if someone was standing there, hesitating if they should knock. Finally, I stood up and walked to the door, pulling it open to reveal Liam, his hand up, ready to knock. I pulled him in, wrapping my arms closely around him as I led him to the bed.
“I'm sorry.” he whispered.
“Me too.”
“I shouldn't have jumped to conclusions.”
“And I should've understood why you couldn't not jump to those conclusions.”
He shrugged. “I never told you the whole story.”
“Tell me sometime later. We'll trade a story for a story.” I replied, even surprising myself that I was offering to tell him about my past.
He seemed to be surprised to, looking up and locking his eyes with me. “Did you mean it? Earlier?”
“Did I mean what?” I was quite sure I knew what he was talking about, but I didn't want to make a fool of myself if I happened to be wrong anyway.
“That you... that you love me?”
I nodded. “Yes. I really do. Even though it's crazy because I've only known you for about two months, but it just feels right.”
“It feels like it's been so much longer, doesn't it? But then there's moments like this, when I realise there's so much we don't know about each other.”
“Yeah. But I'd like to find out.”
“Me too,” he smiled, looking as vulnerable as ever with the marks of a day full of crying and fighting visible on his face, but still a small smile tugging at his lips.
“Come here, bambi,” I whispered as I pulled him closer to my chest, lying my head upon his, feeling his soft curls against my cheek.
“Why bambi anyway? It seems to be one of your favourites.” he asked softly.
“Your eyes. They remind me of bambi. They're so innocent and sweet.”
He looked up at me, smiling fondly, his eyes glistening, but not with tears this time. “I love you, Lou.”
“I love you too Liam.”
I leaned back, adjusting our bodies so we were lying next to each other, only a nose length between our faces. His hand was going up and down on my waist as my fingers weaved through his hair twirling a curl around them every now and then. We both closed our eyes, feeling sleep finally take over.
“Hey Li?” he hummed in reply, almost asleep. “Shall we do that sauna-thing tomorrow? Maybe we could go out to dinner afterwards?”
“Sounds good boo. But sleep first. I'm tired.” he mumbled, already half asleep as he let out a yawn.
I chuckled, pressing another kiss on his forehead before drifting off myself.
Here you go apple pies, munchkins and bumble bees ;) Please let me know what you think, I'd love some more comments really! Thanks in advance!
Lots of love!