Chapter 28 - Caught
As I stormed into the bathroom, it was like I was seeing red. Hot anger burned through my veins, sending away any rational thought and replacing it with fury. How could Ben do this to me? I had thought he was different, but this whole time he was entertaining Monica, too. I felt stupid and mortified. I had let Ben in, and in less than an hour it had bit me in the ass.
I flung the door open, still clutching the blanket around my bare chest. With Ben's phone still clutched in my hand, I flung the shower door open to find Ben looking at me with a raised eyebrow.
"Someone knows how to make an entrance." He chuckled. The teasing tone in his voice just made my temper flair even more. With all the strength I could muster I threw the cellphone at his head. He ducked just in time for it to miss him, rebounding off of the opposite wall and shattering on the floor. "What the hell?!" He shouted.
Oh god, I had lost my mind.
But in that moment I didn't even care.
"Get the fuck out of my room and go slithering back to Monica like the snake you are!" I screeched, pointing to the door. I wanted him gone. I needed him out of my sight. If I kept looking at him, I just might strangle him. All of a sudden it was like all the blood drained from his body. His face went white.
"What did she say to you?" His voice was calm and collected, the opposite of my hands shaking in rage. It made me hate him even more.
"She didn't have to. Her contact picture on your phone says it all!" I pointed at the broken phone on the floor. "She called you, by the way. You may want to call her back on a different phone. Yours seems to be broken."
"Can you stop for a second?!" He yelled, making me jump. He tried to grab my shoulders, but I jerked away. Suddenly I was very aware that we were both still naked. The only thing between us was the blanket wrapped around me, which was getting heavier by the second, now weighed down with water. "I'm not with Monica. I haven't talked to her in so long that I forgot she even has a contact picture."
"Bullshit," I hissed, grinding my teeth. The urge to slap him was growing. "You're an asshole, Benjamin Miller. A lying, cheating, scumbag asshole." With each word I shoved my pointer finger into his chest, forcing him to move backwards until his back was against the shower wall. Even though I was several inches shorter than him, I felt like I was towering over his flinching frame. "I can't believe I fell for your tricks. Was it just a game to you to get into my pants? Well congratulations, mission accomplished! You fucked me, so just get out!"
"I love you," he blurted, making me freeze.
He, what?
I clamped my mouth shut, suddenly feeling minuscule in the shadow of his words. They hung heavy over us, feeling like a weight that couldn't be lifted. Finally, I found the strength to breathe again. "How dare you say that to me?" My voice came out shaking, barely more than a whisper. I was still shaking, but all the anger had seeped out of my body and turned into fear.
"Because...I..." I looked him in the eyes, and it became clear that he hadn't actually meant to confess his feelings. "I just..." He sighed, wiping a hand over his face. I was trembling. "Look, Monica...I have a history with her, and-shit." He wasn't looking at me. In fact, he was looking anywhere but me. "I'm not with Monica. I haven't been in a while. Not since you came around. She calls me sometimes because...She had an abortion, Shiloh."
I sucked in a breath.
"A couple months before you moved here, she told me she was pregnant. We couldn't tell our parents, they would kill us, so she did the only thing she could do..."
"That doesn't explain why she's calling you while you're in my bed," I hissed.
He looked exhausted. I almost felt bad. Almost. "She has issues, Shi. I try to be sensitive because I am the one who knocked her up and forced her to make an impossible decision. Despite what you may think of me right now, I haven't been with Monica since before I met you. You've captivated me from the moment you walked into my living room. And I meant what I said, despite this being the wrong time and the wrong place. I wasn't going to say it yet. If you want me to be completely honest, I might not have said it at all. I'm not an open person, Shiloh, and you know that. I've never pretended to be someone I'm not."
That was true. My emotions were getting the better of me, and though I didn't want to I slowly felt my anger fading. "What about the picture?" I asked, my voice barely audible.
"Well I would delete it, but I think I need a new phone," he chuckled, shaking his head. I couldn't help but smile a little, either. Oops. Before I could respond Ben marched towards me, making me squeak. I stumbled backwards, almost falling, dropping the blanket when I tried to catch myself. My back hit the other wall; I was trapped. He placed one hand by my head and one hand on my hip, his face inches from mine. My breath hitched. "You've got me, Shiloh, and if you'll have me I'm in. I want to be with you. You're annoying and god you piss me off sometimes, but I wouldn't have it any other way. I promise, Monica is not going to be a problem again."
I didn't know what to say. My brain wasn't working properly because of how close he was standing. The effect he had on me was ridiculous. Instead of responding I crashed my lips to his, unable to focus on anything else. The kiss was urgent and greedy, like we needed each other. I snaked my hands around his neck while sucking his bottom lip into my mouth, earning a deep, throaty noise from Ben. It made me smirk. As if in response Ben's hand on my hip found its way farther south. My breathing became shallow and uneven, an involuntary moan escaping my lips.
A little scream made me break away, pushing Ben backwards. He stumbled, barely catching himself on the opposite wall before he fell. My hands flew to cover my chest as I turned to the door, already knowing who had screamed. "Um, Shiloh?" Arielle stood in the doorway, hands covering her eyes. "What is going on?"
"Shit," I vaguely heard Ben hiss as I tried to run out of the shower. I was halfway there when I lost the footing under me and fell forwards, crying out in pain as I landed on the hard surface. Ben had been right behind me and nearly tripped over my legs. He yelped and jumped to the side, catching his balance just before he fell on me. My elbow felt like it shattered into a million pieces, not to mention my left knee cap.
"What is going on - Oh my god!" Savanna exclaimed, turning her back as soon as she took in the scene in front of her. She grabbed Arielle by the shoulders and turned her around, too. Blinking back tears, I forced myself up and limped to grab a towel, wrapping it around myself. Ben wasn't far behind me.
My heart was beating a million times per minute. Shit. Fuck. There weren't enough curse words to describe this situation. There were a million better ways I had envisioned telling Savanna and Jason about Ben and I's relationship. This was the worst possible way to make that announcement. I was mortified and my whole body hurt like a bitch from falling. I wasn't sure if the tears falling down my cheeks were from the pain or the embarrassment, but I knew it was nothing compared to the ass whooping we were both about to receive.
For a moment we were all silent, the atmosphere so tense you could've cut it with a butter knife. I could feel Ben's gaze locked on me, but I refused to look at him. Then I would really break down. Ben took a step forward, as if to protect me. "Mom-"
"Don't," she hissed, her back becoming more rigid than I thought possible. I flinched. "Arielle, go to bed." No questions asked, my sister ran away. I envied her in that moment. "You two, you have one minute to get dressed and go to the living room." Without another word, she was gone. I let out a breath I didn't know I had been holding, hissing when my knee throbbed. Ben turned on his heels and grabbed my shoulders, bending down to look me in the eyes.
"Are you okay?" He asked, worry lacing his voice. With his thumb he wiped away my tears. "Where are you hurt?"
"I'll be fine," I told him, forcing a weak smile. It probably came out as more of a grimace. Turning my head up, I planted a soft kiss on his lips. Something told me it was the last kiss I would be giving him for a while.
Wordlessly, we put on our clothes. I pulled on grey sweatpants and a baggy, black hoodie. My hair was still dripping but I couldn't bring myself to care as I limped into the living room, cradling my elbow. Ben was right behind me, green track pants hanging low over his hipbones. I didn't even get distracted by the fact he hadn't put on a shirt. I was too nervous for what was about to happen.
Savanna was sitting on the couch, head in her hands. At first I wasn't sure she was even breathing, but then I saw her take a long, deep breath before looking at us. It was like there was fire in her eyes. "Sit," she pointed to the couch opposite her, and we both obeyed without question. Waiting for her to speak was like torture. She kept opening and closing her mouth, as if she didn't know what to say. Finally, she dropped her head to look at her feet. When she spoke, she sounded defeated. "How did this happen?"
I blinked. I didn't know what to say. How? I wasn't sure. It just did.
Seeming to read my mind, Ben raked a hand through his hair and sighed. "It just happened. What do you want us to say?"
"Nothing, I want you to say nothing," she growled, snapping her head up to look at her son. I thought she would slap him. "What are you even doing here, Benjamin?"
"I-"
"Don't answer that," she cut him off, holding up a hand. "I saw what you were doing." I couldn't help but blush, looking at my hands. Why did these things have to happen to me?
"Mom-"
"If you talk to me right now, I might kick your ass," she ground out, making me suck in a breath. I didn't think I'd ever heard Savanna curse. "What do you have to say for yourself, Shiloh?"
I flinched, taken aback from hearing my name. "I...I'm sorry?"
"Are you asking me a question?" She snapped, narrowing her eyebrows. I shivered in fear. This was not good. "I don't even know what to do with you two right now."
"Mom-"
"Didn't I just tell you not to talk?" Oh god. I was starting to get dizzy. I could feel Ben stiffen besides me, but he held his tongue. "I'm going to call Jason. If either one of y'all move, I swear I will kick you onto the street." She stood up and walked away, heels clacking on the tiled floor. I sighed, putting my face in my hands. This was a disaster.
"It'll be okay," I heard Ben say besides me, though he made no move to comfort me. He was scared of Savanna, too. I whipped around to look at him, only to find him already looking at me, sadly. "We're going to be okay."
"Okay?" I hissed, suddenly angry although I don't know why. "I don't even know what this-" I motioned between us, "is. And now we'll never get to find out. We'll be lucky if we make it through the night."
His face fell a little and he was quiet for a moment, as if deciding his next words carefully. "I want you to be my girlfriend, Shi." I blinked at him, mouth open slightly. Had I heard right? "I'll be eighteen soon and you will be right after. Then they won't be able to stop us."
"Are you being serious right now?" I looked him up and down, frowning. We were about to be chewed up and spit back out by Savanna, and this was the time he was choosing to finally define our relationship?
His gaze didn't falter. "I'm dead serious. I know I haven't taken you out or been the best at showing you, but I really do care about you. I meant it when I said I've fallen in love with you. I'm not going to give up, are you?"
Before I could respond Savanna entered the room once again, looking slightly more calm than she has before. Only slightly. "Ben, you'll be staying in a totally different hotel suite tonight. First thing in the morning you'll be on a plane back to Tennessee. I'll be keeping both of your cellphones until further notice."
"No problem, mine's broken," Ben said offhandedly, leaning back so his shoulders rested on the back of the couch. Savanna rose an eyebrow but didn't say anything.
"From now on, the only time you two will be seeing each other is at family events. Even though you live in the same house, I'll be keeping a close eye on y'all. Don't think I don't have my ways."
"But mom-"
"I'm not finished," she cut Ben off with a look so fierce it could have killed a man. I gulped. "Do you two realize what you are doing is illegal? We are fostering you and your sisters, Shiloh. You two have put all of that in danger. You all could get kicked out of the house and we, my family, could be in serious trouble."
"I'm sorry." I said weakly, looking at my feet. I couldn't bring myself to look anywhere else.
"Don't say sorry, just fix this." She hissed, and I could just imagine her rolling her eyes in disgust. I was shaking. "Ben, come with me. I have to get another room for you." Wordlessly, Ben stood up and walked away. I was about two seconds from bursting into tears. There was a lump in my throat that no matter how hard I tried I just couldn't swallow. I stood up, watching as they walked to the elevator. Was this really it? All I wanted was for Ben to hold me.
"Ben," I squeaked, causing him to turn and look at me. That was it. Without caring about the consequences I took off running and threw my arms around his neck. He grabbed my waist, easily picking me up off the ground as I wrapped my legs around his waist. This was how we had hugged that morning, but this time, it felt so much more final. Sniffing, I nuzzled my head into his neck, breathing in his sent. I'm sure he could feel my tears on his skin, but I didn't really care. When my breath caught he held me tighter, gripping the back of my head with one hand.
"We're going to be okay," he whispered in my ear, placing a soft, almost unnoticeable kiss on my cheek. Surprisingly, Savanna remained silent until the elevator dinged. Ben let me down, but it took me a couple more seconds before I could let go of his neck. When I released him he gave me a halfhearted smile before walking away, the elevator doors closing behind him.
Absently, I wandered back into my room, noticing we still hadn't turned off the shower. I reached in and turned the nozzle, wincing as my elbow ached. That was going to leave a bruise. Wiping my cheeks, I fell into my bed and let the plush comforter consume me.
I wished more than anything I could have gone back in time. I should've known it was getting late and Savanna would've been back soon. I should have gotten dressed and waited on the couch. There were a million and one things we should've have done, but it was too late. I tried to assure myself we would find a way, but something told me Savanna would be on high alert. It would be close to impossible.
I hadn't told him I loved him back.
Did I love Ben? I hadn't been in love before. I didn't know what it felt like. But when I thought about him and those twinkling eyes, I got butterflies. When I thought about never getting to hug or kiss him again, it felt like someone had stabbed me in the stomach. My Grams has always said when you know, you'll just know. When the right person comes along you'll know you love them, but I just wasn't sure. I definitely felt something for Ben, but I didn't know if it was love.
I laid there a while, waiting for Savanna to come back. I thought maybe she would leave some sort of clue as to where Ben had gone and I could sneak out once she had fallen asleep. I waited for what felt like hours, but I never heard the elevator come back up. Finally, when my face felt stiff from all the salty tears and my nose felt like it would fall off my face, I turned over and forced my eyes closed.
It was no use. I barely slept that night, and Savanna never came back.