Waking up to Lou snoring in my face wasn’t the ideal Saturday morning, but I suppose it works. I rolled over and checked my phone, seeing that it was only 8 a.m and immediately knew I was the only one awake. So after getting up, brushing my teeth and what not I decided to go downstairs to make everyone breakfast.
Once I got done Liam had joined me in the kitchen and we made small talk until I was finished with breakfast. As I excused myself to wake everyone else up Liam grabbed my arm to hold me back and cleared his throat. “Yeah Li?” “Mia, are you okay? Like really okay, because you’ve been sort of withdrawn lately, I’m worried.” Liam rushed out, I almost didn’t catch everything he said but unfortunately I did. My body stiffened at that and started to think… Is it really worth lying to one of my best friends? I’ll be the first to admit I have been a little off lately, and I haven’t been feeling like myself, but I didn’t think anyone else would notice. Then I realized I must have zoned out, “Of course I’m okay, just tired, with moving and all. I’ll be okay.” I forced a smile and I could tell Liam wasn’t buying it, but he isn’t one to push. “Okay M, just remember we’re all here for you, all right?” “I know, thanks Li,” I gave him a hug and a kiss on the cheek before turning to walk up the stairs; that was a close one. I thought to myself.
We were all pretty quiet through breakfast and Harry offered to clean up after we were done. Bea had plans with her mom and sister today, Liam was going out with a girl he’d met a few weeks ago, Louis decided he was still tired and I needed to take a walk. After everyone dispersed I jogged up the stairs to grab a hoodie and a pair of vans, before glancing at Lou sound asleep again, and taking off for the park down the road. Walking absentmindedly for a few minutes I sat down on a bench by the pond. Really needing to clear my head, but my mind wouldn’t shut up.
You have to tell everyone soon.
Yeah? You think I’m that stupid?
Kind of, but you’ll keep putting it off.
That was the plan.
They’ll hate you for it.
They’ll get over it.
I eventually decided to just walk home because clearly being at the park wasn’t doing much good. Walking up the sidewalk I noticed my dad’s car in the driveway, I sighed before forcing myself up to the house. “Dad?” I called as I opened the door.
“In here, sweetheart!” I heard him call from the living room.
”Hey, what are you doing here?” I asked with a look of curiosity on my face.
“I just wanted to stop by and see all of you, but mind telling me why I found Louis asleep in your bed?” My dad asked, but I missed the smirk on his face, only now noticing Lou also in the room. If I just brush it off Louis will think I have feelings for him. Shit Mia, think. “Oh, gosh! It’s not what it looks like, dad.” I practically yell. “Nothing is going on, I swear.”
“I know, Louis told me already.”
I cut him off “I swear to you, I would tell you if there were but, Oh god, nothing I swear, nothing is going on.” Out of the corner of my eye I saw Louis get up, anger clear on his face, and head for the back door. Confusion surged through me, why is Lou so angry?
“Mia, calm down, I already talked to Louis about it before you got here, I just wanted to see you and check in on how you’re doing.” I huffed, this is why I moved out.
“I’m fine, dad. I told you I would call if I needed you.”
“I know, but I was worried Mia, you can’t blame me.” I smiled at his words, at least he cares. I thought to myself. We talked for about ten minutes before my dad decided to leave.
I head out to the backyard, knowing that’s where Louis went. “Lou? What’s wrong?” I asked as I opened the back door. He looked up, anger still clear in his features.
“Really?” is all he said before he jumped out of his chair, pacing the yard.
“Louis, please just tell me what is wrong, please?” This time when he looked up he had one lonesome tear running down his cheek.
“Can I ask you something Mia?” “Always, Lou.”
“What’s so wrong with the thought of being with me?”
“What?” I was lost.
“Your dad never thought there was anything going on, Mia. He was kidding. But you jumped on the first chance at denying anything was happening between us.”
“Hey, I didn’t know he was kidding boo. I just assumed he thought there was something happening and I know better than to not let him know.” I reached for his hand but he quickly jerked it away. Hurt and confusion crossed my face. “Louis why are you so upset about this?”
“I can’t tell you.” He murmured “Why?”
“It’ll screw everything up,” I scoffed at that.
“Like everything isn’t right now?” Louis glared at me.
“Not the time for that shit, Mia.”
“Lou, just tell me, I promise everything will be okay.”
“Sit down then…” he trailed off, pointing to a patio chair. “Hear me out, okay?” I nodded “I don’t know where to start so I guess I’ll just say it. I like you Mia, more than just a friend,” I froze, but he didn’t notice “I don’t know when it started but I have for a while. When you told your dad nothing was going on I guess it just hit me that you don’t feel the same and probably never will. I got my hopes up, thinking that you did but I guess I was wrong.” Louis let a few more tears slip out. He looked at me, waiting for a response but I had nothing. I was completely speechless.
“See Mia, I told you this was going to mess everything up.” He shook his head. “You can’t even say anything? Nothing?” I shook my head. “SEE, THIS IS WHY I DIDN’T WANT TO TELL YOU! Just answer me one question… What’s wrong with me Mia? I’ve always been there for you, through everything, yet you can’t even like me, not in the slightest? I just don’t get it. But I’m going to go home now, guess I’ll see you later then…” he turned and walked through the house.
I turned to stare at the sky and just let my emotions out. I sat there alone for about fifteen minutes before Harry made his way outside. As soon as he realized I was crying he hugged me and I continued to sob into his neck.
“I messed up Haz. Big time” I choked out.
“What happened babe?” He questioned. I could tell he was trying to hold back tears, hes one of those people who can’t watch others cry. I shook my head in response and continued to cry. Eventually we sat on the ground and my cries turned into deep breaths.
“Thank you Harry.”
“You’re like my little sister, Mia, its no problem at all.” I smiled and took a deep breath before standing and helping Harry up. As we walked back inside Harry turned to me and asked
“Are you okay?”
“ Yeah, I need to take a walk though, is that okay?”
“Of course it is babygirl, just make sure you’re home before dinner, okay?” I nodded and slipped my vans back on. “I have my phone.” I called out, shutting the front door behind me. I knew exactly where to go.
After a twenty minute walk and stopping at Starbucks for a cotton candy frappe I finally made it to the lake Niall Zayn and I used to swim in when we were younger, and on the other side of it there is an old abandoned dock and tree house that we discovered one summer. Taking the long way around the lake I climbed the ladder to the tree house and sat in one corner. Closing my eyes to remember all of our memories and life when it was oh so simple; I pulled my phone out of my hoodie pocket, took my shoes off and made myself comfortable, this really is the perfect place to go. I sent Zayn a text telling him I would call later since I didn’t this morning I sat my phone to the side and leaned against the corner again. I closed my eyes and before I knew it I was asleep.
~ ~ ~
I woke up four hours later to my phone buzzing like mad next to me. I picked it up to check the time not even realizing it was almost 5 p.m. I checked my missed calls and texts
52 messages
84 missed calls
6 voicemails
I decided I would spend a bit more time by myself before heading home, I will have missed dinner anyways by the time I got there. I climbed down the tree with my shoes in hand and made my way over to the dock. Sitting on the edge and putting my feet in I sighed at the ability to relax. My mind started to wander again and I thought about what my dad had asked earlier. “I just wanted to see you and check in on how you’re doing.” I huffed, this is why I moved out. “I’m fine, dad. I told you I would call if I needed you.” “I know, but I was worried Mia, you can’t blame me.”
Before I moved out my dad noticed a change in me and at that point I had not yet. He sat me down one night and we had a talk. Then I noticed it. I hadn’t been eating as much, talking as much, I was keeping to myself more and more. I didn’t go out unless my friends made me and I definitely was not sleeping. I knew what all of this was leading to, this happened when I was a sophomore. When my mom and I had started fighting, when my step dad started getting more mentally abusive and when I was becoming depressed. That’s all there is to it,, but this time I had convinced my dad that I would be okay. I was just overwhelmed with everything that was going on and he believed me. He wanted me to see a doctor or a psychologist and I definitely did not want to do either of those things. We had that conversation over a month ago and I’m not getting any better. Of course when I moved out my dad made me tell Niall and Zayn, just so someone else knew about it, but I made them swear that they wouldn’t tell the others because I hate it when people walk on eggshells around me. I was ripped from my thoughts by shouts of my name getting closer with every second. I turned around in time to see Zayn running towards me.
“Z?!” I yelled.
“Maz, oh my gosh. What are you doing? We’ve been calling you for hours!”
“I fell asleep in the tree house,” I answered feeling my face heat up in embarrassment.
“You know better than to be by yourself when you’re upset Mia, we’ve talked about this before.”
“I know, but you and Ni weren’t around so I thought I would get away with it…” I trailed off at the end, knowing I would get a lecture for that too. I know he’s looking out for me, don’t get me wrong I appreciate it, but I’m 19, I can handle myself.
“Lets not talk about this here, lets get you home, yeah?”
The car ride was definitely awkward, I knew Zayn didn’t want to say anything to upset me, but I could also tell he had a lot that he wanted to say. “I texted Liam and told him that we were on our way, everyone is at your house, but me you and Niall are gonna talk when we get back, all right?”
“Yeah, I don’t really have a choice do I?” I was just trying to lighten the mood, but he didn’t find it very funny as he gave me a pointed look. “Okay, sorry.”
We pulled up outside my house and I took a deep breath, today has been a long one, that’s for sure. We walked in and everyone turned their heads to us, but I just looked down and took off for my bed room. I heard Niall get up and follow me with Zayn close behind. Once we got into my room I sat on my bed, leaned against the wall and watched as the boys took a seat on either side of me. “So, tell us what happened today.” Niall said, obviously wanting to get this started. So I did, I told them what happened with Louis this morning, why I reacted the way I did when my dad asked and why I left when I did. I also explained that I fell asleep at the lake and that’s why I didn’t answer the phone calls and finally about how I need to tell everyone else what’s going on.
“I need to start with Lou, so he doesn’t think what I need to tell him is only because of being depressed, you know?” I half stated, half asked, looking to both of my boys. They nodded their agreement and we all got up to leave the room. “Hey guys?” I stopped them, both looking at me expectantly. “Thank you, for never giving up on me. I’m sure it’s got to be hell to put up with.” They both laughed and made their way over to me, wrapping me in their arms.
“Mia, let’s be real here, you put up with as much of our crap as we do yours.” Zayn said.
“Mia, we promised to always protect you, remember? We always have and we always will, you’re our babygirl.” Niall replied with a smile. I just hugged them tighter. We walked down the stairs Niall before me and Zayn after me.
Bea, Harry, Liam and Louis were all on the couch watching a movie when we came down, and all turned their attention to us as we hit the bottom. “Hey, guys.” I said with a slight smile and wave.
“Mia, are you okay?” Bea asked, concern lacing her face.
“Yeah, I just need to tell you guys some stuff, but um, Lou can I talk to you first?” I turned to see him prying his way off the couch.
“Yeah, of course.”
“We’ll be back in a bit guys.” I locked eyes with Zayn who just nodded and turned away, here goes nothing.