After being forcefully pushed in front of a speeding truck by his supposed friend, he knew he was dead. His death was unexpected; it was not exactly what he had envisioned to happen on their casual walk together, but denials, grievances, and regrets did not pass his mind— honestly, feeling any one of those things cost too much energy on his part. No amount of crying, yelling, or screaming will change the fact that he had probably turned into a sack of skin, broken bones, and pulverized meat in the real world.
He heard his friend yell out to him after he got hit. At the moment, Tanaka found it rather funny, considering that he was the one who pushed him. Furthermore, he should have known that Tanaka would be just too lazy to try to resist. The other had to literally drag him out of his parent's house just to have their little walk n' talk near the street in the first place.
Alas, regardless of his friend's inept moment of carelessness, Tanaka was dead. So why deny it?
At least, he was supposed to be dead. He was dead until a strange... vacuum-like feeling overcame him. Like being forced by one of his more outgoing friends to some big public event, only to suffocate under the pressure of being squished between several larger and taller bodies that didn't seem to care for personal space, drowning him under the waves of their excitement and enthusiasm. Frankly, it wasn't the peaceful afterlife many religions had preached it to be. It was a terrible experience on his... body? Soul? Goddammit, couldn't he just rest in peace?! What was the point in dying a quick death then?! He never asked to be bothered by some kind of supernatural power!
As his eyes squinted out of disorientation, and before he knew what was happening, he suddenly found himself... getting scolded. Or, it seemed that he was in the middle of getting scolded, judging by the cold and darkening face of the middle-aged man in front of him. The man in front of him was definitely not Japanese (or Asian for that matter) with their general dark-brown to black hair and the smoother features of Asian men.
The older man in front of him had sharper angles and broader shoulders with bright blond hair that had faint traces of grey and white. There were some indistinctive wrinkles, which further told Tanaka a little about the other's age. The once-dead young man couldn't help but be reminded of those western European nobles he would see occasionally visiting Japan, considering the design of the other's clothes and the foreign language he was speaking.
It sounded like it could be one of those Latin-based languages... But while Tanaka could recognize a few of them, this one was unfamiliar to him... Although he found that he understood it anyway. And why was the man in front of him so big?
Tanaka looked down momentarily, subconsciously aware that he was sitting on some cushioned chair, only to find that the hands laid across his lap were three times smaller than his own... Wait... were these his hands?
He flexed them to confirm his thoughts.
His legs were a lot shorter as well... Did that mean that he was three times smaller than his usual size? Did he... is he a child? How old is he? If he's young, then he's probably in trouble for breaking something fragile or something equally as childish...
"Thomas." The voice was frigid and stiff, demanding and strict. "Did you hear a single word of what I just said?"
Tanaka (aka Thomas, apparently) snapped his head back up towards the older man but stayed silent, his eyes hazy but deep and lucid. The man paused for a minute as if momentarily startled by something, but continued on despite the tightness of his expression.
"You are a member of the Rosetta Lineage, one of the most prestigious names in the kingdom. If other nobles saw your scores, what would they think of us?" The other lifted up a thin sheet of paper in his hands and Tanaka had to subtly crane his head upward to figure out what was written. It seems like... a report card... full of Bs. Huh, not bad. He didn't get what the older man was complaining about and... was that 'magical theorem' as one of the subjects? What?
"Thomas!" Apparently noticing the other's drifting gaze, the older man loudly requested for the child's attention once again, forcing Tanaka to focus back onto the middle-aged male. The blond man's (Thomas' relative's? Uncle's? Father's?) expression had darkened even further, but he made a nearly inaudible sigh, a grimace contorting the features of his somewhat handsome face. "Thomas, you only have a five-tier's potential—" ...A five-tier what? "—and so far, you've shown no trace of magical talent whatsoever. If you're unable to improve these disgraceful scores by the end of the semester, even the Goddess wouldn't be able to help you."
Tanaka kind of wanted to point out that the scores were really not even on the disgraceful scale. And Tanaka was the number one person to know what scores could really be considered "disgraceful". He had once scored a 5/100 on a math test and... well, that was mostly because he fell asleep in the middle of it, but more than half of the people in his class made perfect scores on that test.
"You may dismiss yourself."
Not needing any further encouragement, Tanaka jumped out of his seat and walked away leisurely as if he had come from a tea party rather than a 'scolding' from his (Thomas') father.
Geez, not even his parents were that strict on him (or would domineering be the correct terminology for this situation? It felt more like getting talked down by his boss rather than by his parents).
Nonetheless, he opened the ridiculously and extravagantly carved door and exited out of the... study. Looks like a study. There's a mahogany desk, an expensive-looking chair behind said desk, and bookshelves surrounding the entire room.
Right, so he exited the study and then wondered... What the hell is he supposed to do now?
There was no system or anything to give him some kind of fate-changing mission (thank god, because that would mean he would have to do things and get out of the house), or the drastic need to take revenge for something/someone/their pride/their egos/etc. because...
Didn't that sound like a lot of work?
Too much work.
He wasn't even given the memories of the previous owner of his body, which he had no problems with. Honestly, having unfamiliar memories that did not belong to him also sounds like a pain. Aren't headaches usually associated with memories-of-someone-you-don't-know-but-can't-help-but-feel-sympathetic-nonetheless introductions? He was not fond of headaches. They were usually a good excuse to not get out of bed, but he didn't like feeling any sort of pain in general. So why bother remembering stuff about this (Young Master? Young Lord?) Thomas?
He didn't have any plans to try to act like the original owner in the first place. That took energy and scheming. He was not really good at scheming. Or acting.
He was not really good at anything other than being lazy.
And what he really just wanted right now was to go to sleep... Where was Thomas' bed? He probably had a bed fit for a spoiled, young boy, right? Full of cushions and soft fillings and nice, big blankets... Surely, since he was a member of a really rich household, he would at least have a good bed, right? Even if he seemed to not be well-liked...
"Young Master Thomas, has the discussion with your Father gone well?"
Tanaka nearly jumped in place as he slowly turned towards the owner of the voice, blinking as the thigh of someone's leg came into the view of his large eyes. Just as slowly, he lifted his head up, looking into the dark, curved eye of a man several feet taller than his petite form.
He was wearing a black and white suit (Looks like something that a butler would wear in an anime, was the thought that passed quickly through his head) with some white, spotless gloves and a black, gold-embroidered tie. The amount of buttons on the jacket made Tanaka blink. He wondered if it was more for decoration purposes rather than anything practical.
Why did someone need that many buttons on their persona? Nonetheless, he moved his gaze up to the insincere and smiling face of the older... man? Young man? Teen? Tanaka narrowed his large and solemn eyes at the nearly flawless face.
The butler's features are more middle-eastern with smooth, dark brown skin, darker hair, and the darkest eyes that Tanaka had ever seen. They seemed to swallow him as they looked down upon him despite being attached to a pleasant facade.
Regardless, his lines are not soft or slim. They are leaner and Tanaka can see the strength in them. His hair was cut short, gelled, and parted to the left, showing off his masculine and... handsome face. If handsome could really describe the type of face he has. His face reminded Tanaka a lot of the otome games with their unrealistically handsome capture targets that his older sister kept playing. Also...
There was something really sardonic about his smile... and obviously the meeting with his... father?? So apparently, the man previously scolding him was Thomas' father. Either way, obviously the meeting had not gone well. Even though the older man had not raised his voice throughout the whole conversation, anyone could hear the disapproval and dissatisfaction in his voice.
Tanaka guessed he wasn't really well-liked by this person. Generally, in his situation, according to his sister's light novels, he had probably transmigrated into the body of someone arrogant and rude. Or someone that no one liked. A cannon fodder?
Either way, he was not going to dwell on it. If they didn't like him, then they didn't like him. He didn't care for anyone's approval at this moment.
Ah, this guy was still waiting for an answer. It was kind of creepy how his facial expression hadn't changed in the past couple of minutes. Wasn't it tiring to hold that same expression as long as this guy did? He should probably say something. Something young-master-like? What would a young master say to... what is this guy? A butler? Or maybe they're related? But they don't really look alike...
"I want to sleep," was what came out of his mouth instead. Though the other guy looked a little startled by his request for some reason... Oh well. "Can you take me to my room?"
Though the butler's(?) expression hadn't really changed, he seemed rather unsettled by his... attitude? Questioning? Personality? Could be a number of things really. Nonetheless, he composed and straightened himself up, his attitude detached and cold.
"Right this way Young Master," the dark-skinned man said in a business-like tone and Tanaka just nodded along, allowing the older man to lead him (because he sure as hell didn't know where he was going).
Unfortunately, Tanaka didn't anticipate how long the walk to his bedroom was. They went from hall to hall, passed numerous portraits and expensive-looking crafts, and still, they had not even reached his sleeping quarters. If Tanaka was allowed to exaggerate, they were probably walking for hours. But more likely than not, considering how little the sun moved on the horizon (huh, it was already that late. By the time he got out of the study, the sun was already setting), fifteen minutes had probably only passed.
Nonetheless, Tanaka instantly disliked how large this ridiculous mansion was. No one needed this much space. Why did it have to cost energy just to walk to his room?!
Eventually, they did finally reach his (Thomas') room. His unwilling (at least, he seemed unwilling) escort opened his door promptly, allowing Tanaka to enter first. He looked around for a bit as he stepped in, taking note of the baroque-like furniture, the glass chandelier hanging from the ceiling and... is that a fireplace? Who in the world thought it would be a good idea to put a fireplace in a child's bedroom?
Either way, Tanaka felt a little uncomfortable with the spaciousness and pristineness of the room. It didn't look lived in, nor did it seem like a room for someone of... well, he wasn't sure of Thomas' age. Just that Thomas was definitely young. Young enough to be practically hairless.
Well, there was the bed he wanted and he had every intention to sleep in that bed but... for some reason... the butler(?) also came into the room and shut the door. Then, without a word, the young man walked to the wardrobe in the corner and started shuffling through them.
"... What... are you doing..?" Tanaka couldn't help but ask as he looked up at the older male with wide eyes.
The other only looked back at him with a raised eyebrow that seemed to be questioning his intelligence. "Surely, Young Master wants more comfortable clothes to sleep in," he said almost mockingly, causing Tanaka to blink as he looked down at his attire and...
Short slacks with knee-high socks and dress shoes and a white dress shirt with a grey vest, a dark green blazer, and a tie... Wow, how was he not suffocating in this?
Promptly, Tanaka toed off his socks and shoes, followed by shucking off his jacket and his vest to the ground, and then pulling the tie apart. He basically dropped his pants from where he stood and let them pool around his feet while clumsily started buttoning off his shirt.
"...Young Master Thomas..."
Tanaka looked up towards the butler(?), hearing the tinge of bafflement in his voice, and was not sure how to interpret the blank expression on the other's face. What did he do now?
Tanaka scrunched up his eyebrows and looked down, seeing the mess he had created on the floor. Maybe the other was offended by his untidiness? The outfit he wore does look expensive. He knew for a fact that if he mistreated expensive clothes like that in front of his mom, she would have blown a gasket.
Leaving his dress-shirt half unbuttoned and hanging off his skinny figure, he started picking up his clothes. First, he folded his pants as best as he could and then tried arranging his blazer and vest neatly on top. He lined his socks together and rolled them into a small package and then grabbed his shoes so that he could place them near the door of his room. He came back for his clothes soon after and left them on the nightstand next to the bed. They're still very pristine and spotless despite Tanaka's careless treatment so he thought that maybe he could still wear them tomorrow. It wasn't as if he knew how to dress like a noble kid in the first place.
Turning back towards the other occupant of the room, he saw the young man across the room still giving him a blank look on his face as if he had grown two heads. Tanaka noticed that there was something in the butler's hand and judging by the thin-looking material, it was probably his nightwear.
He pitter-pattered to the frozen man and reached out towards the folded clothes in his hand, only for the older male to snap out of his daze and lift the clothes higher to where Tanaka's short arms couldn't reach. The transmigrator gave a confused expression while the other instantly flipped back to his professional-smiling facade.
"Young Master, I will take care of you from here." Though it was said rather pleasantly, it sounded less like a suggestion and more like an order. Tanaka stared at the other's insincere and cynical expression before nodding obediently, even though 'serving' him seemed like the last thing the older male wanted to do.
Either way, Tanaka allowed the butler (he had to be a butler if this was his job) to unbutton his dress shirt, and once he was half-naked with only his underwear on, the young servant started unfolding the clothes he had brought out for him. Tanaka blinked, a little bewildered to see a nightgown rather than pajamas or something with pants instead, but raised his arms nonetheless and allowed the butler to slip it over his thin figure.
As soon as the gown covered his body, he made his way towards the bed placed near one of the walls, not bothering to admire the intricate bed frame as he clumsily and ungracefully jumped and climbed onto the thick and soft mattress. If he turned around and looked at the expression on the young servant's face behind him, he would probably be able to interpret the butler's astoundment.
Once Tanaka was in the middle of the bed, he lifted up the covers and slid under the layers of sheets and blankets. The adult-turned-child leaned back and snuggled his body deep into the cushions, satisfied by the level of fluff and comfort surrounding his body. Though as much as he would love to go to sleep, the butler was still there inside the room staring at him, as if waiting for something.
Tanaka looked around, checking to see if there were any lights on in the bedroom, but the chandeliers and lamps are unlit and the only light in the room came from the setting sun through the windows. Did the other need something then? What was he waiting for?
He couldn't think of anything. He was too tired to bother. Instead, he just told the young man 'good night' and turned around with the blankets pulled over his shoulder, not noticing the way the other had narrowed his eyes at him, but then... even though the extravagance of the bed is nice... it was just a bit too much of everything.
With a frown, Tanaka forcefully pulled the blankets up from the bottom of the bed until he was practically cocooned in them, and since there were so many pillows near the headboard, he had to take several out from under his head and place them around his body instead, making a nest rather than a bed to sleep in.
The butler who watched the whole nesting process: "........"
With a sigh, the older male bowed his head and said, "Rest well, Young Master," before walking towards the exit and out of the room.
And that was what Tanaka intended to do, except...
Popping his head out of his cocoon of blankets, sheets, and pillows, Tanaka found himself staring through the large window across the room. Stars started to peak out of the horizon and the sky had turned purple in the departure of the sun, and for the first time in a long time, Tanaka could not find it within himself to sleep. Today's events kept playing in his head, not willing to let him rest.
He thought about his death. How unexpected it was. How he had only seen his parents just several minutes before. It was his older sister's and his older brother's day off from their respective jobs. He had passed by them, his sister pinching his puffy cheeks and his brother ruffling his messy hair into a bird's nest, just ten minutes before he died.
He thought about his mother's lavender scent— there was always an underlying scent of lavender in their house and on their clothes since that was the laundry soap they used but it was natural on her. She would smell like vanilla and honey and everything sweet that he could have recalled. He remembered giving her a hug before he left the house (clinging onto her because he didn't want to leave the house even with one of his good friends) and would sniff out of habit before he left. His sister smelled the same as well, but more perfume-y with a hint of roses. And his dad and his brother would always smell like oak for some reason. And spices— like cinnamon and paprika. The house would always smell like something is cooking or baking or—
This house didn't smell like home. It smelled like flowers and perfumes and cologne and leather and many other stuff he was not familiar with.
He didn't like the smell of this house.
He thought back about his first encounter with his (Thomas') 'father', how the man calmly but coldly dismissed his son's worth. He didn't understand half of the words of what the other had scolded at him for, just that he was obviously not loved and obviously not welcomed.
Tanaka was not able to truly think of the man he had met in the study as his 'father'. His dad was patient and quiet, strong but steady, and tender and loving. His parents were like that in general. They were very tolerant of his lazy and carefree life ("At least he's not out partying and doing drugs," his dad had once said optimistically and mom could only sigh in agreement). His siblings even more so though they had their complaints at first.
("Why does Tanaka get to laze around and stay in his bedroom while me and Daichi have to go out looking for work?!" his sister Nanami had complained once he had turned sixteen and their parents were unwilling to let him search for a part-time job. Not that he wanted one, but Nanami and Daichi both had to earn pocket money by working part-time jobs while Tanaka was given an allowance instead.
Their mom just placed her hands onto her hips and pointed out, "Unless you are able to perform chemical experiments that can alternatively treat cancer and hack into the government satellite system from the comfort of your own room, then we can talk."
There was a strange silence of agreement after that sentence while Tanaka just pouted. He only hacked into the satellite system once, and only just because he wanted to watch one of his favorite British TV shows without having to strain his eyes at the bad definition quality. He already promised several high-ranking officials that he would not do it again. He even promised to work for them after he got out of high school.
Somehow, everything he had thought of must've shown on his face for Daichi, who was sitting next to him on the couch, ruffled his dark hair fondly, if not exasperatedly.
"Besides," their mom continued. "Can you imagine Naka-chan holding a job for any period of time?"
As they looked at his slumping figure, halfway falling asleep on the shoulder of his elder brother, they could only agree that any job outside of the comfort of his own room would surely end in a disaster.)
He... would probably never have another family like that. The kind that would be okay with him sleeping during inopportune times or that would allow him to sleep on their laps whenever they were in any transportation. Or the kind that would rather pick him up and allow him to sleep than just wake him up. The kind that would always hug him whenever they would meet even though they just saw each other five minutes ago.
No more sleepovers. Or game nights. Or family dinners. Or sleeping together under the stars. No more birthday celebrations together, or helping mom remember which anniversaries were coming up because she was more forgetful than dad. No more quiet reading times with dad and Daichi. Or mani-pedi times with mom and Nanami. No more hello-kisses or good-bye-kisses. Or kisses done out of love and fondness.
He won't ever experience the touch of his older brother's warm and callused hands. Or hear his sister's indulgent but melodious voice. He won't hear his father's deep and rumbling baritone telling him stories of a lazy sloth and his loving family. Or feel the soft palms of his mother's hands as she cups her face.
He has no more time with his family.
Wrung out, tired, and suddenly stricken with regret, Tanaka couldn't do much but stare at the darkening horizon, tears blinding his visions until the colors blurred beyond recognition. They gathered up in the corner of his large, dark eyes and fell quietly onto his pillow, steadily drumming onto the fabric. No other sound had left him other than the droplets of his misery and he could only allow the emptiness in his chest to grow and impale what was left of his heart.
It was almost ironic how despite being dead, he was the one being left behind.
He silently cried throughout the night, his eyes unconsciously focused on the very same spot on the window, and he didn't even blink when a sliver of light began to brighten the horizon. Sometimes after, someone had entered his room but Tanaka didn't bother to turn around and check who it was.
"Young Master, it's time for you to wake up," the intruder stated, his voice cold and professional, but familiar nonetheless. It was most likely the young butler from last night, but Tanaka stayed still in his nest of blankets and pillows and continued to stare at the scenery beyond him. There was a sigh, filled with irritation and impatience but Tanaka didn't really care. There was not much for him to care about anymore.
"Young Master, do get up. This servant knows you're not sleeping—" The butler came around the bed and Tanaka could see the older male from the corner of his eyes but then, he suddenly stopped. Tanaka wasn't sure what kind of face the other was making, he could imagine that the young man was probably baffled by his current state.
Nanami had always told him that he never looked good without a decent amount of sleep. And that he would even look worse when he was upset or crying (which was probably why Nanami and Daichi would always buy him ice cream and play video games with him when he was sad— she said that his ugliness would always make her tear up). Then again, would that be different now that he was in a new body? What did he look like? Did he look anything like the man claimed to be his 'father'? His parents had always told him that he had dad's eyes and mom's nose and chin... he always heard from their relatives that he shared dad's eyes with Daichi and mom's chin and nose with Nanami. But now... he probably didn't look anything like his family anymore.
Stubbornly, Tanaka stayed in place, half expecting the butler to force him out of the bed, but instead, the young man just... stood there. Which was fine for Tanaka since he didn't want to get out of bed. He didn't want to get dressed in those stuffy clothes. He didn't want to leave this room. He didn't want to interact with his 'new' family and pretend. He didn't want to pretend. He didn't want to be this 'Thomas'.
His name is Maki Tanaka. Why does he have to be someone else?
Nonetheless, Tanaka ignored the extra presence near the bed and just lay there in his makeshift nest. He wasn't sure how much time had passed but by the time the sky had turned less orange and bluer, the older male finally shifted.
"Young Master," the young butler called out, his tone surprisingly soft. "Your parents will be waiting for you downstairs in the dining room for breakfast."
Tanaka highly doubted that they would bother waiting. In fact, so far that he had seen with the 'father,' they seemed more like the type to pretend that he didn't exist.
But admittedly, his stomach had been eating itself for a while. He was tired and very much exhausted, yet he didn't want to go to sleep. Maybe some food will help keep him awake...
Is he at the age where he's allowed to drink coffee? Probably not. Maybe some tea... He wanted green tea, but everything was so... western. Would they have green tea? Or jasmine? He really wanted some jasmine tea...
Sluggishly, somehow convinced to get up with the promise of breakfast, Tanaka sat up and slowly climbed out of his nest. For a moment, he forgot about his new size and the size of his new bed and almost fell out of the bed face-first if it wasn't for his chaperone's quick reflexes. Tanaka grunted when an arm encircled his abdomen, blinking in astonishment at the butler's reaction time before looking up at the handsome face of the young man holding him captive. Subconsciously, he noticed the funny way his legs were dangling in the air and he could almost hear Nanami laughing at his predicament somewhere in the back of his mind.
Either way, the dark-skinned male looked down at him with dark, fathomless eyes as he stared up at the older man with his own deep and clear eyes, and there was a long moment of silence between them. Tanaka didn't bother telling the other to put him down or to struggle in the other's grasp; sleep-deprived and worn out from a lifetime's worth of tears, he didn't want to spare the energy to walk, much less stand. He didn't even want to sit up like he would have to later on as he was eating his breakfast. Chewing also sounded tiring as well...
The young butler, after staring at each other for what seemed like several minutes, sighed once again though Tanaka didn't know the other's reasons for sighing this time. Instead of putting him down on the ground, the older male just carried him to the gold and beige couch and set him down on the cushion.
After making sure that Tanaka wouldn't fall off from his seat (at least, that was what Tanaka thought the dark-skinned servant was doing, judging by his precautious glances), the butler strode to the wardrobe and pulled out several pieces of clothing, all that looked a little too much for a young boy to wear.
Nonetheless, Tanaka just watched him without complaint and sat on the couch apathetically as the older male went around the room preparing more clothes and accessories. It all looked very exhausting.
Once the dark-skinned servant was finished, Tanaka slid down from the couch without needing to be asked and stood up. Reluctant as he was, for now he could just pretend that it was his mom helping him dress up. Even as an adult, Nanami and his mother were usually the ones to commandeer his wardrobe.
The young butler helped him out of his nightgown and into a royal red and white suit-like attire.
"...What happened... to the outfit last night...?" Tanaka asked rather belatedly as the dark-skinned male was fixing his tie. He looked at his nightstand to see that it was gone, much to his bewilderment. He was up all night— there was no way he could've missed a person entering his room. Then again, he wasn't really all there even if he was awake...
"Taken for dry cleaning," was the young servant's simple answer as he patted down the young master's collar.
"...It was not dirty..." Tanaka couldn't help but point out. He really did think that he could have been worn for another day without cleaning.
The older man looked at him in the eyes and raised an eyebrow. "Young Master would like to wear his school uniform during a holiday? Whatever for?"
Tanaka: "......" He didn't know it was a school uniform, okay? He didn't even know that today was a school holiday...
Once Tanaka had his hair brushed back and was presentable enough for the young butler's taste, the older man started leading him out of the room and into the unfamiliar hallway he saw yesterday.
Tanaka hoped that after he ate breakfast, he would be allowed to sleep right afterward. He couldn't imagine anyone missing him if he did.
...--------...
Author's Note:
This was something I was writing haphazardly for a few months now. I wasn't really planning on publishing this story, but I gave the first few chapters to a couple of writers here on Wattpad and the reception seemed rather good so why not?
Not to mention there is a sad lack of bl otome novels out there on wattpad, especially otome games with the right amount of fluff I'm looking for. So I thought to increase the number by one.
Author's Note (03/18/2023):
Got Editor-chan on my newer chapters and another editor (Sumi-chan <3) on my old chapters, just to get a different perspective lmao
I made sure to keep as much of the old text so that it wouldn't be so jarring to the re-readers that kept coming back to read this old novel (Love you guys <3), but I've overhauled much of the grammar and changed some details so that the chapter stays in line with the plot and characterization later on in the story.
Though these changes are necessary and help with the flow of the story overall, I'm a bit sad to find that most of, if not all, the comments that were made in the past 3-4 years would be bopped to the end of the chapter. I hope. I hope none of the comments get deleted because they were my favorite thing about this book even if they had nothing to do with the story ( '•̥̥̥ω•̥̥̥' )