Trigger warning
Depression and self harm up ahead
The morning was uneventful, John was preparing to leave by the time Hope woke up and was eating an apple as he waited for hope to get ready
She changed into some other clothes that were in the room, A faded black tank top and some old jeans.
Hope couldn't shake her dream away, at least she hoped it was just a dream,
The images of John's soldiers haunted her mind, she closed her eyes and she could see that gurl being held under. she decided to give up on sleeping any more and got up
Hope came down the stairs, she wasn't tired for a change,
"You're up early" she said to John. Hope noticed the sun wasn't even up yet
"I am overcoming my sin" he said without looking up
"Sloth?" She looks down to his chest "So what, you like to sleep?"
"I'd easily stay in bed getting high or drinking myself to sleep." John bluntly stated looking up to her. He immediately looked away as their eyes locked
"Did I hit a nerve? I didn't know you had feelings" she didn't know why, she hated this man. The fact that he reminds her of her father didn't help
"I can tell you judge, but don't worry in time you will see" he continued to eat his Apple
"What did you want to show me today anyways?"
"I want you to observe a marking. I want you to observe someone becoming free from their sins" he sat the apple down and walked forward "Usually I do this down in my bunker, but I think some one as... Special as you, deserves something a little more unorthodox"
"Torture is not cleansing, you are a fucking sadist" this suprised John, last night she seemed understanding. It made his blood boil that she was being so close-minded
John tried to calm himself down
"You don't understand, once you see the cleansing you will change your mind"
"You know John, I see right through your act, you are a pretty good manipulator. But it doesn't work on me. "
John tried to keep his anger from showing but failed.
'she doesn't know me, she can't know me' he reassured himself
"Fuck it, I'll just start with you"
He grabbed her shoulders and pulled her back
"You are a sinner, and you are going to burn if you don't let us save you. The gates will be shut to you! Do you just not care? Can't you just sallow your pride!?"
John pushed her down onto the floor, the room was concrete, there was a single glass mirror on one wall
John sounded just like Hopes father, he had the same anger. John tried to stop himself but failed.
"Dad, stop!" Hope screamed, she began to sob. Her tough guy act had broken and what came out was the broken spirit of Hope. All her doubts came flooding back
She crumpled into a ball on the floor sobbing. John shut the door and punched the mirror, shattering it. He shook the broken glass from his hand and looked over to faith
"You just need to accept Joseph's gift!" John screamed at her.
She pleaded softly "Dad please stop. Please"
her tone started to become more intense. John stepped back, at first he just assumed she misspoke, but the second time he knew something was wrong, he walked back and took a deep breath John was furious, but his anger seemed like he was pleading to her. John leaned down and sat her against the wall
"Please I'm begging you please" Hope cried out John stood back unsure of what to do. No one had done this before.
"Daddy stop please!"
"DAD STOP!!"
John finally understood what was happening
"Oh my God. I'm so sorry, I'm sorry." His frustration faded away and realized what he had done. He reminded himself of his adoptive parents and what they did to him,
he sat down and pulled her into his lap. He stroked her head softly as she continued to cry.
"Shhhh, it's ok now. Everything's okay now. You're safe. " He held her closely as she began to calm down. She wiped her tears away and pulled closer to John's chest.
"I never wanted this to happen." He whispered to her.
"It's just that people think Joseph is crazy, but he's not. They think I'm taking their lives but really I'm giving it to them"
Hope was still crying, she wasn't able to hear anything.
John picked her up bridal style. He carried her up the stairs and into her room, he layed her on the silken sheets he pushed stray strands of hair from her face and tucked it behind her ear. He went abd sat on the chair next to the window, the white curtains offset the dark wooden accents of the room and the bed. He sat and put is face in his hands leaning forward
Maybe hope was like him. Hiding behind the facade. Making himself seem bold and brave, even though inside he was caring, and fearful.
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John sat himself up from the chair and began walking to the door, Hope was quietly sobbing on the bed. He was just about to open the door when he heard a soft voice
"Please stay, I don't want to be alone"
She was trying to stop her tears
"I'll stay, don't worry" he moved the wooden chair over by the bed, he knows the pain that she was feeling. He's had moments like this before, except he didn't have anyone to stay with him. He was alone, It was during one of those moments when he carved his sin into his chest. He couldn't feel the pain he was so numb. Joseph eventually brought John back to reality. He saved him from himself. John was about to sit down when Hope moved to the side of the bed,
"What are you doing?" John asked confused
"Please lay by me" Hope didn't know why she needed him to be with her, she hated how he made her feel. She could see past John's mask, she could see his pain and suffering. She just wanted to be with someone that understands her.
John reluctantly agreed, and layed on the bed, he was laying on his back and hope curled up next to him, she was leaning on his shoulder. Her crying had stopped but she was still upset. She leaned her face into John neck and closed her eyes. It was a moment of peace and tranquility before John broke the silence
"Do you want to talk about it? I'm not trying to make you confess, I'm just asking. Though confession might relieve some of the pain" John leaned into her and wrapped his arms around her back subconsciously pulling her towards him
"I remembered." She whispered "I remembered all the times my father kicked and punched me. I remember all the times he'd cut my hair off, and all the times he'd rip my clothes. I remember everything, him putting out cigarettes on my back, the times he cut me." She let out a labored sigh "I remember when I couldn't take it anymore, I tried to cut my wrists." She held her hand up showing the scars. "Except I never went deep enough," Hope flipped over and began sobbing again
John looked down at her arm, he traced his hand over the word 'stillness' that was scared into her forearm, it was lighter then the other scars, it was fresher than the rest.
"Hope, I never knew. I'm so sorry" John put his arm on her waist " I know what that pain is, I know it deep inside my heart"
"How could you understand? You haven't been through what I have" Hope pushed his arm off
"Actually, I have" he continued "Did I ever tell you about the power of yes?" He asked rhetoricaly, "I tell you about it another time, for now I'll just tell you about when I discovered it. My parents were the first ones to teach me about the power of yes, one day they took me into the kitchen and began beating me, I dealt with pain after pain after pain, and when I didn't think I could take anymore, I did." Hope turned around and faced him " That wasn't the first time they'd beaten me, but that was definitely the worst it's ever been, something in me broke and all I could say was, Yes." He let out a shallow breath,
Hope moved back over and hugged him, they layed there for hours, just taking in each other's company, taking in the quiet sounds John's watch began beeping and he sighed,
"I have to leave, I have to baptize some of our new people" he pushed himself up off of the bed "You are welcome to join me"
"Promise you won't force me to get baptized?" She joked, but there was a undertone of seriousness she sat herself up and walked over twords a mirror
"I promise, though I do recommend you take a shower, your a little on the rough side"
Hope looked into the mirror and was shocked by what she saw, there were dried trails of tears and snot. She could see old scars, covered with dirt and blood her brown hair was messy and tangled.
"Oh, um, yeah, I think I need a shower. Mind pointing the way?"
"The first door at the bottom of the stairs."
She grabbed some extra clothes and a couple of towels and walked down stairs.
After messing with the handles she finally got the water running,
The hot water seemed to take all her stress with it. She ran her fingers through her tangled hair, slowly brushing out the grime.
She let the water run on her for a moment after she was done, just taking in the blissful nature of the steam and heat.
She stepped out of the shower and looked into the mirror. She was finally looking normal. Or at least what she thought was normal. She changed into a long sleeve shirt with a pair of jeans that were slightly too big, She stepped out of the bathroom and went to look for John
She walked towards his office and pushed the door open, no one was inside.
"John?" She raised her voice
"I'm in here." He replied, he was inside his bed room. Hope walked outside the door and waited for him "you do know you can come it, right?" John opened the door. He stared at Hope, he could finally see her features clearly he brown eyes, her brown hair, everything.
Hope noticed him too, his blue eyes seemed like an endless ocean. They were both entranced with each other.
Hope broke free and walked in the room she glanced around the room, it was large and beautiful. The bed was in the center, It had a large wooden frame, and the blankets were grey colored. There were two dressers and a walk in closet, to the left was another bathroom.
"You ready to leave?" John was leaning on the bed, trying to forget the encounter.
Hope looked over to John and could see stain from where she was crying on his shoulder.
"Your shirt"
He glanced to the mirror,
"It's fine let me change" he walked into the closet and quickly unbuttoned his blue dress shirt, Hope gazed over his scared back, you could see areas where bones were broken repeatedly and where he was cut multiple times, she looked away and walked twords a wall full of pictures, they were mostly of him and his brothers. A couple of pictures of the local area, some church's, the bar surprisingly enough.
"Alright, how do I look?" John came out wearing a grey dress shirt, a vest and a trench coat that has little planes on it.
"Honestly, you look amazing. But I have to ask, what's with the jacket"
"What? What about my jacket" John seemed self conscious and a little insulted"
"Nothing, it looks fine. I was teasing you"
John shook his head and the walked down stairs and out the front door, they walked to a large driveway and a couple of men walked over,
"Morning John, we had a couple of people attack some of our caravans lately, you might want to take the plane this time"
"I'll be fine, I'm taking the Range Rover, the man handed him the keys, John went over and started the car Hope walked over to the drivers side but was stopped by the men.
"Woah there, where do you think you are going?'
"Step back!" John yelled to the men, they immediately walked away, the were terrified of the man
Hope sat in the passenger side and shut the door.
"Everyone here is afraid of you, one way or another, why don't you let them see your true self?"
"No one sees my 'true self' I am who I am"
"There's that facade again, you try and act like nothing bothers you, like you are some hero"
John gripped the steering wheel harder
"You are the first person I've ever talked about my childhood with, you are the only person I have acted myself with, this is who I am when I'm not around you"
"Why do you act this way?" Hope looked twords him
"Because, people need to be saved, if they look at me and see some coward they won't believe in the power of yes, i must play the part, I have to be 'Bold and Brave". If I'm being honest, not even Joseph has seen me like you have" John's grip lightened up. "We'll be there soon, I don't really feel like talking much more"
Hope felt so comfortable with John besides her, she felt like she was protected and that she had someone to talk to. Still her dream haunted her, she wanted to believe John so badly, but how could you defend practically drowning someone.
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Alright guys! This chapter is finally complete. Let me know what you think!