Catching the whiff of another female on my mate as he walked in caused a wave of anger to erupt in the pit of my stomach rising to the back of my throat. Phoenix didn't sense my anger and instead approached me, as he got closer and the scent became more prominent the anger increased. I chucked the remote at him once he was a few feet away. He looked at me startled, not expecting an outburst of violence from me, "If you're going to sleep around, then allow me the same privilege or at least shower and burn your clothes before coming back home." I said through gritted teeth as I stood up to get into his face.
The nerve of this idiot! First he kidnaps me, forces me to stay locked up in his apartment, and expects me to be okay with him cheating on me. Never have I ever felt so disrespected and dirty in my whole entire life. Phoenix growled at me. I poked my finger into his chest, "Don't you growl at me" I said hissed, "This is not the first time you've come here with another's scent all over you. What do you take me for?" I was disgusted by his behavior. "Day in and day out, I stay locked in here like some sort of princess in a tower and when you finally come home after I've waited for hours you reek of another female. How can you tell me you want us to be together when you go out and do things like that?"
What annoyed me the most about being in captivity was the fact that I had no room to be free, I was trapped. My wolf was trapped. I hated these feelings, it stressed me out and tore me apart. It would only be a matter time before I snapped. In my pack, we live mostly outdoors. Our houses were open, and we spent every waking moment out in the woods to be in tune with nature.
"I'm sorry Astrid, I just have to keep appearances." Phoenix tried to explain to me, "And I don't have sex with them anymore." Oh, yeah because that makes everything so much better.
Betrayal shot through me. "You mean to tell me, that you have always slept around with other girls? Even when you were supposedly pining over me?" I choked out. Don't cry Astrid, don't cry. I told myself firmly. "And what kind of excuse is that? 'I have to keep appearances' what kind of future Alpha are you? Sleeping around with unmated she wolfs! She wolves who should be saving themselves for their mate! And that's so fucking great, you don't have sex with them anymore, con-fucking-gratulations!" I ranted, my chest heaving in rage. My body was shaking in rage, my hair was standing on edge. "I applaud you for the self-control you display." I spat out sarcastically.
Phoenix stared at me, in shock, then in rage, "Says the girl who was marked by another male." He ground out, here we go again.
A haughty laugh escaped my lips, "You do not know the tradition of my pack. They're probably out looking for me, as well as my parents and the mate I left back home." I said snidely. I wanted them to find me, but I was scared about what they would to Phoenix. I was being nasty to disguise the hurt that shot through me as Phoenix mentioned Nathaniel. I blinked back tears at the sadness that swept over me at the thought of my mate being disgusted by something I had no control over.
Phoenix sneered at me, "It's been a month Astrid. Your pack gave up, except for your 'mate'." He spat the word mate out, "Coincidentally, he met his true mate while trying to look for you. Astrid baby, you're all mine now." Phoenix purred, a sinister smile on his perfect lips.
My jaw dropped and tears pooled in my eyes. Nathaniel found his mate? They stopped looking for me? Their future Alpha Female? Was I to be forgotten? Would Astrid Shadows be just a forgotten memory? Dejected, I walked away not saying a word to Phoenix. If that's the reaction he wanted, he got it. I couldn't believe that they would stop searching for me. Maybe I just over estimated my worth. I sat down on the couch, my hands laying limply on my lap. After everything I did to make sure I would be worthy to be his mate.
"Astrid?" Phoenix asked me carefully, taking a seat next to me. I looked at him numbly, a part of me wanted to hate him. He caused me pain. He wrapped his arm around me, but the scent of another she wolf hit me once more.
I shoved his arm away from me, I looked at him disgusted. "Go take a shower, and burn your clothes." I told him stiffly. I did not want his pity, I had no need for his pity. He'll have to let me free eventually, when that day comes I'm not sure but I know his father will have to put him as Alpha eventually and to be Alpha he needs his mate. That day may be far away, but I will find a way to get out before then.
I heard Phoenix sigh from beside me, "Okay." Was his defeated response before he got up and went to the bathroom.
A sigh escaped my lips as I threw myself face first onto the other side of the couch. I didn't want to be locked up, I can't bear another day. My sanity was slowly ebbing away, and I was beginning to resent Phoenix. He took away my freedom and my bright future. But a part of me loved him, there was no denying it.
The mate bond had nothing to do with me loving him, I had no qualms to rejecting him. In fact, I did so when I first met him then proceeded to run away and into Nathaniel's arms. A sigh escaped my lips as I thought about Nathaniel. I miss him. I would forever miss him, I would not deny that. What we had was special and wonderful, however short it lived.
It feels like a different time period. A long time ago, a different life. I sighed, then stiffened as I heard the water in the bathroom turn off.
What I wouldn't give to have a normal life, a life where my mate didn't have to kidnap me. A life where I didn't have to fear the contempt of having a mate outside of the Shadow Light Pack. But this is life, and you get what you get. There is no other life, just this one.
My body was curled into a ball on the couch as I just laid there floating in my self-pity, not willing to drown in it just yet.
What if I would have had the courage to tell my parents that I found my mate? What if I would have found the strength to leave Nathaniel for Phoenix? Would things have gone differently? Would I be happily mated to Phoenix? The answer is no, I would have felt guilt at leaving Nathaniel. Then there's the possibility of Nathaniel not finding his true mate. He must be so happy. I think to myself bitterly. Was I jealous? Absolutely not. Nathaniel deserves to be happy, he needs it. I just hope he forgets about me and doesn't let guilt consume him for giving up searching for me.
There I go again over estimating my worth. I was only a means to an end. Sure, what we had was strong but it means nothing now that he found his mate. I'll be a forgotten memory in a year. My heart ached thinking about a year from now. Nathaniel and I were going to get married and bonded in a year or two. Tears began pooling in my eyes, before I blinked them away.
Stop torturing yourself Astrid. I scolded myself. It was useless and painful thinking of what was supposed to be and all the what ifs. I should focus on trying to get Phoenix to let me be free. I hate feeling trapped. It physically hurt to not be out running every day.
The next time I shift will be almost as painful as the first time I shifted. I shivered at the memory of my first shift, it was the worst day of my life.
"Astrid." Phoenix's soft, tentative voice broke through my thoughts. My eyes locked on Phoenix's chocolate brown eyes, warmth shot through me as I looked at my mate. I did not smile at him though, I was still slightly upset with him. Phoenix sighed, "I'm sorry Astrid, I shouldn't have done it knowing that I was going to hurt you. I just get so angry at you for being marked and I hate how you brush it off with no explanation." Phoenix sighed at the end of his speech, then kneeled in front of me. I looked at him skeptically and resentfully. His rough hands grasped my own rough ones. As two extensively trained werewolves our hands weren't meant to be soft, but to him my hands were soft since I am a female. "Don't look at me like that." He pleaded with me.
I remained silent and stared at him. I refused to speak, instead I sat up. Phoenix pulled me onto the floor with him, his actions gentle. He brushed my hair away from my face and left his hand to cradle my cheek. I leaned into the warmth of his hand and closed my eyes, a sigh of contentment escaped from my lips.
The blissful silence that enveloped us said that Phoenix was forgiven.
"I love you, Astrid." Phoenix murmured, caressing my face. I made a small noise of acknowledgement, but didn't say it back. Phoenix knew that until I was released I would not say it back. Each soft touch left tingles and made my heart race. The mate bond wasn't what made me feel like this, it was only speeding up the process. The truth was that I was falling in love with Phoenix, that scared me the most.
Phoenix pulled me into him, my back hitting his back, his arms were wrapped around my waist and his head rested on my shoulder. These were the moments I looked forward to every day. Being wrapped in my mate's arm, just enjoying each other's company.
During these moments I didn't care that Phoenix kidnapped me, that I was being held captive. Little sounds of contentment left my lips as Phoenix played with my hair and held one of my hands. Soon I found myself drifting off to sleep.
I instantly became alert as I heard the front door of the apartment open and the loud voices of teenagers fill the apartment. Looking around my surroundings I noticed that I was in the room Phoenix and I share, getting up from the queen sized bed careful not to rattle the chain on my ankle too much, I silently padded my way to the door. As my hand lightly brushed the door knob, I heard something that made me freeze and become instantly intrigued.
"Can you believe that they still haven't found Astrid Shadows?" Asked a female voice in disbelief.
Another voice answered her rhetorical question, "Really? Do you think she ran away and got herself killed?"
"No man, I don't think so. She's the Beta's daughter and mate to the soon to be Alpha, she's had to have some serious strength to stay at the top of the food chain in that pack. I've heard that they start training their pups at the age of five." The last part was said in a scandalized tone of voice. I rolled my eyes, weaklings.
Phoenix's voice cut in, "She's not the soon to be Alpha's mate, haven't you guys heard that he found his true mate?" I could tell Phoenix wanted to assert his claim on me. Stupid possessive Alpha male.
A few gasps went around the room, "I'm not surprised, it's not a secret that Shadow Light wolves take mates that aren't their real mates. I think it's wrong." It was the same voice that assumed I was dead.
"It's big news, now people are speculating that the search will be given up. There's a picture circulating of her, if I had to choose between a true mate like that or Astrid Shadows. I would pick Astrid Shadows." Male laughter erupted after that statement. Idiots. "You've seen her at those meetings, haven't you Phoenix? Was she as beautiful as they claim? There's no clear pictures of her."
I opened the door quietly, and silently tip toed into the hallway where the shadows immediately swirled around me, hiding me from view. I felt right at home in the shadows, it's been a long time since I've snuck around in the shadows.
From my angle I could see Phoenix's smirk, "She's gorgeous." He whispered conspiratorially. I bit my lip to prevent myself laughing. Somehow I knew what was coming next.
Questions about my odd colored eyes and hair. What Nathaniel looked like. If any discord could be sensed between us.
Phoenix's silent anger hit me, but I knew that his friends wouldn't be able to tell. A part of me wanted to go out there and say something, I wanted to stand up for myself, but most of all I wanted to assert myself as dominate. The part of me that kept me back was curious as to what Phoenix was going to say.
"I never really noticed them seeing as I only started going for about a year, besides our packs don't have an alliance nor do any of the pack we have alliances with. I only ever remembered that Nathaniel was the only one with his Luna, and they would always match. Nathaniel's shirt would match Astrid's dress." Phoenix said trying to appease his friends.
I scrunched my nose up in distaste. Phoenix was really trying to hide the fact that we were mates, I felt slightly hurt. Why is he going to such lengths? I knew there was the possibility that he could get in a lot of trouble, but it's not like Nathaniel would leave his true mate to be with me again.
My negative emotions made the shadows thicken around me, I took a deep breath to calm myself. If my emotions got to out of control while I was using the shadows it would give me away.
Phoenix's friends groaned in disappointment, "You suck man, if I had a chance to see those two I would stare at them and learn everything I could about them." One of them remarked. I silently snorted, it wouldn't go too well if anyone would try that.
"They're intimidating from afar, imagine up close. Plus Nathaniel Shadows is the tallest guy there, with Astrid not too far behind." Phoenix exclaimed. My lips twitched into a smile, Phoenix was only about an inch or two shorter than Nathaniel making me five inches shorter than Phoenix.
I hid in the shadows for a while until Phoenix's friend's left, the entire time they were inside I couldn't believe how dense they were. How could they not hear my heart beat or sense my presence? My scent should have been a dead giveaway from the minute they walked through that door. As soon as I heard the door click signaling that the door was closed and they were gone I melted out of the shadows. "You're a really light sleeper." Phoenix remarked while cleaning up the mess they left.
"Isn't it strange they didn't comment on my scent being all over the place?" I asked Phoenix, ignoring his comment. I tilted my head to the side, my long hair falling to the side. "My scent is even clinging onto you, though you tried to mask it. Don't you find it odd, Phoenix?"
Phoenix sighed tiredly, "Astrid, what's your point?" He asked me, his eyes telling me that he was in no mood to play games with me.
My lips twitched with annoyance, "I hate you." I said simply, "I hate this, I hate everything. I want to be free." My voice cracked at the end and my eyes watered. "I hate feeling this way, I don't want to be trapped. I can't live like this any longer Phoenix. I'm a Shadow Light, we live in the forest not trapped indoors. You're killing me Phoenix." I cried in pain. I was physically in pain, and I needed out. My bones ached, and my muscles felt heavy, the longest I've ever gone without shifting has been a week. Now it's been more than a month.
My mate looked at me in alarm, his legs carrying him quickly to where I was standing with clenched fists and watery eyes. My body was shaking uncontrollably and the urge to shift was overwhelming. The walls felt as if they were closing in on me. "I'm sorry baby, I don't mean to hurt you. I don't want to hurt you, I don't know what to do. I can't lose you Astrid, you know that the minute someone sees you, you're going to go back to your pack. I love you too much, Astrid." Phoenix's words held no comfort, they only made me hyperventilate more.
Phoenix wrapped his arms around my shaking frame, his hard body pressed against mine slowly stopped the tremors. The tension in my body slowly melted away, soon I was completely relaxed with my arms wrapped around my mate. I sighed in content, "Can we go to bed?" I asked Phoenix tentatively, my voice soft and cheeks colored pink due to my embarrassment from my early behavior. I should have not allowed myself to get so worked up, there is always a time for everything.