"too much of a good thing won't be good for long" - sam smith
with school starting today, the whole hall seems to be swarming with boys wearing the same forest green uniform with some variations, of course. some boys are wearing the shorts instead of the pants, while others have different ties and accessories to make them unique. namjoon looks himself over in the mirror hoseok hung up on their closet door. he looks... normal, but there's something that feels like its missing.
"why are you so nervous? it's just school, namjoon. and besides, we're in most of the same classes, so i'll be there with you to guide you through it all." hoseok slings his arm over namjoon's shoulder and checks them out in the mirror. "oh- where's your name tag?" the younger makes a noise in the back of his throat as he turns around to look for his tag. "i knew i was missing something..."
when he has everything in place, namjoon begins to sneak looks at the mirror again. the older sighs and grabs namjoon's hand. "joon, get your bag. i want to walk you to first." namjoon remembers their schedules and makes a pout on his lips. "hyung, didn't you say your first period was in one of the other buildings? won't it be inconvenient to walk me-"
"nope! now stop thinking so much with your big words or i'm gonna get mad at you." the two step out of their rooms, hoseok never daring to let go of the younger's hand. it's a much better day compared to yesterday's clouds and even better than saturday's muggy humidity, the summer sun gently glowing over the dewy grass.
in preparation of classes, the boys spent all day yesterday going to target to pick up general supplies and then the smaller little shops for decorative pieces to welcome namjoon. jimin caught them at the end of his shift and the three of them went on their merry way, slowly getting to learn more about each other.
hoseok and namjoon take a few minutes to stand in line at the cafeteria to eat breakfast, grabbing any potential snacks for later on in the day. it's a fast process, since it's earlier in the morning than than namjoon would like to admit for the sake of keeping his sanity. when the roommates finish their food, they start towards the educational buildings in the distance.
as nice as the day seemed to be beginning, however, yoongi seems to be the recurring boomerang in this... odd friendship of theirs. "hey, hyung. what's that?" the older was carrying one of the binders from the first time the two had met, this time it's just... empty. as soon as he stepped within three feet of the two juniors, hoseok's hand dropped namjoon's. he really should've been expecting this, at some point. why would hoseok ever want to hold his hand? after all, he's the same guy who ditched him for two hours just because he cried a little.
and he regrets it he regrets it he regrets it he regrets it-
namjoon holds his messenger bag in one hand tightly until his knuckles turn a light pinkish and the other hand awkwardly hangs in the air for a few seconds before he moves to shove it in his short's pocket. "i had to move some of my papers so i had another binder for this dumbass school. was running out of space for this new thing i've been working on, too, so i went out an bought more binders anyways. oh, and i brought back the trial." without even daring to look at namjoon, yoongi hands the small torn book over to hoseok who in turn passes it over easily to namjoon.
"tha-thanks. uhm, sorry about the- the scribbles i left everywhere." yoongi makes some sort of noise of acknowledgement, leaving the taller of the two baffled and embarrassed. hoseok just stands there, confused out of his mind as he watches the strange interaction. namjoon watches yoongi walk on, hoseok blindingly walking after him.
he regrets opening his mouth he regrets saying anything why did bad things happen to him? it's his fault it's his fault it's his fault as always everybody hates him and he's going to die alone because no one can stand him-
"namjoon? come on, i still want to walk you to first period." hoseok grabs hold of his hand again, pulling him out of his little episode. with a little tug, the three are off to the english hall, standing in front of the AP teacher's door. "let me see your schedule again, joon." the younger does as he's told, pulling out the folded square from his pocket and handing it over to hoseok. it takes probably two seconds for him to unfold the paper and take a picture with his phone.
"i'll definitely see you in second period, m'kay? math is only a building away. bye, joon!" hoseok leaves namjoon with a pat on his head and a stoic yoongi at his side. as soon as namjoon steps inside, he's greeted with the familiar scent of stinky dry erase markers and freshly sharpened pencils. the group of boys in the back laugh like the little birds outside, constant and effortlessly. the only thing in sight is the projected image of a seating chart and a middle aged woman happily clacking away at her keyboard.
namjoon doesn't attempt to read the mess of a seating chart, so instead, he chooses to sit by the large window, waiting for the bell to ring so he can get this day over with already. "hey aren't you the new kid who moved in with hoseok? room 4340?" one of the guys from the back had ventured over to his isolated self-made seating arrangement. "uhm, yeah?" he breathed it out into a question, the teen in front of him giving him a blinding smile.
"sup, i'm jackson! ya know, you're really cute." jackson pinches namjoon's cheek, leaving the other disoriented at how quickly a bond was formed. "thanks, i guess? you're cute, too...?" the bubbly boy burst out in a fit of giggles, his entire being lighting up like a fluorescent christmas light. with an awkward chuckle, namjoon nods along. after all, he wasn't expecting to meet the human version of a disco ball.
"thanks, cutie. what's your number, if you don't mind?" namjoon doesn't mind, exactly, just sort of feels bewildered at how fast he was able to make a friend- if he could even call jackson that. "d-do you want me to write it down for you?" with a shake of his head, the other male pulled out his phone and selected the option of a new contact. namjoon easily obliged.
when the bell rings, the teacher begins rearranging everyone's seating, putting namjoon on the other side of the room near the large, towering filing cabinets pressed up against the wall. she begins by handing out a syllabus, a calendar with due dates and assignments, and finally the first assignment: pick a short story to read and write a paper on it, using comparison to talk about yourself. then she gave out more papers to fill out the beginning of namjoon's binder.
the beginning of second period was very similar, except hoseok had roped him along into a conversation with another boy named seokjin.
seokjin is taller than hoseok. he's more lean and broad shouldered, but there was something about him that naturally caught namjoon's attention. he was a very effeminate man- a hidden duality that encapsulated the younger's attention. along with his witty personality and hoseok's shining presence, something clicked in namjoon's mind. these were the people sandeul was worried about because there was a substance to them that outshines every other person in the room.
"hi, you must be namjoon. seokie and jimin've been telling me a lot about you." the way the elder wraps his arm around hoseok leaves namjoon confused, because it's similar to the touches between hoseok and yoongi, between hoseok and jimin. sandeul's words flash dangerously in his mind, screaming "it's weird- it's just weird. it's weird. weird weird weird- not opposed to that lifestyle." namjoon had heard of this type of relationship before from his older friends in his last high school. one of them called it 'poly' while another called it 'an open relationship.'
anytime the topic was brought up, though, it was usually tied to his friend's older brother and his two girlfriends. of course, when he mentioned it to his younger sister, she rolled her eyes and called it 'another way for beasts to cheat, isn't it?' namjoon stopped bringing it up around her after that incident.
"i hope all- all good things." namjoon's stutter smacked itself right in the middle of his sentence, earning a coo from seokjin. "aw, don't be nervous! i won't bite like yoongi." the younger cracks a smile as hoseok chuckles at the comment. "if he heard you right now, he'd eat us alive." seokjin cackles, amused with the other. "he wouldn't dare." the teacher claps his hands together, making it obvious he's ready to start the class.
second period passes by with syllabus signing and assigning text books, along with the first homework of the day. hoseok and seokjin walk him to third period where yoongi sits, perched up on his elbow. it was that earth and space class the counselor stuck him in and by the looks of it, yoongi had been stuck in it as well.
the two were part of the small demographic of upperclassmen, most of the boys being freshmen who weren't taking biology. from the moment namjoon walks in, he sees the lab stations in the back of the classroom where most of the boys are standing, waiting for the old lady to assign them their spots at the normal desks.
about three columns in, she points to the desk where yoongi is going to be sitting for the rest of the semester. there's no reason for me to sit next to him or behind him. there's still two more rows to go- fate plays a cruel trick on him when the teacher points to the seat behind yoongi and calls namjoon's name. she continues assigning seats until twenty minutes go by. "hello, class. i'm mrs. zetter, your teacher. first days always suck, so we're going to watch a little documentary. how many of you know bill nye?" chants start up, namjoon giggling a little to himself.
"great! hang tight, because i still have a few things to do. i have to assign lab groups, so when i call your name, please go to the lab station." she begins to call the names of the first lab station. then the second. then the third, and fourth- then the fifth. "jeon jungkook. charles robinswood. min yoongi." she pauses, putting her glasses on when she can't read her own handwriting. "sorry about that folks, my vision is losing me! kim namjoon." namjoon almost doesn't catch it until everyone's looking at him expectantly. so of course, he gets up and stumbles over to the fifth lab station. somehow, somewhere, the gods were toying with him, like some sort of barbie.
yoongi mutters an "oh great" under his breath, leaving namjoon with a throbbing in his throat and stinging tears in the corners of his eyes. third period passes by with not much hardship after. freshman lunch is called and most of the kids in earth and space get up to leave. the fourth period bell rings, leaving namjoon to find his own way back to hoseok's side.
yoongi walks behind him, holding onto a notebook like his life depended on it. with the schedule in his hands, the teen stands in the mostly empty hall, reading over it and biting his lips nervously when he couldn't think of where to find his next class. he signed up for a drama class- where does drama meet again? the auditorium or was it at the electives building?
yoongi walked past him before grabbing namjoon's hand, pulling him along with him. "you really can't do anything on your own, sigh." the two continued down the building and across the courtyard to the big electives building, swarming with students in the same green uniforms. a group of twelve boys are sitting near the little patch of blue and violet irises holding sketchbooks. another boy holds a brush as he begins to paint a large canvas facing the flowers. another group are reading under the shade of an oak tree next to the building.
"who's the teacher?" yoongi's deep voice takes namjoon by surprise, a slick curl falling into his eyes from when he jumps. he takes a look at the schedule in his free hand and squinting a bit. he might need a new prescription of glasses. "fresca?" yoongi turns around and lets go of namjoon's hand to grab hold of the schedule, continuing to walk on as if nothing had ever happened. "whe-where are we going?" the older just continues on down the hall, namjoon racing to catch up with yoongi's strides.
the two stand outside of a door with the sign "gray box" above it. the door itself was decorated with cast photos of past plays and pictures of students in their costumes. "if you need help, text hoseok." with that, yoongi left the younger standing there, blotches of red staining his cheeks. namjoon furrows his eyebrows, muttering under his breath. "stupid- stupid yoongi! who needs you anyways. i would've found it myself... eventually." when he walks inside, it's total chaos.
younger boys- probably sophomores, since the freshmen are at lunch- are sitting in a circle on the floor, trying to sacrifice a cup of ramen in the middle of a pentagram while some of the older boys are playing with a deck of cards and using candy as cash. the teacher herself is a short, plump woman with a million gray hairs poking out from her disheveled bun. when the bell rings, the activities slow to a halt as ms. fresca pops in a dvd into the computer. "aw fiddlesticks- nothing ever works around here. except me. i've been running this hotel for fifteen years and never had a day off!" one of the younger boys claps and soon the entire class is clapping out of sheer idiocy.
"thank you, jake. that was from the musical, mamma mia, which will be our joint production this year with our sister school, stagno private academy. although this is a class, i would very deeply appreciate if you tried out for the musical this fall. auditions are being held on saturday. comebacks will be announced on wednesday. alright, lets begin by watching the movie." namjoon signs up for the audition time around seven in the morning.
at the end of the short period, sophomore and junior lunch is being called. namjoon hesitantly follows along with the others down the hall to the cafeteria. he doesn't find hoseok, jimin or yoongi, even though the older would probably yell at him for even trying to sit next to him. that's when he feels his phone vibrate in his pocket. namjoon leaves so he doesn't awkwardly stand in the middle of the doorway as he opens his text.
of course, it's from hoseok. the first text is a heart emoji by itself. the next one says meet me outside the dorm!!!!
with a giggle to himself, namjoon walks back to the dorm, getting a few catcalls for the shorts and a few laughs that make him feel gross about himself. maybe they weren't talking about him is all he can force himself to think to keep the oncoming anxiety attack under control. he finally reaches the dorm, seeing a happy jimin and a smiling hoseok standing there. it couldn't be like they were waiting for him, after all they barely know him that well.
"oh namjoon! we were waiting for you! sorry i didn't text you earlier, teacher looked like they were gonna eat me alive." a radiant feeling settles in his chest, making him feel giddy in all of the reaches of his body. "th-thanks, hoseok. hi, jimin." the three walk inside the dorms, walking past all the rooms to the back of the building. when hoseok opens the doors, there's books everywhere. "it's a library," namjoon says.
"yeah, but it's also our special meeting place on thursdays. usually yoongi and i meet here, but everyone also meet up here to eat lunch." jimin responds, clearing one of the tables and setting his bag down. hoseok follows right after him, kicking his bag down underneath the dusty table. "joon, sit down. we don't bite." with another look, namjoon sits down at the table with them. the bookshelves look abandoned, hardback volumes gathering dust from the lack of sunlight and air in the room. the only window is through the ceiling, taped over with shiny duct tape.
jimin sighs, picking at one of his rings before staring at namjoon. "i'm not going to lie, so lets cut the shit, namjoon. you know exactly what goes on in our friend group, right?" hoseok groans from the side, leaving namjoon frightened. his heart beats out of his chest at a hundred miles per hour, tan skin turning a bright pink. "n-no? what d'you me-mean?" the youngest's brow furrows, leaning forward to look namjoon in the eyes.
"didn't your little tour guide tell you? what's his name- what was it again? who cares- what i'm trying to say is that you know that me and hoseok are dating right? and hoseok and yoongi are dating? and everyone's together, okay? you know that, don't you? even if you didn't, well, now you do. you have a problem with it, you can leave." namjoon leaned away from the jimin he had never met before- a scary boy with squinted eyes and veiny hands. a jimin that easily scares namjoon into submission.
"i-i- he mentioned something along those lines- but i didn't mind it. h-he was annoying, so..." jimin smirks but it fades off his face in a few seconds before he's looking at namjoon with those cold beady eyes. hoseok sighs again, giving jimin a disapproving look before reaching across the round table to grab namjoon's hand. "don't worry about him, joonie. he's trying to scare you." namjoon tugs at the collar of his shirt with discomfort, accidentally popping the top button open.
"m'sorry, jimin. i can leave if you want." jimin wipes the look of his face, immediately going back to smiling at namjoon. "no, don't go, hyung. you know, after what happened with the last kid who tried to join us, it didn't go so well and i want to protect us, but i know you're gonna be a good boy for me- aren't you, joonie?" at that, namjoon gulps, turning to stare at the shaking hands in his lap. are they his? the eldest in the room clears his throat, standing up and grabbing his bag with him.
"jimin, don't do this to him. he just got here, for christ's sake!" the said male pouts, turning back to namjoon with a frown on his face. "sorry, namjoon." with that, the two boys get up and leave without saying anything more to the shocked boy.
this must be the part where they leave him unnoticed and go back to their daily lives. maybe namjoon should try settling into normalcy as usual instead of getting his hopes up and only being broken down again. the rest of the day flies by with syllabuses being passed around and a pitying look burning into the back of namjoon's skull from hoseok. when he goes back to the dorm after his first day at two forty five, his roommate is not there. so he does what any student does after a long day- takes off all his clothes and lays in bed.
he opens his phone and scrolls through his contacts. his sister's name is the first to pop up. aejoon. his beautiful and lovely little sister. so smart and brilliant. he thinks about giving her a call, but thinks better of it.
he continues to scroll down, seeing more names and numbers. his old friends, bambam, some of his elderly neighbors that would call him for assistance. then he sees hoseok's name. it's all caps, an empty star right next to it. namjoon clicks on it, watching the info card pop up on screen. his thumb hovers over the little telephone icon before turning his phone off and throwing it onto the wrinkled sheets.
jimin didn't like him from the start, huh? a sense of shame envelops namjoon, but eventually he succumbs to sleep- or better yet, a depression nap. it's seven in the evening when he wakes up, a duvet covering him up to his chin. hoseok sits quietly at his desk, his bed bare except the cover sheet. he falls asleep again, this time wrapped in a heat that isn't supposed to be there.
✲
"namjoon," hoseok lifts the boy's thick, curly hair away from his forehead and rubs at his scalp in an attempt to wake the younger boy up. "joonie, wake up." he proceeds to litter the younger's face with pecks and smooches, hoping it will be enough to wake namjoon up. it isn't. "namjoooooon!" he pinches the other's cheeks. nothing.
"this fucker..." hoseok sighs before bending down to namjoon's neck and biting into the skin under his ear. the younger wakes up with a start and a cute bruising bite mark painting the once clear skin.
ow.
✴
normalcy is somehow achieved. by thursday, namjoon and hoseok have an unspoken rule about bringing people into the room. it's usually only to study or to hang out. no more kissing incidents to think about accidentally walking into. they hang out with jimin during lunch in the garden or the abandoned studio room in the club building and after school is done, they finish homework and eat dinner together before going off to do their own thing.
the saturday after school starts, namjoon goes to audition for the role of one of the men in mamma mia. he does not get called back for wednesday.
he gets mail almost daily from his mom, asking him to help her design for the company or giving him money for submitting a design to her. eventually, he had to tell hoseok who his mom is since he can't really give a reasonable explanation as to why the top designer in the country keeps sending personal letters to namjoon. his sister even sent him one of her little poems she's getting so good at writing.
namjoon grins with pride the first time he reads it and decides to hang it up over his bed. hoseok smiles fondly of their bond, reminded of his own sister and younger brother back home.
somehow, over the two weeks, yoongi has actually tried talking with him. in class on wednesday, the older attempted to start a conversation over a book he had read recently, only to be shut down by the teacher. "yoongi, i appreciate your dedication to literature, but please note the bacteria collecting on the piece of rock. now, class, bacteria thrives in damp, dark places- so why did it choose the rocks over the fung-" namjoon and jungkook giggle to themselves, causing yoongi to blush.
during the lab, the bookworm passes a doodle of the microscope and a small note during a documentary on moon rocks. 'what book was it? text me later xx-x-xxx-x' yoongi end sup texting him around ten that night out of fear and much deliberation. the two boys stay up that night till one in the morning, debating and discussing stories back and forth.
today is friday and namjoon is reminded he needs to catch up on his art work and bad poetry. after dinner with hoseok and yoongi, who decided to show up out of the blue, he ventures around campus before finding the library, a sleek modern building that reflects the colors of the sky. the sun set seems to arrive earlier today, around seven.
cotton candy clouds swirl in the sky, kissing the lilac horizon that keeps getting darker around the edges.
namjoon sits in the library, a thesaurus on his left, a vogue magazine in his lap, his sketchbook littered with doodles of clothed models and a bunch of random notes surrounding them. he sees hoseok just cut off from the frame of his glasses. he's walking around with a cute boy that seems to be not much younger than them.
hoseok sits down in front of him and smiles, eyes gleaming brightly. "hey joonie, what'cha working on?" the other boy sips on his coffee from his thermos and leans over the table, eyes wide with anticipation. "i'm working on a new collection for an upcoming fashion show my mom's doing. she wanted me to work on a few designs for her."
hoseok frowns at that, resting his head on his hand while the stranger turns the sketchbook around and looks closely at the designs. "seok, he's good." giving the older two an arbitrary look, he puts a piece of paper down on the table he had just retrieved from his pocket. hoseok's eyebrow goes up quizzically while namjoon sucks in a breath. it was one thing for his mother to always critique his work- but another student?
"we have a gala coming up on saturday," he circles the date on the flier and pushes it across the wooden table. "thursdays and fridays are critique days. don't be late, newbie." yanking hoseok from his chair, the two are off, leaving namjoon alone in between the paper-stuffed walls. "taehyung! what the hell- tae!"
namjoon stares at the flier before him and makes note of it in his agenda. who knows? things might end up okay this time.
✺
the clouds outside are the color of your eyes
a deep shade of tranquility and newfound peace you've been offered
settling is difficult when you haven't allowed yourself time to be planted and attached
you are the oncoming thunderstorm nobody could have expected
and as it waters down, you leave a path of blooming flowers in your stead
drenched in the beauty of your rain.
-H O M E C O M I N G
your sister, aejoon