now playing: i need somebody by day6
"Chan, you're spacing out." Woojin called me out during practice. This is not the first time I spaced out, but can you blame me?
"I'm sorry, Woojin." I simply said and went back to practicing.
I've been in my worst condition all month, ever since she locked me out of that room. Maybe even in her life.
Her mom told me she is still in shock due to her attack and I think what made her condition worst is that she knew the secret we've been keeping from her.
I just want to see her with my own eyes, knowing that she's still in that hospital. I want to know that she's alright myself and make sure she's improving. It's all that matters.
It's okay if she doesn't want me anymore.
She's all that matters to me.
I hurt her and it's fair for her to hurt me this time.
"Hyung, if you keep on being like this we're not having any progress." I hear Changbin say behind me during our water break. I just looked at him as he sighed and sat beside me.
He must've sensed that he won't get an answer, so he continued. "Look, we've been together ever since. We formed 3RACHA together with Jisung. I knew you long enough to tell you that you should learn to go back to the old you. You shouldn't let yourself drown, you didn't train for 7 years just to be like this when you debut. Wake up."
I wanted to answer him, I wanted to defend myself but he's right.
"I'm sorry, Binnie." I apologized, but he shook his head.
"You should say sorry to yourself, you didn't take care of yourself ever since that happened." he said. The other boys seemed to notice that we're having a serious conversation so all of them went near us.
I looked at everyone of them, and I saw Minho's eyes look at me. I stood up and hugged him. More like, cried on his shoulders while the others are concerned.
"Minho, what should I do?" Out of everyone here, he knows Abby the longest.
Maybe there was a point in Abby's life that Minho was her bestfriend, and I know he's the one who understands me the most because we both are close to her.
"Hyung, go to her." he said, patting my back.
I pulled away, wiping my tears. "She doesn't want to see me."
He looked at me intently, like there was something in his eyes telling me something.
"Minho, is there anything you want to tell me?"
"Go to her."
"B-but–"
"Hurry!"
Damn it.
I didn't know what made me run back to her even when she doesn't want to see me, but Minho's word was like a trigger for me to come back to her.
I ran so fast I never did before. I feel like I need to rush, and that I have to chase something but I don't know what.
It felt like an endless run until I reached the hospital. The familiar scent of alcohol welcomed me as my heart is beating rapidly.
I need to calm down.
"Everything's alright." I said to myself, or convincing myself that everything is indeed alright.
I opened the door to her room, but to my surprise.
"It's empty."
Panic is what I did, foolishly trying to find her everywhere in the room.
Opening the cabinets, looking under the bed, flipping the pillows and blankets.
Heck, I even opened the refrigerator to see if she's there.
My heartbeats are getting worst.
No, maybe she just went somewhere.
"Sir Bang Chan?" a nurse went inside.
"Do you know where the patient is?"
She seemed shocked that I don't know, "She was discharged awhile ago, sir."
Oh, gosh.
"Thanks." I simply said before running again, but this time I am smart enough to hail for a cab.
She's just home, Chan.
The cab stopped in front of their house, as soon as I gave the fare I ran to knock on their door.
I kept on knocking and knocking, calling for her name until her mom opened up for me.
I heaved a sigh of relief, but maybe it's too early to do that because her mom looked at me in horror.
Damn, shouldn't I be relieved?
I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion, "Where is she?"
"Ch-chan–" I did not let her finish, call it disrespectful but I went inside their house hysterically finding her.
She's not in the kitchen.
Not in the living room.
Neither in the bathroom.
I still didn't check her room, she's there.
I smiled to myself still trying to convince myself of the things that even I am not sure of.
"Love–"
I looked around.
Empty.
I opened her cabinet, empty.
Checked her drawers, empty.
Damn, even her merch and standees aren't here!
All of the frustrations I have been keeping for the whole time, I let them all out with one shout.
"Where is she?!"
I'm done fooling myself that everything's alright!
I just need someone to tell me where she is because I hate being so clueless like this! I'm tired of running and running finding for someone I couldn't find.
I felt her mom hug me, she's crying as well. Is there another secret she's hiding?
"Where?" I silently asked, sobbing.
"Sh-she's leaving."
Two words, but were enough to ruin my whole world.
"She's at the airport, Chan. Hurry!"
Her mom gave me her flight information, and I just saw myself rushing to the airport.
I see a lot of people crying because of reuniting, or because of parting.
Damn, I don't want to cry now because of the latter.
She's going back to me, no matter what.
People's eyes are looking at me as I ran, yelling her name like a chant.
"Baby, where are you?"
I tried calling her phone but she's not picking up.
"Love, I'm here."
Endless running.
"Abby, show yourself, you coward!"
I searched everywhere.
"Flight BA1388 has now departed." the speaker announced, as I saw an airplane fly.
...to take her away from me.
What can I do, except cry?
Cry in the middle of an airport with all those eyes looking at me probably wondering why Bang Chan is being hysterical in a busy airport.
They only see me crying, but never would they know that in this moment, my world ended and my heart is crushed in to pieces that will be impossible to repair.
She left me.
I had no choice but to walk back home, staring at the taxi cabs and busy streets that will never bring her back to me.
"I can't help but wish you took me with you."
This is love.
This is falling in love.
This is falling in love in the cruelest way.
This is falling for you and you are worlds away.